What better way to mark the 500th episode of Only Connect than with a quiz?
This coming Monday, at 8pm on BBC Two, it's the final of this year's Only Connect. But you knew that of course. It's in your diary. You cited it when the neighbours invited you to dinner – 'Not March 3rd!' you cried. 'It's the Only Connect final!'
You had no intention of watching it. But neither had you any intention of going round to that ghastly pair of scrotes at Number 32 to talk about house prices while eating what was bound to be fish. And you couldn't pretend you were going out because they'd see the lights on. So you claimed that you had to stay in to watch British quizzing's most prestigious final, knowing you were unlikely to be caught out because those morons certainly wouldn't be watching it either.
Well, this column is not for you. It's for our hardcore fans! It's for those who know not only that the final is coming up, but also that it is our 500th episode. Yes, it's D-Day! (A little Roman joke for Only Connect fans, there.)
I've decided to mark the occasion with a special bonus quiz. It's all about the show itself, mining our long and gruelling history on the small screen. Good luck! The exciting news is that if you come top, you will win exactly the same amount of money as whichever team triumphs on Monday night.
1) On which channel did Only Connect begin life, back in 2008? Was it
(a) BBC Two
(b) BBC Four
(c) BBC Wales
(d) Babestation
2) The first question ever posed on Only Connect was a picture question, featuring photographs of Auberon Waugh, Bertrand Russell, Robin Day and Screaming Lord Sutch. What was the connection?
3) The first champions of Only Connect went on to win several subsequent specials and champions' matches, eventually retiring undefeated. Were they known as
(a) The Puzzlers
(b) The Crossworders
(c) The Liberal Democrats
4) Since it's the 500th show, here's a quiz question inspired by the number 500. In a poll I just googled of Rolling Stone magazine's '500 Greatest Songs of All Time', what came top?
5) Everyone enjoys an old-fashioned cartoon strip. But where is Only Connect filmed?
(a) Splott, Cardiff
(b) Kapow, Swansea
(c) Zzzzwack, Pontypridd
6) On Only Connect, everything comes in sets of four. Which four people have, to date, employed their devious minds in the role of question editor?
(a) Mr Bodycombe, Mr Connor, Mr Waley-Cohen and Mr McGaughey
(b) Mr Sutcliffe, Mr Christie, Mr Nilsen and Dr Crippen
(c) Mr Smith, Mr Jones, Mr Edwards and Mr Hitler
7) In the missing-vowels round, the letters 'C CK CC K' once appeared, to represent an animal and the noise it makes. What answer did The Politicos buzz in and shout, to the host's chagrin?
(a) Cuckoo, cuckoo
(b) Croak, croak
(c) Cock, cock
8) All television should be made by Welsh women. But how many people on the crew of Only Connect are called Siân?
9) Which of the below is a genuine opening fact that was given about one of the contestants at the start of an episode?
(a) 'A classics graduate whose dog, Zephyr, bears a striking resemblance to Anubis, the Egyptian god of the afterlife'
(b) 'A highway engineer who once sold a pair of trainers to the poet Simon Armitage'
(c) 'A vicar whose set of nativity scarecrows won the 2016 Wythenshawe Community Scarecrow Award'
10) What – without using a calculator and giving yourself only 10 seconds – is two squared times five cubed?
Scroll down for the answers
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