Latest news with #supportsystem
Daily Mail
09-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Daily Mail
EXCLUSIVE I moved back to New Zealand after living in Australia - this is the big difference I noticed
A woman who returned home to New Zealand after living in Australia for 14 years has shared a significant lifestyle difference between the two countries. Tekay King moved from Perth back to Waipu, on New Zealand's North Island last August, and quickly noticed she no longer felt the need to impress those around her like she did while living in Australia. Ms King told Daily Mail Australia living at home helped her to appreciate New Zealand's more 'humble' lifestyle. 'Going home was a tool to get my mental health back on track', Ms King said. Ms King said when she was in living in Perth she had a negative perception of those who chose to stay in New Zealand. 'I feel like when everybody moves from New Zealand to Australia a lot of people go, "people back home are just doing the same s***".' She claimed a lot of people believe 'once you move to Australia you're better than everyone else', and she also felt the same. But when Ms King started struggling and was encouraged by her family to return home, she changed. 'My mental health was really bad and I just didn't have the support systems over here. I needed to go home,' she said. 'I didn't want to but my family were like, "Get your a*** back home or we're not going to have you around for very long."' Last August, Ms King 'reluctantly' left Perth but she quickly felt her mental health improve while spending time with the people she grew up with. 'I got to be around my family, I was around my mates that I went to school with. I had this real grounded experience,' she said. Ms King said her 'experience of people back home is really humble', which was in contrast to what she experienced living in Australia. 'If you're in Australia you need a whole new outfit [every time you go out], it's just a big show,' she said. After moving back to Perth, Ms King has 'tried to take on humility' from her hometown. 'If I go out, I'm going to wear the same top I wore two weeks ago, I don't need to impress you,' she said. Ms King divided New Zealanders with her controversial take on Kiwis living in Australia as some branded their hometowns 'depressing'. One wrote: 'Miss my fam! But honestly New Zealand is struggle street. So much more opportunity in Australia and better lifestyle!' 'Moved back to New Zealand after years of living in Australia and can confirm everyone is doing the same thing since I left, people are low key not as happy and nice as the Aussies, New Zealand is depressing, boring,' another said. However, one disagreed: 'I can never understand how people go back home and feel high and mighty. Like how do you not feel grounded and happy to be around your family?' Another echoed: 'I full heartedly agree I lived in WA for 30 years and definitely thought we were better than everyone back home... buying new clothes every weekend, now I'm home I see how I was and being here has totally grounded me for the better!'
ABC News
02-06-2025
- Business
- ABC News
How a $10,000 block of land has given me freedom
I always thought that by my mid-20s, I'd have a life like Monica Geller from Friends, living in a cosy apartment in Sydney's bustling CBD. But life had other plans. I suppose that's the beauty of being young and naive; when you're in your early 20s, you believe life will turn out just as you imagine, even when reality suggests otherwise. For me, reality was loud and clear: "You can't afford to rent, and you're not eligible for a large mortgage loan." Nothing highlighted my inability to access the housing market more than my employment status. Despite being among the minority of people with disabilities who were gainfully employed, my earnings were rarely sufficient. I drifted between two worlds: living at home with stability but limited independence, and subletting a room and sacrificing personal space. Attempts to improve my financial situation were often met with silence from potential employers, who seemed to see my disability before they saw my qualifications. Being locked out of the housing market forces you to rethink your options and face an uncomfortable truth: the dream of home ownership might always remain just that, a dream. For me, this was a problem that needed to be solved. Growing up as a first-generation Australian with a disability, thousands of kilometres away from my extended family, I often worried about the lack of support for me beyond my mother and sister. With no inheritance or 'bank of mum and dad' to rely on, securing my future wasn't just a goal, it was a necessity. A TV show called Building Off Grid — about people who have chosen a less travelled path to home ownership — opened my eyes to the freedom I have to choose my own path. I had a light-bulb moment; why not buy 1,000 to 2,000 square metres of land and build a place of my own? I set a maximum budget of $20,000, a figure that made my friends and family think I was bluffing. However, it was an amount that my savings could easily cover and I would be mortgage free. My criteria was simple: the land had to be within five hours of a capital city, surrounded by nature and mountains, classified as residential or agricultural land, and have access to water, electricity, and plumbing. It also needed to be accessible by a public road. Finding a block of land that met all my requirements was easier said than done. Perth was out of the question. The Northern Territory and Queensland felt too remote, and land in New South Wales was either overpriced or had building restrictions that meant it was suitable only for camping. Then in April 2023, I found the perfect block in a small country town called Carrieton, located on Nukunu land in South Australia. Four hours from Adelaide and one hour from Port Augusta, the land cost only $10,000 — well within my budget. As soon as I saw the online listing for the 1000sqm land, I was sold. I decided I didn't need to see it in person and jumped. Once I took the plunge, the actual process of purchasing the block became a daunting experience that I was completely unprepared for. The entire transaction took place online, which made me anxious. I was dealing with people in a different state, meaning different regulations, and for the first time in my life, I was making an adult purchase that would change the trajectory of my life. This was nothing like spending $50 at a restaurant or on a dress to treat myself. I constantly questioned my judgement: Have I lost my mind? What am I doing? Am I being serious, or just hopelessly naive? Is this a scam? That self-doubt lingered, but I pushed forward, driven by the promise of freedom. When my friends and family found out I had purchased the land, they were stunned and I was suddenly flooded with questions like "What are you going to build?" and "How will you make it work?" Their curiosity was both validating and intimidating, underscoring the enormity of what I had committed to. Had I bitten off more than I could chew? Absolutely! Buying land in the middle of nowhere comes with significant challenges, especially when the goal is to live there full-time or turn it into a short-term rental. These are challenges I have yet to work out. Logistics such as building permits, designs, arranging shipments and funds, and accessing basic amenities are all ahead of me. But the benefits of owning something are undeniable; I've created a foundation for myself, a safety net that offers both stability and independence. I've been able to shift my focus from worrying about my future to imagining the possibilities ahead. Owning this land is my declaration of freedom. Am I worried about being isolated? Not at all. Living with a disability and being excluded from society teaches you a tough lesson: if you let isolation define you, you'll always be treading water, barely keeping your head above the surface. It comes down to a choice: keep begging for a seat at the table, or make your own rules. Vanessa Mbeve is a New South Wales-based writer with Cerebral Palsy, passionate about exploring social dynamics and sharing her unique perspectives through her writing, both fictional and non-fictional.
Forbes
30-05-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Phrases To Avoid That Excuse Harmful Parenting — By A Psychologist
You can care for your parents and still prioritize yourself, particularly when they hurt you ... More emotionally or physically. How often do you find yourself retelling an argument with a family member, struggling to make sense of the way they treated you? You decide to open up to someone close in your life because you're overwhelmed with emotions and you need to lighten your mental load. But you also feel guilty right after the conversation. To avoid giving your friend or partner the wrong impression about your family, you try to reduce the impact of your words by adding something like: It's almost as if we are trying to convince ourselves that we should stand by them because they're family. Here are some things we commonly say to cover up our families' wrongdoing even when it hurts us, and how we can reframe our perspective. This phrase might come up in friendly chats or therapy conversations. You start sharing how your family treated you and how hurt you feel, but then you pull back. You feel compelled to soften the blow, to justify their actions by saying how much they mean to you and that you don't want to distance yourself — because they are family. Some of us prioritize loyalty to our family over and above emotional safety and boundaries. It could be because we understand that they took care of us when we were children; when we didn't know how to look after ourselves. But that does not mean all our emotional needs were met when we were kids. As adults, we may carry remnants of our childhood by continuing to find ways, often impractical ones, to find or regain our self-worth. This could be by trying to please others, staying quiet or always helping around to feel safe or valued. These habits are called codependent traits and they help us survive emotionally as children. Growing up with codependent traits does not make us inherently flawed, but if we want to accept ourselves as we are, we also have to come to terms with the fact that our parents may have failed us in some capacity. But exactly how far are we willing to go to prove our loyalty to our blood ties? To explore this question, a 2020 study published in Memory & Cognition created practical moral dilemmas for participants to imagine, so they could check the extent of a family member's loyalty to their kin. Researchers asked participants to imagine witnessing their brother possibly doing something bad, like street battery. They found that family members will often bend facts to favor another family member, even in the face of their wrongdoing. This is a practice called 'coherence shift' where our mind adjusts how we see things to make our beliefs, feelings and decisions line up. Loyalty is a powerful force but it shouldn't be an unquestionable one, here's why: In the long run, constantly justifying the behavior of those who hurt or mistreat us can drain us emotionally. Instead of using the 'but' statement, try to rephrase it with an 'and' statement like 'I can love them and recognize their behavior hurt me.' You can respect and love your family, while also loving yourself. As children, we see our parents as God-like beings who could do no wrong because we lack the mental faculties it takes to understand that our parents are, in fact, fallible. It's only when we grow up that we realize that our parents are not as perfect as we may have made them out to be. Despite our resentment toward them, we try to view them from a place of understanding and empathy, which can, counterintuitively, minimize your family's damaging or controlling behavior. This kind of justification often shows up in areas like academics, marriage or career paths. We say 'They wanted the best for me' to rationalize the pressure we have on us, but it eventually leaves us burnt out and disconnected from our own sense of purpose. 'Filial piety,' or the deep cultural expectation that children must respect, obey and serve their parents, is often seen as a virtue. But when that respect is one-sided, it can blur boundaries. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Interpersonal Violence found that children who were expected to submit to and be obedient to their parents, especially ones who did so out of fear rather than love or respect, were more likely to engage in cyber-bullying. This could stem from their inability to stand up to themselves at home, and instead lash out at others to regain a sense of personal control. Some families expect children to take responsibility in maintaining harmony, even if their parents are the ones behaving unreasonably. But clearly, these behaviors can have adverse consequences. This is why you need to change your understanding of what your parents truly want. They may have wanted the best for you, but that may not have led to the best possible outcomes. You can balance out your perspective, by saying: 'Their intentions might have been good, but the impact still caused harm.' There could be many different ways you say this. Perhaps, you say, 'They had a rough childhood' or 'They were just stressed.' Despite the choice of words, what you're ultimately trying to do is switch to an objective stance to possibly circumvent the emotions coming up for you — a classic case of intellectualizing emotions. On one hand, understanding that they did their best at parenting us with the resources they had available is important. But on the other hand, that doesn't mean we have to excuse or accept behavior that was hurtful or damaging. Recognizing their limitations doesn't erase the impact their actions had on us. Research published in Educational Philosophy and Theory suggests that when we learn that the person who hurt us is also suffering, we start to see them not as morally blameworthy, but as someone who needs help. This creates a tension between excusing and exempting abuse. We excuse their behavior when we think the harm was unintentional or based on ignorance. But when we exempt them, we think the person isn't fully responsible due to a deeper condition like severe trauma or mental illness. In this case, we try to shift our mindset from blame to compassion, but that doesn't mean we forget or accept the harm done. We need to remind ourselves that understanding does not require us to tolerate or excuse the harm they've inflicted on us. If the person is currently capable of making choices and understanding right from wrong, they're still responsible for their actions, regardless of the past. Setting boundaries is, therefore, necessary no matter how guilty and regretful we feel. They're still your family, they still may want the best for you and they may have had difficult lives that led them to act in damaging ways due to lapses in judgment. But if they harmed us, especially over and over, that harm is real and it matters. You can feel compassion for their suffering and set boundaries to protect yourself. Understanding where someone comes from is not the same as excusing what they did. You deserve safety and healing, no matter what kind of pain shaped the people who raised you. Did you have to take on the role of a parent as a child? Take this science-backed test to find out: Parentification Scale.
Yahoo
22-05-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Sarah Michelle Gellar Celebrates Her 'Tribe' for Helping Her Succeed as a Working Mom
Even the rich and famous need an extra hand when raising kids, according to Sarah Michelle Gellar, who is opening up about how much extra help she needs raising her kids as a working mom. The 48-year-old got very candid about how much she relies on her nearest and dearest to step in when she can't be around during a recent appearance, telling People magazine just how grateful she is to have so many people willing to step in and help out. Related: Sarah Michelle Gellar Goes Into Full Mom Mode When Son Takes It a Little Too Far Dancing on the Megatron at Chiefs vs. Chargers Game Gellar chatted with the magazine while attending the Ask2BSure and Lifetime's Pretty Hurts premier, which is where she confessed that she relies pretty heavily on those around her when it comes to her children. "When you're up at 3 in the morning and you're feeling helpless, and there's a tribe of people you can call at 3 in the morning that are also up, and [will] be reminding you you've got this and you can do this," shared before confessing that she often has to miss things because of her job. "My daughter had a huge recital last week. I couldn't be there. I was working in Toronto, and my tribe was sending me videos, even though you weren't supposed to video the show. They all secretly had their videos out," she explained. "They brought extra flowers, and those were the things, especially in our situation, where that tribe really comes in handy because we're not always physically here." And it doesn't sound like things are going to get any less busy for the mother of two anytime soon. Between the news of the Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot, and Gellar's decision to join a vaccination awareness campaign, the star's plate is pretty full. Thankfully she has a lot of people around her who are willing to step in and help when she can't make it in person. We should all be so lucky! Up Next: Sarah Michelle Gellar Celebrates Her 'Tribe' for Helping Her Succeed as a Working Mom first appeared on WeHaveKids on May 22, 2025
Reuters
20-05-2025
- Sport
- Reuters
Angel Reese grateful for support from WNBA, Sky
May 20 - Chicago Sky forward Angel Reese thanked the WNBA and her team for their support as an investigation into verbal abuse directed at the 23-year-old during Saturday's loss to the Indiana Fever. Reese was praised on Tuesday by head coach Tyler Marsh for her handling of the incident, who said his team will continue to be there for the second-year star. "Obviously it's tough," Reese said. "But I think I have a great support system. I'm loved by so many people and obviously, in the moment it is hard to hear. But my support system is great. "I've gone through so many different things in the past couple of years in my life, but I think just having the support and this love, and being a part of an organization that really supports me and loves me is something I just couldn't imagine not being a part of." The league launched an investigation into conduct after social media users alleged that the ABC/ESPN broadcast of the game at Indianapolis picked up the incident in question. One video showed a male fan -- wearing a red replica Caitlin Clark jersey with matching shorts -- sitting courtside and making high-pitched noises while Reese shot a free throw with 4:38 left in the third quarter. On Sunday, the WNBA released a statement saying that it was "aware of the allegations" and looking into the matter. "There's no place for that in our game, there's no place for that in society," Fever guard Caitlin Clark said Monday. "We certainly want every person that comes into our arena, whether player, whether fan, to have a great experience." Clark added that she did not personally hear any hateful comments from fans. Marsh said the Sky will stand behind Reese while shifting the focus to returning to the court Thursday to face the New York Liberty. "I mean, for her, it's about basketball, so I think that's where her mind is at," Marsh said. "And for us we want to be as locked in as possible to our game plan and what we want to do moving forward into Thursday. I mean, Angel's a winner. Angel's a competitor. And she wants to be there for her teammates and we're certainly there for her as well." --Field Level Media
