Melissa Grelo felt like she was 'having a heart attack' before perimenopause diagnosis: 'That was very terrifying'
Melissa Grelo is a self-described rebel with a cause: empowering women to take control of their health. As the co-host of the daytime talk show The Social, the 47-year-old has become a pseudo-best friend for women who need someone to guide them — and celebrate them — during menopause.
Through her work on her podcast, "Aging Powerfully with Melissa Grelo," the Toronto native has spoken to experts on how to navigate the physical and mental challenges of perimenopause and menopause and how women can embrace the next chapter of their lives.
Yahoo Canada spoke to Grelo about menopause, staying fit and more.
Menopause has undergone a rebrand of sorts. While it's hard to pinpoint where and when the shift occurred, in recent years more women — specifically women in the public eye like Grelo — have become more vocal about the physical, emotional and mental impacts of menopause.
"There's a lot of relief...," Grelo said. "I think a lot of us are in a similar position where, because of a lack of education in general about women's health and specifically this time in our lives it's so shrouded in mystery."
Previous generations may have felt as though talking about menopause was taboo, but Grelo said there's been a collective sigh from women who felt alone or like control of their bodies was slipping through their fingers.
"As women, we can gaslight ourselves really well," she said. "It's just this idea of being able to say, 'It's not just me, it's not just in my head and I feel seen.'"However, she says the relief is only temporary. As women understand the weight of perimenopause and menopause, there becomes outrage at the lack of education and resources readily available.
Young women are no strangers to feeling as though the Canadian healthcare system hasn't always had their best interest at heart. But as they women enter their 40s, 50s and 60s, they're presented with new hurdles to navigate and yet another fight to take on.
"I think anger is good," she said. "Anger will help facilitate change and awareness."
Grelo's education about menopause began in her early 40s when she began having unexplainable heart palpitations.
"That was very terrifying... .I wish someone along the way could have said, 'You know, given your age, this could be perimenopause,'" she said. "...I just thought, I'm a fit person, I work out all the time. Why do I feel like I'm having a heart attack and not getting an answer?"
She decided to take matters into her own hands and meet with healthcare practitioners who told her the heart palpitations and some of her other symptoms could be due to perimenopause. Once she had more information, she was able to determine that her anxiety was most likely tied to her body changing.
I was riddled with panic attacks in the makeup room every morningMelissa Grelo
Although she had struggled with anxiety in her early 20s, she noticed a significant increase in her late 30s after she had her daughter. She was living with catastrophic feeling and "paralyzing anxiety" that prevented her from doing certain things out of fear she would have a panic attack.
"It was debilitating," she explained.
Grelo said that the anxiety rarely impacted her while she was filming The Social. She could put on a brave face in front of the camera, but behind the scenes it was a different story.
"I was riddled with panic attacks in the makeup room every morning," she recalled. "...There was only one time, maybe two times that I was on commercial break and I would look over and say to Lainey [Elaine Lui] 'If I give you a face, just take over and throw it to a break.' That was our shorthand if I thought on a commercial break, 'Am I going to have a panic attack?'"
Grelo's passion for fitness evolved during perimenopause. She's always loved to work out and move her body, but something needed to change as she entered her late 40s. Enter: strength training.
"Building strength — there's a physical part of it and there's a mental part of it and I love both," she said. "I get such a high when I look at the muscle that I'm building. I just feel badass about it. I think that's a physical embodiment of the transformation that is also happening just as a result of getting older."
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In a world where the "ideal body" is always shifting and just out of our grasp, Grelo's forging ahead on a new path. Strength training, in addition to cardio and stretching, has impacted more than just her body composition.
"I want to be physically powerful," she said. "It translates to how I also move through the world in general."
Women may feel as though there's a learning curve to menopause, but aging does come with it's fair share of benefits. For Grelo, her late 40s have liberated her from the fear of disappointing others.
"I'm a recovering people pleaser," she said. "I also do really like to work collaboratively. I think when you're in a group situation, which I am in my job… you hope and wish that you're going to like everybody and that everybody likes you…"
Grelo said she no longer feels the same desire to jump in and try to "fix" things when every an issue arises.
"Not everything deserves a reaction," she said. "As women, we want to fix. When there's awkward silences we always want to talk and we always want to make people more comfortable … Over time that behaviour starts to go away because you realize [you should] say less, do more, react less."
At certain stages and ages in your life, there are consequences if you are not likeable as a womanMelissa Grelo
Now, Grelo is able to put the old adage of "don't take things personally" into practice and can distance herself from feelings of rejection. Sometimes, that confidence or evolved way of thinking may be translated by others as off-putting.
"At certain stages and ages in your life, there are consequences if you are not likeable as a woman," she said. "I'm not trying to say that we all have to become ice queens. What I'm saying is, I think to be less reactive and have less of your day be determined by the moods of others around you —that's a game changer."
As a mom, Grelo said she's focused on helping her 11-year-old daughter preserve her confidence, which i difficult to do in a society that profits off of women's insecurities.
"Our culture does not reward rebellious girls who colour outside the lines and don't behave as expected," she said. "That's very hard and yet I think that this what's responsible for our dip in confidence for a huge chunk of our life. There's a reason why happiness and confidence rebound in our 50s, because it's our 'I don't give a f—k era'… I don't know why we have to lose it in order to regain it."
Grelo points out that there's a resurgence of admiration for women in their 50s, 60s, 70s and beyond who speak their mind, wear whatever they like and live however they choose. It's the years where women's likability or desirability impacts a woman's relationships and opportunities; women are expected to tow the line, for fear of being left behind.
As a parent, Grelo wants to be open with her daughter about life, sexuality, health and won't shy away from topics like feminism and the patriarchy.
"I know a lot of parents are not prepared for that kind of conversation for different reasons, but I'm a rebel. I'm a rabble rouser, and more so the older I get," she said. "I think that's the beauty of having children if you're an older woman [compared to] when you're younger. We don't have the energy of the young.... What I do have is less f—ks to give, and that's the energy I'm trying to raise my daughter with."
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