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Dad-to-be's one last wish to see his baby

Dad-to-be's one last wish to see his baby

IOL Newsa day ago

SHAY Martin, 29, and Tanner Martin, 30, after the birth of their daughter, AmyLou, in a birth recovery room at Intermountain Health American Fork Hospital last month, in American Fork, Utah.
Image: The Washington Post
THE baby shower was a mash-up of imaginary worlds: the Mad Hatter's tea party, Neverland, Tatooine.
Tanner Martin, the dad-to-be, sat off to the side, a sherpa blanket across his lap, a whip of plastic tubing around his face tethered to an oxygen tank. As he looked around the room filled with young parents and children, his greatest wish was that he would live long enough to meet his own daughter.
Tanner was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer in November 2020 at age 25, and since then, life has been a series of starts and stops. During a period of relative stability and hope in the fall of 2024, when a new treatment regimen appeared to be working, Tanner and his wife, Shay, decided to start a family.
But the roughly 1,700 days they have been in this fight, the more than 100 ER visits, 30-plus hospitalisations and five surgeries have taken a toll.
At the start of the year, Tanner's health took a sharp turn. The couple found themselves facing an unbearable duality: The joy of preparing for their daughter's arrival and the grief of bracing for her father's death. Just days before the baby shower in April, the call came: The last-resort IV chemo regimen that had been keeping Tanner alive had failed. The baby was due in 57 days.
This year, more than 200,000 people ages 15 to 49 will be newly diagnosed with cancer, joining more than 2.1 million Americans who were also diagnosed as young adults and are living with the disease. Researchers call them 'Generation C,' or 'Generation Cancer.' Young people of Native American descent like Tanner have the highest rate of colorectal cancer of any racial and ethnic group, and the sharpest rate of recent increase.
Tanner was always the kind of person who, his family and friends say, made the world feel friendlier. Shay fell in love with that bright spirit. They were engaged within seven months, married within a year.
Tanner's symptoms began with stomach aches in 2020. Nothing terrible, just a persistent soreness that made him feel unwell. It took six months before a specialist suggested a colonoscopy. By that time, Tanner's cancer had spread from his colon to his liver. Stage 4. His doctors were reluctant to put a timeline on his survival, but they were clear that his condition was terminal. He was 25.
The first few years of living scan-to-scan were a blur. Tanner was constantly in and out of the hospital. During one particularly brutal eight-month stretch, he developed sepsis, a life-threatening infection, and spent Christmas hooked up to IVs.
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Tanner and Shay had always wanted a large family. He had banked his sperm shortly after his diagnosis, knowing that chemo can lead to infertility. During an appointment in October, Tanner's doctor said he was doing great - and it was possible he would live at least five more years (a key milestone in cancer survival). They decided it was time.
Around the same time last fall, Shay saw on social media that one of her high school classmates had taken a job as a 'death doula" and Shay reached out. Tanner was not enthusiastic.
But he said he soon realized that talking about death and looking at his future burial plot were empowering. So they went shopping for a casket, picked out a headstone with both their names and - with Tanner a devoted Star Wars fan - drafted a funeral plan that would feature a harpist playing its iconic theme.
Shay posted a clip on TikTok for loved ones who could not attend. They were not prepared for the outpouring of good wishes from strangers all over the world: 2.6 million views for the headstone-shopping video, 3.5 million for the living funeral.
As 2025 began, Shay passed the first trimester of her pregnancy. But with each passing day, their paths diverged. As the baby inside Shay grew, Tanner's health declined.
Tanner and Shay had honeymooned in Hawaii in May 2019, and as Tanner's illness progressed, they longed to re-experience the joy of that time. So earlier this year, they booked their babymoon, optimizing Tanner's chemotherapy around it.
Shortly after their return, that calm was shattered.
Tanner and Shay sat side-by-side in the exam room at a suburban office park on April 15, not touching, their expressions grim as they faced his oncologist.
He told them it was time to stop the current chemotherapy regimen - it was causing more harm than good now. But there was one more option: a daily pill called fruquintinib that might slow the cancer's growth.
Normally, as pregnancy progresses, resistance in the placenta decreases, but in Shay's case, it had increased. The idea of delivering early - just so Tanner could meet their daughter - had been off the table. Medical guidelines are strict. But a scan had raised enough concern for doctors to reconsider. Shay chose the first date they would allow: May 15.
Tanner's phone was filling up with video messages and letters to his future daughter: Stories of his travels. References to his favorite movies and video games. Advice about dating ('Wait until you're 30'). About religion. Reading bedtime stories like 'Guess How Much I Love You,' a picture book about a bunny who loves his dad and how much his dad loves him back.
The sicker he got, the more Tanner thought of the future beyond his own life. On a quiet Sunday afternoon at home, he brought up the delicate subject of Shay remarrying.
'I would much rather you be with someone who can take care of you than you be alone. Or my daughter not having a father,' he said.
AmyLou Kinyaa' Aanii Martin entered the world on May 15. A nurse immediately scooped up AmyLou, swaddled her and carefully placed her in Tanner's arms. 'I've been so excited to meet you … ' he said, his glasses misted over by tears. 'I love you so much. I've been waiting for this for so long.'
Tanner had managed to stay at the hospital for over four hours – a remarkable feat, considering that in recent weeks he'd barely been able to stay awake for more than 20 or 30 minutes at a time. But later that day, after returning home to rest, his body gave out. His new medication had made him wildly ill for weeks. Shay had imagined a joyful home-coming that Saturday – the three of them leaving the hospital together as a new family. Instead, she and her mother brought AmyLou home to Tanner.
Wanting to create a beautiful memory, Tanner invited his and Shay's parents over for a father-daughter dance. He wanted to film it as a gift for AmyLou to watch on her wedding day. He chose a cover of the Phil Collins song You'll Be in My Heart, from Disney's Tarzan.
Tanner wasn't able to stand, let alone dance, so Shay placed AmyLou on his lap as he worried about holding her steady. 'I'm scared,' he said. 'It's okay,' Shay said, tucking AmyLou close to Tanner.
The music played. Tanner leaned in, his arms encircling her tiny body.
The Washington Post

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Dad-to-be's one last wish to see his baby
Dad-to-be's one last wish to see his baby

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timea day ago

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Dad-to-be's one last wish to see his baby

SHAY Martin, 29, and Tanner Martin, 30, after the birth of their daughter, AmyLou, in a birth recovery room at Intermountain Health American Fork Hospital last month, in American Fork, Utah. Image: The Washington Post THE baby shower was a mash-up of imaginary worlds: the Mad Hatter's tea party, Neverland, Tatooine. Tanner Martin, the dad-to-be, sat off to the side, a sherpa blanket across his lap, a whip of plastic tubing around his face tethered to an oxygen tank. As he looked around the room filled with young parents and children, his greatest wish was that he would live long enough to meet his own daughter. Tanner was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer in November 2020 at age 25, and since then, life has been a series of starts and stops. During a period of relative stability and hope in the fall of 2024, when a new treatment regimen appeared to be working, Tanner and his wife, Shay, decided to start a family. But the roughly 1,700 days they have been in this fight, the more than 100 ER visits, 30-plus hospitalisations and five surgeries have taken a toll. At the start of the year, Tanner's health took a sharp turn. The couple found themselves facing an unbearable duality: The joy of preparing for their daughter's arrival and the grief of bracing for her father's death. Just days before the baby shower in April, the call came: The last-resort IV chemo regimen that had been keeping Tanner alive had failed. The baby was due in 57 days. This year, more than 200,000 people ages 15 to 49 will be newly diagnosed with cancer, joining more than 2.1 million Americans who were also diagnosed as young adults and are living with the disease. Researchers call them 'Generation C,' or 'Generation Cancer.' Young people of Native American descent like Tanner have the highest rate of colorectal cancer of any racial and ethnic group, and the sharpest rate of recent increase. Tanner was always the kind of person who, his family and friends say, made the world feel friendlier. Shay fell in love with that bright spirit. They were engaged within seven months, married within a year. Tanner's symptoms began with stomach aches in 2020. Nothing terrible, just a persistent soreness that made him feel unwell. It took six months before a specialist suggested a colonoscopy. By that time, Tanner's cancer had spread from his colon to his liver. Stage 4. His doctors were reluctant to put a timeline on his survival, but they were clear that his condition was terminal. He was 25. The first few years of living scan-to-scan were a blur. Tanner was constantly in and out of the hospital. During one particularly brutal eight-month stretch, he developed sepsis, a life-threatening infection, and spent Christmas hooked up to IVs. Video Player is loading. Play Video Play Unmute Current Time 0:00 / Duration -:- Loaded : 0% Stream Type LIVE Seek to live, currently behind live LIVE Remaining Time - 0:00 This is a modal window. Beginning of dialog window. Escape will cancel and close the window. Text Color White Black Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Opaque Semi-Transparent Background Color Black White Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Opaque Semi-Transparent Transparent Window Color Black White Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Transparent Semi-Transparent Opaque Font Size 50% 75% 100% 125% 150% 175% 200% 300% 400% Text Edge Style None Raised Depressed Uniform Dropshadow Font Family Proportional Sans-Serif Monospace Sans-Serif Proportional Serif Monospace Serif Casual Script Small Caps Reset restore all settings to the default values Done Close Modal Dialog End of dialog window. Advertisement Next Stay Close ✕ Tanner and Shay had always wanted a large family. He had banked his sperm shortly after his diagnosis, knowing that chemo can lead to infertility. During an appointment in October, Tanner's doctor said he was doing great - and it was possible he would live at least five more years (a key milestone in cancer survival). They decided it was time. Around the same time last fall, Shay saw on social media that one of her high school classmates had taken a job as a 'death doula" and Shay reached out. Tanner was not enthusiastic. But he said he soon realized that talking about death and looking at his future burial plot were empowering. So they went shopping for a casket, picked out a headstone with both their names and - with Tanner a devoted Star Wars fan - drafted a funeral plan that would feature a harpist playing its iconic theme. Shay posted a clip on TikTok for loved ones who could not attend. They were not prepared for the outpouring of good wishes from strangers all over the world: 2.6 million views for the headstone-shopping video, 3.5 million for the living funeral. As 2025 began, Shay passed the first trimester of her pregnancy. But with each passing day, their paths diverged. As the baby inside Shay grew, Tanner's health declined. Tanner and Shay had honeymooned in Hawaii in May 2019, and as Tanner's illness progressed, they longed to re-experience the joy of that time. So earlier this year, they booked their babymoon, optimizing Tanner's chemotherapy around it. Shortly after their return, that calm was shattered. Tanner and Shay sat side-by-side in the exam room at a suburban office park on April 15, not touching, their expressions grim as they faced his oncologist. He told them it was time to stop the current chemotherapy regimen - it was causing more harm than good now. But there was one more option: a daily pill called fruquintinib that might slow the cancer's growth. Normally, as pregnancy progresses, resistance in the placenta decreases, but in Shay's case, it had increased. The idea of delivering early - just so Tanner could meet their daughter - had been off the table. Medical guidelines are strict. But a scan had raised enough concern for doctors to reconsider. Shay chose the first date they would allow: May 15. Tanner's phone was filling up with video messages and letters to his future daughter: Stories of his travels. References to his favorite movies and video games. Advice about dating ('Wait until you're 30'). About religion. Reading bedtime stories like 'Guess How Much I Love You,' a picture book about a bunny who loves his dad and how much his dad loves him back. The sicker he got, the more Tanner thought of the future beyond his own life. On a quiet Sunday afternoon at home, he brought up the delicate subject of Shay remarrying. 'I would much rather you be with someone who can take care of you than you be alone. Or my daughter not having a father,' he said. AmyLou Kinyaa' Aanii Martin entered the world on May 15. A nurse immediately scooped up AmyLou, swaddled her and carefully placed her in Tanner's arms. 'I've been so excited to meet you … ' he said, his glasses misted over by tears. 'I love you so much. I've been waiting for this for so long.' Tanner had managed to stay at the hospital for over four hours – a remarkable feat, considering that in recent weeks he'd barely been able to stay awake for more than 20 or 30 minutes at a time. But later that day, after returning home to rest, his body gave out. His new medication had made him wildly ill for weeks. Shay had imagined a joyful home-coming that Saturday – the three of them leaving the hospital together as a new family. Instead, she and her mother brought AmyLou home to Tanner. Wanting to create a beautiful memory, Tanner invited his and Shay's parents over for a father-daughter dance. He wanted to film it as a gift for AmyLou to watch on her wedding day. He chose a cover of the Phil Collins song You'll Be in My Heart, from Disney's Tarzan. Tanner wasn't able to stand, let alone dance, so Shay placed AmyLou on his lap as he worried about holding her steady. 'I'm scared,' he said. 'It's okay,' Shay said, tucking AmyLou close to Tanner. The music played. Tanner leaned in, his arms encircling her tiny body. The Washington Post

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Text Color White Black Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Opaque Semi-Transparent Background Color Black White Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Opaque Semi-Transparent Transparent Window Color Black White Red Green Blue Yellow Magenta Cyan Transparency Transparent Semi-Transparent Opaque Font Size 50% 75% 100% 125% 150% 175% 200% 300% 400% Text Edge Style None Raised Depressed Uniform Dropshadow Font Family Proportional Sans-Serif Monospace Sans-Serif Proportional Serif Monospace Serif Casual Script Small Caps Reset restore all settings to the default values Done Close Modal Dialog End of dialog window. Advertisement Next Stay Close ✕ Ad Loading Even the famed naturalist EO Wilson once said: 'I would gladly throw the switch and be the executioner myself' for malaria-carrying mosquitoes. But some researchers and ethicists warn it may be too dangerous to tinker with the underpinnings of life itself. 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But by adding special genetic machinery - dubbed a gene drive - to segments of DNA, scientists can rig the coin flip and ensure a gene is included in an animal's eggs and sperm, nearly guaranteeing it will be passed along. Over successive generations, gene drives can cause a trait to spread across an entire species's population, even if that gene doesn't benefit the organism. In that way, gene drives do something remarkable: They allow humans to override Charles Darwin's rules for natural selection, which normally prods populations of plants and animals to adapt to their environment over time. 'Technology is presenting new options to us,' said Christopher Preston, a University of Montana environmental philosopher. 'We might've been able to make a species go extinct 150 years ago by harpooning it too much or shooting it out of the sky. But today, we have different options, and extinction could be completed or could be started in a lab.' Even naturalist EO Wilson once said: 'I would gladly throw the switch and be the executioner myself', referring to malaria carrying mosquitoes. Image: File How far should we go in eradicating mosquitoes? When so many wildlife conservationists are trying to save plants and animals from disappearing, the mosquito is one of the few creatures that people argue is actually worthy of extinction. Forget about tigers or bears; it's the tiny mosquito that is the deadliest animal on Earth. The human misery caused by malaria is undeniable. Nearly 600,000 people died of the disease in 2023, according to the World Health Organization, with the majority of cases in Africa. On the continent, the death toll is akin to 'crashing two Boeing 747s into Kilimanjaro' every day, said Paul Ndebele, a bioethicist at George Washington University. For gene-drive advocates, making the case for releasing genetically modified mosquitoes in nations such as Burkina Faso or Uganda is straightforward. On the continent, the death toll is akin to 'crashing two Boeing 747s into Kilimanjaro' every day, said Paul Ndebele, a bioethicist at George Washington University and UKZN graduate. Image: File 'This is not a difficult audience, because these are people that are living in an area where children are dying,' said Krystal Birungi, an entomologist for Target Malaria in Uganda, though she added that she sometimes has to fight misinformation, such as the false idea that bites from genetically modified mosquitoes can make people sterile. But recently, the Hastings Center for Bioethics, a research institute in New York, and Arizona State University brought together a group of bioethicists to discuss the potential pitfalls of intentionally trying to drive a species to extinction. In a policy paper published in the journal Science last month, the group concluded that 'deliberate full extinction might occasionally be acceptable, but only extremely rarely.' A compelling candidate for total eradication, according to the bioethicists, is the New World screwworm. This parasitic fly, which lays eggs in wounds and eats the flesh of both humans and livestock, appears to play little role in ecosystems. Infections are difficult to treat and can lead to slow and painful deaths. Yet it may be too risky, they say, to use gene drives on invasive rodents on remote Pacific islands where they decimate native birds, given the nonzero chance of a gene-edited rat or mouse jumping ship to the mainland and spreading across a continent. 'Even at a microbial level, it became plain in our conversations, we are not in favor of remaking the world to suit human desires,' said Gregory Kaebnick, a senior research scholar at the institute. It's unclear how important malaria-carrying mosquitoes are to broader ecosystems. Little research has been done to figure out whether frogs or other animals that eat the insects would be able to find their meals elsewhere. Scientists are hotly debating whether a broader 'insect apocalypse' is underway in many parts of the world, which may imperil other creatures that depend on them for food and pollination. 'The eradication of the mosquito through a genetic technology would have the potential to create global eradication in a way that just felt a little risky,' said Preston, who contributed with Ndebele to the discussion published in Science. Researchers said, geneticists should be able to use gene editing, vaccines and other tools to target not the mosquito itself, but the single-celled Plasmodium parasite that is responsible for malaria. Image: File Instead, the authors said, geneticists should be able to use gene editing, vaccines and other tools to target not the mosquito itself, but the single-celled Plasmodium parasite that is responsible for malaria. That invisible microorganism - which a mosquito transfers from its saliva to a person's blood when it bites - is the real culprit. 'You can get rid of malaria without actually getting rid of the mosquito,' Kaebnick said. He added that, at a time when the Trump administration talks cavalierly about animals going extinct, intentional extinction should be an option for only 'particularly horrific species.' But Ndebele, who is from Zimbabwe, noted that most of the people opposed to the elimination of the mosquitoes 'are not based in Africa.' Ndebele has intimate experience with malaria; he once had to rush his sick son to a hospital after the disease manifested as a hallucinatory episode. 'We're just in panic mode,' he recalled. 'You can just imagine - we're not sure what's happening with this young guy.' Still, Ndebele and his colleagues expressed caution about using gene-drive technology. Even if people were to agree to rid the globe of every mosquito - not just Anopheles gambiae but also ones that transmit other diseases or merely bite and irritate - it would be a 'herculean undertaking,' according to Kaebnick. There are more than 3,500 known species, each potentially requiring its own specially designed gene drive. And there is no guarantee a gene drive would wipe out a population as intended. Simoni, the gene-drive researcher, agreed that there are limits to what the technology can do. His team's modeling suggests it would suppress malaria-carrying mosquitoes only locally without outright eliminating them. Mosquitoes have been 'around for hundreds of millions of years,' he said. 'It's a very difficult species to eliminate.'

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