As an influencer, I invited followers into my life. Then a disturbing incident made me stop
When I started 'Meet You at the Barre', my online barre and strength platform, I had absolutely no idea what I was doing. I didn't have a microphone or a tripod. It was lockdown and I was home-schooling four children with a husband working full time. What I did have, however, was a gut feeling that midlife women deserved something better than the typical, punishment-heavy fitness content we're constantly bombarded with. I was 42 years old, I'd just completed a course that qualified me to teach barre, a form of exercise using the ballet barre, and I kept thinking: what if I could build something that actually works for women like me?
What I didn't realise, though, when my classes were picked up in an article about the best lockdown workouts and I started to get hundreds of people joining my workouts, is that an online business is a double-edged sword.
Success is rooted in you – your voice, your home, your energy – and when you're growing an account, particularly in the early days, you feel pressure to share more and more of your life. Instagram is a beast that constantly needs feeding.
At first, I tried to meet that pressure. There's something uniquely complicated about being a woman on social media – especially when you're trying to be 'relatable'. People start to feel like they know you. And in many ways, that's the point. I built my platform on honesty, warmth and realness – I didn't want some perfectly curated, robot-fitness influencer vibe. But sometimes, people confuse access with intimacy. And that's when things get uncomfortable.
I've had people message to let me know they think I've gained weight. How generous. Others have told me they don't like my outfit or that I'm looking tired. Shrugging off these kinds of remarks gets easier with time. But then there are the comments that make you pause. Such as the woman who messaged to say she'd spotted a logo on my child's school jumper and now knew where they go to school. Or the woman who recognised the hotel I was staying in from a photo and messaged, 'I live nearby – want to meet for a drink?' It was meant kindly, I'm sure. But it made me realise that by simply living my life online, I'd inadvertently given away more than I had intended.
I feel for Alexandra Saper, the Instagram blogger who was followed to Bali by a British man with a rope in his suitcase. He'd been harassing her for almost a year with emails and video messages: 'You're never getting rid of me,' he told her.
I've never experienced anything serious, thank goodness, but I've had to block people – especially men. When I was doing live workouts during lockdown, there was one guy, Charles, who showed up to every class with ridiculous comments. Thankfully, my followers had a great time taking the mickey out of him, but still – it was draining. And some men are persistent. They'll make a second or third account to keep watching you. That said, I think the majority of them steer clear – probably because what I do is clearly not aimed at them.
The only time I've ever pulled down a reel was a few years ago. It was a funny, chaotic snapshot of surviving the summer holidays with four young kids. I showed more of my personal life in that video than usual – my house, my children, the reality of daily life. Most people laughed and related, but a few came at me hard with judgments about my parenting, my privilege, even the layout of my kitchen. People are, of course, entitled to their opinions – but if you don't like what you're seeing, there's an unfollow button. I wish they wouldn't use their keyboards like a weapon.
That said, the community I've built gives me a great amount of joy. Today, I have more than 1,000 monthly members worldwide, almost 30,000 Instagram followers and a brilliant, loyal community of midlife women who want to move for joy, not guilt.When my dog ran away, one woman – a follower with a tracker dog – drove three counties to help me find him. I still can't believe that happened. And the number of DMs I get from people checking in when I've gone quiet for a few days – it's astonishing and humbling. Over time, I've made conscious changes, though. I don't share where I am until I've left. My teenagers want nothing to do with my feed – which is fair. And I'm a lot more careful now about what I show and whom I show.
This isn't out of fear – I'm not hiding behind the sofa – but it's awareness. You start noticing where the line is once someone's crossed it. I'm lucky I haven't experienced the full trolling storm that some of my peers deal with. But I've seen how comfortable people feel commenting on your face, your body, your choices – especially as a woman over 40. I haven't had any work done, but I've had messages comparing my face from old videos to now. Others slide in saying things such as, 'Your eyes look really puffy – are you OK?' It's framed as concern, but it's invasive.
There's this weird notion that once you've put yourself online, you've made yourself public property – and this idea seems to grow with your follower count. I have friends with much bigger accounts than mine who get relentlessly targeted. It's usually jealousy disguised as 'constructive feedback'. These are women doing creative, brave work – and getting penalised for daring to take up space.
Still, there's no part of me that wants to walk away. I've built something I'm deeply proud of – not just a business but a space where women feel seen, supported and reminded that they matter in midlife. We move together. We laugh. We cheer each other on. It's not just about the workouts – it's about being allowed to take up space and to do it unapologetically.
As told to Anna Tyzack
Broaden your horizons with award-winning British journalism. Try The Telegraph free for 1 month with unlimited access to our award-winning website, exclusive app, money-saving offers and more.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
20 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Tammy Hembrow and Matt Zukowski Split After 7 Months of Marriage
Originally appeared on E! Online Tammy Hembrow and Matt Zukowski are going their separate ways. Seven months after the Australian fitness influencer and the Love Island Australia alum tied the knot during an intimate ceremony in Byron Bay, the pair announced that they've decided to end their relationship. 'I wanted to finally tell you guys that I am going to be getting a divorce,' Tammy said during a June 21 video posted to TikTok. 'I know a lot of you have been following my journey for years so I wanted to be open about it.' Leaving out the details of their split as to not 'bring anyone down,' the 31-year-old went on to express her heartbreak over the situation. 'Did I think this was gonna happen? Did I want this? No,' she continued through tears. 'Obviously, when you marry someone, you do it thinking that it's gonna be forever. And I blame no one but myself, to be honest." More from E! Online Food Network's Duff Goldman Details Last Conversation With Anne Burrell Matthew McConaughey's 3 Kids Are His Spitting Images in Rare Family Photo What Happened to Dallas Cowboys Cheerleader Chandi Dayle? Americas Sweethearts Bahamas Scandal Explained "I feel like I've made not the best choices when it comes to relationships,' she added. 'I feel like I'm really good at putting on rose-colored glasses or just getting swept up in it all.' But while she made it clear that she was going to be okay, Tammy—who shares kids Wolf, 10, and Saskia, 8, with her ex Reece Hawkins as well as Posy, 3, with ex-boyfriend Matt Poole—said that the 'worst part' of her and Matt's separation is the effect it might have on her little ones. So, she decided to focus on spending time with her kids and enjoying 'all the good things in my life' moving forward. 'At the end of the day, I know this is what needs to happen,' she admitted. 'There's no other option.' For his part, the reality star—who proposed to Tammy in 2023 after just three months of dating—confirmed their breakup with a social media message that same day. 'It's with a heavy heart I share that Tammy and I have decided to separate,' Matt wrote on his Instagram Stories June 21. 'Both of us have struggled with making this decision however, we need to do what is right for ourselves and her 3 children.' 'This wasn't a decision we took lightly,' the 29-year-old added. 'Our time together will always be cherished and never forgotten.' Keep reading to see other star couples who have called it quits in 2025. Grant Ellis & Juliana Pasquarosa Lydia Gonzalez & Milton JohnsonSasha Farber & Jenn TranScott Wolf & Kelley WolfDakota Johnson & Chris MartinRyan Lochte & Kayla Rae ReidRomeo Beckham & Kim TurnbullFortune Feimster & Jacquelyn "Jax" SmithMatt Bolton & Colleen ReedJoJo Siwa & Kath EbbsSavannah Chrisley & Robert ShiverRami Malek & Emma CorrinGleb Savchenko & Brooks NaderMark Cuevas & Aubrey RaineySydney Sweeney & Jonathan DavinoHolly Madison & Zak BagansSia & Dan BernardEmily Osment & Jack AnthonySimone Ashley & Tino KleinValerie Bertinelli & Mike GoodnoughLily Allen & David HarbourMamie Gummer & Mehar SethiShemar Moore & Jesiree DizonAngelina Pivarnick & Vinny Tortorella For the latest breaking news updates, click here to download the E! News App
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Are you a fan of Matcha? I may have found the best café for it in Colchester
Are you a fan of Matcha? I may have found the best café for it in Colchester I'VE never understood the hype around matcha. There, I said it. Every so often, I give it another try — convinced by glowing Instagram posts and gushing recommendations — only to be met with yet another overly bitter, grassy disappointment. But scrolling past yet another story of someone sipping a bright green iced latte on a sunny terrace finally pushed me to make one last attempt. This time, I headed to Ella's Ca Phe House on Sir Isaac's Walk — and I'm glad I did. Ella's ca phe house (Image: Newsquest Reporter) A well-known Vietnamese café and restaurant in the heart of Colchester, Ella's has already earned a loyal following for its coffee — so I figured, if anyone can change my mind about matcha, it's them. ADVERTISEMENT I ordered their Strawberry Matcha Latte (£6.50) and, to my surprise, it was fantastic. Strawberry matcha (Image: Newsquest Reporter) Light, creamy, not overly sweet, and without that overpowering grassy flavour I usually dread. The strawberry and matcha actually complemented each other — a rare feat, in my experience. While sipping on my very first enjoyable matcha, I scanned the menu and decided to try something more: their Pork Banh Mi (£9.50). A traditional Vietnamese sandwich, it arrived crisp, fresh, and absolutely packed with flavour — tender pork, crunchy pickled veg, and a kick of spice nestled in a perfectly baked baguette. Banh mi sandwich (Image: Newsquest Reporter) It was easily one of the best things I've eaten in town this month. The venue itself is just as vibrant as the flavours. The décor is colourful and full of personality, with a warm and welcoming vibe. The staff are lovely — friendly, attentive, and clearly passionate about what they serve. ADVERTISEMENT The gorgeous interiors (Image: Newsquest Reporter) It's no wonder the place is always buzzing. With summer here, I have no doubt Ella's will continue to be a go-to hotspot in Colchester. From refreshing drinks to flavour-packed bites, it's a café that delivers — even for the matcha sceptics among us. So if you, like me, have never been sold on the green stuff, give it one more go at Ella's. You might just be converted.
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
Former Corrie star says her 'heart is broken' after she 'lost everything' in devastating fire
A former Coronation Street star has said her 'heart is broken' after her beauty business was destroyed in a devastating fire. Georgia May Foote, who played Katy Armstrong in the ITV soap, has been working as a nail technician for the last four years, and recently revealed her business was one of a number affected by a huge blaze at a storage unit in Middleton. In a post on Instagram, Georgia told fans she has 'lost everything in the fire'. She added the unit is now set for demolition, saying it is 'the hardest situation for many of us to be in' and thanking generous members of the public for their donations and messages. READ MORE: M6 traffic: Lanes CLOSED following crash READ MORE: Road closed as FIVE people rushed to hospital following crash "Unfortunately the building is now about to be demolished, my heart is broken," she wrote. "I was to first of all say how sorry I am to anyone who has lost even a single item in that fire. I can't imagine how those who have things that can't be replaced feel. I'm so sorry." The actress previously posted on the social media app sharing an appeal on behalf of others who had lost their livelihoods in the blaze. In her latest post, she continued: "I posted my last reel as an appeal to help us all get back to work as soon as possible, without us working we can't buy stock, without stock we can't work. It's the hardest situation for so many of us to be in. With our whole place of work and tools gone and families to feed and bills to pay. Join the Manchester Evening News WhatsApp group HERE "I aimed to raise 10k not thinking for a second we would bet this support! But here we are passing 10k! "There are 12 of us affected by this who work in the beauty industry and every penny will be evenly distributed to help us get back where we were. View this post on Instagram A post shared by Georgia May Foote (@georgiamay112) "Thank you for everything that has been donated too!"She added a plea to ask people to continue donating to those who had lost businesses in the fire. "PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE keep donating. We have all lost thousands each and this will help us so much. Links in bio! "If you have another business that has been affected from this fire and you want me to help you with your fundraisers please get in touch." Georgia shared a link to a JustGiving page where people can donate to those affected by the fire.
