Latest news with #couples
Times
6 hours ago
- Lifestyle
- Times
How to divorce-proof your summer
Yes, yes, isn't it lovely. The sun belting down. All that. But unofficially we're all aware that a hot British summer, an actual 'it's going to hit 30C' summer that doesn't start on a Monday and stop on a Thursday, places strain on the average marriage on a par with those other legendary stress points, Christmas and moving house. Only, the difference with summer marital stress is that it's never acknowledged because there can be no downside to summer in a country that doesn't get much sun. Although now that that looks like it's a thing of the past, there's all the more reason we should get divorce-proofing summer asap. Let's start with the obvious stress points to be aware of: In films, hot summer nights are hot in every sense. IRL they are the stifling, sleep-depriving No 1 enemy of marital harmony. They make you regret everything from the position of your bedroom (south-facing on a main road) to all your life choices (much later on in the night), including your choice of life partner. The fact is you will have talked about your infernally hot bedroom the last time you were lying awake with wet flannels on your faces. At that point there was a plan in place to solve the problem for ever (ceiling fan plus Dyson) and then it cooled down suddenly and, unbeknown to us, the funds were allocated to a bigger TV. What women feel in these circs is that we are sharing a bed in a hellhole with someone who doesn't care and is unreliable. See how this can go? • Read more expert advice on sex, relationships, dating and love We're fine on holiday when we can wear the floaty thing and flip-flops and sit on a veranda, but we're living our normal lives in this oven. It's harder to juggle work and motherhood and public transport and parent care in a hot summer, and if you want to maintain your dignity it involves twice as much effort and financial outlay. Being a woman in the heat means endless expenditure (hair removal! Pedicures!) and rinsing out and crisping up and rotating heat-appropriate footwear. It means a gulf of envy opening up between the women who drift around looking at ease with a smooth ponytail and a dry upper lip and the rest of us, who look as if we're sitting on a smelter. And the point is women in this state feel under pressure (bloody everyone is on Mounjaro! Gwyneth Paltrow is cooking topless in boxer shorts! Sixtysomething women are wearing bikinis!), defensive and disappointed in their lot. Tinderbox. High summer comes with expectations and memories of the time when you pottered around in a string bikini, eating figs, and your husband was forever whisking you off for a largely bed and a bit of beach summer hol. Now if you go on a holiday (and you may not; see gardening, below) it must involve a bicycle with a very narrow seat; a battlefield tour (Waterloo?); some serious hiking to somewhere of cultural significance; padel in the heat of the day; or learning how to make polenta. This leaves us feeling old and heifery (we agreed to it but whatever) and mourning our lost youth and all the lie-ins and attention we used to get. • The new summer holiday etiquette Will basically be in their element (very annoying). • They get ultra cooking ambitious (should be welcome but not really because it always involves a last-minute frenzied drive around in search of black garlic and preserved lemons). • They get the barbecue out (too many frustrations to list, culminating in always lighting it too early or too late, and most importantly not being able to contribute anything else because they are 'watching the barbecue'). More work for us. • They get experimental fun times in the clothes department, which means anything from Brad Pittish louche combinations (seersucker jacket, yellow trousers) to Brian Wilson tribute outfits (big shorts, Hawaiian shirt) or maybe a towelling polo shirt and some off-white jeans. Either way (see 'women feel like heifers', above) it feels passive-aggressive. They often spend money you might have spent on your wedding dress on a pair of sunglasses. • They get David Beckham fiefdom ideas. Maybe not the beekeeping, maybe not the roses of kings, but they may fancy a pizza oven and growing vegetables and … now they are serious gardeners and that's what's happening in any spare moment. Used to be 'Sorry, got to sort out this work thing'; now it's 'Sorry, need to do something in the garden'. • They go entertainment crazy and are constantly suggesting the Whatsits come over for an alfresco supper for which they will rustle up several 100 per cent home-grown courses (apart from the cheese, but never say never). Again, should be great news for their partners but feels undermining since all anyone now talks about is his green fingers and cooking and how nice he has made everything look. And it's not just us: Posh is dealing with David's summer garden boy phase, and note, she doesn't have time for fannying around thinning the lettuces either. • They are never off the mower. It's like a man cave but mobile, and they have ear defenders so … • … they get a birdsong app. Lovely. But you never hear the end of it. They may stop you in mid-sentence when you're explaining the emergency with your mother's carer and say: 'Sssh … goldfinch.' Bottom line: your needs are no longer being met because it's all about summer. • How to get divorced: can anyone even afford to split up any more? • Drinking at lunch. We used to be good at this; now it means we have to sleep all afternoon and most of the next day, and in between we may feel in the mood for a fight. • Too much exposure to Mr and Mrs Mounjaro.• Missing a highlighting appointment (in the mistaken belief that it's summer and it will take care of itself).• Trying on a bikini if have not worn a bikini since before lockdown. • Letting it be known that you have no interest in going anywhere now that the garden (veg) is in full flight.• Suddenly taking an interest in cooking (after all these years of saying you were only a scrambled eggs man) and taking over.• Wearing sandals but not bothering to sort out your feet.• Refusing to wear suncream and burning. Applying suncream carelessly to wife so that she burns.• Being extremely complimentary about your neighbour Susie's new 'shape'.• Falling in love with the mower, barbecue, vegetable patch, birds, bird.
Yahoo
7 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
People Who Called Off Their Weddings Are Sharing Why They Had A Change Of Heart, And It's An Emotional Rollercoaster
Reddit user thriceusetissue recently asked, "People who've called off wedding engagements, why didn't it work out?" Here are some shocking, heartbreaking, and wild reasons people dipped before saying "I do." 1."He called me when he was drunk at 3 a.m. and told me that he only asked me to marry him because he didn't think he could do better. He denied it happened the next day despite there being a call." —FuerGrissa0stDrauka 2."He wanted to play video games for 18 hours a day. I had to schedule an hour a day for us to just hang out, and he made it seem like I was an inconvenience. When I said he never wanted to do things I wanted to do, he told me he didn't like the things I did and didn't understand why he had to do them. He also got fired from four jobs that year because he would rather play games. Even his parents started asking why I was with him. I thought I couldn't do better, but I left him, and seven months later, after starting over, I found my husband." —mapleysyrupy 3."He asked me to promise him never to get fat, or he would be forced to look at other women. I ended it immediately. He then said he was joking, but I knew he wasn't. His mom called me crying, asking me to reconsider. No, thank you." —MomMMMNN 4."We decided to open up our relationship (terrible idea, I know, but we were convinced), then the trust was broken, and it was never the same. We called it off shortly after. In hindsight, that relationship had some other big problems, but we were in love, and it's hard to see red flags with rose colored glasses on. Life goes on, and I'm in a much happier relationship now. I hope the same for her." —Randomsong000000001 5."He was an amazing man and would've been an amazing husband. At that point in my life, I was a closeted lesbian, and only an evil person would've gone forward with the wedding." —du-du-duck 6."My friend ended her engagement with her fiancé because it came out that he was ripping everyone off. He was an investment banker, a charismatic guy, who had convinced everyone he knew (family, friends, her family and friends, businesses, anyone he could really) to invest with him, lying about the returns, a robbing-Peter-to-pay-Paul situation. It all came to light along with the fact that he was physically abusing her to keep her quiet. He ended up in prison." —tweedledumb4u 7."A year after we met, he moved to another country for his dream job (it would only be a two or three-year contract). I was still in grad school, so I couldn't move, so we did long distance for two and a half years. We spent all our extra money on plane tickets. We got engaged while still long-distance. I then said I wanted to move to another country for my dream job. By this point, he decided he wanted to take a job back in our original country. Instead of supporting me, he tried to aggressively talk me out of taking the job, whining, being manipulative, and telling me to take something lower level in our home country." "In the end, to mentally deal with packing up and moving without the extra stress, I basically cut contact with him for two months, moved, and started my job. Then we talked and broke up on the phone. I mailed him the ring and never looked back." —BloopBloopBloopin 8."I felt like I was his mom. I had to keep asking him to help out around the house, make sure he wasn't sleeping through his alarm for work, set up a 'chore chart' so I wasn't the only one keeping up with household tasks, apologe to my friends and family for him skipping out on events because he was sleeping through them, ask him not to stay up until 3 a.m. playing video games because we had something important going on the following morning, etc." —butterednoodles24 9."He proposed right after boot camp at 19. I said yes, but I wanted to wait until I finished college. At 20, he started pestering me to get married and would get upset when I did homework instead of hanging out with him. By the end of junior year, I was failing my classes, and I asked to take a break. We had been dating since I was 16, and I really just wanted some time to figure out who I was. He cried to all our friends, who convinced me I was a fool for ending it, so I took him back. Two weeks after my 21st birthday, I found out he had been sleeping with my brother's girlfriend for months. I'm 29 now. I saw him about two years ago at a work event where he was the valet. I parked my own car." —queen-of-unicorns 10."When he realized my dad wasn't paying for the whole thing, he completely lost interest in planning anything. I kind of fished for his response by softly asking, 'Do you want to call it off to avoid the financial hardship?' His whole face actually beamed at that, lmao. I called it off and fully left him like a month later." —Majestic-Bake1868 11."I ended my very short-lived engagement because of Reddit. I kid you not. I posted on an engagement ring sub about hating my ring, and then people started asking questions about my relationship. After others figured out that he was much older, it made me understand I was being manipulated. It was mind-blowing. I received so many messages from concerned women of that sub that I could barely keep up. In the beginning, I thought everyone was exaggerating, but then I started reading stories and links they sent me and finding so much in common. I told him I needed some time to think. He did a 180-degree change-up, making me realize what a freak he was. I haven't looked back, honestly. I am applying for medical school and am so happy I didn't stay with him." —Thick-Journalist-901 12."He told me I could either give him a kid or he was taking the ring back. So I gave him the ring back." —Cuntzilla_ 13."He refused to set a date. Then he refused to make me coffee (same pot, it was big enough for both of us, he just wouldn't make enough for both of us). Then he refused to turn off the giant overhead light in the bedroom when he left for work earlier than I, so I had to get up to turn it off and couldn't sleep for a few more minutes. He just didn't like me much after the excitement wore off, and I wanted more than that. He did, however, stalk and harass me for weeks after I broke it off, threatening my job and my housing, and repeatedly telling me he'd kill himself or sexually assault me. Which just seems like a lot more effort than making slightly more coffee and turning off a light and not screaming at me." —bloop-bloop-bloop- 14."His mom basically ran our relationship. I'd be marrying a family that didn't even like me, and she didn't stand up for me once. Nah." —pink_cherryy 15."He was emotionally abusive and very dependent. I found out after the fact he cheated on me and had a child with her (he's a doctor, she was the nurse!)." —SharonAlyse 16."A relative of mine called off her wedding the day before the event, after all the guests had flown in, when she somehow learned that her fiancé was not, in fact, divorced from his first wife like he'd claimed." —koreth 17."I really started watching how she treated her parents while she was stressed. I was not impressed. I didn't want that in a permanent partner." —das_sparker 18."She lied about doing her taxes for like five years. She never did them. I only found out when she freaked out about me opening a letter for her from the IRS. I can't deal with lying like that. I literally offered to help/do them for years prior to that. Who just doesn't file taxes?" —Techfuture2 19."He was controlling and immature. He wanted to buy video games and CDs rather than paying rent. He emotionally manipulated me into making irresponsible financial decisions. The straw that broke the camel's back was when my mom left a stern message on the answering machine saying the bank called her because I was $700 overdrawn. When he told me I had a message, he said, 'Your mom called. Haha, you're in trouble!'" —crazyidahopuglady 20."I got engaged and broke up with someone during the same conversation. He proposed and then explained that he proposed because he cheated on me, and the immense guilt made him realize how much he loved me and how much he wanted to spend his life with me." —MehX73 21."He started getting weirdly jealous. He'd get upset if I left the house when he said he might call, even if those times were during my classes or work. Or, he'd say he was coming over and not show for hours. And again, he would be upset if I were not sitting and waiting for him. Clearly absurd shit! When I dumped his ass, he told me I couldn't make it without him. I told him my life was about to get EASIER without having a giant baby!" —jjme08 22."I slept with a member of my bridal party two months before the wedding. It kind of felt like poor form to go through with it after that. I spent way too long holding on after that and caused a lot more hurt from not knowing what the hell I wanted." —Pettyjack 23."He was Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Life of the party, nicest guy in public. At home, controlling, gaslighting, and verbally and emotionally abusive. He tried to destroy my career and friendships so that I would be reliant on him. But I was the 'crazy' one! I was apparently immature, poor, and going to cheat on him, so he cheated first. And he abused alcohol and drugs, but no, he blamed that on me. He is on wife number five." —blueyedwineaux 24."I called mine off two weeks before because he was so rigid about the prenup, and instead of trying to work through it, he said take it or leave it. So I left it. I realized at that moment this guy didn't want a partner; he wanted someone who thought he could control and who was convenient. I personally did not matter to him. His mom was also extremely manipulative and awful. I couldn't run faster from that family." —killer-queen 25."I felt pressure from my mother to marry. I was in my early 30s at the time. Took 12 months to organize this wedding, and then the invitations went out. At this point, anxiety set in, and I had weeks of sleepless nights. I didn't want to marry. He was a great man, and who was I to take away his opportunity at real love so that I could appease my mother? So I cancelled it all in one fell swoop! Boy, was I hated by all. I lived happily ever after!" —Left_Signal_1370 26."He went to law school and became a mean, overly competitive person. We began frequently arguing, and couples counseling didn't help. I asked to postpone the wedding, and he gave me an ultimatum: keep our date or break it off. I chose the latter, thank GOD." —Alternative-Sir-2226 27."I was way too young to be engaged in the first place. But then I started noticing how he treated his sweet mom (lots of pouting, yelling, melodrama), and I realized that was my future. I've never regretted walking away." —Appropriate-Cod9031 28."My ex and I were about six months from getting married. DJ, photographer, venue, save the dates. There came a certain point where she wasn't enthusiastic about the planning, and I knew something was up, but I was still stunned when she said she wanted to call it off. She could tell I wasn't ready to start a family like she was and that I was going along for the ride. It hurt like hell at first, and I went off the deep end for a while, but eventually I felt relief because she was right. I wasn't ready for kids. We briefly got back together and ended it again more amicably the second time, and two weeks after splitting for good, I met the woman I would marry. We're happy and child-free; my ex is a mom of two kids. She's divorced but seems to be doing well. I'm grateful to her now, in retrospect." —MisterAlaska "My buddy and his ex-fiancée ended an engagement about four years ago, only six months before their wedding. Basically, both of them, on their own, felt like it had run its course, and they weren't supposed to be together. It's one of the most mature break-ups I've ever seen. Within two months, both of them had new partners. Flash forward three years. My buddy and his ex both got engaged to those partners within weeks of each other. Flash forward to last Saturday, and both of them got married — on the same day — to the people they had met within months of ending an engagement four years prior. Meanwhile...I've been single this whole damn time!" —masu94 Have you ever broken off an engagement? What happened? Tell us in the comments or share anonymously using this form.
Yahoo
12 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
13 Reasons Men Leave Long Marriages In Mid-Life
Marriage isn't just a ceremony or a legally binding contract; it's a journey that two people embark on, often expecting to last a lifetime. Yet, for reasons as varied as the personalities involved, mid-life can be a turning point where some men choose to walk away. This isn't just a story of betrayal or liberation—it's a complex interplay of emotions, desires, and life stages. Here, we delve into the undercurrents that can set men adrift, exploring why they sometimes choose to leave long marriages in their mid-life. As men hit mid-life, the once-looming specter of mortality becomes more tangible, prompting a desire for reinvention and rediscovery. They start questioning the choices they've made, yearning for a blank slate to redefine who they are beyond the roles they've played—as a husband, a father, or a provider. Often, this craving for a personal renaissance becomes an irresistible force, pulling them away from the familiarity of a long marriage. It's not about leaving their partner behind, but rather finding a piece of themselves they feel they've lost. According to a study by the American Psychological Association, the concept of 'mid-life crisis' is real, with men often seeking to assert their identity anew. They might choose to pursue passions or dreams they had shelved for years, only to find their marriage has become an anchor rather than a sail. This isn't about rejecting their partner; it's about reclaiming a sense of individuality. The marriage itself can become a mirror reflecting missed opportunities and unfulfilled potential, spurring the decision to step away. The gradual ebb of emotional intimacy can transform a once-vibrant connection into a hollow shell. When communication dwindles to transactional exchanges about logistics, men often feel they're more roommates than partners. This emotional void can become unbearable, driving a wedge that compels them to seek connection elsewhere. They may find themselves longing for someone who sees them anew and offers the emotional depth missing at home. Men, often conditioned to suppress vulnerability, might struggle to articulate this deep-seated need for emotional intimacy. Conversations that once came naturally now feel forced, and the laughter that once filled the room becomes a rare guest. This emotional distance can fester into resentment, making the relationship feel more like a commitment of obligation rather than affection. The quest for a rekindled emotional connection can lead them away, seeking solace in new horizons. There's an intoxicating allure to the new and undiscovered, a siren call that can compel men to abandon the familiar shores of long-term marriage. As routines become predictably monotonous, the idea of novelty offers a seductive escape from the everyday grind. Exploring new relationships can feel like a return to the vitality and spontaneity of youth, sparking a sense of aliveness that routine fails to provide. It's not just about physical attraction, but the emotional rush of new beginnings. Dr. Helen Fisher, a biological anthropologist, emphasizes that the novelty is a powerful aphrodisiac that triggers dopamine release in the brain, akin to falling in love all over again. This isn't simply about being with someone new; it's about rejuvenating a part of themselves they feared lost to time. When novelty promises a rush of emotions and experiences, the steady rhythm of a long marriage can seem dull in comparison. The pursuit of this high can sometimes override the comforting stability of the known. Old wounds don't heal with time alone; they fester beneath the surface, and for some men, mid-life brings them into sharp focus. Childhood traumas or unresolved personal issues can creep up, manifesting as dissatisfaction with the marriage. It's not that these issues are born out of the relationship, but they find fertile ground in it, exacerbating existing strains. The marriage becomes an echo chamber, amplifying insecurities and fears they've carried throughout life. In seeking resolution, men might feel the need to start anew, away from the triggers embedded in their marital history. The partner becomes an unintentional reminder of these unresolved conflicts, often without either party realizing it. The decision to leave is not out of spite, but rather a misguided attempt to find healing and peace. Unfortunately, without addressing the root issues, they may carry these unresolved problems into new relationships, continuing the cycle. As careers plateau and retirement looms, men often face an existential question: What's next? The roles that once defined them no longer hold the same weight, leading to a crisis of purpose that seeps into their marriage. Without the distraction of career ambitions or the demands of young children, they're left to confront a void that's both terrifying and liberating. This search for purpose can put severe strain on the marriage, as the partner might not understand this internal upheaval. Research from the Harvard Study of Adult Development highlights that purpose in life significantly impacts overall happiness and well-being. For many men, their roles as breadwinners or achievers fade, and they grapple with finding new meaning. The marriage, once a collaborative journey, can feel stifling if one partner is seeking directions the other cannot comprehend. This quest for newfound purpose can drive them away in hopes of finding clarity and fulfillment elsewhere. Expectations can be silent killers of a marriage, especially when they're unmet. Over the years, men might accumulate a litany of unspoken hopes and dreams that reality never quite matched. They might find themselves holding onto memories of what marriage was supposed to be, rather than what it is. This gap between expectation and reality can create a sense of disillusionment, pushing them to seek what they couldn't find at home. These unmet expectations often stem from societal pressures and personal fantasies, which collide with the harsh truths of everyday life. When the fairy tale gives way to the mundane, the dissatisfaction can become overwhelming. Men might feel trapped in a cycle of disappointment, unable to reconcile the partner they imagined with the one they have. The yearning for an ideal marriage can turn into an impetus to leave, in search of a relationship that seems more in line with their dreams. After years of shared decisions and mutual compromises, the desire for personal independence can become a powerful motivator. Men might find themselves longing for the freedom to make choices without the weight of familial obligation. This isn't about selfishness; it's about reclaiming a sense of autonomy that's been diluted by decades of partnership. The allure of being answerable only to oneself can become irresistible. Sociologist Eric Klinenberg suggests in his work that the growing trend of living alone is partly driven by a desire for personal autonomy and self-exploration. For some, the prospect of carving out a space for themselves, free from the expectations of a partner, is deeply appealing. The marriage that once felt like a joint venture can become a cage, limiting their ability to explore personal growth. Seeking autonomy is often an attempt to rediscover their own desires and aspirations, unfettered by the ties of marriage. The emotional labor of maintaining a marriage can be exhausting, especially when it feels unreciprocated or unnoticed. Men might find themselves emotionally drained, having given all they can without feeling recharged. This burnout can lead to a desire to step away from the relationship, not because of a lack of love but due to sheer emotional fatigue. They might feel that leaving is the only way to recover their emotional well-being. In many cases, this burnout isn't recognized until it reaches a critical point where even small tasks feel monumental. The marriage that once provided emotional solace now feels like a burden they're too tired to carry. The decision to leave is often seen as self-preservation, a way to reclaim their emotional energy. It's a complicated dance of self-care and self-doubt, leaving them torn between staying and preserving their emotional health. Growth is an inherent part of life, but when partners grow in different directions, the chasm can become insurmountable. Men might find that their personal evolution no longer aligns with their partner's, leading to a sense of being out of sync. This isn't about one partner being right or wrong, but rather about a shift in compatibility over time. The realization that their paths have diverged can be a catalyst for leaving, seeking someone whose journey aligns more closely with their own. The growth that once brought them together now becomes the very thing that pulls them apart. Shared dreams can transition into individual aspirations, creating a divide that feels too wide to bridge. When efforts to reconnect fail, the prospect of starting fresh becomes appealing. The decision to part ways is often tinged with sadness, yet it's driven by the hope of finding a partnership that matches their current selves. Financial stress is a silent predator that can erode the foundation of even the strongest marriages. For men, the burden of financial responsibility can feel overwhelming, especially if they perceive themselves as failing in this role. Money issues can lead to feelings of inadequacy and shame, which spill over into the marital relationship. The pressure to provide combined with financial instability can make the idea of leaving seem like the lesser of two evils. Disagreements over finances can exacerbate existing tensions, turning money into a battleground rather than a shared resource. When financial struggles dominate the relationship, they can overshadow love and commitment. Men may choose to leave in hopes of finding financial stability on their own terms. This decision, painful as it is, often feels like a necessary step towards regaining control over their lives. A lack of sexual satisfaction can be a potent force driving men away from long marriages. As intimacy fades, they might find themselves yearning for a connection that reignites their passion. The absence of a fulfilling sexual relationship can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration, eroding the bond that once existed. Seeking physical and emotional intimacy outside the marriage can seem like the only way to reclaim a sense of vitality. This dissatisfaction isn't always about frequency; it's often about quality and mutual engagement. When sexual intimacy becomes a chore rather than a shared expression, the disconnect can become too much to bear. Men might seek the thrill and excitement they once felt, hoping to find a partner who shares their desires. The decision to leave is frequently an attempt to reclaim a part of their identity they feel has been lost. Routine can be comforting, but for some, it becomes a prison from which they long to escape. Men might find themselves craving adventure and spontaneity, which a long marriage can sometimes stifle. This isn't about rejecting stability but rather seeking a balance that allows for both security and excitement. The allure of adventure can be a powerful draw, pulling them away from the predictable patterns of married life. Mid-life can be a time of introspection, where the desire to experience life to the fullest becomes paramount. The realization that time is finite can spark a yearning for adventure that feels incompatible with the responsibilities of marriage. In leaving, they hope to explore new facets of life, embracing the unknown with open arms. This quest for adventure is often about more than just leaving the marriage; it's about embracing life's limitless possibilities. Friends, family, and societal expectations can exert profound influence on the decision to leave a long marriage. Men might find themselves swayed by the opinions and experiences of those around them, who offer perspectives that can either clarify or complicate their feelings. The pressure to conform to external expectations can sometimes overshadow personal desires. In this tug-of-war between internal and external influences, leaving might seem like the choice that aligns most with the life they wish to lead. External influences often serve as mirrors reflecting back the discontent they feel internally. Watching peers navigate different life paths can evoke envy or a sense of missing out on alternate possibilities. The decision to leave is frequently shaped by a desire to fit into a narrative that feels more authentic to them. This choice is often less about escaping the marriage and more about stepping into a life that resonates with their true self.
Yahoo
12 hours ago
- Health
- Yahoo
Keep these 4 items out of your bedroom, feng shui expert warns — they could kill your vibe and even your relationship
A feng shui expert has revealed the four common items that people should never keep by their beds. Feng shui, also known as Chinese geomancy, is an ancient Chinese practice that's meant to balance people with their environments and make everything flow to promote prosperity and well-being. Sanhe Shanren, a Chinese culture feng shui master, posted on TikTok the four things that could be draining your energy and causing fatigue, or 'at worst, affect wealth and health.' The first thing on his list was flowers — particularly for couples. 'Fresh flowers don't belong in couples' bedrooms,' he said in the video with 449,000 views. 'They invite third-party involvement, harming marital bonds.' However, the rule is different for single people. As the expert said, single people may display fresh flowers as long as they remember to change the water frequently: 'Never let flowers wilt.' Second, trash bins should never be placed near a bed because they 'carry turbid energy.' 'If placed bedside, you breathe this murky energy while sleeping,' he warned. 'Long-term exposure harms health.' He also advised against keeping medicines or medical records in bedside drawers. 'These health adverse items affect mood and mental state,' he said. Instead, he advised keeping all medications and medical records 'in boxes out of sight.' Finally, metal objects such as scissors or nail clippers should be kept far away from your bed. 'Feng shui teaches that sharp metal easily pierces your energy shield when too close,' he explained. He urged his followers to 'go check immediately' if any of these objects were placed near their beds. Users rushed to the comment section to thank Sanhe for the advice. 'I need to empty my drawers. That's why my energy has been off,' one person wrote. 'So true I have none of those items in my bedroom,' another chimed in. 'I keep so many of these near my bed cuz they are handy to have close if I need them,' a user admitted. However, others shared their personal reasons for why they purposely keep these items by their beds. 'If I don't have my meds nearby, I don't take them. At least the adhd ones need to be there, cause I will stay in bed for days otherwise,' someone shared. 'my diabetic a– needs my meds by my bed,' another said. Another person shared a very common NYC situation: 'i live in a studio. i live between my trashcan, my desk, my door, my mirror and my wilting flowers.' '…I was taught as a kid to put a pair of scissors underneath my pillow to Ward off bad dreams. It always worked and even if my scissors slipped off the bed or fell down the back, it would be the night that I didn't sleep without knowing. What would feng shui say about that? I am genuinely curious,' one person challenged.
Yahoo
13 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
Woman Worries Her 40-Year-Old 'Big Mama's Boy' Husband Will Never Be Independent
A woman worries her husband, who's a "big mamma's boy," will never be independent In a post on Reddit, she writes that his mom weighs in on everything from his 401k to "what soap cleaner is best" "A few months ago I told him his mother is a dealbreaker, but I'm not confident he will ever truly be independent," she writesA woman says her 40-year-old husband is so reliant on his mom that she's worried he'll never be truly independent. The woman shares her dilemma in a Reddit post, writing, "My (35F) husband (40M) is a big mamma's boy. He hid this for the six years we were long distance." "He needs her opinion in every small and big thing and texts and calls daily (401k for new job, will boxes fit in the car for a move, what soap cleaner is best)," she writes. "The thing is, in the beginning he wasn't like this when we dated in person. He had career troubles and court stuff (due to her) so she stepped in and took over; she has access to all his finances, emails, etc since then (unbeknownst to me)." Now, the couple has been married for a couple of years, and his mom's "overreach" is killing the romance. "He has slowly been trying to untangle himself but things came to a head when we moved recently. I rearranged a busy work schedule to move half our stuff on Memorial Day weekend," she writes. "He was agreeable at first, but then closer to the date I suspect he spoke to her and she shut it down bc he refused to do so." Come moving day, the woman enlisted her own parents to help, and her husband got into a fight due to his car being too full of the couple's belongings. "A few months ago I told him his mother is a dealbreaker, but I'm not confident he will ever truly be independent," she writes. "Another thing is he lacks initiative in housework and has to be assigned tasks. My family thinks I deserve better." Now, she's debating what she should do and taking to Reddit to ask others if relationships can improve despite a meddling mother-in-law. "Has anyone seen an improvement being in a relationship with a mamma's boy or is it better to cut losses now?" she writes. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Reddit users aren't confident the relationship can improve. "You're not imagining it, mamma's boy habits like that rarely just disappear," writes one commenter. "And if she's controlling his finances and emails? That's a giant red flag, not 'relationship growing pains.' You're waiting for a man to show up who's been buried under his mom's thumb for years. Time to ask yourself if you want a partner or a perpetual child." Adds another: "If you feel like you're shouldering all the emotional labor and boundary-setting, it might be time to reevaluate. Consider couples therapy to explore these issues further. Ultimately, you deserve a partnership where your needs are respected." Read the original article on People
