Latest news with #relationshipAdvice
Forbes
13-06-2025
- General
- Forbes
2 ‘Marriage Myths' That Keep You Unhappy — According To A Psychologist
These two myths may be dreamy, but they're bound to set you up for a disappointing marriage. Here's ... More why unlearning them is ultimately in your best interest. As a psychologist, I've seen time and again how certain romantic myths, no matter how dreamy or well-intentioned they seem, set couples up for disappointment. Indeed, marriage can be a beautiful thing. But this beauty is earned over years of hard work; it's never something that's freely promised. Unfortunately, many couples don't realize they've internalized these false promises about love until something just feels 'off.' A chronic sense of resentment. Repeated miscommunications. Arguments that seem to come out of nowhere. If you've ever found yourself wondering whether love is supposed to feel like this, you wouldn't be the first to ask. In all likelihood, your idea of marriage might just be at odds with one of the two following myths. We've been sold a very pretty, idealistic idea of what marriage is supposed to look like. Psychological researcher C. Raymond Knee and his colleagues note a few in a 2003 study published in Personality and Social Psychology Review: Unfortunately, these notions, known as 'destiny beliefs,' are as misleading as they are romantic. They paint an incredibly unrealistic portrait of what a marriage (or any relationship, really) is supposed to look like. Knee's further research in 2022 confirms this: people who maintain destiny beliefs are likely to struggle with denial, disengage from their partner altogether and might even stop making effort to look after their relationship. These behaviors may become especially apparent when, inevitably, couples start facing challenges or realize they have differences. But, realistically, love and marriage aren't matters of 'chemistry' or 'destiny;' these ideas serve as an incredibly fragile foundation. If couples face even one, small bump in the road, the whole partnership might feel as though it's doomed. This is because the moment partners place the livelihood of their relationship in the hands of fate, is the moment they stop believing that they can do something — anything — to improve their relationship. However, if this were the case, messy divorces and breakups wouldn't be as common as they are. 'Incompatible' couples could simply end things within a few weeks once they realized that they weren't 'meant to be.' The reality of marriage isn't that what you see is what you get. Rather, what you put in is what you get out. If you're not seeing the beauty in your marriage that you expected you would, trust that there will always be something you can do about it — effort to put in, conversations to be had, changes to be made. Not long ago, people looked to their spouse for companionship and stability. But these days, people are starting to view their spouse as someone who should complete them: their therapist, emotional support system, cheerleader, sexual match, co-parent and spiritual guide all-in-one. The irony, however, is that the couples who expect the most from their marriage in this way are often the ones investing the least into it. In a 2014 study published in Psychological Inquiry, psychologist Eli J. Finkel and colleagues bluntly call this the 'suffocation model' of marriage in America. The researchers explain this model by means of a metaphor: 'climbing Mount Maslow without enough oxygen.' They refer here to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, a well-known psychological theory that organizes human needs into a pyramid. At the base of the pyramid (or, rather, the 'mountain') are our most fundamental needs, like physical safety, stability, emotional security and so on. Once those basic needs are reliably met, we then can move up toward the more complex goals — like building confidence, gaining respect or feeling accomplished. Importantly, only once all the base layers have been reached can we ultimately reach the very top of the mountain (self-actualization) and become our best, utmost fulfilled selves. Simply put, the researchers argue that many modern couples are trying to skip straight to the top. They want their marriage to be a space of inspiration, empowerment and profound life-meaning — but they also aren't taking care of the emotional basics that make these divine achievements possible. The metaphor is incredibly apt in this sense: it's much like trying to summit a mountain without packing the oxygen and supplies you'll need to survive the actual climb itself. Eventually, you're guaranteed to run out of air. In other words, when we expect our partner to meet all of our needs — to be our rock, our muse, our motivation, our mirror — without consistently investing in the relationship itself, we end up suffocating the connection we're trying so hard to rely on. This is the heart of the problem: no partner on earth could ever fulfill another's needs in this way. In reality, this is something we as individuals need to worry about, not our partner. If we demand one person to be our everything, we consequently lose any and all sense of autonomy in our happiness and well-being. Importantly, accepting that your partner cannot complete you isn't a failure. The healthiest marriages are characterized by interdependence: two whole people supporting each other to the top of the mountain, without losing their individuality and agency along the way. This means you can be madly in love with your spouse and still need (and enjoy) your personal space. You can be loyal and committed without needing to share every single one of your hobbies or emotions with your spouse. You can have a healthy marriage without relying on your spouse in your every waking moment. In fact, giving each other these freedoms should be the bare minimum in a marriage. It's not unromantic to be full, independent people. If you aren't, then you might be staking your entire sense of self in a marriage that, no matter how strong, was never built to carry the full weight of who you are. These are just two of many common marital myths. How many of them have you been misled to believe? Take this science-backed test to find out: Belief In Marital Myths Scale
Yahoo
10-06-2025
- Yahoo
People Are Asking ChatGPT for Relationship Advice and It's Ending in Disaster
Despite ChatGPT's well-documented issues, people are using it to advise them on relationship issues — and it's going about as well as you'd expect. In a new editorial, Vice advice columnist Sammi Caramela said she had been blissfully unaware of the ChatGPT-as-therapist trend until someone wrote into her work email about it earlier this year. Back in February, an unnamed man told the writer that his girlfriend refused to stop using the chatbot for dating advice and would even bring up things it had told her in arguments. Though Caramela was so shocked that she "nearly choked" on her coffee, the advice-seeker wasn't all that perturbed — and claimed that he found his girlfriend's ChatGPT use fascinating. "I was a bit floored by this confession. I had no idea people were actually turning to AI for advice, much less input on their relationships," the columnist wrote in her more recent piece. "However, the more I explored the topic, the more I realized how common it was to seek help from AI — especially in an era where therapy is an expensive luxury." Intrigued, Caramela found a friend who used the OpenAI chatbot for similar purposes, running relationship issues by it as a "non-biased" sounding board. Eventually, that person realized that ChatGPT wasn't unbiased at all, but rather "seemed to heavily validate her experience, perhaps dangerously so." Similar questions have been posed on the r/ChatGPT subreddit, and as Caramela explained, the consensus over there suggested not only that the chatbot is something of a "yes-man," but also that its propensity to agree with users can be dangerous for people who have mental health issues. "I often and openly write about my struggles with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)," the writer divulged. "If I went to ChatGPT for dating advice and failed to mention how my OCD tends to attack my relationships, I might receive unhelpful, even harmful, input about my relationship." Digger deeper into the world of ChatGPT therapy, Caramela found multiple threads on OCD-related subreddits about the chatbot — and on the forum dedicated to ROCD, or relationship-focused OCD, someone even admitted that the chatbot told them to break up with their partner. "Programs like ChatGPT only speed the OCD cycle up because you can ask question after question for hours trying to gain some sense of certainty," another user responded in the r/ROCD thread. "There's always another 'what if' question with OCD." Like so many poorly-trained human professionals, chatbots aren't equipped to handle the nuance and sensitivity needed in any therapeutic context. Regardless of what OpenAI claims in its marketing, ChatGPT can't be truly empathetic — and if your "therapist" will never be able to have a human-to-human connection, why would you want it to give you dating advice in the first place? More on chatbot blues: Hanky Panky With Naughty AI Still Counts as Cheating, Therapist Says
The Sun
07-06-2025
- General
- The Sun
How to get your partner to do MORE around the house – in 5 simple steps that might just save your relationship
DO you find yourself resenting your partner? This could be because you are the one carrying the 'mental load' in the relationship. 'It's that never-ending to-do list you're constantly adding to in your mind of tasks that are mostly invisible,' says Dr Morgan Cutlip, relationship expert and author of A Better Share. 6 While doing the laundry or making dinner are obvious chores, the 'invisible' burdens include decision-making and balancing the family's emotional needs. When most tasks land in your lap, it can chip away at your romantic feelings towards your partner. 'I can't tell you how many women have said to me: 'I don't even like him any more', 'I don't want to touch him', or 'I don't trust him',' says Morgan. But the point of Morgan's book is not to bash men. 'For the most part, male partners want to make us happy, be helpful, be good partners.' But she agrees women have every reason to feel angry. 'There are deep dynamics at play, plus feelings of unfairness and unappreciation, which can develop into resentment,' she says. So why can't you just divvy up tasks equally? You've probably already tried that, only to become more annoyed when said tasks are left undone. It's time to take a new approach to make habits stick. Start here. . . UNDERSTAND THE MENTAL LOAD 6 One of the most frustrating things that women feel about carrying the mental load is that their partner just doesn't 'get it'. But even women themselves don't always fully appreciate the toll of carrying the mental load, because it might have become their norm. The mental load can be broken down into three areas: The physical: The most visible part of the mental load (doing the dishes, the laundry) that people can mistake for being the only part. The cognitive: Tasks that require mental effort, such as organising playdates, writing shopping lists, planning dinner, remembering to respond to emails, sign forms and general decision-making. The emotional: The weight carried by managing the experiences of family members, thinking about the implications of every decision, taking on the burden when they go wrong, trying to regulate your own emotional responses… The stakes feel high, and it never ends. Relationship expert shares three tell-tale signs your relationship is falling apart 'The triple threat is where these overlap, and that's what men don't always understand,' says Morgan. For example, knowing or predicting what needs to be done (mental), carrying that task out (physical), and evaluating the toll or outcome that action could have (emotional). This can even apply to something as simple as making dinner! TAKE THE INITIATIVE 6 Of course, in an ideal world, our partners would simply take the initiative themselves, but as any of us who have tried – and failed – to get our other halves to step up will know, it's not always that simple. 'I understand the righteous anger so many women feel,' says Morgan. 'But I'm also a believer in the end goal, and that is to have a fairer, more equitable relationship where you both feel loved and supported, and your home life is shared between the two of you.' To get that, she advises being clear about what you need. 'You could say: 'Tomorrow is a busy morning, so I'd like you to take care of the kids' packed lunches. Do you have any questions?' It's a way of your partner taking on something that you would normally handle, making something invisible visible, and increasing their knowledge when they ask how something is done. Your partner can't take the initiative if they don't know how your home functions, or your kids' preferences.' However, the onus is also on your partner to increase their knowledge. Don't accept incompetence as an excuse. For example: 'You do it better than me', or: 'I just don't know how'. Morgan recommends the Buffett Formula, based on investor Warren Buffett's ethos. 'Every day your partner should get to know one new thing about you, one new thing about your children (if you have them), and one new thing about how your home and family function,' says Morgan. 'Your partner could also ask: 'What's on your plate today?' then offer to take things on. It means they're taking the initiative to handle something.' If they don't know how to do a task, all they have to do is ask. SHOW GREATER APPRECIATION 6 Even a little acknowledgement of how much we stretch ourselves would go a long way to helping you feel better. But it is a two-way street. When your partner does something, Morgan suggests using the 'ultimate compliment formula' to show appreciation. Observe what they are doing, plus the positive impact it will have on your life. 'It might be something like: 'I see how hard you work to put snacks together for our kids and I am so grateful because I know they're never going to get ' hangry '. "Thank you for taking care of that, because I don't ever have to worry about it,'' says Morgan. 'It's deepening and expanding the way you interact with one another, creating more warmth and diffusing tension.' You may not feel much like praising your partner, but Morgan says it prompts reciprocation. 'It will dramatically shift your relationship,' she explains. OVERCOME A RESISTANT PARTNER 6 Some couples can't even talk about chores without it turning into an argument. Usually this stems from the other partner 'being defensive, dismissive, or minimising the reality of the situation by saying things like: 'You make it harder than you need to', or: 'Your expectations are too high', and it ends up with an argument about who's more exhausted,' warns Morgan. 'The reality is we often have this ideal that we wish for our relationship, but we are not treating one another in a way that gets us to that outcome. "So, we have to bring that to the surface. Ask your partner: 'What do you wish it was like to be in this relationship together?' "And then follow it up with: 'So, what are you willing to do to help us get there?'' LEARN TO BE A TEAM 6 Morgan recommends regular SHARE (Scheduled Home and Relationship Effort) meetings. 'It is a chance to touch base about the responsibilities in your home, how fair things are feeling, how your sex life is, how you're supporting each other and so on. They become part of the natural rhythm of your relationship, which helps to diffuse a lot of the anxiety that having these types of conversations can create.' It might feel awkward – and that's OK! Try to have a laugh about it, too. 'Remember, the mental load needs to be the villain in the story,' says Morgan. 'My goal is for couples to have a deeper and clearer perspective on one another's experiences, because when they understand and feel aligned with one another, they can start to view the mental load as the enemy and each other as teammates.' A Better Share: How Couples Can Tackle The Mental Load For More Fun, Less Resentment And Great Sex by Dr Morgan Cutlip is out July 3 (£20, Thomas Nelson).
The Guardian
04-06-2025
- The Guardian
In Thailand, where mysticism thrives, AI fortune telling finds fertile ground
When Whan consulted her new fortune teller about the future of her relationship with her boyfriend, she was told that one half of the couple tended to be sulky, while the other would over-analyse things. The fortune teller recommended that they try to be more open with each other. But the advice on the future of the relationship didn't come from a human – it came from ChatGPT. In Thailand, a country with a rich tradition of fortune telling, Whan, 28, is among a growing number of young people turning to ChatGPT for answers about their future. On social media, users share advice on how to upload pictures of their palms for palm readings, and of their birth charts, which show the positions of the planets at the time of their birth. Usually, if Whan wants to see her fortune teller, she needs to book an appointment months in advance - and pay 599 baht [£13.55] for a one hour session. So, when she saw comments on social media praising the accuracy of ChatGPT's readings, she decided to give it a try. She typed into the chat box: 'I saw many people have asked you about their fortune based on a birth chart. Can you do it for me?' It replied: 'My pleasure', before asking the time, date and location of her birth. Satisfied with her first reading, Whan, who asked to use only her nickname, later uploaded a picture of her face for a face reading, and asked ChatGPT to analyse her compatibility with her boyfriend. The importance of fortune tellers - called 'Mor Doo,' meaning 'doctors who see' - dates back centuries in Thailand, a majority Buddhist country, where culture is shaped by astrology and other forms of divination. Fortune tellers are consulted by anyone from politicians or wealthy business people weighing up investment decisions, to students nervous about their exam results or curious about their love life. Estimates of the size of the market for spiritual goods and services vary, though last year the University of the Thai Chamber of Commerce suggested it was worth between $304 and $456m. Research produced in January by Krungsri Bank found that younger people were most likely of all generations to buy such products online, and that of the growing range of spiritual services offered through digital technologies, fortune telling applications drew the most interest from all ages. Jirapat Wangcharoen, 27, a content creator focused on astrology and spirituality, has benefited from the rising trend. On his TikTok account Nesh the Wizard, he has shared advice using ChatGPT, with one video last October liked by tens of thousands of users. Jirapat researched the use of AI as a personal navigation tool while studying his Master's degree in Australia. 'My key takeaway was people just want to take their anxieties away as soon as possible,' he said. 'If they have a question at night, at 1am, they don't want to linger on that… They go to ChatGPT or TikTok live to ask the question.' 'It's easier for them [young people] to talk to robots rather than humans,' he added. While fortune tellers can easily be found on social media, or sitting at tables outside temples, people often prefer to use someone they trust and have consulted previously, or who has been recommended. This can mean they need to wait for an appointment. Ruchi Agarwal, assistant professor of anthropology at Mahidol University, said curiosity about the future peaks in times of instability. 'If you look at the past trends, whenever there was economic crisis or political crisis, then there was always a search for either spirit mediums or fortune tellers – just as a psychological remedy, or for finding some solution to the uncertainty they face,' she said. This is also the case for younger people today, who have lived through political instability and the pandemic, and who are also, she said, 'more in their silos, and more attached to social media'. Ajarn Par, or Master Par, an astrologist based in Huai Khwang, an area of Bangkok known for its popular Ganesha Shrine and fortune tellers, agreed that younger people are searching for meaning. 'It's [a way of building] emotional resilience in an uncertain world,' she said. 'Young people have a feeling of [a lack] of control.' Some have raised concerns about the risk of giving AI tools with personal information such as photos or birth details. And, opinions are divided over whether ChatGPT or other AI tools will have long-lasting appeal among those interested in astrology. Ajarn Par believes ChatGPT may be capable of relaying data about astrological principles, but she questions its benefits. 'To give proper guidance, you need to have lived experience… [human fortune tellers] have the feeling of human intuition,' she said. She likens fortune tellers' role to that of a therapist, someone people can consult in their most difficult moments. None of this can be replicated by a computer, she said. 'A robot cannot touch your feelings.' For Whan, there are positives to consulting both humans and ChatGPT. With a human teller, she said, you can see their face and reactions. But with AI: 'you can just use it right away - and you can keep asking them.'
ABC News
22-05-2025
- Entertainment
- ABC News
Australian podcaster's viral clip sparks discussion about traditional gender norms
An Australian podcaster's desire for a partner who does not "complain" after work and instead offers "peace and love" to support his ambitions has sparked discussions about the resurgence of traditional gender norms. The viral clip from The Pocket with Chris Griffin, which has amassed more than 1.4 million views and attracted thousands of comments, shows the host saying he would not want his partner "working unless she wants to work" because he does not want to come home to "complaining". Instead, he says, he wants his partner's eyes to "light up with excitement" and he encourages "hot girl walks" so his partner can cultivate "feminine energy". "It's the peace and love that a man that's got a busy life [and] that's chasing his dreams needs when he's trying to wind down," he added. Experts say Griffin's view reflects a growing trend among young men to return to traditional gender norms. But, speaking to the ABC, Griffin suggested people who were rejecting these norms were going "against their biology". His views have sparked a backlash from viewers online. Among the critics is Kic CEO Laura Henshaw, who has addressed the clip on her social media accounts and the KICPOD podcast. Ms Henshaw told the ABC she was particularly concerned about how the video was packaged in an aspirational way, as if it was "a caring and loving message when it's actually not at all". She argued that the crescendo-building piano soundtrack, motivational framing and polished studio setting and editing masked harmful content. Some experts describe this kind of framing as "benevolent sexism". Social psychologists have defined benevolent sexism as attitudes toward women that appear positive or well-meaning on the surface but ultimately suggest that women are inferior to men, often by portraying them as fragile, less competent, or in need of protection. Deakin University psychology lecturer Beatrice Alba says benevolent sexism can take many forms, including: "Benevolent sexism is kind of like old-fashioned chivalry," Dr Alba told the ABC. "It's this belief that women and men are inherently different by nature — that women are softer and more emotional, more suited to nurturing roles, and that men are stronger and should protect and provide for women." The viral clip appears to echo this dynamic by casting men as providers who keep the finances "sorted", while women are expected to be emotional caretakers, offering "peace and love" to support her partner's ambitions. "Imagine wanting to work so hard so you can give your partner safety and freedom of choice, just to be labelled toxic and misogynistic. I don't agree," Griffin said in a response posted online. Speaking to the ABC, he rejected the idea that traditional gender norms were inherently unequal. "The problem lies with societal norms suggesting [traditional gender roles are] toxic, which creates confusion, resulting in people feeling the need to go against their biology," he said. He argued moving away from traditional gender roles was often praised as "progressive" but the label was misleading because there was "no substance behind that label to suggest it is actually beneficial for society". Research suggests that women exposed to benevolent sexism allow men to tell them what they can and cannot do, feel less competent, and increasingly accept hostile sexism. Dr Alba said benevolent sexism could be difficult to spot because it sounded "superficially positive … like men being generous towards women in wanting to care for them and to provide for them". Evita March, an associate professor at Federation University, agreed, saying benevolent sexism sought to foster dependence under the guise of support. "Viewing women in that benevolent way still reduces them to being objectified because they're perceived as unable to be this individual who takes care of themselves," Dr March said. In an Instagram comment directed at Laura Henshaw, Griffin defended his stance and said: "This isn't about control. It's about choice. If she wants to chase a career, I'll back her 100%. If she wants to stay home, I'll support that too. That's what freedom in a relationship should look like." Dr Alba said this applied a standard to women that was not typically applied to men. "Like why not just flip it around and say to this guy, well why don't you quit your job and stay at home and be happy?" "There's something inherently condescending about thinking that a woman is somehow less suited to [work] than a man … Don't you think I'm capable of being someone who has a challenging job and, just like you, when I come home from work, I want to debrief about the challenges I had?" she added. Though his video has faced a backlash online, Griffin's words echo a broader sentiment among young men. Research from the e61 Institute found that gen Z men were more likely to hold traditional gender beliefs than older men. On average, men aged 15-24 had a greater belief in traditional gender norms than men aged 25-34 and 35-44. At the same time, women of the same age are far less traditional, creating a noticeable divergence between young men and women. According to Dr March, the shift can be partly explained by disenfranchisement and a growing sense of confusion among young men about what it means to be a man. This uncertainty is driving many men to seek out the manosphere — a sprawling network of online men's communities that often blur the line between self-help and sexism. Griffin argued traditional masculine traits were being unfairly vilified. "Strength is called toxic, leadership is seen as oppressive, masculinity itself is treated like a problem to be fixed rather than a virtue to be honed," he told the ABC. A report by Movember found that young men who regularly engaged with content from masculinity influencers reported feeling far more positive than negative emotional outcomes. Forty-three per cent said the content made them feel motivated, while 44 per cent reported a stronger sense of purpose. But alongside these emotional benefits, the report revealed a troubling pattern in attitudes towards women: She also warned that the manosphere placed heavy and damaging expectations on men themselves. "What I really want to emphasise is that this manospherish rhetoric, including the idea that men must always be providers and supporters, puts enormous pressure on men," Dr March said. "When you talk about these potential negative aspects of the manosphere, some men are really reluctant to come to the party and admit that because they say, 'Well, no. It's really helped me.'" These conversations about the resurgence of traditional gender norms hit home for Ms Henshaw. She recalled how her mother took extended time off work to raise her and her sisters. After her parents separated, her mother faced the challenge of rebuilding her financial independence. "We have a fridge magnet that says, 'A man is not a financial plan,'" Ms Henshaw said. She said she was grateful to have grown up with that understanding because "there's no way I would be where I am now without it". Today, Ms Henshaw is the CEO of hugely successful business empire Kic and she has recently used her platform to raise awareness of how women can be at risk of financial abuse and vulnerability. "I just think if you haven't experienced it or seen it with someone within your life … how would you know that that could happen?" she said. Her family's experience is not an outlier. A KPMG report on the superannuation gap found that women aged 55-59 had, on average, 33 per cent less superannuation than men, while women aged 60-64 had 28 per cent less. Dr March explained that much of this gap was due to the time women took off work for caring responsibilities, a sacrifice that significantly reduced their superannuation. "Because they had a man who controlled the finances, they didn't have a career, they left the workforce," she said. "And so this very cohort of women who had men who were promising to take care of them are now left in our largest growing homeless cohort that we see in Australia."
