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6 days ago
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6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn
6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn originally appeared on Parade. Has someone ever asked you for something in a way that didn't feel right? Maybe you felt manipulated, or even just uncomfortable. You didn't know how to respond, or you felt as though you were about to be dragged into doing something you didn't want so, you're not alone. Whether a person is trying to manipulate you or not, and whether it's malicious or not, I imagine many of us have experienced this. Sometimes, it's an instance of 'dry begging,' a tactic that can feel awkward at best and be manipulation at psychologists explain what 'dry begging' is, the common signs and examples to look out for and how it can be a narcissistic In short, 'dry begging' is an indirect request. 'The person will make comments that one can extrapolate a request from, but they do not come out and ask directly for something,' explains Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks in Birmingham, Alabama who specializes in relationships, coping skills and self-esteem.'It is like emotional code-switching,' adds Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist at SOBA New Jersey. 'Instead of saying 'Can you help me with this?', they will say something like, 'I do not know how I am going to finish all this on my own.''Related: As you'll see ahead, some dry begging phrases aren't super obvious. Knowing whether someone is dry begging or simply thinking out loud can be difficult. So, how do you know if you're facing the former? First, go back to Dr. Smith's definition: Can you infer a request from their words? Assess how it makes you feel. 'You will often notice a kind of emotional pull, where you feel compelled to step in or reassure them, even though they never actually asked,' Dr. Estevez adds. Dr. Smith also encourages assessing their internal experience, which can come across in their tone or body language. Trust your gut if it's not meant in a manipulative way, dry begging is not a super healthy or effective communication strategy. Dr. Estevez points out how it hinges on people reading between the lines, and it can put pressure on them to decipher what's really going Do Manipulators Know What They're Doing? A Psychologist Shares the Truth Dry begging gives similar vibes as subtle signs of narcissism, like fishing for compliments and constantly blaming others. Sometimes, there's a connection. 'When the person is intentionally dry begging with the purpose of manipulating to get their way or to be seen in the most favorable light, not caring about the impact on the other(s), then those are times when dry begging could be connected to narcissistic traits/tendencies or narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) itself,' Dr. Smith the same time, she wants to clarify that a small percentage of the population meets the criteria for NPD, while many more people put themselves first without thinking sometimes. Suffice it to say, dry begging isn't always a sign of a narcissist.'Most people use it occasionally,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Dry begging on its own is not necessarily narcissistic.'Related: 5 Unexpected Signs You *Might* Be a Narcissist, Psychologists Warn Another reason a person might dry beg is because they fear rejection. 'This leads them to not ask for things directly because it would be 'worse' to directly ask for something and not have it met than to be indirect and use the ambiguity of the request as a reason their need or want was not met,' Dr. Smith can be another factor, she adds, in which someone feels it's impolite to ask for things directly. Or, they may have a low sense of self-worth, feeling as though they aren't worthy of the ask. For these reasons and more, it's important not to jump to the 'narcissism' she encourages looking at whether the behavior becomes a pattern or is used to control others in some way. 'Covert narcissism, in particular, is where you might see this more often,' Dr. Estevez says. 'Instead of grandstanding, the covert narcissist plays the victim or martyr, using phrases that pull for sympathy or admiration without being overt. It is not about the request itself but the emotional leverage behind it.'But again, she continues, it's 'important to not pathologize everyone who drops a vague comment,' especially if they're tired or stressed. Related: This phrase taps into guilt, Dr. Smith says, which is exacerbated when it's followed up by, 'I guess I don't matter as much to you as you do to me.' (Eek.)It's important to note that the person saying this may or may not be trying to guilt-trip you. 'It could genuinely be their sense of not feeling as important to the listener,' she says, 'and other times, the person is wholly aware of how that sentiment will come across and intends it to sting.'Related: While it may sound like an offhand comment, Dr. Estevez says, this is often a veiled complaint. 'The speaker is not asking for help; they are highlighting the lack of it and hoping the other person feels guilty enough to step up.' The indirect request plays on the other person's care and concern. 'There is a directness to it that can draw a person in to want to help, because most people have had moments of feeling overwhelmed and knowing how difficult that can be,' Dr. Smith clarifies that phrases like these aren't always requests for help, in which they wouldn't be examples of dry This phrase emphasizes the 'martyr' term used above. 'It is not just about food,' Dr. Estevez says. 'It is about saying, 'Look how much I am sacrificing,' without ever voicing what they want.' This phrase has similar energy as 'I just can't get it done all by myself.''The person is communicating a sense of resignation that they are alone in the decision-making or actions needed and [are] going to have to 'figure it out' on their own [and /or] accept whatever the consequences are,' Dr. Smith Again, they're asking for help without asking for help. 'The message is framed as resignation, but the emotional subtext is often frustration or resentment,' Dr. Estevez mentioned, dry begging is tricky, though. We all have off days. Some of us struggle to express our needs or just want to complain. In other cases, these phrases might be a sign of something more manipulative and concerning. It's all very subtle. 'Each of these examples walks the line between expression and manipulation,' Dr. Estevez if you hear those phrases, she suggests acknowledging the pattern and gently encouraging more open and honest communication. 'Bringing it into the open can shift things in a healthier direction,' she explains. Up Next:Dr. Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist who specializes in relationships, coping skills and self-esteem. Dr. Carolina Estevez, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist 6 Subtle 'Dry Begging' Phrases People Use To Manipulate Others, Psychologists Warn first appeared on Parade on Jun 16, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 16, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
16-06-2025
- General
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8 Things Most Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say
8 Things Most Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say originally appeared on Parade. "OK, Boomer" became a catchphrase a few years ago. Often uttered by Millennials, the line was typically accompanied by an eye roll and implied that whatever the "Boomer" (sometimes the Millennial's parent) said was uncool and out of touch. Yet, psychologists say that we could learn a lot about resilience from the Baby Boomer generation, or people born between 1946 and 1964."Resilience is not about 'sucking it up' or 'pulling yourself up by your bootstraps,'" clarifies , a psychologist with Thriveworks. "It is the ability to recover, adapt and grow through adversity. Boomers learned this out of necessity. The Boomer generation…grew up in the post World War II era marked by rapid industrialization, cultural shifts and less emotional handholding."Of course, discussion of generations can often veer into generalization territory. People are still unique, regardless of the year on their birth certificate. Still, Dr. Saidi says it's essential to be mindful of how the cultural, societal and parenting trends and events of your childhood might affect you as an adult."So much of who we are, how we handle stress and emotions, and how we relate to our peers is shaped by parenting, school and cultural norms," she points Saidi and two other psychologists share eight childhood experiences that have made Boomers resilient (and what to do if you were negatively affected by growing up during this time).Related: It's probably a good thing Boomers couldn't doom-scroll back in the day because the news was a rollercoaster then, too."Boomers were exposed to societal upheaval through events like the Vietnam War, the Civil Rights movement and the Cold War, which forced them to grapple with uncertainty, loss and moral complexity at a young age," shares a psychologist. "They were able to bounce back from disillusionment and hold nuance, which are both hallmarks of psychological strength."Related: The Boomer Generation got an early crash course in the value of responsibility and a dollar. However, it did more than add change to their piggy banks."Many Boomers helped with chores, looked after siblings or worked part-time jobs in their teens," reports Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "These early responsibilities helped them build confidence, discipline and a belief that their efforts mattered." Boomers couldn't type a query into Google or ChatGPT."Boomers had to learn and problem-solve without the internet," Dr. Schiff says. "They would turn to books, libraries or knowledgeable adults in order to answer questions they had."Dr. Saidi wants to double-click on the library point."Boomers had to learn how to gather, synthesize and retain information [through]... libraries and analog learning," she explains. "Research back then was not just one click away."Related: It wasn't all work and school and no play, though. Boomers often like to share how they knew it was time to go home for dinner: the street lights were on. It's generally not a generational urban legend, and psychologists say the adult-free playtime likely had significant resilience-building benefits."Without constant adult supervision, boomers developed risk tolerance, independence and problem-solving skills through their everyday activities, such as climbing trees and riding bikes," Dr. Saidi says. It's not just that Boomers enjoyed unstructured outdoor play—it's the type of structures (and playgrounds) they accessed. Boomers didn't play on the playgrounds of today."Boomers grew up with metal slides, monkey bars and few safety rules," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "While not always safe, this environment helped them learn how to handle falls, take risks and figure out what felt safe for them."Related: "One-click buy" was not a thing when Boomers were coming of age."Boomers grew up without smartphones, streaming services and overnight shipping," Dr. Schiff says. "There was less instant gratification. If they wanted something, they had to save up and wait. This helped them build up patience and the ability to tolerate discomfort. These are key ingredients for managing stress later in life." These days, the entertainment industry is adapting to the reality that we often use multiple streams at once (AKA scrolling TikTok while "watching" a movie). Boomers were often lucky to get to watch a little TV each week—and it wasn't HD."Having fewer digital distractions led to increased boredom tolerance, which often sparked imagination, creativity and resourcefulness," Dr. Saidi says. "Without having 24/7 internet access or screen time, they had to entertain themselves."Related: Speaking of fewer digital distractions, Boomers couldn't send someone a message via WhatsApp or text. However, they were arguably more connected than younger generations."Because there was no texting or social media, people talked in person or on the phone," Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "This built strong skills like listening, reading social cues and resolving disagreements in real-time."Related: Remember, there's a difference between "resilience" and "martyring yourself." "Many Boomers grew up with the idea that you should keep your problems to yourself or 'just deal with it,'" Dr. Lira de la Rosa says. "However, seeking support is not a failure."In fact, he explains that asking for help is a sign of strength."Whether it's turning to a friend, partner, support group or therapist, reaching out is often the first step toward feeling better," he points Dr. Lira de la Rosa says that Boomers may have been repeatedly told not to cry or to "tough it out" as children and internalized this message to their detriment. "When we suppress emotions, they don't go away," he explains. "They often show up as stress, anxiety or even physical health issues. Being able to name and feel your emotions can improve your relationships, reduce your stress and help you feel more at ease in your own skin."Dr. Schiff agrees, urging Boomers to rethink using emotional suppression as a survival strategy."Name and express your feelings in order to build deeper self-awareness and stronger relationships," she It's OK to move on from old expectations. "Norms from childhood may have helped you survive or succeed in the past, but they might not fit your life now," Dr. Lira de la Rosa an internal monologue that includes things like, "I have to do it all myself," or "Therapy is only for people who are really struggling.""Questioning those ideas doesn't mean you're betraying your values," Dr. Lira de la Rosa continues. "Rather, it means you're growing. Letting go of what no longer helps you creates space for healthier coping and more meaningful connections." Up Next:Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a psychologist with Thriveworks Dr. Holly Schiff, Psy.D., a psychologist Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor 8 Things Most Boomers Experienced as Kids That Made Them More Resilient Than Other Generations, Psychologists Say first appeared on Parade on Jun 15, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 15, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
12-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Psychologists Are Begging Women To Remove These 15 Phrases from Their Vocabulary
Psychologists Are Begging Women To Remove These 15 Phrases from Their Vocabulary originally appeared on Parade. Psychologists stress that words are powerful tools that are often overlooked. We have more control over what leaves our mouths than whether a recruiter opens our resume in a candidate pool of thousands, or whether our mercurial boss is in the mood to give us a raise. However, psychologists warn that women often undermine their own power with they say to themselves."Words matter, especially the ones we speak about ourselves," notes ., a psychologist with Thriveworks. "When women use dismissive, people-pleasing or shrinking phrases, it subtly reinforces the power dynamics and limits how confidently we show up."Dr. Saidi and two other psychologists encourage women to take up space. To do so, women will want to delete these 15 phrases from their vocabulary ASAP and regularly repeat some alternative lines All three psychologists we spoke with brought up a variation of this phrase."Apologizing, especially for something simple like having a need or opinion, can reinforce feelings of unworthiness or fear of taking up space," Dr. Saidi explains. "Instead, try 'Excuse me' or 'Thank you for your patience.'"Related: Could You Be a Victim of 'Self-Gaslighting'? 5 Signs of the Subtle Form of Self-Sabotage and How To Stop, According to Experts We say this with care: Just don't with this phrase."Whether it's 'I'm just a stay-at-home mom' or 'I'm just asking,' the word 'just' shrinks whatever follows it," Dr. Saidi shares. "It downplays your role, your voice and your contribution, even when it is valuable." Psychologists aren't fans of this phrase, which women often recite out of habit."This is survival language to avoid vulnerability or confrontation," ., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. "She's not fine, but saying she isn't might open a door she's been punished for walking through. She lies to protect herself and teaches others to ignore her pain."Related: Are you, though? One psychologist suggests taking a beat because your response could very well be 100% reasonable."Don't gaslight yourself before expressing valid emotion," advises., a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical director of Greenwich Psychology Remember: Emotions are human."Labeling yourself as 'too sensitive' can teach you to distrust your emotional signals rather than accept them with compassion," Dr. Saidi points out. "For example, instead of saying 'I'm too sensitive,' you can say, 'That felt upsetting, I want to understand why.'" This one essentially combines "I'm fine" with "I'm being too sensitive" for the wrong kind of one-two punch. Dr. Hafeez says it's a learned behavior to avoid being labeled as "dramatic," but one that minimizes hurt to keep everyone else comfy. "What hurts matters," she stresses. "Denying it doesn't make it go away."Related: We're not going to lie: It's time to say bye-bye-bye to this phrase, which undermines everything you say next."Labeling your idea or feeling as crazy creates shame and discourages any deeper conversation," Dr. Saidi adds that phrases like "This might sound bold" or "This might sound unexpected" are more The problem with this phrase is that even if you're right or your idea is sound, people with differing viewpoints automatically have an out to bulldoze your POV."It preemptively discredits your own opinion, and women often use this to avoid sounding too confident," Dr. Saidi cautions. Wait, didn't you know that everyone is an expert in everything these days? But jokes aside: "Stop saying this," Dr. Zackson begs women. "It's an unnecessary self-inflicted wound. Your voice is valid." Dr. Hafeez shares that women who use this phrase have usually been chronically questioned, interrupted and dismissed. "[These women] hand over [their] authority in exchange for approval," she explains. "This is not a request for clarity but rather a plea for permission to be taken seriously."Related: 15 Phrases to Politely End a Conversation, According to Psychologists Dr. Zackson really wants you to know that "this undermines your contribution before you've even said something."Nix the disclaimer—hopefully, the person on the receiving end of your knowledge drops will just politely let you know if they already knew (and thank you if you enlightened them). A classic among women for all the wrong reasons."This is the echo of every moment she was told she was too much, so she packs down her needs into silence," Dr. Hafeez reports of women who default to this phrase. You and other women don't always have to DIY."She says this because asking for help has made her feel weak or exposed," Dr. Hafeez says. "She's been rewarded for independence and punished for need."Related: If you really don't care about which way a work project goes or where you eat for dinner, it's fine to punt to someone with more of a stake in the game. However, remember you're a key stakeholder in your life and deserve agency—you have to speak up for it, though."If you say this when you do actually have a preference, it's essentially people-pleasing in disguise," Dr. Saidi says. "Constantly deferring to others trains your brain to devalue your own preferences and teaches others to do so as well." It depends on the situation, but Dr. Hafeez says this one has toxic uses in heterosexual romantic partnerships. Primarily, she doesn't believe women should use it to make excuses for carrying the emotional labor, forgiving a man for making the same mistake and offering second (third, fourth and fifth) chances."Good intentions don't cancel out patterns of neglect," she emphasizes. "Doing better matters more than meaning well."Related: Step into your power instead of undermining it."It shows that you understand your power, advocating for yourself and affirming your self-worth," Dr. Zackson 16 Things People With High Emotional Intelligence Often Say, According to Psychologists This phrase is one you'll likely need to repeat to yourself if you are a people pleaser, which many women have been conditioned to be. "This one is great because it affirms agency, encourages setting boundaries—which some women may struggle with—and promotes assertiveness," Dr. Saidi raves. "It reminds women that they do not have to choose between being kind and respecting themselves."Related: Can we get a mic drop?"It's bold, clean and unapologetic," Dr. Hafeez reports. "It shuts down the need to over-explain, walk back a truth or soften a boundary. It's best used when someone tries to challenge, twist or diminish what you've already made clear."Up Next:Dr. Crystal Saidi, Psy.D., a psychologist with Thriveworks Dr. Judith Zackson, Ph.D., a licensed clinical psychologist and clinical director of Greenwich Psychology Group Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind Psychologists Are Begging Women To Remove These 15 Phrases from Their Vocabulary first appeared on Parade on Jun 11, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 11, 2025, where it first appeared.
Yahoo
11-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
Teens are Obsessed With 'Checking the UV'—Why Experts Say It's Risky
It's hard to walk through life without hearing tried and proven-true ways to protect yourself from the sun's ultraviolet (UV) rays: Wear and reapply sunscreen, and find a shady spot or avoid being outside when the UV index is at its highest in the middle of the day. So, it can be misleading when teens say they are going to go 'check the UV.' While it sounds like a practical and protective step, the TikTok-trending phrase means quite the opposite. 'In this case, the concern is that 'checking the UV' does not mean checking to see if the UV is too high to go out in the sun, which is the intended purpose of the UV rating,' explains Brandy Smith, PhD, a licensed psychologist with Thriveworks. 'Rather, 'checking the UV' is being used indication of [figuring out when] a good time to go outside in the sun to achieve an appearance that has been purported as desirable.' Some teens believe that by ensuring that the UV is at its peak they'll have a better chance of getting tan if they head outside. However, experts warn that the trend is dangerous to a teen's physical and mental health in both the short and long term. We spoke to a dermatologist and two psychologists about the dangers of 'check the UV,' why it's spreading on social media, and how to talk to your teen about it. As with many harmful trends these days, social media platforms like TikTok are significantly contributing to the rising popularity of teens 'checking the UV.' Tweens and teens share videos of themselves checking the weather app on their phones to find the UV for the day. They have even created memes poking fun of how often they check the UV to see when the best time is to attempt to get a tan. 'Teens are in a critical period of development, and social media plays a huge role in shaping their beauty standards,' explains Emily Guarnotta, PsyD, a psychologist with Phoenix Health. 'Beauty content that promotes narrow standards, like tan skin, can lead teens to connect their own self-worth to how closely they match these ideals. On top of it, algorithms promote this type of content, which keeps teens stuck in a pattern of comparing.' Today's parents may remember scouring magazines for beauty advice, but this new generation often looks to social media for tips on what to do and which trends to follow, explains Dr. Smith. A key problem? 'Teens sometimes use social media as their taking into consideration how safe or healthy something is,' Dr. Smith says. 'Critical thinking skills are less developed at that age and often seen as less valuable during that time of life.' It's also important to remember that almost anyone can post on social media, and the information shared does not need to be fact-checked before reaching its intended audience, allowing misinformation to rapidly spread. According to Viktoryia Kazlouskaya, MD, PhD, a dermatologist, teens may believe they're looking at the UV index in hopes of getting a healthy looking glow, but the result is anything but healthy. While the highest ratings indeed signify the most sun exposure, the UV index (UVI) wasn't created as a tanning forecast. In fact, The World Health Organization (WHO) notes that the UVI measures UV radiation levels in order to inform people about how to protect themselves from the sun based on the ratings so they do not intentionally expose their bodies to UV rays without proper safeguards. The ratings go from 0 to 11. According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), here's how to properly "check the UV:" Most people can enjoy the outdoors safely when the UVI is between 0 and 2. It's a good idea to wear SPF 15+ if you burn easily (and note that the UV rays reflect off the snow in winter, making SPF a year-round necessity). Take practical steps for moderate (3-5) to high (6-7). Sunglasses, wide-brimmed hats, and broad-spectrum SPF 30+ are a few ways to keep yourself safe from the sun. Avoid very high UV (8-10) and extreme UV (11 and above). Shirts, wide-brimmed hats, sunscreen, and shade are musts if you need to be outside. Dr. Kazlouskaya notes that the 'check the UV' trend 'disturbs dermatologists who are concerned about higher risks of skin cancer—including melanoma, one of the deadliest cancers.' Skin cancer is the most common type of cancer in the U.S. by far, according to the American Cancer Society. Dr. Kazlouskaya also notes that repeated sun exposure and damage can also lead to premature collagen damage and premature aging. Yet, wrinkles may seem foreign and far off to a person who hasn't even hit their 20s yet. The physical risks are just the beginning. Trends like "checking the UV" perpetuate harmful narratives around beauty that young kids are especially susceptible to. Dr. Guarnotta warns that this is one of the aspects of the trend that most disturbs her. 'When teens see these trends and beauty content pushed, it reinforces to them that beauty is more important than health,' Dr. Guarnotta says. 'Teens may also prioritize short-term rewards, like tan skin, over long-term risks.' Though the concept of practicing 'safe sun' has become more prevalent in recent years, experts warn that unregulated beauty content spreads rapidly online and threatens to undo some of the significant progress made. Teens who haven't developed critical thinking skills are especially vulnerable. 'Social media platforms like Instagram and TikTok prioritize content that is emotional, extreme, and catchy,' explains Dr. Guarnotta. Indeed, you may recall that former Facebook (Now Meta) employee Frances Haugen's whistleblower report detailed how the company utilized 'angry content' to keep people engaged on the platform. The company also had data citing that Instagram, which it also owns, made eating disorders worse for teen girls, but it continued to push that content because it kept them on the app. These tactics can also lead to the spread of harmful skincare content. 'Trends like beauty hacks and tips are more likely to go viral, even if they're not grounded in science,' Dr. Guarnotta says. 'These posts then get served to teens who may take these posts at face value without considering the health risks. We need to protect our children from exposure to this content and also encourage them to develop the skills necessary to think through risks.' Teens may naturally assert their independence, but experts share that parents can still feel empowered to help guide them through similar harmful beauty trends. Here are ways to shed light on the harms of 'checking the UV' for tanning purposes—and preparing them for whatever trend comes next. Dr. Smith suggests educating your teen using relatable, age-appropriate language about trends. 'With this trend, educate them about what the purpose of the UV number is: To alert people of when to avoid being outside, rather than as a draw to spend time outside,' says Dr. Smith. Also, don't forget to show your teen how to do a self-skin check so they can monitor any signs of skin American Cancer Society recommends conducting a monthly skin check to look for potential signs of skin cancer, such as expanding moles, growths or spots, or a sore that hasn't healed in weeks. You'll want to do skin checks in well-lit areas with full-length mirrors. Handheld mirrors and a trusted friend or family member can help you get the best look at hard-to-see body parts, such as your scalp or back. The American Cancer Society laid out how to do a skin check at home (and parents can share this information with their teens). Here's what to do: Face the full-length mirror. Look at your face, ears, neck, stomach, and chest (people with breasts should lift them and evaluate the skin underneath). Then, go over the underarm areas on both sides, as well as the top and palm of both hands. Don't forget to look at the skin between your fingers and under your nails. Sit down. While in a chair, asses your quads, shins, and the tops of both feet. As with the hands, you'll want to check between your toes and under the nails. Grab the handheld mirror. Then, sit down again and use it to check the bottoms of your feet, calves, and hamstrings. Keep the handheld mirror. You'll need it to evaluate your butt, genitals, back, neck, and ears. Struggling? Stand with your back to the full-length mirror, and use the hand mirror to get a better view of your body's reflection. Get a comb or hair dryer and part your hair. Now, check the scalp. Dr. Kazlouskaya suggests discussing the risks of excessive sun exposure early and even taking a shopping trip for cute, sun-protective clothing and hats. 'Knowledge is power, allowing individuals to develop healthy habits,' he says. Dr. Guarnotta notes you can do the same with sunscreens. '[You] want to normalize sun protection as an act of self-care, not something that should be compromised for." Experts say that actions speak louder than words. 'If you tell your teen to do certain things but are not actually showing it being done, it undermines the message,' explains Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith suggests using sunscreen, wearing sun umbrellas, and covering your skin, especially when you're outside for extended periods. That said, words also matter and are a part of role modeling. 'Are you making comments about your body, others' bodies, and/or your teen's body that communicate you and/or others need to 'fit in' and look or present a certain way?' Dr. Smith suggests asking yourself. 'If so, work to reduce how often, how intensely, or at least the types of comments you make, especially around your teen.' Part of the issue with the 'check the UV' trend is that teens are often focused on living in the present versus the future. '[This] time of life is associated with a sense of invincibility or at least limited awareness of how what one does now impacts future self, especially decades into the future,' says Dr. Smith. While that has its benefits, having an eye on the future does, too. Dr. Smith says it's essential to help your teen connect their present and future self. 'Thinking of how 'tanned skin is technically damaged skin' is not a notion commonly enough discussed, but is one that you, as parents, can make sure your teen is aware of, starting preferably when they are younger,' Dr. Smith says. 'A teen thinking about how their actions now could impact skin cancer in the future is not going to come naturally, so talk about that reality. No, you do not have to scare your children and teens, but you can have helpful conversations that educate them on beneficial actions now that can also help future them.' If it's not 'check the UV,' it's something else. Unfortunately, harmful social media trends aren't going anywhere, so thinking broadly and long-term about helping teens develop critical thinking skills—especially when it comes to digital content—is vital. 'Talk to your teen about what they see online and how not everything is healthy or realistic,' Dr. Guarnotta says. 'Discuss the role of filters, editing, and influencers to help them understand that the content that they are served is altered. Give your teen space to think through these issues with you and encourage their efforts to question what they see rather than take it at face value.' Read the original article on Parents
Yahoo
11-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Yahoo
Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say
Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say originally appeared on Parade. The label "self-absorbed" carries a negative connotation, and being called that might send you spiraling into shame. However, psychologists insist that many self-absorbed people display certain traits without any ill will. behaviors are often unintentional."Being self-absorbed doesn't necessarily mean someone is selfish or intentionally hurtful," says, a Los Angeles–based licensed clinical psychologist. "It often means that a person is so caught up in their own emotional or mental worlds that they struggle to tune into others. It's a kind of emotional tunnel vision that may be driven by unmet needs, anxiety or even exhaustion."However, Dr. Ayrapetyan warns that self-absorbed behaviors can cause real harm to relationships. She and other psychologists say self-awareness is key and share 12 self-absorbed people often display without even realizing it. They also reveal helpful ways to overcome these Experts reveal subtle traits and behaviors to look out for. Asking for help and communicating your needs is important. However, psychologists stress the importance of balance."If most of your communication is need-based, it can signal that you're being self-absorbed," says ., a psychologist with Thriveworks. "People tend to notice when they are being used rather than valued."A just-because text or follow-up to chat about a pal's recent vacation are great ways to show you care about someone. Dr. Saidi says self-absorbed types are often more focused on how relationships look rather than how they feel."People who are self-absorbed tend to be highly focused on how they are perceived, often through social media posts, curated stories and self-promotion," she explains. "These matter more to them than vulnerability and mutual sharing, which creates authentic connections." Some way, somehow, a self-absorbed person will figure out how to make a conversation about them—even if the path there is a winding one. However, this trait can make relationships rocky."When someone constantly redirects the focus to their own life, they send the message that other people's experiences don't matter," points out Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind. "Over time, this can leave friends and loved ones feeling invisible or dismissed."Related: Sometimes, it's challenging for someone to get a word in with a self-absorbed person, which can also wreak havoc on connections."Cutting people off or talking over them makes others feel unheard," Dr. Hafeez adds. "It shuts down authentic dialogue and creates an environment where people feel unsafe expressing themselves." The blame game is always on with many self-absorbed people, but they're never "it.""Feedback may feel like a personal attack, so they respond with defensiveness," Dr. Saidi reports. "They may even turn it around and blame the other person to protect their ego."Related: The issues with criticism and accountability can also lead self-absorbed people to treat saying "Sorry" like a dirty word. When they do say it? It's often not a "real" apology."They may say things like 'I'm sorry you feel that way' instead of acknowledging their impact," says Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor. "This can leave others feeling invalidated and can make it harder to repair the relationship."Related: Empathy is a key component of healthy relationships, but Dr. Ayrapetyan notes that self-absorbed individuals may struggle with it and not even realize it."They may intellectually understand the emotions of others but will often have a hard time connecting emotionally," she says. "For children, this can feel like emotional abandonment. When a parent can't attune to what the child is feeling, it impacts the child's emotional development and sense of worth." This one is often well-intentioned, but Dr. Lira de la Rosa says going into "fix-it mode" without genuinely listening to someone has pitfalls."It can shut down the other person's emotional process," he explains. "In relationships, people usually want to feel understood before they are offered solutions." Related: It's natural to love compliments and pats on the back, but it can veer into "self-absorbed" territory if the need for praise is constant."Excessive dependence on external validation can become draining and one-sided in relationships, especially when a partner or child's emotional needs are being overshadowed," Dr. Ayrapetyan shares. While self-absorbed types want praise, they often struggle to do the same for others."It shows a lack of empathy when someone can't express happiness for others, whether out loud or even privately," Dr. Hafeez reveals. "This can damage relationships and lead others to feel unsupported, even in their proudest moments."Related: Dr. Ayrapetyan explains that it's important to ask other people questions and show genuine interest in their thoughts. Otherwise, she warns it sends a memo that "you don't matter.""In a family, this can cause a partner or child to feel emotionally neglected or unseen, even if that wasn't the intent," she explains. Dr. Lira de la Rosa notes that people with self-absorbed tendencies often take a "rules are for thee, not for me" approach to life."They may not realize this comes off as entitlement," he warns. "When this happens in group settings, it can cause tension and damage trust."Related: Active listening can crucially help with self-absorbed traits, like jumping to give advice and lacking empathy."This means slowing down, making eye contact and showing real interest in what the other person is saying without thinking about how to respond right away," Dr. Lira de la Rosa explains. "You might ask a thoughtful question or reflect back on what you heard. These small changes can make people feel deeply respected and valued."Related: "Self-absorbed behavior often revolves around personal gain or recognition," Dr. Hafeez notes. "Doing something purely for someone else builds empathy and rewires your focus outward."She suggests offering to help a co-worker without being asked, texting something encouraging to a friend or letting someone else have the floor even if you have what you feel is a truly hot and important take. Then?"Let the gesture stand on its own," she says. Self-awareness is key in curbing self-absorbed behavior, and reflection can help."Reflecting on how you engaged helps build awareness and accountability," Dr. Hafeez suggests asking yourself questions like: "Did I dominate the conversation? Did I ask enough about the other person? How might they have felt?""Even five minutes of honest reflection after a social moment can lead to lasting change," Dr. Hafeez Next:Dr. Lilit Ayrapetyan, Psy.D., a Los Angeles–based licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Crystal Saidi, PsyD., a psychologist with Thriveworks Dr. Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., a neuropsychologist and director of Comprehend the Mind Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, Ph.D., a psychologist and Hope for Depression Research Foundation media advisor Self-Absorbed People Often Display These 12 Traits Without Realizing It, Psychologists Say first appeared on Parade on Jun 10, 2025 This story was originally reported by Parade on Jun 10, 2025, where it first appeared.
