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Edmond teacher transforms lives, inspires at-risk students

Edmond teacher transforms lives, inspires at-risk students

Yahoo01-05-2025

EDMOND, Okla. (KFOR) — It's the teachers at Boulevard Academy, like News 4's Pay it 4Ward award winner, Nora Self, who take time to make a difference, whether it is in the classroom or any setting that helps her students excel.
'These are the kids that need the most love, the most attention to succeed in life,' said Math teacher Nora Self when talking about her passion for helping students at Boulevard Alternative School in Edmond.
Boulevard Academy offers students, who are at risk of not graduating from high school, a place to learn in a way that makes that diploma possible.
One of the students whom Nora has helped is Sophie Wong.
A special honor for a special education paraprofessional
With Nora's help, Sophie was able to get her degree from Edmond Santa Fe High School, and that's not all.
'As a Boulevard Academy graduate, I'm now a student at UCO, a senior, and I'm graduating with a finance degree in May,' Sophie told News 4. 'So I owe part of that to her, I don't think I would have finished high school without her and her encouragement.'
And that's why she nominated her friend and mentor, Mrs. Self, for First Fidelity Bank's Pay It Forward Award.
Mrs. Self's principal, Josh Williams at Boulevard Academy, says she goes above and beyond to help her students.
'She's special. It's not uncommon to walk by and see her tutoring kids individually out in the hallway during her lunch break, things like that,' says Williams. 'Coming in before or after school just to make a difference with kids.'
So, with the $400 in hand from First Fidelity's Brad Willis, we surprised Mrs. Self in the school's gym, where she was giving some of her students a reward for their hard work by letting them play a little basketball.
When Sophie presented her with the money and a gracious hug, Mrs. Self told us with tears in her eyes, 'This does mean a whole lot. Especially from a student who is getting ready to graduate from UCO in May. It means the world to me, I'm so excited for her future, and I greatly appreciate her recognizing me.'
Nora Self, paying it forward, one student at a time.
Pay it 4Ward is sponsored by First Fidelity Bank.Copyright 2025 Nexstar Media, Inc. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

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15 Reasons You've Never Had A Genuine Friend
15 Reasons You've Never Had A Genuine Friend

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time7 days ago

  • Yahoo

15 Reasons You've Never Had A Genuine Friend

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Your Inner Critic: 5 Steps To Take When It Gets Loud And Debilitating
Your Inner Critic: 5 Steps To Take When It Gets Loud And Debilitating

Forbes

time15-06-2025

  • Forbes

Your Inner Critic: 5 Steps To Take When It Gets Loud And Debilitating

Everyone has an inner critic, and when it pops up, it feels like it's us, but it isn't. There are ... More some tried-and-true steps you can take when that harsh voice paralyzes and debilitates you. Do you hear voices in your head? Of course, you do. It's one of hundreds of things that separates humans from robots. If you're like most people, you have a relentless voice that lives in your head and rarely rests. Your inner critic puts you under the microscope, bludgeons you with criticism and tells you how worthless, selfish or inept you are. That kick-butt voice pops up like burnt toast with such lightning speed you probably don't even notice—eviscerating you with name-calling, discouragement and putdowns. Chances are the voice says you can't, you should, ought to, have to or must. (Psychologists call it "musturbation'). The critic knows where to find you, no matter where you go. And it does when you're in a team meeting, working on a project or before a performance evaluation. It stalks you to your desk and whispers in your ear. It could be scolding you right now. Listen closely. Do you hear it: 'No, that's not right! You don't know what you're doing! You're an imposter. You might as well give up! Who do you think you are?" Burnt toast anyone? Some experts call the harsh voice your 'lowercase self' and YOU the 'uppercase Self" with a capital 'S'—the one who hears the lowercase self. When the critic pops up, the first step is to remember that the harsh voice isn't you, and you don't have to live up to its demands. Then, take a breath, step back and let the uppercase YOU practice these five strategies so you can prevent the critic from sidetracking you and stay in your central command center: 1. Take the perspective of a detached observer. Imagine you're an observer of your inner critic and watch it from a distance like you would a blemish on your hand, listening to it with a curious, dispassionate ear as a part of you. Imagine someone scolding you over your cell phone, and you hold the phone away from your ear. In the same way, you can hold the critic's message at arm's length and listen to it from afar as a separate part from you, not all of you. A dispassionate ear gives you distance from the critic's voice and keeps you from identifying with it or attacking yourself. 2. Get curious instead of judgmental. Don't let your inner critic run roughshod over you. But by all means, avoid battling it. It's futile to fight, debate, argue, silence or steamroll over the harsh voice. It always has a comeback and always wins, plus you can't get rid of it. Getting curious, instead of judgmental, can create clarity and calm. When you let the critical voice come and go without fighting or personalizing it, it keeps you from believing the voice's made-up story. If you oppose or try to reason with it, you give it credence and, instead of streaming on through, it takes up residence. 3. Give your inner critic a name. Neuropsychotherapist, Britt Frank, author of Align Your Mind, told me that naming your inner voice with something like 'my Inner Perfectionist' or 'my Taskmaster' helps you take charge of it, instead of the voice taking charge of you. When I interviewed Arianna Huffington, CEO of Thrive Global, she told me she calls her critic, 'The Obnoxious Roommate' and Erin Brochovich told me in an interview that she calls her inner critic, 'Negative Nancy.' The value in giving your critic a name is that it concretizes something you cannot see, making it more tangible and allowing you to communicate with it as a separate part of you. 4. Talk to your inner critic as if it's a person. Frank suggests that when you hear a voice calling you an imposter or criticizing you, say to that voice, 'I hear you. I've got this. I'll take it from here' or say, 'Thank you, not shut up.' Even the harshest voice is trying to help, she explains. It's counterintuitive, but Frank points out that internal gratitude for the critic lowers the threat level. Dr. Ethan Kross, psychologist at the University of Michigan, breaks down the science of self-talk even further. His research shows that calling yourself by your name during silent conversations gives you psychological distance from the critic's egocentric 'I' perspective, disables stress before and after a challenging situation and allows a more objective story to emerge. 5. Practice self-compassion. Studies show when you come down hard on yourself after a misstep, rejection or a harsh review, it's like attacking the fire department when your house is on fire. It reduces your motivation and dilutes your chances of success. It's just as easy to affirm yourself with positive messages as it is to tear yourself down with negative ones. We all become proficient at what we practice on a regular basis. If you're stuck with a project or overloaded with work stress, try replacing the critical voice (from the lower-case self) with self-compassion (from the uppercase Self) each step of the way. Experts say self-compassion is a powerful resilient tool that stands up to harm. So put down your gavel and amp up your kinder, compassionate side. Positive affirmations function as 'cognitive expanders,' providing you a wider perspective to diffuse the inner critic's tunnel vision and transcend its negativity. Let your uppercase Self talk you off the ledge when your critical lower-case-self encourages you to jump. The writer Patrick Califia once said, "When it comes to your inner critic, my advice is to not take advice from someone who doesn't like you. That's like returning to the perpetrator for healing after you've been abused.' 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3 Ways The ‘You're Not Like Others' Line Traps You — By A Psychologist
3 Ways The ‘You're Not Like Others' Line Traps You — By A Psychologist

Forbes

time15-06-2025

  • Forbes

3 Ways The ‘You're Not Like Others' Line Traps You — By A Psychologist

Why does being appreciated for your uniqueness feel so validating? And what conditions does this ... More compliment come with? Statements like, 'You're not like other people,' 'You're not like the others I've dated,' or 'You're different. Special,' often land like compliments. They might even feel deeply validating, especially if you've spent much of your life feeling misunderstood. To be told you stand out, that you're exceptional, can feel like you're finally being seen after years of invisibility. Being singled out and appreciated touches something vulnerable: the part of you that's longed to be chosen for the very things that make you different. But these words that sound like flattery can subtly shape the way you show up in the relationship, pushing you to perform rather than simply exist. And when love hinges on being 'not like the rest,' it's rarely as unconditional as it first appears. Here's the psychology behind this common line, and why it may not be the compliment you think it is. Many people carry an internal belief that they don't quite fit in. It's a feeling often rooted in childhood exclusion, neurodivergence, trauma or simply being more observant than expressive. So when someone says, 'You're not like other people,' it speaks directly to that unhealed wound. It feels validating, even comforting, that someone finally sees your uniqueness. But what sounds like recognition can be performance bait. Instead of helping you feel safely understood, this kind of compliment can reinforce a sense of separateness. It puts you outside the circle of 'ordinary' people. And once you're placed outside that circle, it can become hard to relax or let your guard down. This has several consequences. A 2020 study published in Communications Research Reports, using the Communicate Bond Belong (CBB) theory, found that when people become more self-conscious about how they present themselves in social interactions, they tend to expend more social energy, experience less enjoyment and feel less connected in the moment. This is especially true in interactions where people feel they must maintain a certain image, often at the cost of their authenticity. So while being seen as 'different' may initially feel flattering, it often leads you into a silent performance loop. You start to self-monitor. You suppress your needs. You fear slipping up. Eventually, you may notice that you feel more tired after interactions instead of feeling more connected. Because what seems like a pedestal is often just a spotlight. And unfortunately, spotlights don't keep you company for too long. Once someone casts you as 'not like the rest,' you may begin feeling pressured to keep living up to that image. In romantic relationships, this pressure can feel especially heavy. You may find yourself: What initially feels like admiration can quickly become a role you're afraid to fall out of. Rather than building closeness, this dynamic breeds performance-based worth. One where you don't feel valued for who you are, but for how well you maintain the persona someone else admires. A 2015 study published in Self and Identity exploring how people present their relationships to others exemplifies this. It was found that individuals with high attachment anxiety (those more preoccupied with acceptance and rejection) engaged in heightened self-presentation when they anticipated interacting with another romantic couple. The study highlights how social comparison and relational visibility can intensify the drive to curate one's image, particularly for those already unsure of their worth. In essence, if you already fear being unlovable, being labeled as 'special' can heighten that fear. But when you start performing solely to feed your desire for approval, you also start losing your authenticity. In turn, the other person only connects with a polished version of you, not your whole, complex self. That's how flattery becomes a trap. Conditional affection starts as praise but ends in self-erasure. And when you finally show up as fully human, the admiration may disappear because it was never really you they loved, but the role that you played. If you've struggled with feeling 'not enough' in past relationships, it might feel validating when someone compliments you by putting others down. But, while these compliments may come across as genuine admiration at first, they're just comparisons in disguise. Comments like 'You're not like other girls,' 'You're not needy like my ex,' 'You're so chill, not like most people,' don't acknowledge who you are as a person. They merely shape you into someone more convenient — someone who won't ask for too much, feel too deeply or challenge their comfort. This is conditional positive regard in action. Research published in Journal of Personality in 2016 shows that, in romantic relationships, conditional approval (even when masked as praise) undermines relationship quality by threatening your sense of autonomy. When love is earned by meeting unspoken expectations, you begin to shrink yourself to stay accepted. The trap begins to close in on you when you start suppressing your needs, emotions and complexity out of fear of losing the admiration that once felt so affirming. What's worse, the person who once said, 'You're not like the others,' may one day say, 'You've changed,' or, 'You're just like the rest.' The compliment was never stable; it was a condition. You will know a connection is genuine when it doesn't ask you to compete with someone's past. It doesn't reward you for outperforming someone else. Rather, it makes space for your full, emotional, imperfect humanity, and still chooses you. Pay attention to what psychologically healthy dynamics sound like. Real, grounded connection is reflected in compliments like: These statements are anchored in specific behaviors and present-moment experiences, as opposed to vague comparisons or inflated ideas of uniqueness. They don't put you on a pedestal. While being seen as unique can feel wonderful, we have to be cautious when that uniqueness comes with pressure to uphold a fantasy, or worse, when it's built by tearing others down. Here's what you need to hear, or simply remind yourself: 'You don't need to be exceptional to be loved. You just need to be allowed to be yourself.' Because real intimacy isn't about being unlike others. It's about being truly known and loved, exactly as you are. Wondering if you can show up authentically in your relationship? Take the science-backed Authenticity In Relationships Scale test to find out.

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