Latest news with #boundaries
Daily Mail
16 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Daily Mail
Intimacy by Ita O'Brien: How Normal People can have great sex
Intimacy: A Field Guide to Finding Connection and Feeling Your Deep Desires by Ita O'Brien (Ebury Press £16, 384pp) When Ita O'Brien was growing up in a strictly traditional Irish Catholic family where no one ever mentioned menstruation, let alone sex, she had no inkling her career would involve sitting with actors, offering them choreographic suggestions as to how they might simulate an orgasm. Yet as a sought-after intimacy coordinator for films and television, this is exactly what O'Brien does. Not just the orgasm, but the whole build-up – which she strongly believes should be given time and space. Her mission is to make sex scenes realistic as well as sexy, while respecting actors' boundaries. While there isn't enough time in an hour-long episode to film the full 20 minutes (on average) that it takes for a woman to be 'ready for penetration', the gradualness should be hinted at. In her thought-provoking 'field guide to intimacy', O'Brien becomes an intimacy coordinator for us all, drawing on her filming work to give us helpful tips on how we should make our real-life sex lives both realistic and sexy, while respecting each other's boundaries. People have asked her to visit their bedrooms to help coordinate their sex lives. She does not do that; but this book is the next best thing. Best known for her coordination of the mutually respectful but highly erotic sex scenes between Paul Mescal and Daisy Edgar-Jones 's characters in the BBC drama Normal People (2020), O'Brien is justifiably proud of her work (which also includes It's A Sin, Gentleman Jack, and I May Destroy You). Viewers of Normal People were 'profoundly affected', she writes, by the scene in which Connell (played by Mescal) and Marianne (Edgar-Jones) make love for the first time. 'Are you sure you want this?' Connell asks. When Marianne nods, he says: 'If it hurts, I'll stop.' A bit later, he asks: 'Does it hurt?' 'A bit.' And then she says: 'It's nice.' And they tenderly make love. I remember how captivated we all were by the eroticism as well as the charm of that series during the first lockdown. Those scenes 'helped viewers remember all the joy and gorgeousness of their first relationships as teenagers, and how unsure they felt'. 'The prospect of bringing something to the screen that I felt was representative of the reality of young people in love having sex was really exciting to me,' O'Brien writes. Sex is too often portrayed unrealistically. 'All that bumping and grinding, the thrusting and heads thrown back in simulated ecstasy, rarely bears much relationship to people's own experience of their sexual encounters. We see penetration after 30 seconds of kissing. Is that how it happens in your life? No!' The film world certainly needed someone like O'Brien. Before the arrival of intimacy coordinators, directors just used to tell actors to get on with it. Actress Gemma Whelan describes the multiple intimate sex scenes she had to do in Game Of Thrones as 'a frenzied mess'. 'Action! Just go for it!' the director would shout at the actors. 'Bit of boob biting, then slap her bum and go!' Of her role in the Scandi-noir series The Bridge, Swedish actress Sofia Helin said: 'It's tense every time you have to cross your own boundaries in order to satisfy a director's needs.' Dakota Johnson wishes intimacy coordinators had existed when she was filming Fifty Shades Of Grey. 'I was just kind of thrown to the wolves on that one,' she said. Things have moved on since then. O'Brien's four main tenets are: open communication, agreement and consent, clear choreography, and closure. Her sessions involve deep breathing exercises to make actors fully present in their own bodies and aware and respectful of their partner's physical presence. In one exercise, she advises them to put their right hand on each other's hearts, and their left hand over their partner's hand on their heart, and 'feel the movement of the energy and the dance between you'. That's just one of many build-up exercises, some of which verge on the woo-woo. There's a great deal about the seven chakras, and a lot of visualising of waterfalls, and your own lower body as 'the base of a tree putting roots deep into the earth'. When it comes to advising us on how to improve our own intimate lives, or at least how to avoid our sex lives from rusting up over a long marriage, O'Brien says self-love and self-esteem are most important. Look into a mirror and say: 'I choose to love myself. I am enough. I believe in myself.' She advises gazing into the eyes of your partner for 60 seconds at a time, and 'sharing your wonderings'. Gaze at the stars together, as she and her partner do; stand in bare feet on the grass in order to be fully rooted in your body. She advises us to be honest about what we do and don't want, and how that might change over time, and to dare to talk about it although it can be 'difficult and embarrassing'. She invites us to 'take a hand mirror and to explore and get to know your vulva'. I might give that one a miss. To remind us how unique every vulva is, O'Brien gives us a full page of drawings of different-shaped ones, from an art work by Jamie McCartney called The Great Wall of Vulva, which portrays 400 of them. Not a work to show to the older generation in Catholic Ireland, perhaps. Yet I liked the advice she quotes from the sex therapist Linsey Blair: we should regard intimacy as a kind of tapas menu. 'You order in bite-size chunks; you don't just think every sexual encounter has to be a three-course meal leading to penetration and orgasm.' Sometimes 'doing small things every day is more intimate than a three-course extravaganza once every three months'. 'Tuesday sex' is what she calls the ordinary stuff, which many of us might hope to keep up as a habit over a long lifetime. This is very different from 'Nine And A Half Weeks sex' (named after the film of the same name). Online porn has made too many young people think sex must be of the latter variety. Whereas, in reality, 'intimacy is rarely spontaneous' – and can be just as satisfying if you schedule it into the diary. Most importantly, O'Brien reminds us, 'it's possible to have intimacy without sex, and sex without intimacy'.
Forbes
21 hours ago
- Business
- Forbes
If You Never Say No, Your Yes Loses Value: Power In Setting Boundaries
If you never say no, your yes loses value. The corporate world has become obsessed with terms like hustle, relentlessness, always on mindset, constant availability and yes culture. But real leaders know that learning how to say no has become one of the most powerful tools, not only in business but in life. Many professionals, especially women have been conditioned to believe that being helpful, agreeable, and always available is the fastest route to be seen as a team player or leader in this competitive corporate landscape. What the real leaders aren't telling you, is that when you say yes to everything, you dilute your focus, your energy, and ultimately, your impact. Saying yes should mean something. It should represent thought given, intention, and most importantly alignment with your values and your mission. But when saying yes becomes automatic, out of guilt, fear of missing out, and a desire to be liked by all, you're actually risking burn out and are losing clarity on what really matters. We need to reshape our mindsets, and understand that saying no isn't negative, it's a boundary. It's a statement of self- respect. It's how we protect our time, our energy, and save attention for the things that align with our goals. Every no, is actually a yes to something else, something bigger. Deeper focus, better opportunities, mental well-being, or simply space to think and create. One of the most important questions you can ask yourself is: 'Does this create value?' If it doesn't, it may be time to let it go. The greatest of leaders aren't just responsive, they're discerning. The more success you attain, the more demands will be made of your time. The difference between leaders who scale and those who stay stagnant is often their ability to prioritize and say no with confidence. When you say no strategically, you: Being valuable is not about being constantly available. It's about contributing in meaningful ways that drive results. It's about creating meaningful change, not just being busy. The most respected people in business aren't those who say yes to everyone, they're the ones who show up where it matters most. The next time your calendar is full, your inbox is overflowing, and you're asked to give just a little more, take a second to pause and ask yourself: Does this align with my goals? Will this create value? Is this the best use of my time? And if it doesn't, remember: no is a complete sentence. Your yes will be all the more powerful because of it.
Daily Mail
a day ago
- Lifestyle
- Daily Mail
French woman living in the UK causes outrage after criticising popular lunch choice for British workers
A French woman has revealed her confusion at British lunch culture - prompting some to criticise her over her extensive views. The content creator, who used the handle @alizeecharet on TikTok, made a video where she suggested that rather than rushing out to grab a sandwich at lunch, workers could improve their life balance by spending a few more minutes taking a proper break. However, while more than 7,660 viewers 'liked' the clip, her sentiments did not go down well with everyone who watched it. Speaking in the video, Alizee said: 'Okay, so someone needs to explain to me this culture in the UK, where for lunch people go to M&S, Sainsbury's [or] Tesco, and they just get a lunch deal [for example] a quick sandwich.' She added: 'I just don't get it, because I know you guys don't have time, and I know you guys are trying to grab a quick lunch.' However, Alizee noted: '30 minutes is enough for you to get something nicer. I don't see you want to escape the matrix. You want to escape this rat race, but you are in it. 'You feed on it. It's like you have 30 minutes and you stress about it. It's like you're giving your life to a workplace.' She noted that she sees setting boundaries as important, adding that it's key to 'really stop and pause and remind yourself that even though you have a [job] that you may hate, you still have the right to have boundaries'. Concluding her thoughts, the TikTokker added: 'Three minutes is three minutes, and if you arrive, like, one or two minutes after that, you're not gonna die for it.' She suggested that people take the time to 'find something nice to eat, to switch up some from time to time'. While a sandwich or packet of crisps is not 'bad', Alizee added, to constantly mindlessly consume this type of food is 'not alive'. Physical health was another point she raised when it comes to the British culture of eating lunch while working at a desk. She said: 'You sit the whole day, for eight hours in front of a desktop, and you wonder, "how did I gain so much weight?",' before noting this was likely due to 'the bread [and] the lack of exercise.' In addition, she added, feeling sluggish after this kind of meal means you then fall into a cycle of needing something to feel more energised like grabbing coffee for example. 'I'm not saying don't do that,' Alizee said. 'I'm saying look for other alternative and be conscious of the actions you're taking [...] Those are the small actions you can start doing.' A number of commenters felt the creator missed the point of why they opt for sandwich lunches, with some pointing out cost, and others simply saying they enjoy the option. One viewer wrote: 'Respectfully it's absolutely not this deep I genuinely like Tesco meal deals.' Speaking about the cost of food, one said the TikTokker was 'missing the point'. They wrote: 'Honestly you're missing so much nuance here we are over worked and underpaid and we are TIRED a lot of the things you're talking about is a privilege to a majority of us also 1 hour is not infinite time a lot of us use that hour to do personal tasks too.' In agreement, another added: 'Totally cost related not time related. If you want something other than a meal deal you're easily spending a tenner.' 'Gurl in this economy I can't afford a nice lunch everyday, its bc of money not time,' said another. One felt the issue was not that deep, which they expressed in their response. They simply said: 'Babe it's literally a sandwich.' However, not everyone disagreed with the message of the video, with some sharing similar sentiments. However, many viewers agreed with the video, and pointed out that they were able to save money and enjoy their lunch break One wrote: 'You have a point! Just to clarify - some workplaces are brutal, with 1 or 2 minutes late there are consequences.' In agreement, another said: 'I know what you mean. I stopped with the meal deals years ago, I bring my own lunch to work now and with the nice weather I go walk around town for 30 mins then go back and eat my lunch it's nicer.' A third added: 'I know exactly what you mean don't worry.' 'I completely agree!! I always appreciate how much my European colleagues take time for a proper lunch,' said another. In a similar vein, a further TikTok viewer wrote: 'Agree! Even on weeks low on cash, make a delightful packed lunch that you have to assemble yourself. Sit in the park, breathe in the air.'
Yahoo
2 days ago
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Renter Agrees to Store 'a Few Things' at Their Home for Aunt. Then She Showed Up with a Moving Truck
A renter is upset with their aunt after she showed up with a moving truck full of belongings to be stored The tenant had agreed to store "a few things" for their family member, who they feel took advantage of their kindness They put their foot down and didn't end up storing the itemsA renter is calling out their aunt after she showed up with a truckful of belongings, expecting to have them stored for her. The tenant took to Reddit to air their grievances with their family member. 'My aunt asked if she could 'store a few things' at my place,' the original poster (OP) writes. 'She showed up with a moving truck.' The OP claims their aunt reached out earlier in the week asking to store a 'few boxes' in their apartment — nothing out of the ordinary. ''Nothing big,' she said. Just a couple things while she figured stuff out,' the OP claims. 'I said, sure. I didn't think twice about it,' they wrote. 'Then a full moving truck pulled up in front of my building.' According to the OP, the aunt brought furniture, a bed, a dining room table and dozens of boxes. She walked around 'liked she owned the place' then 'started telling me where to put stuff.' Upset with her behavior, the OP allegedly confronted their aunt telling her, 'You asked to leave a few things, not move in.' In the moment, the renter recalls they could sense their aunt's judgement through. She claimed they were being difficult about 'extra space [they weren't] using anyway.' The OP then told the movers to stop unloading items. In the end, the tenant told their aunt they wouldn't be able to store any of her belongings. 'I said to her, 'I pay rent here. I'm not free storage and didn't sign up for a surprise roommate,'' the OP writes. is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! The post garnered over five thousand upvotes and over 150 comments in just 8 hours. Reddit users were quick to share their thoughts on the familial spat. One user wrote: 'Honestly, these kind [of] people who do this know exactly what they're doing. It's not confusion, it's manipulation dressed up in Ikea boxes.' Some responded with humor: 'These days there are companies that actually rent storage lockers. Amazing she hadn't heard about them,' another user wrote. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. Another commenter alleges they had a similar experience with their brother-in-law. He had brought over some of his 'crap' to store for a 'little while, until he got into another apartment.' A year later, the homeowner was cleaning parts of the house and realized the 'junk' was still there. 'I was furious so I dragged it all out to the driveway and called him to come and get it because we're not his damn storage unit,' the commenter claims. 'I also told him that if it got rained on (this was in Houston) then it's all going out with the trash.' Read the original article on People
Yahoo
3 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Woman Refuses to Let Mom and Brother Move Into Her Tiny Studio Apartment. Now She's Being Pushed Out of Her Own Home
A Redditor's mom and teen brother insist on moving into her 300-square-foot studio, telling her she can leave if she doesn't like it The 26-year-old was left heartbroken after investing in renovations and making the space her own, only to be told her brother needs it more Her offer to pay for another apartment in exchange for ownership is rejected, leading her to seek advice from Reddit on whether she's in the wrongA woman turns to the Reddit community for support after a family conflict leaves her questioning her own boundaries and sense of home. The 26-year-old explains that her mother bought her a studio apartment as a graduation gift, a gesture she deeply appreciates. 'I know not everyone has the same privilege in life,' she writes in her post, acknowledging her gratitude, but also notes that the apartment was unfinished when she moved in and is technically in her mother's name. For a while, she never thought much about the ownership details until her family's plans began to shift. 'My family (mother 56F, stepfather 60M and half brother 16M) live in a small town in the same country,' she explains, setting the stage for the dilemma that follows. The situation escalated when her mother tells her that her half-brother wants to move to the city to attend a better school and live with her. 'I said that it is completely unacceptable, as he is a minor and the apartment is a studio (300 sqft),' she says, making it clear that she feels unprepared to take on the responsibility of a teenage sibling in such a small space. She tries to reason with her mother, asking, 'I am not his parent, so why should I hold this responsibility?' Her mother's response is that 'family should help family,' but the Reddit poster stands firm, insisting that her brother should focus on his studies and move into a dorm if he wants to live in the city. The disagreement leads to a month-long silence between mother and daughter, until her mother calls again with a new ultimatum. 'She called me and said that they would move in anyway,' the poster reveals, describing how her mother now claims that, because she works remotely, she doesn't need to stay in the city, and that her brother needs the apartment more. The young woman is left feeling cornered and betrayed. 'My mother also said that she isn't kicking me out, I can stay here or I can go wherever or I can go back home,' she shares, but quickly points out, 'Well I can't go back home as I won't be living with my stepdad cause it would be really weird.' She is devastated by the prospect of losing her home, which she has poured her time and energy into making her own. 'It is a tiny shoe box, but it is mine. I made all the renovations how I liked, decorated, bought and assembled the furniture by myself,' she writes. Desperate for a solution, she offers a compromise: 'At the end, I suggested that they rent another apartment in my city for 2 years (while the brother is still in high school) and I will pay for it if she legally transfers the ownership of this apartment to me.' Her mother rejects the idea, citing the saying: 'even though the place is crowded, we don't mind.' The emotional toll is overwhelming. 'I just feel so betrayed, I cried the whole weekend,' she confides, adding that if she had known the apartment wasn't truly hers, she would have used her savings as a down payment for her own property. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. She tries to reason with her mother, but nothing changes. She also adds a few more thoughts, revealing that her stepdad thinks the idea is 'ridiculous' but avoids conflict, and that other relatives support her but feel powerless. She also worries about the practical reality: 'It is impossible for them to live here without arguing all the time because people need privacy, especially teenagers.' Despite everything, she still believes in the importance of family, but not at the cost of her own well-being. 'I do think that family should help family but not in that specific case,' she concludes, leaving readers to wonder where the line should be drawn between helping loved ones and protecting your own space. Read the original article on People
