Latest from Cosmopolitan
Cosmopolitan
an hour ago
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
'Sorry Emily Ratajkowski, but having 'zero straight men in your life' is actually your loss'
The unspoken understanding of a shared holiday wardrobe. A knowing look when it's time to leave the pub and grab an Uber home. A constant stream of communication, support, and love. It's true what they say about female friendships: they often are the strongest, most important relationships of your life. The ones that see you through both the highs and the lows; those that are there to soak in the ecstasy of celebrations, but also to scoop you up off the floor when things get rough. But Emily Ratajkowksi has still got it wrong when it comes to cutting straight male friends out of her life. In a recent interview with Elle UK, the 34-year-old model revealed she was refusing to 'centre men' right now, and instead was purposefully only spending time with women and queer friends. 'I still like men,' she said, before adding: 'I just have zero straight men in my life, unless they're a romantic interest. In the hierarchy of needs, that's at the top of the pyramid, which is nice. [Men are] pleasure and fun, but not a part of my core. The rest of my life is community with other women and queer people, and being a mum.' Look, I get it. As a woman who has been constantly berated on the internet for her 'overtly sexual nature', and labelled as a sex symbol by every mainstream media outlet under the sun, it makes sense for EmRata to want to distance herself from the male gaze; to not let men define her. It's why she wrote her 2021 book, My Body, a deeply personal investigation into both the commodification of the female form and sexuality, but also her own nuanced experience of how she — and her physical body — are perceived, scrutinised, and commented on in the public eye. But to totally remove herself from any interaction with a straight male — 'unless they're a romantic interest' — is to lose out on so much that there is to gain from these relationships. The joy that a platonic male friend can bring: the alternate view point, the differing experiences of the world, and the idea that you can connect with someone of another gender in a genuinely fulfilling (but non-sexual) way. Of course, I'm sure she's getting this from the queer community, and from other women. I have no doubt she is surrounded by interesting, kind, and funny people — and these friendships are important. And beautiful! Fulfilling! Amazing! But to dismiss a whole category of potential connections based on their gender seems reductive, and, quite frankly, a loss. Some of my best friends are male. My school friends, Ed and Ben, who I've known for almost 15 years; my husband's best men, Dan and Gaz. The idea of distancing myself from them based on their gender diminishes the importance of connection; of finding another personality you properly gel with — and also pushes the outdated relic that men and women can't 'just' be friends. There's also the suggestion that men, for EmRata, are just 'pleasure and fun', and serve no purpose beyond serving her needs. Sexual gratification, sure, but emotional connection, a shared sense of humour, or seeking advice over a shared bowl of chips? Nah, she's good. This narrative seeks to create further divide between the genders at a time when we need more open communication than ever. Recent data from King's College London found that 57% of Gen Z (aged 13 to 28) men believe women's rights have gone so far that men are now actively being discriminated against (with 36% of Gen Z women agreeing with that statement too). Surely we should be encouraging young people to talk to each other; to gain an emotional understanding of differing gender's points of view, and not further push this dynamic of division? I'd argue the men I know who nurture their female friendships make for better partners, because of their increased understanding. Who wouldn't want more of that in the world? In a sense, I get what Ratajkowksi is saying: female and queer friendships are joyful, supportive, and filled with love. But there's no reason why relationships with men shouldn't be like this too (and why we can't have both.) Maybe she just hasn't met my friends Ed and Ben yet. Dusty Baxter-Wright is an award-winning journalist and the Entertainment and Lifestyle Director at Cosmopolitan, having previously worked at Sugarscape. She was named one of PPA's 30 Under 30 for her work covering pop culture, careers, interiors and travel, and oversees the site's Entertainment and Lifestyle strategy across print, digital and video. As a journalist for the best part of a decade, she has interviewed everyone from Louis Theroux and Channing Tatum to Margot Robbie and Ncuti Gatwa, while she has also spoken on Times Radio and BBC Radio. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram here.
Cosmopolitan
2 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
Police reveal plan to keep women safe this summer, amid a rise in violence at concerts
After witnessing a small but significant enough rise in violence against women and girls during Taylor Swift's Eras tour last summer, the Metropolitan Police is upping its presence and tactics at large music venues and nearby transport hubs over the coming months. Last night, there was an increased number of police at Dua Lipa's Wembley Stadium performance. The force say this decision is just one part of their wider strategy to help end violence against women and girls, in line with the government's pledge to halve incidents by 2034. 'Why concerts? Well, in large part, because of what we saw last summer with Taylor Swift coming to London,' said Ben Russell, Deputy Assistant Commissioner leading on the scheme, when speaking to Cosmopolitan UK. 'We police festivals and events in London every day, but we're talking about over 3 million people coming to stadiums. It's a big undertaking and presents different challenges from a policing perspective.' Police have pledged an additional 5,000 officer shifts to help boost awareness of their presence on the ground and to keep watch for suspect behaviour; some officers will be in plain clothes. The increased patrols began on 5 June at Beyoncé's Tottenham Hotspur Stadium performance – during which a man was caught upskirting (taking non-consensual photos up a woman's skirt). He is currently on bail while enquiries continue. 'We're there to engage and talk to people, but there's also a harder edge to what we're doing,' explains Russell. 'We're looking at the crowd and trying to spot people we think shouldn't be there and who don't fit in.' He adds that while the amount of crime recorded at concerts is relatively low and that people shouldn't be put off from attending, the Met still hopes to be a deterrent, especially given many victims of sexual assault choose not to report incidents. 'Some of these people [offenders] will stay at home and decide not to come out because we're stopping people, making arrests, and sending [them] on their way.' Known sex offenders and those wanted by the police will also be detected by live facial recognition cameras, and instructed by the force to move on from the area. Elsewhere, the Deputy Assistant Commissioner is keen to stress that stadium security staff and stewards are well-versed in their roles and the majority are on board with the mission of ending harms against women. However, 'one of the security staff at a venue was filming women in the crowd and they were kicked out. I'm sure the employer will take action there, that's not something that is acceptable,' he says. 'I think [him being kicked out though] shows the commitment of event organisers in taking action.' The Met is well aware that many have lost faith in the police following the damning Casey report two years ago, which found the force to be institutionally racist and misogynistic. Few women will ever forget the likes of serving officer Wayne Couzens, found guilty of raping and murdering Sarah Everard, nor David Carrick, a serial rapist who was allowed to continue serving despite numerous complaints being made against him. 'We know that people in the public feel we have let them down. This is about wanting more women and girls to engage with us, to feel positive, to feel supported,' Russell acknowledges. 'We are there to protect the public [but] we know we've got more work to do. Officers wake up every day trying to make a difference and rebuild the trust.' As well as concerts, the Met has a broader strategy to tackle violence against women and girls in London, known as the V100 project, which uses data to track and target the most harmful offenders (the list of whom changes monthly). A Rapid Video Response pilot has also been introduced, wherein if you report an assault to the Met Police they're quickly able to capture video as evidence. 'We're already seeing some of the results; we've more than doubled the charge rate for rape since 2022.' Cosmopolitan UK has requested the exact figures for this. When responding to news that the Met is pouring more resource into patrolling concerts, Andrea Simon, Director of End Violence Against Women (EVAW), said while an increased police presence might help some people to feel safer, in order to actually tackle male violence and abuse 'we need to look beyond the criminal justice system; we cannot police our way out of violence against women'. Simon adds that 'many women don't want to report to the police when they have been subjected to harassment or abuse'. According to Rape Crisis, only one in six women who are raped file a report – compared to one in five male victims – while just one in four women report other types of sexual assault. Concurrently, the BBC writes that one rape in London is reported every hour. 'Preventing women and girls from being harassed, assaulted or abused requires an approach that goes across the whole of society – from education in schools to equipping health care workers to identify abuse and signpost to support, to provision of housing for women and children fleeing abuse, and more,' Simon details. 'Ending violence against women is everyone's business and we need to see greater investment in prevention campaigns that raise awareness of how to safely intervene as a bystander, as well as sustainable funding for the life-saving specialist support services women rely on. Services which are chronically underfunded and often on the brink of closure.' It's a sentiment that Gina Martin agrees with; she is a gender equality activist and author who led the charge in making upskirting a crime after experiencing it firsthand at a festival. 'More policing isn't a solution. The data shows us policing overwhelmingly doesn't bring justice to victims and logically, the police role comes after harassment or violence has already taken place.' From Martin's standpoint, preventative measures that incentivise bystander action and investment in safe spaces run by sexual violence and harassment professionals would be a more effective approach. 'We need the Government to consult with specialists on prevention rather than just increase policing, as if that will solve anything." This isn't the first time people have questioned how likely police-endorsed schemes are to work, especially when it comes to them being enforced long term. Ask for Angela is the name of an initiative set up by Hayley Crawford, District Commander for Bassetlaw (Nottinghamshire Police), in 2016. Crawford is the patron of Ask for Angela, a non-profit organisation, and decided to create the scheme while working as the Sexual Violence (Prevention) Lead for Lincolnshire County Council. Last year Cosmopolitan UK reported that 'Ask for Angela', which is advertised in music venues and other entertainment sites, like bars and clubs, was ineffective in many areas (despite well-intentioned proprietors). It was found that some venues displayed 'Ask for Angela' posters, encouraging guests to use the code word 'Angela' with staff if they felt in an unsafe situation (such as a date) in order to receive help and support, but many workers had not been trained in the scheme – and some were unaware of it entirely. Clearly, there's a long way to go before all venues – be they sold out stadiums or the local pub – are fully equipped and committed to ending violence against women and girls; police schemes like this cannot be viewed as the cure. It's only with true, widespread educational work, that takes the public along with the cause, and by properly funding the organisations working directly with women and girls who've experienced violence, that real positive change can occur. Jennifer Savin is Cosmopolitan UK's multiple award-winning Features Editor, who was crowned Digital Journalist of the Year for her work tackling the issues most important to young women. She regularly covers breaking news, cultural trends, health, the royals and more, using her esteemed connections to access the best experts along the way. She's grilled everyone from high-profile politicians to A-list celebrities, and has sensitively interviewed hundreds of people about their real life stories. In addition to this, Jennifer is widely known for her own undercover investigations and campaign work, which includes successfully petitioning the government for change around topics like abortion rights and image-based sexual abuse. Jennifer is also a published author, documentary consultant (helping to create BBC's Deepfake Porn: Could You Be Next?) and a patron for Y.E.S. (a youth services charity). Alongside Cosmopolitan, Jennifer has written for The Times, Women's Health, ELLE and numerous other publications, appeared on podcasts, and spoken on (and hosted) panels for the Women of the World Festival, the University of Manchester and more. In her spare time, Jennifer is a big fan of lipstick, leopard print and over-ordering at dinner. Follow Jennifer on Instagram, X or LinkedIn.
Cosmopolitan
2 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
What it's like dating as a sex worker
'I love reading people's responses to the book,' says Eve Smith (a pseudonym). 'A few love it, some hate it, some hate me, and a few people like me. But it's doing what I intended: humanising sex workers.' Eve has worked as a sex worker for the last 20 years — she's escorted, worked in brothels, strip clubs, and online, and is now working as a dominatrix. A year ago, she published How Was It For You?, a candid, funny, and sometimes harrowing memoir about the ups and downs of a job that remains criminalised in the UK — a fact that makes Eve's, and other sex worker's, lives infinitely harder and more dangerous. 'My hope when I wrote it was that if we are seen as human, it will make it more difficult for some of the media to dismiss us as 'prostitutes',' she continues. 'That it will make it harder for a man to kill us, thinking we're disposable and that nobody cares. We all have families and friends; people that love us. And that, whatever our reason for entering the sex industry, we deserve rights. We deserve the right to a bank account [criminalisation and stigmatisation makes it hard for sex workers to access financial services]; to work together for safety; and to not get a criminal record and be trapped in a profession we may have only wanted to be in temporarily.' As well as offering a much-needed call to action for sex workers' rights, Eve's memoir is also punctuated with anecdotes from her work — the good, the bad, and the ugly. There's stories of wealthy clients, clients with idiosyncratic requests, and, sadly, some that are scary. There's tales of camaraderie with coworkers, revelations about Eve's life and interests outside of the job, and her run-ins with an unjust law system that sees her dragged in and out of courtrooms. Among the good is tales of her relationship with her now-husband Adam (also a pseudonym), who she met at work; a client turned lover. Eve ruminates on the prejudices and misconceptions people have about sex workers' romantic lives, insisting her relationship thrives away from the mainstream noise. 'Dating is a minefield whether you are a sex worker or not,' she tells Cosmopolitan UK. 'I always found online dating really depressing. The men were so pushy and aggressive. Honestly, I think I'd still be single if I hadn't met Adam in a brothel.' What was it like going from client to partner? 'It was quite seamless for me,' Eve continues. 'I met Adam when I was offering sex and he became a regular. Then he disappeared for a year and I missed him. When he got back in touch, I was domming and not offering sex — but I did want to fuck him. So I asked him out on a date and we went from there. It took him a while to trust me and, honestly, I'm not sure if he ever will entirely. But that's okay. I don't trust him completely, either! We do love each other though, and 10 years and a family later isn't a bad run.' To mark its publication in paperback, read on for two excerpts from Eve Smith's How Was It For You? about how her relationship with Adam began, and how they navigated the stigma people put on them. People are often surprised that a sex worker has a partner, as though we are in equal parts unlovable and soulless. Even some of my friends have been quick to make comments about why I, a sex worker, couldn't possibly find love. If a man ever bailed on a date, for example, the question was always, 'Does he know what you do?' It's a comment intended to make me feel dirty and ashamed. I would say nothing at the time, but later I would think about it and feel waves of anger. If even my so-called friends thought that no man could love me, then that showed me exactly what they really thought of me. Yes, they might find my stories of sex work amusing and my company entertaining, but deep down they thought I was worthless. Those are friendships I have had to rethink. But the cruellest comments are always on social media. 'Must be a pimp' is a response I have seen thrown many times at sex workers who dare to admit they have a partner. People find it hard to get their heads around how we are able to see other men for work while maintaining a personal relationship. A good, strong, and loving personal relationship. I don't think it's a difficult concept, and it comes down to this: our personal relationships are not transactional. Seeing clients is a job. I aim to keep the professional and the personal as separate as possible. I try not to talk to my clients about my partner because it's important to have a part of myself that is separate. But I have slipped up occasionally and said something about Adam that lets the cat out of the bag. One jealous client then asked what my partner and I do in the bedroom. I told him, as nicely as possible, that it was none of his business. Some clients will always want more than we are prepared to give. More of our time, our bodies, our souls, our truth. Those are not the clients we choose to spend our lives with. The ones who become our partners are the ones we can be ourselves with. No boundary pushing. No games. No bullshit. And that's what drew me to Adam; the simple honesty of what we have. Less truthfully, however, I will tell people that Adam and I met in the pub. I don't like lying — it can sometimes bring on a bout of uncontrollable twitching — but occasionally it is necessary to protect myself or somebody else. Once you tell the truth that you work in the sex industry, you can't take it back, and people almost always think less of you when they know. I usually don't give a damn what strangers think of me, but when people I care about have a diminished opinion of me, that hurts. I'll always protect Adam. When I settled down with Adam, I stopped shagging clients. I was mostly domming by then anyway, but I had a few remaining clients from my escort days and I realised very quickly I couldn't do both. If I'm honest, I enjoyed the shagging part too much. If I didn't like the sex, then perhaps I could have carried on doing it. But that isn't healthy, is it? I could see that. I remember an ex struggling to comprehend my whoring. I went out with him for years in my mid-20s, between two stints of sex work. He asked me if I'd ever had an orgasm with a client. I said I had, and the second it was out of my mouth I realised that it was not the answer he wanted to hear, but it couldn't be taken back. At the time I didn't understand why he would prefer me not to feel pleasure. Why would someone I loved, and who supposedly loved me, want me to be a victim? But people like to put others in boxes. Especially sex workers. We are either Jezebels and corrupters of men, or we are victims. Anything more nuanced is too complicated for people to understand. Adam gets it and he gets me. He knows me. Meeting me at work comes with a huge advantage, as he doesn't have to imagine anything. He knows what I was like when I was extracting cash from him, dressed in stockings, and telling him that he would have much more fun if he stayed for two hours. And he has also experienced me premenstrual, in joggers, bitching at him to empty the cat litter. When I first saw Adam, he was standing near the brothel door wearing a long coat. He was wide eyed and looked nervous, like he was ready to bolt. I looked at him, not to gauge how good looking he was. I looked at him to see if he had the potential to contribute towards my rent that week. 'In or out? In or out?' Max [the pseudonymous brothel boss] roared at him, almost scaring him off completely. So I quickly took over and passed him a beer. And just like that the verdict was 'in'. We went to a room and talked. I had a strong sense that he was a good guy. I have no recollection of what else happened that night, of the details. What I remember is his manner and the fact that he was really, really funny. I was pleased when he came back to see me the next week. And the one after. Soon we arrived at the point where he would wait while I was with another client and then we would go off together. I became fond of him. I really enjoyed shagging him and talking to him, and he was beginning to enter my thoughts when I wasn't working. That hadn't happened before. I took his number just in case the place got raided again. Besides, I was so close to leaving the brothel and working independently and I could see that he was someone who was going to stick around; that there was a place for him in my future. I was saving all the time and, having had my first taste of domming, I was looking for a perfect place to install a dungeon. I had it all mapped out. One night I walked up the stairs from the bathroom to the communal space and there he was again. He was more drunk than normal and, when he saw me, he got on his knees in front of the amused Romanian working girls and told me he wanted to marry me. I laughed it off and said: 'Absolutely – I can't wait.' Then, as ever, we went downstairs to a room. Seven years later, Adam proposed for real. Perhaps it was easier for Adam because by the time we were officially together, I was just domming and no longer shagging. But, still, it takes a strong man to see his partner getting dressed up for someone else. I adore him and he adores me, and I like the fact we met in a brothel. It's far more interesting than if we had met on fucking Tinder. How Was It For You?: The Lives and Loves of a Sex Worker by Eve Smith is published in paperback (£10.99) by Picador
Cosmopolitan
3 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
What is the DCCs' new salary with 400% raise? Megan confirms
Thanks to collective bargaining by veteran team members, the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders got themselves a 400% raise—a huge deal considering they were previously working multiple other jobs just to make ends meet. But it looks like their new salary less than expected. As a reminder: last season on America's Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, Kat revealed that the DCC paid her the same amount as a full-time Chick-fil-A worker (around $37,947). With that number in mind, a 400 percent raise would be somewhere around $151,000. However, Megan McElaney—who helped lead the effort to renegotiate contracts—just hopped into a fan's TikTok comments and revealed that she's making less than $75,000 a year. "Hi! Many of the opportunities we get are optional and based on your schedule so it depends on the girl! Hoping for one day to make 75K!" Megan wrote, going on to add "This is also a part time job and sometimes it's only 2.5 hours a night! They're very respectful of our time and our personal lives!" This comes amid Jada McLean telling the New York Times that in 2024 (her fifth year on DCC) she was making $15 an hour and $500 for each appearance. She also confirmed that the raise has them making $75 an hour, but that they still don't get health insurance. Obviously, any raise is a huge win—but sounds like there's still a ways to go before the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders are truly compensated fairly! As Jada put it to the NYT, "We are more than just cheerleaders. We're talented, strong, educated women and we're hard-working athletes who deserve to be seen as such." America's Sweethearts: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders is available on Netflix now
Cosmopolitan
3 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Cosmopolitan
Hailey Bieber "Beyond Furious" at Justin Bieber Over Father's Day
Quick "grain of salt" update on Justin Bieber and Hailey Bieber's relationship amid reports of tension. Apparently Hailey wasn't thrilled about the many cryptic posts Justin shared on Instagram during Father's Day—and wishes he'd stop posting altogether. The Sun spoke to a source who says the Rhode founder is "beyond furious" and told him to "stop being a fucking child." The source added in part that Hailey thinks Justin is "acting like a teenager again, thinking that posting online will somehow fix things" and that they "argue about his public behavior." Neither Hailey nor Justin have spoken out about their relationship, so all this with a grain of salt!
