Belle Taylor: Airlines want to fine passengers for bad behaviour — can we turn the tables?
There are few less pleasant ways to travel than by air.
Perhaps if you have a private Gulfstream jet, it's a luxury. And no doubt sitting in the pointy end probably helps. But for the majority of us in cattle class, being shot through the sky in a metal tube is about as enjoyable as getting a root canal while watching a reality TV show called something like Extreme Podiatry Mishaps! hosted by James Corden.
And that's just being on the plane. Before you even board you have to navigate check-in, security and paying $17.95 for the worst ham and cheese croissant of your life. No wonder we're all a little tetchy and rarely on our best behaviour in the sky.
But all that is no excuse, according to the Turkish Directorate General of Civil Aviation, for engaging in that most egregious of air-travel sins. What's that? you ask. Kicking the seat in front of you? Watching a movie on your phone without headphones? Drinking 12 Bintangs in an hour and getting mouthy with the stewards? Ah, no. It is: prematurely standing up before it is your turn to disembark.
Dubbing them 'aisle lice', the Turkish aviation authority released a statement saying that anyone caught standing while the plane was still taxiing down the runway, before the seatbelt sign had been turned off, or simply before it was their turn to shuffle off the plane, can now be issued with a fine. Although the authorities didn't specify an amount, Turkish media reported it as being about $US70 ($108).
Grappling for your overhead luggage while your fellow passengers are still glued to the final moments of the in-flight film is pretty bad form, but will these airlines give us a break already? There is no excuse for bad behaviour, but continuously using the stick instead of the carrot is wearing thin. Maybe people wouldn't be so desperate to extract themselves from the plane while it's still several miles above Istanbul if being stuck on one wasn't only slightly better than travelling to your destination on a Segway being chased by lemurs. Very little leg room on a Segway. And terrible luggage allowance. And the lemurs always hog the moist towelettes.
If airlines are going to start fining us for poor behaviour perhaps it's time us passengers rose up and turned the tables. Because there are a few things they could do a little better, too. I would have no hesitation issuing fines to airlines for the following misdeeds:
Not cleaning the plane.
Not to sound like a germaphobe, but when I take my seat I'd like it to not resemble the Great Pacific Garbage Patch or Missouri attraction Leila's Hair Museum. It's bad enough sharing recycled air with a couple of hundred strangers for a few hours; do we really need to lean into the seat sweat of the recently disembarked?
Not serving food.
Sure, some flights don't have a food service but if they do, dish it up! Don't just serve half the plane and then shrug and passive-aggressively chuck us some cheese and crackers because 'we ran out'.
No in-flight entertainment.
If a flight is more than three hours, there needs to be decent in-flight entertainment. And no, I'm not talking about those teeny tiny communal screens every six rows playing Mamma Mia! without sound like you're on a long-distance bus to Albany in the mid-90s. A screen for every seat and headphones that work.
If we get all those things, just maybe we will be happy enough to stay seated until it's time to get off the plane.
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There are few less pleasant ways to travel than by air. Perhaps if you have a private Gulfstream jet, it's a luxury. And no doubt sitting in the pointy end probably helps. But for the majority of us in cattle class, being shot through the sky in a metal tube is about as enjoyable as getting a root canal while watching a reality TV show called something like Extreme Podiatry Mishaps! hosted by James Corden. And that's just being on the plane. Before you even board you have to navigate check-in, security and paying $17.95 for the worst ham and cheese croissant of your life. No wonder we're all a little tetchy and rarely on our best behaviour in the sky. But all that is no excuse, according to the Turkish Directorate General of Civil Aviation, for engaging in that most egregious of air-travel sins. What's that? you ask. Kicking the seat in front of you? Watching a movie on your phone without headphones? Drinking 12 Bintangs in an hour and getting mouthy with the stewards? Ah, no. It is: prematurely standing up before it is your turn to disembark. Dubbing them 'aisle lice', the Turkish aviation authority released a statement saying that anyone caught standing while the plane was still taxiing down the runway, before the seatbelt sign had been turned off, or simply before it was their turn to shuffle off the plane, can now be issued with a fine. Although the authorities didn't specify an amount, Turkish media reported it as being about $US70 ($108). Grappling for your overhead luggage while your fellow passengers are still glued to the final moments of the in-flight film is pretty bad form, but will these airlines give us a break already? There is no excuse for bad behaviour, but continuously using the stick instead of the carrot is wearing thin. Maybe people wouldn't be so desperate to extract themselves from the plane while it's still several miles above Istanbul if being stuck on one wasn't only slightly better than travelling to your destination on a Segway being chased by lemurs. Very little leg room on a Segway. And terrible luggage allowance. And the lemurs always hog the moist towelettes. If airlines are going to start fining us for poor behaviour perhaps it's time us passengers rose up and turned the tables. Because there are a few things they could do a little better, too. I would have no hesitation issuing fines to airlines for the following misdeeds: Not cleaning the plane. Not to sound like a germaphobe, but when I take my seat I'd like it to not resemble the Great Pacific Garbage Patch or Missouri attraction Leila's Hair Museum. It's bad enough sharing recycled air with a couple of hundred strangers for a few hours; do we really need to lean into the seat sweat of the recently disembarked? Not serving food. Sure, some flights don't have a food service but if they do, dish it up! Don't just serve half the plane and then shrug and passive-aggressively chuck us some cheese and crackers because 'we ran out'. No in-flight entertainment. If a flight is more than three hours, there needs to be decent in-flight entertainment. And no, I'm not talking about those teeny tiny communal screens every six rows playing Mamma Mia! without sound like you're on a long-distance bus to Albany in the mid-90s. A screen for every seat and headphones that work. If we get all those things, just maybe we will be happy enough to stay seated until it's time to get off the plane.
