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Yahoo
4 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
I Saw Myself as an Honorary Aunt. Turns Out I'm Actually the Nanny.
Good Job is Slate's advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. (It's anonymous!) Dear Good Job, Four years ago, I had some time off between work contracts and was connected with 'Claire,' a woman my same age, by a mutual friend. Claire had a 2-year-old and desperately needed child care, so I stepped in as a nanny and then frequent babysitter once I went back to work. Claire had a rough second pregnancy, so I dropped by twice-a-week to meal-prep and tidy the house for them. During those months, she was working from home a lot, and we got closer than ever as we had hours every day to chat in the kitchen. In the years since, I have started to refer to her two girls as my nieces, and they call me and my husband Auntie and Uncle. Claire and her husband always talk about how I'm basically like family to them. She has always insisted on paying me for my work, even when I just do a quick school pick-up or come over to help them move some furniture. About once a month, I take the older girl out for a special outing that is just us and don't take any payment. Anyway, I was feeling really good about this surrogate family and the way we all fit together, especially as I don't plan on having kids. But last week, something happened that really shook me. Claire made a series of Instagram posts about people who have really been there for her lately, highlighting her relationships with her friends and neighbors by name. She wrote how, after so much struggling through a lonely time postpartum, she's thankful to have a community and support. She didn't post about me. I'm trying not to take it personally and to feel glad she's hitting a flow state with her community, but being omitted makes me feel like maybe I am just the hired help and not a true friend like I thought. I just changed jobs about six weeks ago and have been significantly less available to them, although I've kept up my special outings with her oldest. I don't really have any idea of how to address this feeling or if I even should. What we have going has always been so positive and just felt like it worked. My best guess is that maybe we're at the point of closeness that she's taking me for granted the way I would take my sister for granted, compared to a friend. Just wanted to see what you think. —Auntie for Hire Dear Auntie for Hire, This must have felt like such a gut punch. I'm sorry. I've definitely had the experience of someone I thought was a close friend turning out to not feel the same way about me, and it sucks. It's always so destabilizing to find out that other people don't have the same impression of a relationship, whether it's a friendship, a romantic relationship, a pseudo-aunt, or a relationship involving work. Where I've made mistakes in the past, though, is that I've let these feelings fester and turn into resentment, instead of addressing it like a grown-up. So I'm going to suggest that you not take a page out of my book and ignore these feelings, and instead confront them head-on. I can't pretend to know what Claire was thinking, or how she really feels about you, so you need to sit down with Claire face-to-face and tell her how the Instagram posts made you feel. Don't be accusatory or put her on the defensive, but rather use 'I' statements ('I felt bad when I saw your Instagram posts'), which emphasize that you're not blaming her—you're just letting her know that this is your perception of what happened. Hopefully, you'll be able to have an honest conversation and your relationship will be stronger because of it. It's also possible she will tell you that she always approached your relationship as a friendly but professional relationship. That would really hurt, but it's better to know now—and it doesn't mean your relationship with her and her kids isn't genuine. Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here! (It's anonymous!) Dear Good Job, I recently received a promotion and am going to be taking on a supervisory role in my organization. My current role will be backfilled. I know that 'Megan,' a part-timer in the organization, is extremely interested in taking it over. I feel pretty strongly that Megan would not be a good fit—and I will be the final word on hiring someone to fill this vacancy. From her inexperience in the field to persistent personality clashes that I have already seen arise around the office, I wouldn't feel confident in appointing her to a more central role in the organization. Maybe when I am more established as a manager I would have more patience for the hand-holding she will need, but at the moment, I'd feel much better selecting someone with more years of work experience behind them who will require less guidance. I know there's no guarantee that a different applicant would be the 'correct' choice, but I strongly feel that Megan would definitely be the wrong fit, at least right now. My question is how to handle continuing to work alongside her if she applies and is passed over for the job. She has a lot of her future plans hinged on getting this position, so it's safe to assume she would be extremely disappointed not to get it. She's shared things, unprompted, in office conversations like, 'When I get your job and make more money, my fiancé and I will be able to move out of our apartment, buy a house in town, and start thinking about kids.' I've responded with noncommittal replies or by changing the subject. Is there a professional and polite way to justify not appointing her once that decision is made? Should I wait for her to ask for feedback after the inevitable interview, or preemptively talk to her? I don't want to discourage her from pursuing her goals, but this is not the stepping stone for her, even if she can't see it herself. She is well-intentioned and competent in her current role, but she would do better to seek the advancement she's looking for elsewhere. Please help! —Application Rejected Dear Application, At an old job, I applied for an internal role that I felt I was more than qualified for. This was when magazines still had a dedicated print staff (remember print?) and a dedicated online staff. I was an online editor and the job I was applying for was on the print side. There were a few reasons why I wanted the job, not least of which was that my direct boss was consistently hours late for work. But I didn't get it. And I was really bummed! But the person they hired instead, who ended up sitting in the cubicle next to me, was great. I grudgingly concurred that they were right to hire her instead of me, even if it stung at the time. What I appreciated about the process, even though I didn't get the job, is that the editor who was hiring for the role told me face-to-face that I hadn't gotten it. He didn't avoid me, or send me an email. We had a conversation, I thanked him for his time and consideration, and got back to work. I would urge you to do the same with Megan, if she actually ends up applying (which she may not!). If she asks why, you can tell her (honestly, I hope) that there are other candidates with more relevant experience. But as her manager, I would also encourage you to discuss what, if any, a path of advancement looks like for Megan in your organization. If her current job is a dead end, she deserves to know that so she can potentially start looking elsewhere. Or maybe there's a world where, as you become more confident in your new position, you can start to envision a role for Megan that hews more closely to her strengths. And just a final thought: Management is going to be filled with awkward conversations and decisions that will invariably upset someone, so you might as well learn to get comfortable with them now. Dear Good Job, My raise is way overdue and I realize that I have to take the initiative with my boss. Any pointers? —I'm Worth It Dear I'm Worth It, Good for you for recognizing that you deserve a raise! I would start by writing down your case for getting a raise. Have you taken on more responsibility? Have you done anything at work that should be recognized? Start making a list of these, with dates if possible, and practice how you're going to talk about them. For example: 'Starting last September, I spearheaded a project across several departments that resulted in a 20 percent increase in sales.' When you have this conversation with your boss (in person if possible), having these specific metrics will help make your case. That said, saying your raise is 'overdue' is vague. Are you supposed to be getting yearly raises? Do you have performance reviews? Did other people in your organization receive raises, but you didn't? Regardless— if it's been six months, you're probably not overdue; if it's been three years, then yes, you probably are. Good luck and I hope you get that raise! —Doree I just returned to work after my 12 weeks of maternity leave, and I'm really struggling with leaving my baby in day care. Quitting my job is not an option, both because we'd have to sell our home and because I have a very niche job where positions don't come up often. Because of the nature of my job, I can't transition to part-time or work remotely. Here's the issue: My husband is entitled to take eight weeks of paid leave in our state, but he doesn't want to take it.
Business Insider
5 days ago
- Business
- Business Insider
I needed a durable sofa bed that could keep up with my family of 6 — this one from Cozey is modular, easy to clean, and has storage
My family room is awkwardly shaped, and it wasn't easy to find a sofa that fit the long, narrow room, let alone a sofa that could be converted into a sleeper for our frequent guests. Most sofas were too small for my family of six, or so big they overwhelmed the room. Making the challenge of finding a sofa even more difficult is that I wanted a sleeper sofa that is comfortable. Plus, I preferred a sofa with a performance fabric that is durable and stain-resistant. The Cozey Neptune Sofa Bed checked all the boxes. Bonus, it's modular to be as small or large as I desire and has built-in storage in the cushions, a unique feature that lets me store blankets and guests' bedding. Cozey sells directly to consumers and is a great place to buy a couch. It's sofas are sold at a reasonable price point, given the quality and level of customization available. After using the Neptune for about six weeks, I'm very pleased with how it looks and how well its premium plywood frame, high-density foam cushions, and stain-resistant premium fabric stands up to my busy (and messy) family of six. Design and Customizations Cozey specializes in modular sofas. On its website, the Neptune offers several seating options, with and without ottomans, storage, and sleepers. The modularity of the design lets you select a single or full-size sleeper sofa comprised of one to four seats starting at $1,890 or a massive 9-seater U-shaped sectional design with a full-size bed that costs just over $5,000. After you select your base combination, you can add headrests and ottomans, storage seats, a sleeper option, and your preferred color. The storage ottomans can be attached to the couch, used freestanding as extra seating or footrests, or attached to the sleeper to create a larger sleeping surface. They can also hold up to 32 liters, like pillows or extra bedding. I also use one of the ottomans to store wayward toys. Because I wanted the biggest sofa possible without crowding my narrow family room, I appreciated that Cozey's online design tool showed me the dimensions of each configuration I created. After a little trial-and-error, I was able to find a sofa that was just right for my space and family. The Neptune is available in five different colors and two different fabrics. The Neptune's standard durable child pet-friendly performance fabric comes in Slate (dark gray), Fog (light gray), Latte (beige), and Leaf (green). It also comes in a water- and stain-resistant Aquaforte fabric in Snowdrift (white). Cozey sends free fabric swatches upon request if you want to get a close-up of their color options before ordering. I also appreciate that Cozey has a generous 30-day return policy, where you can ship the sofa back for free, but you will need to keep the original boxes. With Cozey, I knew I could easily return excess seats and receive a full refund if I decided a sofa with a smaller footprint was better. Alternatively, if I thought I could squeeze in an extra seat or two, thanks to Cozey's modular design, I knew that I would be able to order additional seats easily. Cozey also offers a five-year warranty that covers defective parts, where they will replace the affected section, but not the entire sofa. Ordering and Delivery Cozey's ordering page lets you easily see your desired configuration in both sit and sleep orientations. They make it easy to see dimensions and have an AR feature to let you see what the sofa could look like in your space. If you aren't sure what you need, Cozey offers a free design consultation via video or telephone. Once you settle on the configuration, color, and accessories you want, add your design to your cart and place your order. Cozey lists each individual piece in your cart so you can double-check exactly which pieces you are getting before you hit "buy." Delivery was fast and free via FedEx. Cozey ships in the United States except Alaska, Hawaii, and the Virgin Islands, and is also available throughout Canada. I received my Neptune 13 days after placing my order. It arrived in 16 different boxes, clearly labeled with a number and which piece was inside. Although my sofa came in a surprisingly large number of boxes, the system worked well. Each box weighed under 55 pounds, so I was able to move the boxes inside myself and easily keep track of the pieces as I assembled the sofa. Set-Up Cozey's website makes setting up the sofa look simple, but I found the process time-consuming and challenging. I followed the included instructions, but I struggled at times to line up the many interlocking pieces that hold the sofa together. At first, I attempted to assemble the sofa together on my own. However, I became frustrated when I couldn't get several pieces to lock together. Once my teenage daughter and young son pitched in to help, things went much more smoothly. It was helpful to have someone guide me in placing the seats. Cozey estimates that assembling one of its sofas takes between five and 10 minutes per seat. However, it took me twice as long to assemble my six-seater sofa, including attaching legs to the seats, placing the cushions, and trying two different configurations. That said, the process probably would have been faster if I had enlisted help from the beginning and had not toyed with different configurations. Even though the assembly process was more of a hassle than I anticipated, it was well worth the effort. Comfort The Neptune has firm cushions made out of high-density foam that softened a little after a couple of weeks of use. My entire family finds the Neptune very comfortable. My son, who prefers to nap in his bed, fell asleep on the Neptune a couple of times in the first month we had the sofa. I love how easily the Neptune opens and closes when I want to access its under-seat storage or convert it into a sofa bed. Accessing the storage space is as easy as lifting the seat and removing the top cushion, which I often do to retrieve the blankets I store there. For the storage seats, the top cushion isn't attached to the base, but simply sits on top. I was worried that the cushions might move with use. However, the seats don't move a bit, even when my kids are being wild. To open the sleeper, I just need to lift the bottom seat of the convertible seats and pull them out. The sleeper cushions are attached to the base, and the process of opening them is very smooth. It's also easy to remove the back cushions to finish creating the sleeper. The back cushions have a large handle that is used to gently lift the cushions before laying them in place. The optional ottomans can be used to extend the sleeping area by placing them next to the sleeper and locking them into place with a small metal arm that is very easy to extend for use and then flip back into the ottoman for storage. Sleeping I found it very intuitive to convert the Neptune sleeper into a bed, but this is not a traditional sleeper and does not come with a mattress. Instead, the sofa transforms into a bed by pulling out specially designed seats to expand them into a sleeping surface and then placing the back cushions in the space created by pulling out the seat. Notably, because of Neptune's modular design, there is flexibility on how you set up the sleeper. I ordered two sleeper seats and placed them next to each other to create one large sleeping space. However, because the sleeper seats are separate, I could move one of the seats to a different position at any time to create two single beds. This might come in handy when my niece and nephew come to visit, if they don't want to sleep next to each other. However, since one of my sleeper seats is a corner seat, that seat needs to stay in place. Although I initially ordered the sleeper sofa for overnight guests, my kids regularly expand the sofa to use as a lounger for family movie nights and hang-outs with friends. I was surprised and happy to find that my kids find the sofa bed easy enough to set up themselves and comfortable enough that they want to use it regularly. Given the higher cost of sleeper sofas, it's nice to see that this feature is getting more than occasional use. To make sure Neptune's sofa bed would be comfortable for my guests, I slept on it for a few nights myself. While it's not as comfortable as the Tempur-Pedic mattress I usually sleep on, it's much more comfortable than the thin, lumpy mattresses I associate with most sofa beds. Since the bed portion consists of the sofa's firm cushions, the sleep surface is firm. While sleeping on the sofa bed, I was worried that I would feel the spacing between the cushions. While I could feel them, they weren't very noticeable once I lay down to go to sleep. I slept on the sofa with my partner one night. Because each section of the sleeper is separate, his movements didn't bother me, and I didn't wake up when he got out of bed earlier than me. As a hot sleeper, I was also concerned that the thick, durable fabric might trap heat, but I was relieved to find that I didn't overheat at night. Although Neptune's sleeper isn't as comfortable as a regular mattress, I found it far more comfortable than a hotel sleeper sofa I recently slept on. There is a solution for those who want to ensure their guests have a smooth surface. Cozey offers the Neptune Sleep Kit, which includes a plush mattress topper, two small pillows, a comforter, and sheets that are designed to fit the Neptune perfectly. The mattress topper made the sleeper more comfortable by smoothing out the spaces between the cushions that make up the sleeping surface and adding another layer. Although it's nice to have sheets, a comforter, and pillows that are custom-designed to fit the sleeper, I don't think these add much value, especially if you already have your own bedding. A Cozey rep said that only about 20% of customers add on the Sleep Kit. If Cozey sold the mattress topper on its own, I think it would be a no-brainer to purchase, but it's hard to justify the $360 cost for the entire set unless you are short these other items. Durability Since I received the Neptune about six weeks ago, it has gotten heavy use. My family uses it daily to watch television, and we've had a few family movie nights where we all watch together. The sofa has also been used during countless playdates and guests have commented how much they like the look and feel of the sofa. Moreover, my kids like to snack, and I have allowed them to eat and drink on the sofa to their heart's content to test its durability and performance fabric. The sofa has held up exceptionally well. I've needed to vacuum the sofa to remove crumbs several times. Once, I found chocolate sauce that had dripped down the front of a cushion, down to the sofa's body, and onto the floor. By the time I found the stain, it had been sitting for a while, and I was worried that my new sofa would be ruined forever. I was pleasantly surprised when the chocolate syrup came out after dabbing it with some water. Another time, I found a red spot that was either from a strawberry or a piece of candy. That spot came out equally as well. I was so pleased with how easy it was to clean the Neptune that I regretted choosing a darker color for the sofa. I chose Fog rather than the lighter Latte, which I thought would match my decor better but couldstain too easily. Now that I've successfully removed several stains from the sofa, I would feel more confident ordering a lighter color next time. Moreover, since the Neptune is the first piece of modular furniture I have owned, I was worried that the individual pieces might move with use, making the sofa feel flimsy. After heavy use, the pieces haven't moved a bit. I briefly allowed my children to climb and jump on the sofa to see if the pieces moved, and I didn't notice any pieces separating. I love that the Neptune feels like one, solid piece with use, but still has all of the flexibility that comes along with modular furniture. Cons to consider The Neptune comes in limited colors. Disappointingly, their premium Aquaforte fabric only comes in one color, a very light white. I also found it difficult to assemble the Neptune on my own, so I recommend enlisting help for a more streamlined experience. There is no white glove delivery or in-home assembly offered at this time. What are the alternatives? Cozey is one of the few modular sofa beds I've encountered with the customizability to choose exactly how large or small you want your sofa to be. Cozey designs several other modular designs like the original Altus collection, which is available in the performance fabric, leather, and velvet, or the Ciello couch, a great plush modular cloud-couch dupe, but none of them are considered sofa beds. They do, however, offer a sleep kit add-on to turn the surface into a single-person bed. Although Cozey makes single and double-sleeper sofas, Koala is another good choice for small spaces where the cushions flip out to convert into a full or queen-size bed. If you prefer a sectional but don't need a sleeper, the Sundays Movie Night sofa is a very comfortable option, whereas they've also just introduced its first sleeper sofa, a unique design where a full-size foam mattress flips over without having to remove any cushions. The Bottom Line The Cozey Neptune is a great choice for anyone looking for a highly customizable, durable sofa. Because Cozey is modular and can be configured in so many different ways, almost everyone should be able to find a sofa that works for their needs. The addition of built-in storage is so helpful for storing extra bedding or maximizing space in areas where storage could be in short supply. Plus, Cozey's generous return policy is almost unheard of among furniture companies.
Motor 1
12-06-2025
- Automotive
- Motor 1
Ram: We've Thought About a Cheap Truck Like The Slate 'A Million Times'
Even for someone like me, who doesn't want, let alone need, a pickup, the idea of a cheap electric truck is certainly compelling. The tiny EV workhorse from a new company partially funded by Amazon founder Jeff Bezos will start at around $25,000. Factoring in the federal tax credit, assuming it doesn't disappear under the Trump administration, the diminutive pickup could drop below the $20,000 mark. But there's one high-ranking Stellantis official who doubts people will actually settle for the spartan version. In an interview with CNBC , Ram CEO Tim Kuniskis says buyers will inevitably want to add features they consider essential, which would significantly increase the out-the-door price: 'Now, what's it going to actually transact at in the marketplace… when people start to option them up, it's not going to be $20,000. It's going to be $35,000, and by the time you get to $35,000, you're in mid-size truck territory.' For reference, a base Ford Ranger with no options costs $35,025, including destination charges. Photo by: Slate Kuniskis argues that while the Slate is a 'super interesting' entry in the lucrative pickup segment, the actual configurations most people will buy put it in direct competition with established players. He might be on to something. A glance at the Slate's standard equipment list shows just how much you give up to hit that $20,000-ish price point. The entry-level version, with its crank windows , skips the infotainment and even speakers. You also have to pay extra for door cubbies and Bluetooth controls on the steering wheel. Whether adding these extras will push the price up by $15,000 remains to be seen, but Kuniskis is skeptical that buyers will go for the bare-bones version at the advertised starting price. He explains that Ram has considered building a Slate-like truck 'a million times' and ultimately decided against it, concluding it wouldn't be competitive once properly equipped. Despite strong early interest in the Slate, which could suggest Kuniskis is wrong, it's unclear how many of the 100,000+ reservations will turn into actual orders, especially since the $50 deposits are refundable. For those who do follow through, it'll be interesting to see how many stick with the base model. Slate Truck 22 Source: Slate Aside from not having a Slate rival, Ram also currently lacks a midsize truck to compete with the Ranger, and a smaller pickup to rival the Maverick. The Slate, at just 174.6 inches long, is much shorter than the nearly 200-inch Maverick. It's worth noting that Ram does have the compact Rampage and the lesser-known 1200 , but neither is sold in the U.S. Kuniskis told Motor1 earlier this year that he wants a 'mid-size truck so bad' for the U.S. as a more affordable option following the demise of the Ram Classic. The Slate does have a counterpart in the world of combustion pickups. Toyota's Hilux Champ is a no-frills workhorse starting at the equivalent of $14,000 in Thailand. But it's not coming to the U.S., where even the cheapest trucks cost more than twice that. Besides the $30,535 Maverick, the base Hyundai Santa Cruz starts at $30,200. All About The Slate: Slate Truck: A Sub-$20,000 Pickup With 150 Miles of Range The Slate Truck Configurator Is Live, Build Yours Here Source: CNBC Share this Story Facebook X LinkedIn Flipboard Reddit WhatsApp E-Mail Got a tip for us? Email: tips@ Join the conversation ( )
Yahoo
12-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
I Refuse to Do Free Work for My Family. They're All Having a Meltdown.
Good Job is Slate's advice column on work. Have a workplace problem big or small? Send it to Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir here. It's anonymous! Dear Good Job, I am 19 and going to community college while working at a daycare. The pay is terrible but it works with my schedule, and I love kids. But I am tired of my three older siblings trying to pawn off theirs every time I come home to visit. I want to relax and spend time with our parents—not changing diapers because my sister married a Neanderthal, or my brother would rather watch the game than pay attention to his toddler. It is so obviously fake and manipulative when the minute I walk in the door, they're telling me that the kids missed their Auntie and a baby with a poopy diaper is thrown in my hands. I tried to be polite and tell them I just want to have some adult company. I get I hand the kid back or leave the room, I get guilt trips because 'parents need a break too,' and I act like I 'hate' my nieces and nephews. Obviously, as the youngest female of the family, I am the default child tender and am expected to accept my womanly duty. That isn't happening. Everyone is always over at our parents so I have to deal with the same problem again and again. I finally snapped when my brother told his whining kid to play with me because he was busy playing a video game. I held out my hand and told my brother it would be $20. He acted confused, and I told him I get paid to deal with other people's kids, and if he wants the same, he needs to pay up. This caused a huge fight where I was called overdramatic and mean for even thinking of charging money from family. I ended up skipping the Memorial Day weekend to hang out with friends, and have gotten nothing but grief from my parents. They want to see me and miss me, but not enough to stand up for me. What do I do here? —Not a Daycare Dear Not a Daycare, Families know how to push your buttons because they're the ones who put them there. I'm sorry your siblings keep treating you like a kid sister they can boss around. And it's maddening to see family members try to enforce traditional gender roles, especially when children are watching and learning. New parents are exhausted and stressed (why is my child crying? Why?) and not in the best headspace to accept new family dynamics. But you're right to insist on them. It will take a lot of persistence, since your siblings are highly motivated to keep manipulating you, but stick to your clear and fair messages: You're there to enjoy some adult time. You love to see and play with your niblings, but you care for children professionally. If your siblings would like you to babysit by changing diapers, feeding the kids, bathing them, etc., your hourly rate is $50. Your siblings may continue to throw tantrums, but as you know from dealing with children, the best thing to do is stay calm while they scream it out. Not to excuse your siblings, especially the Neanderthal brother-in-law, but they might be feeling the weight of family expectations themselves. They may be feeling judged about their own parenting skills (rightly so, in your brother-in-law's case) and frustrated by their inability to keep up with diapers and toddler tantrums. Some people regress to their brattier younger selves when they spend time with their family of origin. It sounds like your siblings learned how to give guilt trips from your parents. If you haven't yet, explain to your parents that you hope they and your siblings will respect you as an adult who is working hard at her job and education. Ask them to stick up for you. They might be too stuck in your existing family dynamic to see your perspective, but they clearly hold a lot of influence over your siblings and might be willing to use their power for good. (If nothing else, maybe they can use their guilt trip skills to get Neanderthal off the couch.) Whatever comes from this conversation, please don't feel obliged to follow your siblings' pattern of spending every holiday (even Memorial Day!) at the family home. Go out, enjoy some friends or some solitude. Your parents need to learn that you are no longer the youngest kid everybody can push around, and you will visit when you want to. Laura Helmuth and Doree Shafrir want to help you navigate your social dynamics at work. Does your colleague constantly bug you after hours? Has an ill-advised work romance gone awry? Ask us your question here! Dear Good Job, A co-worker brings sardines, anchovies, herring, or some other god-awful-smelling fish in his lunch EVERY DAY. Even worse, he tosses the empty cans in the garbage in the break room without having the decency to at least seal them in a Ziploc bag, resulting in one of us needing to rush the garbage to the dumpster outside. We've tried hinting that it might be nice for him to try to broaden his horizons with something other than fish, but he claims it's 'good for the brain' and keeps on bringing it in. It's gotten so bad that we are now eating our lunches in our cars or going out to restaurants. Is it time to speak to human resources? Is this even something HR could do anything about? —The Other People Here Have Functioning Noses Dear Functioning Nose, One of the worst things about in-person jobs is having to share co-workers' air. It's hard to concentrate when you're within breathing distance of their respiratory infections, flatulence, and smelly fish. It sounds like there isn't good air circulation in the break room, and that's the first place to start. Ask human resources (or your manager, or the building engineer) to upgrade your HVAC system and/or add an air purifier that will reduce not just smells but also airborne germs, particulates from wildfire smoke, and other pollution. If the room has a window that is sealed shut, ask to have it modified to open. If your company balks at the cost, tell them any air-purification improvements will pay for themselves by reducing sick days and distractions. Human resources should be able to set some guidelines for break-room etiquette that include instructions for properly disposing of smelly containers. But perhaps Mr. Good Brain will listen to reason. You say you and your colleagues have hinted that he should diversify his diet. Hinting didn't work—it often doesn't—so tell him directly that his lunch is causing discomfort for some of his colleagues. Explain this briskly and factually, without judgment or a wrinkled nose, and say that you'd like to find a solution. Could you schedule lunch breaks so that those of you who are sensitive to the smell eat a bit earlier, while he waits to open his lunchbox until a bit later? And ask him to throw his lunch trash away outside, rather than in the break room. The research on fish oil improving brain function isn't super strong, but if he wants to do something that's really good for his brain, he should strengthen his social relationships with his co-workers. Slate Plus members get more Good Job every week. Sign up now to read Laura Helmuth's additional column this week. Dear Good Job, I recently found out from a co-worker friend that another one of our co-workers, 'Jane,' homeschools her children specifically to keep them away from 'gay people.' As a queer and trans person, I am disgusted. I don't know how to interact with Jane now. I've basically been completely ignoring her. We don't work together often (we are both part-time and don't necessarily come in on the same days), but we are nurses at a hospital, so there is a lot of collaboration with everyone else working when I am there. She is perfectly nice to me at work (she doesn't know I'm queer or trans, though she does know I use 'they/them' pronouns for my toddler) but it makes me feel gross to interact with her. I recently started wearing my pronouns (they/them) on my name badge, but she hasn't noticed yet. I want to aggressively correct her next time she uses the wrong pronouns for me, even though I ignore it when the rest of my co-workers use the wrong pronouns. I don't want a hostile work environment, but I am a conflictual person by nature, so part of me wants to make it a conflict. Help! —Nurse Gay Dear Nurse Gay, Jane, goddam. Preventing kids from learning about queer people (or evolution, the age of the Earth, climate change, racism, other cultures, true history, and all the other fundamentalist homeschooling no-no's) is cruel and neglectful. That's a subject for another column, and her kids aren't your problem at all, but I just want to start by saying that Jane is contributing to generational ignorance. It's tempting to start a conflict with Jane, but of course, there are lots of reasons not to. You don't want to give anyone on staff an excuse to feel sorry for Jane, and you'd run the risk that other people would think you're a troublemaker. Do correct her if she continues to mis-pronoun you, but do so in a tone you would use to correct any error. Could you ask the person who told you about Jane's homeschooling to speak with her? They could share that you're queer and trans, assuming other people at work know and you want them to know. If nothing else, co-workers could reinforce that Jane needs to use correct pronouns. It might be less fraught for Jane to hear from a third party that her assumptions about you are wrong. It's not your job to educate Jane, but your presence could be educational. A lot of people rethink some of their own bigotry, especially bigotry that was handed down to them through brainwash-schooling and a bigoted family of origin, when they get to know people they were taught to despise. —Laura My husband has been working on a startup since last December. It's in an industry that has taken a huge downturn since right after he started. They have not secured any funding. They can't afford to complete the next very important step because they are out of money. He has had two business partners in this, one being his very close friend. This friend is the main partner and just accepted a full-time job and is giving up on the startup…
The Age
11-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Age
30 going on 13: How old is too old to play a teenager on TV?
I was 12 years old when I first laid eyes on bad boy Ryan Atwood (Benjamin McKenzie), lighting up outside the Cohens' Newport Beach mansion on The OC. 'Who are you?' asked his new neighbour and eventual love interest Marissa Cooper (Mischa Barton) in the show's pilot. 'Whoever you want me to be,' he famously replied, his eyes locked as tight on her as his ratty leather choker was wrapped around his neck. It was many years until I learnt that the actor who played this 16-year-old heartthrob was actually almost a decade older than the troubled teen he portrayed. And, aged 25 at the show's premiere, McKenzie was significantly older than Barton, who was just 17. It puts a weird spin on the Ryan and Marissa clippings from Dolly magazine that patchworked my bedroom walls – and an even more uncomfortable lens on the show after Barton's subsequent claims the actors dated during filming. But, in the history of film and television, there's nothing strange about an adult man whacking on a leather jacket and calling himself a highschool. James Dean was a similar age (24) when he portrayed 17-year-old Jim Stark in Rebel Without a Cause – a film that is popularly credited with defining the very concept of a 'teenager' and is a direct reference point for that opening episode of The OC. (Much like Barton, Dean's co-star Natalie Wood was also much younger – 16 – at the time of filming.) It's actually exceedingly rare that a teenager is cast for these roles at all. Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta were 29 and 23, respectively, when they starred as high-school sweethearts in Grease. Rachel McAdams was 25 when she portrayed queen bee Regina George in Mean Girls. Andrew Garfield was 27 when he played 17-year-old Peter Parker in The Amazing Spider-Man. Zendaya, Jacob Elordi and Sydney Sweeney were all in their early 20s at the start of high-school drama Euphoria (meaning the long-anticipated third season will feature an unavoidable time jump) – as were most of the cast of other recent teen shows such as Sex Education and Riverdale. I've been thinking a lot about this, ever since watching Overcompensating. The debut sitcom from Benito Skinner, based on his college experiences from the early 2010s, has recently faced some pushback over its casting. Skinner, 31, plays a fictionalised version of himself as a college freshman (who are generally 18 or 19 years old). And he's joined by other actors predominantly aged from their late 20s to mid-30s (including season two The White Lotus alumnus Adam DiMarco, who is 35). Loading 'After several years of development, Overcompensating arrives at a time when Skinner … can no longer plausibly pass for the teenage version of himself,' one critic wrote in Slate. 'He looks more out of place than Ben Platt did playing a teen in 2021's Dear Evan Hansen.' (Another one for the list! Platt was 27 when he played the 17-year-old outcast.) So why does this keep happening? There are some big logistical factors at play: the first is that it's simply much harder to film with underage actors. Local legislation will often dictate talent under a certain age must be accompanied by a parent, can only work reduced hours and will need on-set tutors. Older actors also usually have more experience and, often, some name recognition that bolsters the project. Zendaya and Cole Sprouse, for instance, became stars through the Disney Channel well before appearing as teens on Euphoria and Riverdale. Having actors who are above the age of consent also helps make certain plot lines feel slightly less perverted to watch (see: basically everything that happens on Gossip Girl). There, however, are some real downsides to this. The first is that actual teenagers grow up thinking they should look like Blake Lively. The 'teenage girls' we watch on film and TV generally have clear skin, full chests and roughly 500 times the self-confidence of the average 16-year-old. And, with broad chests and big arms, the boys aren't much better. Plus, there's always going to be a 'how do you do, fellow kids' inauthenticity to seeing a 27-year-old try to capture what it means to be 17 today. Loading This is what drove then-uni student Jamie Brittain to create Skins back in 2006. Explaining the origins of his famously unfiltered teen drama, he told DigitalSpy it was a direct response to 'deeply patronising' series such as Dawson's Creek and The OC. 'Everyone looked so perfect,' he said. 'It drove me crazy. They were aggressively promoting the notion of [Seth Cohen (played by Adam Brody)] as this virgin nerd … but he was one of the sexiest men on television! And he was a man, as well – he was not a teenager!' Instead, Brittain and his team scouted for no-name teens to join his cast (except for 17-year-old Nicholas Hoult, who had been a child actor in About a Boy). That led to the discovery of Daniel Kaluuya, then 18 and also writing on the show, and Dev Patel, who was 16 when he landed the role of gangly and fun-loving Anwar. When the cast aged out of the roles, they created a whole new generation of teens to focus on. This was revolutionary for me at the time, a 15-year-old watching people my age having the same heartbreaks, house parties and hugely emotional reactions to Crystal Castles. But it turns out there are whole separate issues worth considering when you have actual 17-year-olds doing sex scenes, years before on-set intimacy co-ordinators are common practice. Speaking on her podcast, now in her 30s, original Skins cast member April Pearson (Michelle) admitted: 'I do feel like I was too young … There's a difference between being officially old enough and mentally old enough.' Mischa Barton has said the same of her time on The OC. She has recently spoken about coming into the show as a virgin, 'a kid', and feeling pressured to grow up quickly and meet the expectations of her character. After being thrust into the spotlight and frequently sexualised at a young age, she was also hounded by paparazzi, leading to breakdowns and PTSD. Loading So maybe Skinner is on to something by leaning in to the absurdity of older actors on Overcompensating. It worked for Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle, who were 32 when they started playing 13-year-old versions of themselves in Pen15. Set in 2000, with the cargo pants and MSN Messenger plot lines to prove it, that show was also a satire of a very specific era in their lives. Skinner's on-screen sister Mary Beth Barone (age 33) recently made the point on their podcast saying,'I wouldn't want younger actors to play these parts. They wouldn't be able to nail the millennial cringe of that time period.' Skinner added: 'I get what [people] are saying. But at the same time … all of us having space from that time in our lives allows us to be more comfortable.'
