14-05-2025
I'm a professional decluttering expert... here's how excess junk may be RUINING your relationship
A decluttering expert has revealed how a buildup of stuff in your home may be ruining your relationship... and what you can do to fix it.
Between dresser drawers that can barely shut, overflowing closets, and boxes filled with who-knows-what, people have become accustomed to living with mess in their abodes.
But according to Lesley Spellman - co-founder of The Declutter Hub and co-author of the new book Reset Your Home: Unpack Your Emotions and Your Clutter, Step by Step alongside Ingrid Jansen - that chaos may be doing more harm than you think.
In fact, Lesley told that clutter in your physical space can slowly creep into your relationship, creating tension and frustration, and igniting what seems like a constant battleground.
She cited research that shows one in six adults has considered breaking up with someone because of how messy they are.
The study across 2,000 adults in a relationship revealed that 47 percent argue on a weekly basis about clutter in their home - with 23 percent admitting their partner's approach to tidiness has put a strain on their relationship.
'For many couples and families, disagreements about cleanliness and disorganization are a constant source of friction,' Lesley explained.
'One partner is likely to feel overwhelmed and it often spills into resentment if they constantly feel like they are the only one who ever thinks about tidying up.
'What starts with minor arguments about shoes in the hallway or dishes in the sink can snowball into shouting matches and even tears.'
Lesley - who, along with Ingrid, has helped thousands regain control of their homes - explained that a messy environment increases stress, makes it harder to relax, and even affects sleep quality.
Over time, that stress can bubble over and can pervade interactions, making couples more irritable, less patient, and more likely to argue.
According to the expert, one of the most common 'sources of tension' between a couple when it comes to clutter is a 'differing' stance on tidiness and 'volume of stuff.'
'What feels like a reasonable amount of belongings to one person may feel like complete chaos to another,' she noted.
'These different levels of tolerance often reflect longstanding clutter personality traits or past experiences, making them especially tricky to work through and resolve.'
So what can you do to fix it if you feel clutter may be casting a dark shadow over your romance?
Well, Lesley dished, 'The key to this and indeed to most conflicts is communication and compromise.
'Talk it through, discuss the elephant in the room, be open and honest. Acknowledge each other's preferences but discuss how all involved need to be mindful of the others' levels of tolerance.
'Understanding that your partner isn't trying to be unnecessarily difficult - they simply have a different threshold for mess - can be the first step towards a solution that works for both parties.'
Lesley explained that eliminating clutter may feel daunting, but it can actually be a transformative experience that ultimately strengthens your relationship if you do it together.
She pointed out that when couples work together to sort through belongings, they're forced to make joint decisions, negotiate priorities, and express opinions.
'For example, deciding whether to keep or donate a sentimental item opens up interesting conversations about happy times,' she continued.
'These discussions can bring couples closer by revealing the stories behind the stuff - and creating a closer bond.'
Lesley noted that a home that feels 'peaceful and organized' usually leads to a 'calmer mind,' making it 'easier to relax, connect, and enjoy leisure time with your partner.'
'You're not constantly distracted by visual noise or reminded of tasks that still need to be done,' she added.
Lesley (seen with Ingrid) said eliminating clutter may feel daunting, but it can actually be a transformative experience that ultimately strengthens your relationship if you do it together
'Instead, your home is a lovely place to be that you both want to be in and can feel proud of.'
'Decluttering isn't just about stuff, instead it's about your emotional connection to your stuff and discussing and understanding your partner's rationale for keeping what you perceive as clutter paves the way for positive conversations and outcomes.'
In the end, she reminded readers that decluttering can 'make room for happiness, peace and calm,' creating a space where your relationship can thrive.
'Decluttering can feel daunting, but using it as something that can help build and strengthen your relationship can really shift your perspective,' she concluded.
'Set shared goals, assign different tasks based on your individual strengths, energy levels and celebrate the milestones together.
'Whether it's clearing out the garage or finally organizing the kitchen, every small victory is a step toward a more harmonious home - and a stronger relationship. You did it together!'
