Akshay Kumar's 'Housefull 5' fails to deliver the laughs
Cast: Akshay Kumar, Sanjay Dutt, Jacqueline Fernandez, Nana Patekar
Rating: 1/5 stars
Truth no. 1: This is a difficult feature to write. The task is to review a movie and that's where the biggest problem lies — Housefull 5 is not a movie. It is a 165-minute long gag featuring fairly good-looking people on a pretty set, which we are told is a cruise, pretending to act in a feature film.
Truth no. 2: I was actually looking forward to it and went to the cinemas fully prepared. The brain cells had been switched off, reasoning and rationale had been dismissed, and expectations were carefully set to sub-zero. Bad jokes? I am game! Lame scenes where a man hits a monkey and the monkey hits the man? No problem. Foolish puns? They can be funny!
Truth no. 3: Tarun Mansukhani's name as director raised one's hopes. After all, the man gave us Dostana, a funny, urban, and intelligent comedy all those years ago. Even if the Housefull series, by its very nature, is defined by below-the-belt humour, perhaps there would be some moments of genuine, albeit silly, laughter — much-needed in these grim times. I now realise it's futile to even hope.
Bollywood slapstick comedies of the Housefull variety are always given a long rope. They have set the bar so low that each previous film seems better than the current one. Perhaps the fifth 'installment' in this 'franchise' will seem really good when the 10th edition comes out a few years later. Simply because, when you think back, the first Housefull (2010), directed by Sajid Khan, actually seems like comedy gold compared to this one.
So, what is Housefull 5 all about? If you must know, it's set aboard a cruise where a rich old man (Ranjeet) dies amid his birthday celebrations, leaving his fortune to his estranged son, Jolly. Three men (Akshay Kumar, Abhishek Bachchan, and Ritesh Deshmukh) accompanied by three women (Jacqueline Fernandez, Nargis Fakhri, and Sonam Bajwa) turn up claiming to be Jolly. The team on the other side comprising Fardeen Khan, Dino Morea, Chitrangada Singh, Johnny Lever, Shreyas Talpade, and Chunky Pandey (don't ask who plays what, it doesn't matter), have to find out who the real Jolly is. Suddenly, a few murders take place, which need to be investigated by two suspended Scotland Yard cops, Bhidu and Baba (Sanjay Dutt and Jackie Shroff — so original!) with help from their boss (Nana Patekar).
Apparently, this is a film that has two different endings. Depending on which theatre you walk into, the murderer probably changes. There is no logic for this stunt, but then when was the last time mainstream Bollywood did anything logical?
In this Hangover -meets- Housefull -meets- Jaane Bhi Do Yaaron ripoff, there is absolutely no story, screenplay, plot points, performances ,or technique that can be discussed or dissected. So let's just list out some sequences that make up this…ahem…film, and you can take the call:
● A CGI ship where the entire madness is set.
● Characters named Julius, Jalabuddin, Jalbhushan, Kanchi, Sasikala, and Dhagdu Hulgund.
● CGI animals, notably a parrot and monkey, out to avenge the treatment meted out to their father by Akshay Kumar in the first film and end up punching him (lucky monkey!).
● One lead character suffers from a weird ailment that sees him doze off every few minutes.
● An elongated Priyadarshan-esque climax featuring the actors floating in a room, holding on to each other in a line when the villain switches on the ship's propeller.
● Some funny one-liners:
- 'The ship wants to know' says a reporter seeking to interview Ranjeet.
- Chitrangada to Chunky, after a parrot dies: 'May he rest in peace.' Chunky replies: 'He is resting in pieces.'
- Akshay helping Jacqeline find her sheer dress after they 'accidentally' spend a night together: ' Yeh machli ki jaal tumhari hai?' (Does this fishing net belong to you?)
An unhinged comedy requires actors who genuinely let themselves go. But in this case, the stars seem like they are in a hurry to mouth their lines and rush to the nearest restaurant. Kumar, who has the meatiest part, returns to comedy after eons and in some scenes, one can see flashes of the actor who entertained us with his comic timing in movies like Hera Pheri, Garam Masala, Bhagam Bhag and Housefull. But in this film, most of the time, he is busy making obnoxious faces in the name of physical comedy. Abhishek Bachchan is so disinterested, he gives competition to Fardeen Khan and Dino Morea. Only Riteish Deshmukh comes across as natural and organic. As for the other seniors, Shroff and Dutt, let's just say, it's cringe to watch them mouth inanities and lust over women half their ages. The worst part: the best actors known for their comedy, Johnny Lever and Chunky Panday, are given the short shrift with barely a few scenes to make their mark.
There is no point even mentioning the ladies whose only brief is to wear the briefest dresses and stand like pretty dolls. It's hard to say who's worse!
One can only hope all the stars — and there are plenty of them in this one — were paid well to be part of yet another obnoxious abomination masquerading as cinema in Bollywood. One would imagine the script — if there was any — was written by artificial intelligence (AI). But then, AI is really smart. This had to be written by humans inhabiting the Hindi film industry these days. If lunacy and mild laughter is what you are looking for, then Housefull 5 can be your lazy Saturday watch. For the rest of the world, there's Netflix and chill.
To round it off, not just the ship, even the nation wants to know: just when will we get a Bollywood comedy that makes us really laugh?
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