Schools urged to stop serving ham due to bowel cancer risk

Schools should stop serving sausage rolls and ham sandwiches due to their 'concerning' link with bowel cancer, a report has warned.
The Food Foundation charity said schools should axe processed meat after revealing over a third (36 per cent) of meat eaten by children in the UK is processed.
Ham is the most common meat used in school lunches, followed by sausages and sausage rolls at number five, according to the report.
'The current regulations for schools to serve meat three days a week should be relaxed,' the report, based on NHS diet surveys, warned.
'Guidance should recommend removing or limiting the amount of processed meat being served to schoolchildren.'
Processed meat is meat that has been preserved by smoking, curing, salting or adding preservatives. This includes sausages, bacon and ham, as well as chicken nuggets.
The charity said the amount of this kind of food eaten by Britain's youngsters was 'concerning' due to a greater risk of developing a number of chronic diseases including bowel cancer.
Rebecca Tobi, a manager at the foundation, told The Times: 'The UK's food system is rigged against parents trying to feed their families healthy foods, with processed meat an affordable and all too available option when eating out of the home.
'As a nation we are eating too much processed meat, despite a very strong body of evidence linking it to a host of chronic diseases.'
Early onset bowel cancer in those aged 25 to 49 is increasing globally, but England is among the countries with the biggest rise, averaging a 3.6 per cent increase every year, Cancer Research UK experts said.
Last year, Michelle Mitchell, chief executive of Cancer Research UK, said: 'A cancer diagnosis at any age has a huge impact on patients and their families.
'While it's important to note that rates in younger adults are still very low compared to people over 50, we need to understand what's causing this trend in younger people.'
Symptoms include changes in your poo, such as having softer poo, diarrhoea or constipation that is not usual for you, according to the NHS.
Blood in your poo, which may look red or black, as well as tummy pain, a lump in your tummy, bloating and losing weight without trying are symptoms.

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Daily Mail​

21 minutes ago

• Daily Mail​

Fast-track suicide if you pay extra, discount deals for couples and you don't even have to be terminally ill: Inside Germany's morally queasy approach to assisted dying where business is booming for the pedlars of euthanasia

Last week, the UK's highest elected officials ruled on the most existential of questions: how we choose to die. At its third reading, the Assisted Dying Bill passed the Commons by a slim majority of 23 votes, and now its fate lies with the Lords, where it faces a bumpy ride before it becomes law. The upper chamber, for instance, will examine if a three-person panel of professionals (from law, psychiatry and social work) offers greater safety and oversight in approving a patient's application to die than a High Court judge, as was originally proposed. Peers will have at their disposal the grim cost-benefit analysis to the NHS in accelerating the deaths of the terminally ill, released last month under the cover of the local election results. According to the report, as many as 1,300 people are expected to apply to die in the first year, saving as much as £10million in medical bills. But can the health service cope with this demand, especially as NHS staff will be offered an opt-out from the ugly business of state-sponsored suicide? No doubt private health providers are already bending the ears of peers for a slice of the death industry pie. It would be tempting to allow private enterprise to take some of the strain, but I urge the Lords to look at how business seized the opportunity with morally queasy gusto in my native land, Germany, where some firms offer a 'fast track' service for people who can pay more and even special discounts to couples wishing to hasten their demise. Pictured: Pedestrians walk past the posters promoting the Assisted Dying bill at Westminster Underground station In Germany, anyone 18 or over can lawfully commit suicide with the help of a third party. Yes, anyone. There is no requirement for the person to be six months from death, nor is there any specification over having a life-limiting or debilitating illness (as in the UK Bill). A perfectly healthy university student can seek help to kill themselves for no better reason than they are fed up with life. Hannelore Kring, 83, is typical of Germany's liberal approach to assisted suicide. A recording of her death featured in a podcast by news broadcaster WDR and it is a spine-chilling reminder of how relaxed my countrymen are about dying. At an undertaker's, Frau Kring is accompanied by two 'death helpers' – a nurse and retired teacher – and sounds relieved her life will end in a matter of minutes. Dressed in black and with make-up, as if attending a party, she suggests a dance with the nurse. Indeed, she is not ill, she is as healthy as anyone in their 80s. She has run a second-hand men's boutique in Hamburg but feels life's no longer worth living. She's lonely, all her friends have died and the state of the world depresses her. The helpers ask if she really wants to go through with it. 'Absolutely!' she replies enthusiastically. The nurse hooks her up to an infusion of a lethal dose of narcotics – a 'suicide cocktail'. She merely has to turn a valve, letting the toxic chemicals enter her bloodstream, putting her to sleep for ever. It's important she takes the final step herself, otherwise the helpers could be charged with manslaughter. Assisted suicides like this have been fully legal in Germany since 2020, although legislation has been a generation in the making. After the Second World War the subject was largely taboo, in no small part due to revulsion at the Nazis' Aktion T4 programme, which entailed the 'mercy killing' of 300,000 disabled people. By the 1970s and 1980s, a push for more patient autonomy led to court decisions in 1984 and 1990 that ensured suffering, bed-ridden people had the right to stop treatments that prolonged their lives. With the 2009 Patient Directive Law, people could include such instructions in a living will if they became incapacitated. This gave legal protections to doctors offering assisted suicide. But then the public grew uneasy at what seemed a creeping commercialisation of the right to die. Healthcare is not free at the point of use in Germany, so the nation is more comfortable than the UK with private provision within the system. But only up to a point. Many were appalled in 2014 when a Berlin urologist Uwe-Christian Arnold revealed he had helped 'several hundred people' take their lives since the late 1990s for fees of up to €10,000. Christian groups accused him of undermining the sanctity of life. The German Medical Association threatened him with a €50,000 fine, saying doctors should prolong life, not give their patients lethal poisons. Arnold took them to court over the fine and won. Also in 2014, a right-to-die association in Hamburg caused uproar for offering fast-track assisted suicide consultations in exchange for higher membership fees. Its normal rate was €2,000, with a waiting time of a year, but it introduced a jump-the-queue service for €7,000. Other providers offered discounts for couples interested in dying together. These were grisly bargains that lead many to regard Germany as a Las Vegas of suicide, which was anathema to a country that saw itself as otherwise Christian and conservative. Church groups took to Berlin's streets as legislators sought to crack down on the industry. Arnold and others passionately defended their businesses. The 'death helpers' argued the issue was comparable to abortion: a ban would be unfair to the terminally ill, who shouldn't have to travel to places like Switzerland to end their lives with dignity. The debate ended with parliament banning 'commercial' assisted suicide under Chancellor Angela Merkel in 2015. Subsequently, only friends and relatives who received no money for their assistance could help someone end their life. Legal challenges were launched by right-to-die advocates and people suffering terminal illnesses. In a 2020 judgement, the Constitutional Court said the freedoms enshrined in the country's post-war constitution meant 'the decision to take one's own life must be respected by the state as an act of personal autonomy'. Those who had been put out of work by the previous ruling were free to ply their trade once again. Five years after that decision, it feels like we're back to the Wild West of pre-2015. Assisted suicide in Germany is an unregulated free-for-all. A slew of undertakers, lawyers and independent doctors are facilitating a rising toll of assisted deaths. Last year it was about 1,000, though no one is keeping exact figures. Likewise there's no central registry of providers. Nearly anyone can set up shop. The largest player in the business is the German Association for Humane Dying (DGHS), which charges €4,000 a suicide but offers a discounted €6,000 for couples. It says that of the 623 people for whom it arranged suicide last year (it forwards requests to independent teams of doctors and lawyers), 22 per cent were just 'fed up with life'. Two-thirds were female. DGHS spokesperson Wega Wetzel says: 'Women are more likely to be widowed and 'left over' than men. Women are more likely to plan and communicate, while men often choose 'hard' suicide methods such as hanging.' Equally worrying is the fact that nothing prevents young people from choosing the path of assisted suicide. The youngest case I heard of was a 21-year-old man. The only requirement spelled out by the court was that the person be 'freely responsible' for their decision. At least DGHS, to maintain its reputation, has doctors and lawyers screen applicants to ensure they understand what they're getting into, that they're not being coerced and that they do not show symptoms of mental illness or dementia. But nobody knows how many independent providers are making money with assisted suicide. Nobody knows how they are screening clients, particularly in the more affordable services where standards may be lower. A study last month in the British Medical Journal analysed 77 assisted suicides in Munich. It found that one patient's consultation with a clinic lasted 55 minutes and the death was booked for the next day. The assisting physician in another case was a relative of the patient. In a 2022 case, the suicidal person was judged of sound mind based on a five-year-old mental capacity evaluation. But there is still broad support for the right to die: 80 per cent of Germans feel it's appropriate for the critically ill. But just 30 per cent say it should be available to people with a long life ahead of them, and only 3 per cent for young people having a crisis. Ute Lewitzska, professor for suicide studies at Frankfurt University, sees a fundamental change in how we deal with growing old. 'Supply creates demand,' she says. 'The 2020 court decision didn't just open a crack in the door, it flung the door wide open – and we're not going to be able to close that door again.' The fear is a normalisation of assisted suicide. For some it's a humane way to end one's life; for others it's an easy solution to suffering that's being oversold. Dr Lukas Radbruch, director of palliative care at University Clinic Bonn, has worked with end-of-life patients for three decades. He says many more now ask about assisted suicide but 'so many people are not sufficiently informed. Or we have doubts about how voluntary their choice is. Or we realise they still want to live, even if they say they want to die.' Sometimes a suicidal person needs counselling, not the means to kill themselves. Where do you draw the line? Dr Radbruch asks. In 2023 the German parliament tried to hammer out rules to provide clearer guidance, but MPs couldn't reach a consensus. Like many in the West, Germany seems destined to grope its way through this ethical minefield with no transparent way forward that is satisfactory for all. I do not envy the task ahead for Britain's Lords. My country's experience offers a salutary lesson that for the Bill to become law, they must make black and white what is a painfully grey issue.

The Sun

28 minutes ago

• The Sun

Rise in dangerous summer TikTok ‘wellness' trend that puts Gen Z girls at risk of cancer or even death

EVERY morning, Taylor Lyttle heads to a local beauty salon for a 15-minute sunbed session. After topping up her already deep-mahogany tan, at a cost of £13, the 21 year old then scrolls TikTok to check if her skin is darker than all of her sunbed-using friends. 6 'If I see someone online darker than me, I get annoyed. I love how I look with a tan, it boosts my confidence and I feel more attractive,' she says. Taylor, a hairdresser from Belfast, adds that she's aware of the risks of sunbed use, including skin cancer, but isn't too worried. 'I'm very healthy. I eat well, I look after myself. I've never had any issues since I started using sunbeds five years ago. "I think of it as me-time – it's relaxing and reduces my stress,' she says. Like countless other Gen Z girls aged 13-28, Taylor spends hours scrolling posts on TikTok with hashtags like #tanned, #sunnyd and #whatmakesyouhappy, often featuring users bathed in blue UV light. 'It's a problem, but I'd rather die hot than live ugly I guess #yolo #lol #sunbed,' reads one caption. Meanwhile, influencers on the platform claim tanning beds can do everything from boost vitamin D levels to improve your mental health. Not only are many of these claims unproven, some are entirely false, and charities are concerned that marketing tanning as a 'wellness' trend is driving Gen Z girls and women to sunbeds – risking their health, and even death, from skin cancer. It's big money, too, with the UK's largest tanning chain, The Tanning Shop, growing by 40% since 2018. Alarming time-lapse video reveals how tiny 'dark patch' morphs into melanoma 'Social media encourages us – we look at people's tans online and it gets competitive' Taylor has been using sunbeds since she was 16, even though it's illegal under the age of 18. 'No one ever checked my age,' she says. 'I just paid my money and went in. I guess I was self-conscious about my pale skin and I don't have a lot of confidence. "It's something that helps me. My mum knew I was doing it, but she didn't mind.' It's a social thing as well – we'll often meet at the sunbed salon then have coffee or lunch afterwards. Taylor Lyttle She adds: 'Now, I go most days, spending over £200 month to get my fix. I also use nasal tanning sprays [which contain synthetic hormones such as Melanotan II and are sprayed directly into the nostrils to stimulate the production of melanin and darken the skin], before each session, which I get for £25 from a friend.' Last month, Trading Standards issued a warning that tanning nasal sprays could cause 'nausea, vomiting, high blood pressure and even changes in mole shape and size,' and urged users to be cautious about unlicensed sprays bought online. However, Taylor insists she's never suffered any side effects, and plans to continue using them. 'Social media encourages us,' she says. 'I don't post photos of myself, but we all look at people's tans and it gets competitive. "We watch videos about how to boost your tan and most of us use tanners like nasal sprays. "It's a social thing as well – we'll often meet at the sunbed salon then have coffee or lunch afterwards.' Dr Björn Thomas, a consultant dermatologist and lead for melanoma at Guys' and St Thomas' Hospital, London, is seeing a rising number of young patients. 'We're no longer surprised to see someone aged 19 or 20 with melanoma,' he says. 'Often, they've had lots of exposure to sunbeds. It's an increasing trend among younger generations.' Dr Thomas said there is 'minimal' evidence emerging that a small amount of UV light is good for you. 'The reality is, sunbeds are not safe,' he says. 'The carcinogenic, cancer-causing effect could be significantly higher than if you are getting ambient sunlight out and about. Melanoma is a very common cancer – it has the ability to spread and kill patients. It is a very serious diagnosis and the knock-on effect to your life could be devastating.' Risks of sunbeds THE promise of a constant glowing tan is too tempting for some people to deny. But while popping to the sunbed shop may seem harmless, people who use tanning beds should be aware of the risks. Approximately 10 per cent of the population of Northern Europe use sunbeds on a regular basis, the World Health Organization says. Some people use them for years on end, accumulating risk of serious disease. We are here to give you the lowdown on sunbeds and if they are safe to use. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), sunbeds are as dangerous as smoking. Like the sun, they give out harmful UV rays that damage the DNA in your skin cells. Over time, this may lead to malignant melanoma - the deadliest form of skin cancer - studies have shown. According to the International Agency for Research on Cancer (IARC), there is significant evidence to show that using tanning beds causes melanoma. They report that sunbeds increase the risk of skin cancer by up to 20 per cent, and also state that they have no positive benefits to our health. Cancer Research back this statistic, adding that " there is no such thing as a safe tan from UV radiation". One study found that sunbeds can almost double the risk of cancer compared to never using them - with women 83 per cent more likely to develop the disease. While some people think tanning beds are safer than sitting out in the midday sun, according to Cancer Research, the risk is still twice as high when compared to spending the same amount of time in the Mediterranean sun at lunch time. The Sunbed Association claim there is not enough evidence to link sunbed use with melanoma, adding: "It is over-exposure and burning that will increase a risk of skin cancer, not responsible UV exposure." But the WHO says: "The majority of tanning parlours provide inadequate advice to their customers. "The use of eye protection such as goggles or sunglasses should be mandatory. "However, as sunbed users aim to have an even tan, they often decide against protecting any part of their body." Referring to the link with skin cancer, the world health experts add: "Sunbeds for self-tanning purposes have been available for the last two decades and due to the long latency period for skin cancer and eye damage it has been difficult so far to demonstrate any long-term health effects. "Even though the causes of malignant melanoma are not fully understood, tumour development appears to be linked to occasional exposure to intense sunlight. "Sunbeds subject their users to intermittent high exposures of UVA and UVB radiation – this may provide the ideal setting for the development of malignant skin cancer. "However, the few epidemiological studies that have been carried out to date have not provided any consistent results." Despite the WHO's cautious stance on the skin cancer link, it discourages the use of sunbeds, quoting an expert who said the use of tanning parlours is like "an industrial-scale radiation exposure experiment". Regardless of skin cancer, sunbeds don't just have long-term health risks. Users have reported a range of short-term symptoms including itching, dryness and redness of skin, freckling and photosensitivity. Common outcomes in the longer term, especially in fair-skinned people, may involve blistering of the skin. " Sagging and wrinkling of the skin are an almost certain price to be paid by frequent sunbed users", the WHO says - not quite the outcome you hope for when going to the sunbed shop for a beautiful, youthful look. Georgia Edwards was diagnosed with melanoma when she was just 19, after finding a bloody mole on her thigh. She'd been using sunbeds for three years. 'I was really young and loved having a tan without the faff of getting all messy using fake tan,' recalls Georgia, now 27, from Horley, Surrey. 'My friends and I would go together for 10 minutes and you'd feel like you'd gone to Spain and back. It became addictive.' Even though she was at school when she started, like Taylor, she says she was never asked for ID. I was called back in and there was a consultant and a Macmillan nurse – I knew it wasn't good news and broke down. Georgia Edwards 'I just put my card into the machine and selected how many minutes I wanted. "I was going three or four times a week, but I could have gone twice a day if I'd wanted. No one stopped me.' Georgia showed her GP the affected mole in March 2017, after going to the doctor for a chest infection, and was immediately referred. After a biopsy, she was diagnosed with stage two melanoma that May. 'I was called back in and there was a consultant and a Macmillan nurse – I knew it wasn't good news and broke down.' Georgia, who works in a rehabilitation centre for children with brain injuries, was referred to London's Royal Marsden Hospital for treatment. 6 6 She had two surgeries to remove the cancer. Fortunately, it hadn't spread. 'I had a wide, local incision to cut out the mole and surrounding area as it was quite deep in my skin and close to the lymph nodes,' she says. 'I have a 12cm scar on my leg and, eight years later, I'm still regularly checked as there's a high risk of it returning. 'I was young and naive. I thought it wouldn't happen to me. That was my mindset. Young people simply aren't aware of the dangers, and in years to come there's going to be a mass of people getting diagnosed. "Influencers promoting sunbeds have no idea of the dangers, they don't realise it could cost someone their life.' 'I lost my sister and best friend to sunbed use' Jessica Crowe knows only too well the the pain sunbeds can bring. Her sister Tazmyn spoke to Fabulous in 2021 after being diagnosed with skin cancer in 2014. The mum of three died in March 2023, aged just 31, having used sunbeds up to twice a day when she was younger. 'When we were teenagers, Tazmyn would use them all the time,' recalls Jessica, 31, a healthcare assistant and mum to Poppi, 14, and Memphis-Cub, two. 'I went with her a couple of times, but I'd just burn, so I stopped going. She was the tanned one and she loved it. "But after her diagnosis, she'd often say: 'Why did I do it?' She immediately stopped using them and regretted ever having gone on one.' Five years after her diagnosis, the cancer returned to her lymph nodes – reaching stage three. "Pregnant with her third child at the time, Tazmyn delivered her son 10 weeks prematurely in order to have further cancer treatment, almost losing him to a pulmonary haemorrhage. Tragically, despite further surgery and medication, Tazmyn's cancer spread, progressing to stage four, and in March 2023 she passed away, leaving her children Dillyn-Angel, 14, Saylor-Doll, 11, and Boss, five, to grow up without their mother. Still grieving, Jessica, from Northern Ireland, says she finds social media posts advocating sunbed use and tan-boosting products distressing. 'It makes me so sad and angry. They make it sound like having a sunbed is harmless, when it's not. "As a family, we learned that the hardest way. Everything that Tazmyn went through began with sunbed use. "I was devastated when we lost her. I still am. She wasn't just my sister, but my best friend. 'My daughter would never use a sunbed, as she knows what happened to her aunt, but her friends do – some are only 13. "They are easily influenced by TikTok and Instagram.' This high-intensity UVA radiation can lead to genetic changes and mutations over time, which can build up and increase the risk of skin cancer. Susanna Daniels, CEO of Melanoma Focus The charity Melanoma Focus recently revealed that almost a third of people aged 16 and over in the UK use sunbeds, and that figure rises to 52% among 18-21 year olds. "More worryingly, only 47% of that age group understood that sunbeds increase their risk of skin cancer – and 20% even believed it could decrease the risk. 'These figures are really concerning,' says Susanna Daniels, CEO of Melanoma Focus. 'There is a swathe of misinformation on social media. Rather than being good for your health and increasing levels of vitamin D, as some influencers claim, most sunbeds mainly emit UVA radiation – which damages the DNA in skin cells – rather than UVB, which is required for vitamin D production. 'This high-intensity UVA radiation can lead to genetic changes and mutations over time, which can build up and increase the risk of skin cancer. In 2009, the International Agency for Research on Cancer classified UV radiation from commercial tanning beds as a type 1 carcinogen – putting it in the same category as smoking and asbestos,' explains Susanna. 'As a charity, we are very concerned about this widespread misinformation circulating on social media. "This has been on the rise in recent years and it may be leading people to make harmful choices.' Despite hearing stories like Tazmyn's, Taylor says she has no plans to ditch her TikTok tan any time soon. 'I sometimes worry about the risk and I do check my moles, but I'm young and I put it to the back of my mind,' she confesses. 'People drink, smoke, vape or eat junk food. Lots of things we do are bad, but we do it anyway. For me, a tan is worth the risk.' 'If young people aren't making the right choices, we need to help them' Meanwhile, Jessica has a very different message. 'I'd like to see sunbeds banned like they are in other countries such as Australia, or at least some restrictions so they are not promoted online,' she says. 'When you're young, you don't think about the risks, but if young people aren't making the right choices, we need to help them.' 'Skin cancer took my sister from me and robbed her children of their mother. "My message to young women is: please stop using sunbeds, and ignore these influencers promoting them. Your life is worth more than a tan.' Call the Melanoma helpline on 0808 801 0777, 1-2pm and 7-9pm Monday-Friday, 7-9pm on Sundays ( 6 6

The Sun

28 minutes ago

• The Sun

I'm feeling guilty about all the casual sex I've been having and worry my daughters will do the same

DEAR DEIDRE: BEING desired by men used to make me feel so powerful and good about myself, but recently I've been feeling guilty about all the casual sex I've been having. I'm 28 and a single mother to two daughters, aged seven and three. I support us all by myself and we have a nice life. They are my everything and yet I spend so much money on babysitters so I can go out on casual dates. I wake up in the morning thinking, 'Never again'. Then I'm straight back on the apps, looking for my next hook-up. Last year I met a man I really hoped would be The One. He seemed kind and caring, and I got to know him slowly before we had sex. When we finally did, I cried because it was both passionate and loving. A few months later, my best friend found him on Tinder still. Relationships have never been easy for me. I get very clingy and emotional — boyfriends don't stick around long. But I've always loved sex, mainly because it makes me feel so good about myself, for a short time at least. I met my girls' father when I was only 18 and got pregnant by accident. We tried to make the relationship work but we had nothing in common. My sex drive was much higher than his and the constant rejection ruined my confidence. When we split up, I had one-night stands to reassert my independence. I thought it would be a phase but I'm finding it impossible to stop. I'm constantly looking for sex and I almost don't care who it's with. But I'm worried my daughters will grow up to do the same. Dear Deidre: Understanding why your man's gone off sex DEIDRE SAYS: A craving to be desired is often a sign of low self-esteem, which usually develops at a young age. You don't say what growing up was like for you, or how you were treated as a child, but it may be the root cause of your feelings. It might also explain your attachment style and why you feel so vulnerable in relationships. The good news is, being a loving mother will help your own daughters grow up with a more secure foundation. You're not failing your daughters. You are raising both of them by yourself, which is no easy task. Build up your self-confidence to help break the habit of seeking meaningless sex. I'm sending you my support packs on Raising Self-esteem and Finding The Right Partner For You. I know you're wary, believing you'll never find love. That's understandable after all you've been through. But you still have plenty of time to find the right person. MY DOUBTS OVER GIRL'S PARENTAGE I HAVE doubts over who is the father of my granddaughter. My daughter is 28 and I'm her father. She'd been dating her current partner – a lovely lad, a builder, aged 30 – for only a couple of months when she got pregnant last year. It was a shock to both of them, but he stepped up. They all live together now and seem very happy. But the baby looks nothing like him. And I mean nothing. She has bright ginger hair, blue eyes and very pale skin. My daughter's boyfriend has black hair, green eyes and sallow skin. But you know who does have ginger hair? My daughter's old next-door neighbour. I never liked him. He's much older than my daughter and seemed to live a sketchy life, full of 'deals' and far-fetched stories. My daughter liked him, though, and they often met for coffee or went shopping. He has money – I don't know where from – and was always helping her out financially. He's the spitting image of my granddaughter and I can't help but assume he's the father. I daren't say anything in case I spark a family rift, but I think my daughter's partner deserves the truth. He's working all hours to support them, while the neighbour swans around like nothing's happened. I asked my daughter if she'd ever had a fling with her old neighbour and she looked at me in horror. She swore on her daughter's life that nothing had ever happened. But I don't know. Each child gets half their genes from each parent, and the final combination can be unexpected. It's not unusual for parents to have a child who looks nothing like either of them. Appearances can change over time, too. Your daughter's partner might seem darker-skinned, but his outdoorsy job could just have tanned him. And babies' eyes often look blue when they're born, but can change during the first year. It wouldn't be wise to go storming in and would probably damage your relationship with your daughter. You're right in thinking you might spark a family feud if you voice your doubts again. You risk setting the couple against each other too, at a time when they need to be united for your granddaughter's sake. Your role is to support your family, not create conflict. DUMPING HIM OVER SEX I'M so sick of my boyfriend turning me down for sex, I've decided to dump him. The final straw happened tonight. We don't live together – we're both 22 – so I texted him a sexy message, asking if I should pop over for some fun. His reply? 'I've just put my tea on.' What red-blooded man would rather watch a ready-meal in the microwave than have sex with his girlfriend? After that, I realised we are only ever intimate when he initiates it. I sent him a long message explaining how hurt I felt, and he simply replied, 'OK.' That's it. He's blocked. DEIDRE SAYS: You're understandably upset. Sex should be a loving act enjoyed by both of you, not something only he can initiate. He sounds like he is keen to keep everything on his terms. If you want to work on this then meet up to discuss how he feels about your relationship, explain how rejected you feel. You won't get any answers by blocking him. My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, explains more. FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY son's real dad got back in touch, so I'll have to finally tell my son about him. I'm 45, my son is 15. He thinks my husband, who is also 45, is his father. He's not. His real dad is a man I had a fling with, who vanished as soon as I got pregnant. Two years later, I met my husband, and we became a family. I was always waiting for the right time to break the news. Every time I'd gathered the courage to tell my son the truth, a crisis would get in the way. I was ill, then we had to move house, then Covid. The years flew by. I'd resigned myself to breaking the news on my son's 18th birthday, but then my ex got back in touch out of the blue. He wants to see our son. I don't think I can deny him that. But we're in the middle of another crisis. My husband had an affair three years ago and I'm struggling to get over it. My son is already shaken by the bad atmosphere so I don't feel I can shake his world further. DEIDRE SAYS: It is good that you plan to tell your son about his biological dad as secrets do have a way of coming out. You can handle this in a way that minimises the stress on everyone. The first step is to sort things out with your husband. Counselling – ideally as a couple, but individually if necessary – is a good way to process issues like infidelity. It lets you work through all your feelings and then find a way to move past them. I realise you're finding it hard to forgive your husband but remember, forgiveness is something you do for you, not anyone else. It's not letting him off the hook, it's giving yourself permission to move forwards. When it comes to revealing the news to your son, you can find advice through Family Lives ( 0808 800 2222). Talking to him is going to be difficult, and only you can decide when the right time is. But impress upon him that your husband has always been there for him and loves him unconditionally.