Dating apps might be messing with your mental health
Jenny O'Hara initially signed on to a dating app to bump up her confidence. Fresh out of a 20-year marriage, the Neptune Township, New Jersey, resident didn't believe a man would ever find her attractive again. A friend suggested she try dating online, so she created a profile on Facebook.
'I was looking for people to tell me: 'You're okay. Even though you just got divorced, you're still marketable,'' she said, adding that she did get attention from men online. 'And that made me feel better - not for a long time, but it made me feel better for a little bit of time.'
Subscribe to The Post Most newsletter for the most important and interesting stories from The Washington Post.
But when some men asked her for racy photos, she retreated. 'You would never say something like that to somebody if you were sitting at a bar with them,' she said.
O'Hara is among the some 95.6 million people 18 and over who have used dating websites or apps, according to the research firm SSRS. And she's not alone in seeing her mood shift downward the longer she was online.
'My experience with patients who are on dating apps is it leads to fatigue, that people just get exhausted,' said Paul Hokemeyer, a licensed marriage and family therapist based in Telluride, Colorado. 'It takes up a lot of energy. It takes up a lot of time. It takes up a lot of emotions. And there's a huge potential for rejection.'
- - -
Addictive behavior
In 2022, 3 in 10 U.S. adults said they had used a dating site or app, with some 9 percent reporting having used one in the past year, according to surveys conducted by the Pew Research Center.
According to SSRS, Tinder is the nation's most popular dating app. (Pew reports that some 14 percent of all U.S. adults say they've used it.) While Tinder was also the most popular among those 18 to 49, Match was the preferred app among those ages 50 and older, SSRS found.
But popularity doesn't equate with only positive experiences, and some experts say online dating can generate mental health hazards.
For one, users can become addicted to apps and to the dopamine rush they get when someone they're interested in responds to them, Hokemeyer said. Objectification also happens, as people are focused more on veneer than substance, he added.
'They're reduced to transactions, and for patients who suffer from mental health disorders, which is basically everyone I see, the deeper their level of depression, the deeper their level of anxiety, the deeper their level of engagement with these apps seem to be,' he said.
There's also a kind of doomscrolling that goes on with dating apps, not unlike the way people scroll news headlines on their phone, wading through bad news.
'People are constantly looking for validation and a dopamine and serotonin rush that doesn't happen, and if it does happen, it's fleeting and makes them want to go back for more,' he said. 'It doesn't enhance their well-being, like being present in their lives, looking for elevation from within, connecting to human beings in real time.'
- - -
Pros and cons
Online dating can make people feel unattractive or unworthy, particularly when apps involve swiping or expressing mutual attraction to contact someone, said Racine Henry, a licensed marriage and family therapist who sees clients virtually in New York, New Jersey and North Carolina. The apps can be particularly negative for young people, who do not yet have the emotional development to put such rejection in context, she said.
'Apps like that can really make people feel ugly and unwanted,' Henry said. 'I do feel that self-esteem, self-confidence, even self-identity, need to be at healthy levels prior to engaging on those apps and that people should not put too much stock into what a person who's assessing you from a few pictures and a few lines on a screen may think or feel about you.'
That said, there are upsides to these apps. They can benefit people who are introverted, have certain phobias, or perhaps have experienced dating or sexual traumas that have made them reluctant to meet people in real-life settings, such as bars, she said.
'Apps are a good way for them to meet people in a safe environment and take their time with getting to know them and be able to control more of this person's access to them,' Henry said.
The key is finding someone with common goals. If two people start talking and one is looking for love while the other simply wants a sexual interaction, not only might that result in a negative experience for both of them, but it could also affect one party's safety. Each person should clearly articulate what they're looking for, she said.
It's all about expectations, said Nicole Karwashan, a licensed marriage and family therapist in White Plains, New York, who met her now-fiancé online.
'When somebody goes on to a dating app with this expectation of seeking external validation or finding the love of their life, I absolutely think it could perpetuate symptoms of depression,' she said.
Karwashan said she hasn't seen dating apps cause depression, but she has seen dating app usage set off her clients' eating disorders, as they try to curate their profiles so they look or present in a certain way.
'It's definitely gotten pretty bad with some of my clients,' she said. 'That's when we say: 'Okay, what's the intention? Why are we giving this app and these random people this much power?''
The problem, as with all social media, is the compulsive nature of them, she said. Karwashan has clients whose app usage is so chronic that notifications on their phones will go off during their sessions, and they'll say, 'That's one of my Tinder matches,' or, 'That's some guy I met on Bumble.'
'I actually encourage breaks from social media, just to avoid that kind of addictive tendency that it can bring,' she said.
Hokemeyer said he works with his patients to get them off dating apps because he wants them to better tolerate short-term discomfort in a relationship to obtain long-term gain, and to learn resiliency - and dating apps, because of their transactional nature, don't allow for that in the way real-time relationships do.
- - -
'Burned Haystack'
After O'Hara lost faith in her initial experience, she changed her profile and began following something called the 'Burned Haystack' dating method, which was conceived by Jennie Young, a writer and associate dean at the University of Wisconsin at Green Bay.
The haystack theory is that people are more likely to find partners if they specify what they want in their profiles and refrain from dating - and perhaps go so far as to block - anyone who doesn't fit the criteria. Young launched a Facebook group, the Burned Haystack Dating Method, and it has more than 198,000 members.
O'Hara said she wanted someone who was a Democrat, had a job, liked cultural events in New York City and didn't live with their ex-wife, an issue that arose a surprising number of times. Her wish list was so specific, no one responded for days at a time.
But that's part of the process, she said. Finding the right person takes time. In her case, it took about a month. O'Hara and her boyfriend have now been dating for a year and a half.
'I was asking for what I want instead of just being like, 'I'll be happy with what comes my way,'' she said.
Even O'Hara, who's happily in a relationship, said she occasionally misses the 'Missing you' texts she would get from men she met online. But she said she realizes now that wasn't healthy for her or for them. That is, the men online were not just on there to make her feel better about herself, nor was she on there to satisfy their needs.
'I think that's one of the interesting things about these dating apps,' she said. 'People go on them just looking at these pictures and profiles, not realizing that there are real people on the other side.'
- - -
5 things to keep in mind
- Limit time on dating apps - only check apps or sites once a day.
- Decide what's important to you in a partner and ask for it.
- Seek someone with common goals (e.g., make sure you're both looking for the same thing, like a relationship leading to marriage, not just sex).
- Don't seek validation through a dating app.
- If you're prone to depression, be aware of how online dating is affecting your mental state.
Related Content
To save rhinos, conservationists are removing their horns
Donald Trump and the art of the Oval Office confrontation
Some advice from LGBTQ elders as WorldPride kicks off amid fears
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
34 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Experts issue warning over dangerous new insect species spreading across US: 'Managing them is not easy'
An invasive tick species from Asia is quickly multiplying across the eastern United States, and according to Patch, it's prompting concern from environmental officials. The Asian longhorned tick, first identified in the U.S. in 2017, has now been found in at least 17 states and is spreading particularly fast in southeastern Pennsylvania, where cases have surged by 150% over the last five years. Unlike most ticks, the Asian longhorned tick doesn't need a mate to reproduce. One female can lay up to 3,000 eggs, resulting in infestations so dense that wildlife officials have found hundreds of ticks on a single animal. "Managing them is not easy because of how numerous they are and how easily they can come back," Risa Pesapane, a preventive medicine professor at Ohio State University, said, per Patch. Luckily, there's no strong evidence linking these ticks to Lyme disease. However, their ability to transmit other illnesses, including a cattle disease called Theileria orientalis that causes severe anemia and fever, poses an urgent threat to food supply chains and native animal populations. Their rapid spread also puts pressure on local ecosystems. Asian longhorned ticks feed on a wide range of animals, from deer and raccoons to dogs, cats, cattle, and even squirrels and skunks. With their capacity for rapid growth and adaptability to mild, humid conditions, experts warn that they could eventually populate much of the eastern U.S. and parts of the West Coast. Invasions like this destroy biodiversity by outcompeting native tick species and disrupting predator-prey relationships that keep nature in balance. In a world already struggling with rising temperatures and shrinking habitats, the introduction of yet another aggressive species threatens to worsen existing issues. According to Patch, experts say prevention and early action are key. Pesticides can work, but only when applied directly. Even then, ticks often bounce back. The best approach is to keep pastures mowed, regularly check pets and livestock, and report sightings to local health officials. If you find a tick on you, store it in rubbing alcohol and contact your doctor or county health office. For pets and livestock, get in touch with your vet immediately. Perhaps most importantly, support efforts to protect native ecosystems. The more resilient our local wildlife and natural habitats are, the harder it is for invasive species to take hold. Should the government be able to control how we heat our homes? Definitely Only if it saves money I'm not sure No way Click your choice to see results and speak your mind. Join our free newsletter for good news and useful tips, and don't miss this cool list of easy ways to help yourself while helping the planet.
Yahoo
2 hours ago
- Yahoo
Community collaboration crucial in addressing homelessness in Abilene
ABILENE, Texas () – Young professionals gathered at the Community Foundation of Abilene for an 'Abi Chat' during the Abilene Young Professionals luncheon. Networking took a purposeful turn to address homelessness through collaboration with the West Texas Homeless Network. The West Texas Homeless Network (WTHN) is a coalition of organizations dedicated to advocating for action that realigns systems and resources to end homelessness in Abilene, rather than merely managing it. The WTHN is neither a non-profit nor a for-profit organization; instead, it focuses on helping communities prevent and eliminate homelessness through collaboration and strategic planning. The Executive Director of Abilene Hope Haven shared why events like this are important in keeping the conversation with the public and continuing to address the needs of the Big Country Homeless community. 'We have a great network of people. We always are going to need to fill different gaps, depending on what's going on in the climate of our community. But we have a wealth of providers in the network that are really good at doing a holistic approach to those experiencing homelessness,' Horton shared. Horton says the Abilene community's wealth of resources and willingness to work together are its strengths. Whether a person needs help with mental health, food insecurity, substance abuse, or any number of issues that homeless neighbors face, the network is ready and willing to step in. Copyright 2025 Nexstar Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.
Yahoo
2 hours ago
- Yahoo
Forget 'biological age' tests — longevity experts are using an $800 under-the-radar blood test to measure aging in real-time
Doctors and scientists are using a blood plasma test to study longevity. The test measures proteins and can tell you about your organ health. This field of proteomics could one day help detect diseases like cancer before they start. Should you have that second cup of coffee? How about a little wine with dinner? And, is yogurt really your superfood? Scientists are getting closer to offering consumers a blood test that could help people make daily decisions about how to eat, drink, and sleep that are more perfectly tailored to their unique biology. The forthcoming tests could also help shape what are arguably far more important health decisions, assessing whether your brain is aging too fast, if your kidneys are OK, or if that supplement or drug you're taking is actually doing any good. It's called an organ age test, more officially (and scientifically) known as "proteomics" — and it's the next hot "biological age" marker that researchers are arguing could be better than all the rest. "If I could just get one clock right now, I'd want to get that clock, and I'd like to see it clinically available in older adults," cardiologist Eric Topol, author of the recent bestseller "Super Agers: An Evidence-Based Approach to Longevity," told Business Insider. Topol said armed with organ age test results, people could become more proactive stewards of their own health, before it's too late. "When we have all these layers of data, it's a whole new day for preventing the disease," Topol said. "You see the relationship with women's hormones. You see the relationship with food and alcohol. You don't ever get that with genes." A test like this isn't available to consumers just yet, but it's already being used by researchers at elite universities and high-end longevity clinics. They hope it can become a tool any doctor could use to assess patient health in the next few years. A startup called Vero, which was spun out of some foundational proteomics research at Stanford University, is hoping to beta test a proteomics product for consumers this year. "Knowing your oldest organ isn't the point; changing the trajectory is," Vero co-founder and CEO Paul Coletta told a crowd gathered at the Near Future Summit in Malibu, California, last month. Coletta told Business Insider Vero's not interested in doing "wealthcare." The company plans to make its test available to consumers for around $200 a pop, at scale. Their draw only requires one vial of blood. The big promise of proteomics is that it could be a more precise real-time tool for tracking important but subtle changes that emerge inside each of us as we age. Genetic testing can measure how our bodies are built, spotting vulnerabilities in a person's DNA that might predispose them to health issues. Standard clinical measurements like a person's weight, blood pressure, or cholesterol readings are a useful proxy for potential health issues. Then there are the increasingly popular "biological age" tests available to consumers at home. Most of those look at "epigenetic changes" — how environmental factors affect our gene expression. Proteomics does something different and new. It measures the product that our bodies make based on all those genetic and environmental inputs: proteins. It offers a live assessment of how your body is running, not just how it's programmed. If validated in the next few years, these tests could become key in early disease detection and prevention. They could help influence all kinds of medical decisions, from big ones like "What drugs should I take?" to little ones like "How does my body respond to caffeine or alcohol?" Some high-end longevity clinics are already forging ahead using proteomics to guide clinical recommendations, albeit cautiously. Dr. Evelyne Bischof, a longevity physician who treats patients worldwide, said she uses proteomic information to guide some of the lifestyle interventions she recommends to her patients. She may suggest a more polyphenol-rich diet to someone who seems to have high inflammation and neuroinflammation based on proteomic test results, or may even suggest they do a little more cognitive training, based on what proteomics says about how their brain is aging. Dr. Andrea Maier, a professor of medicine and functional aging at the National University of Singapore, told BI she uses this measurement all the time in her longevity clinics. For her, it's just a research tool, but if the results of her ongoing studies are decent, she hopes to be able to use it clinically in a few years' time. "We want to know what kind of 'ageotype' a person is, so what type of aging personality are you, not from a mental perspective, but from a physical perspective," Maier said. "It's really discovery at this moment in time, and at the edge of being clinically meaningful." "Once we have that validated tool, we will just add it to our routine testing and we can just tick the box and say, 'I also want to know if this person is a cardiac ager, or a brain ager, or a muscle ager' because now we have a sensitive parameter — protein — which can be added," Maier said. The two big-name proteomics tests are Olink and SOMAscan. For now, their high-end screening costs around $400-$800 per patient. "I'm losing lots of money at the moment because of proteomics for clinical research!" Maier said. Top aging researchers at Stanford and Harvard are pushing the field forward, racing to publish more novel insights about the human proteome. The latest findings from Harvard aging researcher Vadim Gladyshev's lab, published earlier this year, suggest that as we age, each person may even stand to benefit from a slightly different antiaging grocery list. To research this idea, Gladyshev looked at proteins in the blood of more than 50,000 people in the UK, all participants in the UK Biobank who are being regularly tested and studied to learn more about their long-term health. He tracked their daily habits and self-reported routines like diet, occupation, and prescriptions, comparing those details to how each patient's organs were aging. He discovered some surprising connections. Yogurt eating, generally speaking, tended to be associated with better intestinal aging but had relatively no benefit to the arteries. White wine drinking, on the other hand, seemed to potentially confer some small benefit to the arteries while wreaking havoc on the gut. "The main point is that people age in different ways in different organs, and therefore we need to find personalized interventions that would fit that particular person," Gladyshev told BI. "Through measuring proteins, you assess the age of different organs and you say, 'OK, this person is old in this artery.'" For now, there's too much noise in the data to do more. Dr. Pal Pacher, a senior investigator at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism who studies organ aging and injuries, told BI that proteomics is simply not ready for clinical use yet. There's just too much noise in the data. But he imagines a future where a more sophisticated protein clock could help link up which people may be most vulnerable to diseases like early cancer, kidney disease, and more. (A California-based proteomics company called Seer announced last weekend that it is partnering with Korea University to study whether proteomics can help more quickly diagnose cancer in young people in their 20s and 30s.) "How beautiful could it be in the future?" Maier said. "Instead of three hours of clinical investigation, I would have a tool which guides me much, much better, with more validity towards interventions." Read the original article on Business Insider
