‘You're a loser': Man stunned after girlfriend says he's not marriage material, hides teenage child
SINGAPORE: A man took to Reddit to crowdsource some wise advice concerning his girlfriend, whom he said has told him she was not ready for marriage.
However, when he gave more context to his story, commenters told him that she may be the one with issues, not him.
In a Wednesday (June 11) post on r/askSingapore, the post author wrote that he and his girlfriend are both 38 years old and that they've been together for three years. They moved in with his family last year. However, he is not on good terms with his father, and his mother and sister can also, at times, be difficult.
Another source of conflict between them is work and money. After getting laid off last year, he started working for his girlfriend's family's business, but she wants him to look for another job, which he admitted he does not do regularly.
Earlier this year, the woman moved back home to her parents, on the pretext of not wanting to spend Chinese New Year with the post author's family.
'Things were going okay until last April, some financial issues came up, and she snapped. She became cold and started avoiding me,' he wrote, adding, 'So she laid it out and said that I am a loser who is currently nothing.'
He also wrote that she accused him of living like a child, since his resources are limited, has no proper insurance and savings, and still collects toys and cards.
However, he has begun to change, endeavouring to buy a house, getting insurance, starting a savings account, and doubling up on efforts to get a new job.
His girlfriend has told him that he can't afford a wedding, much less their life together, advising him to work on himself first and get everything on track before they discuss future plans.
But the post author recently found out that his girlfriend has a 17-year-old child.
'I was obviously shocked, but it lined up as she told me that I don't know something about her that I would never be able to take on,' he wrote, adding that while he's still reeling from learning this, he still wants to win her back.
'I know this will become a problem later. Any advice from people here?'
By and large, commenters on his post pointed out what a big red flag it is that the woman hid her child from him for the three years they've been together.
'This relationship doesn't seem to be built on trust, with your gf hiding such important info from you. Three years together, yet it wasn't shared,' wrote one.
'The real question is, why are you thinking of marrying someone who didn't even tell you she had a child?' asked another.
'Bro, how is it that you were dating her for three years and didn't know she had a 17-year-old kid? What else is she hiding? The mutual trust is lost, or perhaps never existed. If this is going nowhere, you should consider calling it quits and stop wasting each other's time,' agreed a third.
'A lifetime together? Sorry, but nope… A partner builds you up when you are down and does not tear you apart more. I cannot imagine a life with someone like that because I cannot imagine calling someone I love a loser,' chimed in a Reddit user.
Perhaps the best advice came from a commenter who wrote, 'You need to win yourself back, not win her back.' /TISG
Read also: 'I'm very confused' — Man asks if he's wrong to party with his friends while his girlfriend grieves her dog's death
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