Latest news with #JournalofSocialandPersonalRelationships
Yahoo
12-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
The Brutal Truth About Why Some Men Walk Away From Relationships
Navigating the labyrinth of modern love can be as elusive as finding a Birkin in the wild. Relationships spark with excitement, but sometimes, they fizzle out mysteriously. Sometimes, it's not about the grand gesture that failed to impress or the argument that went unresolved. Sometimes, it's about the subtler shifts, the less-discussed reasons why men decide to take their leave from relationships. Here, we delve into the surprising, the nuanced, and the refreshingly candid reasons that might just make you see romance in a new light. When emotions run high and communication runs low, men might find themselves quietly overwhelmed. According to a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, men are often conditioned to suppress their emotions rather than express them. This societal norm can cause an internalized pressure cooker situation, leading them to walk away rather than confront their feelings head-on. The fear of vulnerability might drive them to seek solace in solitude rather than unraveling emotional complexities with their partner. It's less about escaping the relationship and more about escaping the intense emotions they feel ill-equipped to handle. For some men, this emotional deluge is akin to standing in front of a tidal wave with no surfboard. They worry about being unable to process or articulate their emotions in a way that won't leave them feeling exposed or inadequate. Escaping becomes a self-preservation tactic, an attempt to manage stress that feels insurmountable. This retreat isn't necessarily personal; it's a coping mechanism. Understanding and recognizing these pressures can sometimes pave the way for meaningful dialogue and reconnection. Relationships have a way of becoming all-consuming, which can sometimes lead men to feel like they've lost their sense of self. When their identity becomes subsumed by the couple's persona, they may start to feel like a shadow of their former selves. The hobbies, passions, and friendships that once defined them can fall by the wayside. This loss can lead them to crave a return to their independent identity, prompting them to leave the relationship. This isn't about rejecting the partner; it's about reclaiming personal space. Men might feel the weight of expectation to be everything in the relationship, sidelining their personal growth. When they feel trapped in a role, it's a red flag that their identity has been compromised. The need to rediscover themselves can be a powerful motivator for stepping back. Recognizing and respecting each other's individuality within the relationship can sometimes prevent this feeling of entrapment. Sometimes, the future can appear more daunting than a Game of Thrones finale, leading men to walk away from relationships that otherwise seem perfect. According to Dr. John Gottman, a renowned psychologist known for his work on marital stability, men are often more future-oriented when it comes to relationships. This predisposition means they might ruminate over long-term compatibility and the pressures of potential commitments. If they sense that future expectations are misaligned, it can be a catalyst for their departure. Men might feel the need to maintain a veneer of certainty and control, and when the future feels like uncharted territory, it can be unsettling. They might worry about financial stability, career pressures, or personal goals clashing with relationship expectations. This fear can manifest as a need to hit pause and reassess. Their retreat is often an attempt to ensure that their paths are truly aligned before committing further. Open conversations about future goals can sometimes mitigate these fears. Feeling unappreciated can erode even the most solid foundations of a relationship. Men, like anyone else, have an intrinsic need to feel valued and acknowledged. When their efforts go unnoticed or are taken for granted, it can lead to feelings of insignificance. This isn't about being lavished with praise but rather having their contributions recognized and appreciated. Appreciation acts as a powerful adhesive in relationships, strengthening bonds and fostering a sense of partnership. Without it, men might feel like they're cogs in a machine rather than equal participants in a partnership. The absence of appreciation can create a chasm that grows over time, pushing them to seek validation elsewhere. Sometimes, simply expressing gratitude can rekindle the spark and remind them of their worth within the relationship. When communication turns into a battlefield, men might choose to retreat rather than engage. Research by Dr. Deborah Tannen, a linguist and author, suggests that men and women often communicate differently, leading to misinterpretations and frustration. Miscommunication can result in feeling unheard or misunderstood, making it difficult to resolve conflicts or express needs effectively. This breakdown can spiral into feelings of isolation within the relationship. The phrase 'we need to talk' might send shivers down anyone's spine, but it's particularly daunting for men who feel ill-equipped for verbal sparring. They might prefer action over words, leading to a stalemate in communication styles. Over time, the lack of meaningful dialogue can become suffocating, prompting them to leave rather than continue in a conversation loop. Adapting communication styles and setting aside time for open dialogue can sometimes bridge this gap. Intimacy isn't solely about physical connection; it's about emotional closeness and vulnerability, too. When there's an imbalance, men might feel like they're standing on a shaky precipice. Physical intimacy without emotional connection can feel hollow, while emotional closeness without physical expression might feel unfulfilling. This imbalance can create a sense of incompleteness within a relationship. Men might struggle to articulate this need for balance, leading them to withdraw instead of addressing the disparity. The absence of a holistic connection can leave them searching for fulfillment outside the relationship. This withdrawal isn't necessarily a rejection of their partner but a quest for a connection that feels authentically balanced. Understanding and nurturing both aspects of intimacy can reinforce the overall bond. When life goals and priorities don't align, men might feel like they're rowing a boat that's veering off course. The University of Denver's Center for Marital and Family Studies found that mismatched priorities are a significant factor in relationship breakdowns. If one partner prioritizes career advancement while the other values family time, it can create a rift. Men might feel torn between meeting their partner's expectations and staying true to their objectives. This misalignment can lead to feelings of being pulled in multiple directions, causing stress and dissatisfaction. Men might walk away to avoid sacrificing their personal goals or the relationship altogether. By acknowledging and addressing these differences early, couples can sometimes find a middle ground. Respecting each other's paths can foster a more harmonious relationship dynamic. For some men, the thought of losing their autonomy can be a dealbreaker. Freedom is more than just a concept; it's a lifestyle that allows them to explore, grow, and thrive. The perception that a relationship might curtail this freedom can be daunting. This isn't about avoiding commitment but preserving the essence of personal liberty. Men might fear that a relationship will clip their wings, preventing them from pursuing personal adventures or passions. The thought of missed opportunities and unexplored horizons can loom large, overshadowing the benefits of partnership. It's crucial to balance togetherness with independence, allowing each partner to flourish individually. Sometimes, assurance that a relationship can coexist with personal freedom is enough to alleviate these fears. When emotional support is lacking, men might feel like they're navigating turbulent waters alone. The need for support isn't exclusively feminine; men crave it just as much. When their partner isn't emotionally available, it can lead to feelings of loneliness and detachment. This absence of support can magnify stress and dissatisfaction, making the relationship feel more like a burden than a blessing. Men might struggle to express their need for emotional support, fearing it might be perceived as weakness. This internalization can lead to withdrawal, as they seek solace elsewhere. The absence of a supportive partner can feel like a void, prompting them to leave in search of emotional fulfillment. Encouraging open expression of emotions and being present for each other can sometimes bridge this gap. When expectations are set sky-high, the pressure to meet them can be overwhelming. Men might feel like they're constantly being measured against an unattainable standard. This pressure can erode their sense of self-worth and create resentment. Unrealistic expectations can manifest in various facets of a relationship, from career achievements to emotional availability. Rather than striving to meet impossible demands, men might choose to exit the relationship. It's not about shirking responsibility but seeking a partnership grounded in reality. This retreat is often an attempt to preserve their sense of self and well-being. Recognizing and adjusting expectations can foster a more balanced and fulfilling relationship. When conflict resolution styles clash, it can turn disagreements into full-blown battles. Men might prefer direct approaches, while their partners lean toward more nuanced or indirect strategies. This incompatibility can lead to frustrations and feelings of being unheard. The inability to resolve conflicts effectively can create a cycle of unresolved issues. Men might feel trapped in a loop of conflict that never reaches a satisfactory conclusion. This ongoing tension can lead to a breakdown in communication and connection. Rather than perpetuating this cycle, they might choose to walk away. Finding a conflict resolution approach that satisfies both partners can sometimes restore harmony. For some men, intimacy can be as terrifying as it is tantalizing. The fear of getting too close can stem from past traumas or ingrained beliefs about vulnerability. Intimacy requires opening up, which can feel like giving up control. This fear can lead them to sabotage the closeness they crave, creating a paradox that's challenging to navigate. Men might pull away to maintain a safe distance, avoiding the vulnerability that comes with a deep emotional connection. This push-pull dynamic can be confusing for their partners, who might misinterpret it as disinterest. Understanding the roots of this fear can sometimes help partners navigate it together. Building trust and creating a safe space for vulnerability can encourage men to embrace intimacy. External influences, from family pressures to societal expectations, can weigh heavily on men in relationships. These influences can create conflicting priorities and expectations that feel impossible to meet. Men might feel torn between their partner's needs and the demands of external forces. This tug-of-war can lead to feelings of inadequacy and frustration. Rather than juggling these competing demands, men might choose to step back from the relationship. This isn't about abandoning their partner but finding balance amid external pressures. Addressing these influences together can help mitigate their impact on the relationship. Understanding and supporting each other through external challenges can reinforce the partnership. The fear of failing in a relationship can be paralyzing, prompting men to exit before they perceive inevitable disaster. This fear can stem from past experiences or internalized beliefs about their ability to succeed in love. The pressure to be the perfect partner can be overwhelming, leading to self-sabotage. Rather than risk failing, men might choose to leave. This isn't about lacking commitment but preserving self-esteem and protecting against perceived failure. Men might feel like they're constantly under scrutiny, which can erode their confidence. Reframing failure as a learning experience can sometimes alleviate these fears. Encouraging open communication about insecurities can foster resilience and growth in the relationship. When core values clash, men might feel like they're living parallel lives with their partner. Shared values are the foundation of a relationship, guiding decisions and shaping goals. The absence of this common ground can lead to feelings of disconnect and dissatisfaction. Men might feel like they're compromising their beliefs or identity. Rather than continuing in a relationship that feels misaligned, they might choose to leave. This isn't about rejecting their partner but seeking alignment in fundamental beliefs. Addressing value differences early can sometimes prevent this disconnect. Building a relationship on shared values can create a stronger, more cohesive partnership.
Yahoo
18-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
This Study On Orgasms Should Be Required Reading For Men
Researchers have long known that straight women statistically have fewer orgasms than their male partners. One particularly depressing 2018 study found that 87% of husbands compared to 49% of wives reported consistently experiencing an orgasm. While you might assume the chasm would close as women aged and became more sexually experienced and assertive in bed, the gap lingers through a woman's lifetime. But no such orgasm gap exists when women are masturbating, or are having sex with other women ― suggesting the problem lies somewhere in a tilted sexual script shared by men and women. A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships gives that cultural conditioning a name: the 'orgasm pursuit gap.' In plain English, lead researcher Carly Wolfer says the orgasm goal pursuit 'refers to how much someone wants an orgasm to happen ― whether it's their own or their partner's ― and how much effort they put into making it happen.' To figure out how men and women's effort differs, Wolfer, a doctoral candidate in social psychology at CUNY Graduate Center, studied the 21-day online 'sex diaries' of 127 heterosexual adults in monogamous relationships (ages 18-40). She found that men's orgasms were disproportionately prioritized during sex by both parties: Straight men tend to focus on their own orgasm and feel supported by their partner in that pursuit. Conveniently enough, straight women's focus in bed lies in getting their male partner to climax, too. Men reported experiencing orgasms in 90% of their sexual encounters, while women reported orgasms in only 54% of their encounters, the researchers found. Men also reported significantly higher levels of overall sexual satisfaction and satisfaction with their orgasms compared to women. 'In our sample, men had 15 times higher odds of orgasming than women in any given sex act,' Wolfer told HuffPost. 'Not because it's 'just naturally harder' for women to orgasm ― a common myth ― but because we put less effort into the sexual practices that support women's pleasure, like clitoral stimulation.' Part of the problem lies in how we treat penetration as the be-all-end-all goal of sex. That's the most reliable way for a man to climax, but the majority of women reach orgasm through clitorial stimulation. Too often, playing with the clit is treated as 'foreplay,' if it's played with at all. (Speaking of which, guys, now might be a good time to read this article about how to go down on a woman, according to queer women. Or this one about a twist on missionary that emphasizes clit stimulation.) Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women, wasn't surprised by the findings of the study, which she is unaffiliated with. In Marin's work, she's 'definitely seen that men often feel more entitled to orgasm or view it as a given part of sex.' This isn't because men are inherently selfish ― it's more about cultural conditioning: We tend to think of men's orgasms as the natural conclusion of sex and during sex, so that's what we're working toward. Women lose out when penetrative sex is treated as the 'main event,' but men do, too. 'When we focus solely on orgasm, we miss out on the richness of the entire experience — like the intimacy, connection and pleasure that come from simply being present with each other,' she said. 'Orgasm is wonderful, but it's not the only measure of a satisfying sexual encounter.' For Wolfer, delving into this research was important because of how one-sided the current advice is on closing the orgasm gap. 'So much advice around the orgasm gap focuses on trying to 'fix' women,' she said. 'It's like, 'Get out of your head, speak up, masturbate more.' We see headlines like, 'What women can do about the orgasm gap.' No one was asking: 'What can men do about it? How can men help?'' Women are enculturated to put their pleasure second then subtly chastised for not bringing themselves to orgasm during sex. But this isn't a 'women's issue,' it's a shared couples' issue, Wolfer said. That's where interdependence theory comes in ― a framework from relationship science that emphasizes how, in close relationships, your outcomes are linked to your partner's. The goal of mutual orgasm could use a little of that understanding. 'When partners work together to support each other's goals — including sexual ones — both people benefit,' Wolfer said. Interestingly, in Wolfer's study, perceived partner orgasm goal pursuit appeared to be an even stronger predictor of orgasm and sexual satisfaction than personal orgasm goal pursuit alone. In other words, when you feel your partner is deeply invested in you orgasming, you're more likely to get there (or at least walk away without disappointment or in dire need of a vibrator). Ultimately, closing the orgasm gap requires men's support, buy-in and collaboration. In fact, her data show that the benefits of pursuing an orgasm for yourself disappear when you feel like your partner isn't supportive. 'So pleasure is fundamentally a shared process. It's about collaboration and mutual care, effort and responsiveness,' she said. The key takeaway from Wolfer's study 'isn't to count orgasms or make sex feel tit-for-tat,' she said. The goal isn't so much orgasm equality ― where both partners orgasm equally ― but what Wolfer likes to call 'sexual pleasure equity.' 'True pleasure equity means both partners feel supported, seen, and have the opportunity to experience safe and fulfilling sexual experiences, whether that includes orgasm or not.' How to get closer to 'sexual pleasure equity' in your own relationship. For women wanting to get their partner more involved, it starts with feeling worthy of pleasure, Marin said. (Spending some time learning how you personally get off during masturbation might be a good goal, too, so you can communicate to your partner what you need.) 'For many women, this means unlearning years of societal conditioning that taught us to prioritize others over ourselves,' Marin said. 'It's about giving yourself permission to see your pleasure as valuable — not just for your partner's ego or the relationship, but for you.' Be specific about what you need with your partner — whether it's more clitoral stimulation, slower pacing, or just feeling like your pleasure is a priority. Men need to ask their partner what feels good for her, and really listen. Use open, nonjudgmental communication to bring it up with your partner, Marin said. 'You could say something like, 'I love being intimate with you, and I'd love for us to explore ways to make it even more enjoyable for both of us. Can we talk about what feels good for each of us and how we can support each other's pleasure?'' Be curious and open to trying new things, like focusing on clitoral stimulation or experimenting with different techniques, she said. 'Communicate during and after sex. Check in with her, not just about what feels good physically, but about how she's feeling emotionally.' For men, the most important step is to shift the mindset of 'getting' to one of 'giving and sharing,' Marin said. Ultimately, this approach will pay off for both of you and at least get you two one step closer to closing that pesky orgasm gap. This article originally appeared on HuffPost.
Buzz Feed
18-05-2025
- General
- Buzz Feed
Men Need To Read This Eye-Opening Orgasm Study
Researchers have long known that straight women statistically have fewer orgasms than their male partners. One particularly depressing 2018 study found that 87% of husbands compared to 49% of wives reported consistently experiencing an orgasm. While you might assume the chasm would close as women aged and became more sexually experienced and assertive in bed, the gap lingers through a woman's lifetime. But no such orgasm gap exists when women are masturbating, or are having sex with other women ― suggesting the problem lies somewhere in a tilted sexual script shared by men and women. A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships gives that cultural conditioning a name: the 'orgasm pursuit gap.' In plain English, lead researcher Carly Wolfer says the orgasm goal pursuit 'refers to how much someone wants an orgasm to happen ― whether it's their own or their partner's ― and how much effort they put into making it happen.' To figure out how men and women's effort differs, Wolfer, a doctoral candidate in social psychology at CUNY Graduate Center, studied the 21-day online 'sex diaries' of 127 heterosexual adults in monogamous relationships (ages 18-40). She found that men's orgasms were disproportionately prioritized during sex by both parties: Straight men tend to focus on their own orgasm and feel supported by their partner in that pursuit. Conveniently enough, straight women's focus in bed lies in getting their male partner to climax, too. Men reported experiencing orgasms in 90% of their sexual encounters, while women reported orgasms in only 54% of their encounters, the researchers found. Men also reported significantly higher levels of overall sexual satisfaction and satisfaction with their orgasms compared to women. 'In our sample, men had 15 times higher odds of orgasming than women in any given sex act,' Wolfer told HuffPost. 'Not because it's 'just naturally harder' for women to orgasm ― a common myth ― but because we put less effort into the sexual practices that support women's pleasure, like clitoral stimulation.' Part of the problem lies in how we treat penetration as the be-all-end-all goal of sex. That's the most reliable way for a man to climax, but the majority of women reach orgasm through clitorial stimulation. Too often, playing with the clit is treated as 'foreplay,' if it's played with at all. (Speaking of which, guys, now might be a good time to read this article about how to go down on a woman, according to queer women. Or this one about a twist on missionary that emphasizes clit stimulation.) Vanessa Marin, sex therapist and creator of Finishing School, an online orgasm course for women, wasn't surprised by the findings of the study, which she is unaffiliated with. In Marin's work, she's 'definitely seen that men often feel more entitled to orgasm or view it as a given part of sex.' This isn't because men are inherently selfish ― it's more about cultural conditioning: We tend to think of men's orgasms as the natural conclusion of sex and during sex, so that's what we're working toward. Women lose out when penetrative sex is treated as the 'main event,' but men do, too. 'When we focus solely on orgasm, we miss out on the richness of the entire experience — like the intimacy, connection and pleasure that come from simply being present with each other,' she said. 'Orgasm is wonderful, but it's not the only measure of a satisfying sexual encounter.' For Wolfer, delving into this research was important because of how one-sided the current advice is on closing the orgasm gap. 'So much advice around the orgasm gap focuses on trying to 'fix' women,' she said. 'It's like, 'Get out of your head, speak up, masturbate more.' We see headlines like, 'What women can do about the orgasm gap.' No one was asking: 'What can men do about it? How can men help?'' Women are enculturated to put their pleasure second then subtly chastised for not bringing themselves to orgasm during sex. But this isn't a 'women's issue,' it's a shared couples ' issue, Wolfer said. That's where interdependence theory comes in ― a framework from relationship science that emphasizes how, in close relationships, your outcomes are linked to your partner's. The goal of mutual orgasm could use a little of that understanding. 'When partners work together to support each other's goals — including sexual ones — both people benefit,' Wolfer said. Interestingly, in Wolfer's study, perceived partner orgasm goal pursuit appeared to be an even stronger predictor of orgasm and sexual satisfaction than personal orgasm goal pursuit alone. In other words, when you feel your partner is deeply invested in you orgasming, you're more likely to get there (or at least walk away without disappointment or in dire need of a vibrator). Ultimately, closing the orgasm gap requires men's support, buy-in and collaboration. In fact, her data show that the benefits of pursuing an orgasm for yourself disappear when you feel like your partner isn't supportive. 'So pleasure is fundamentally a shared process. It's about collaboration and mutual care, effort and responsiveness,' she said. The key takeaway from Wolfer's study 'isn't to count orgasms or make sex feel tit-for-tat,' she said. The goal isn't so much orgasm equality ― where both partners orgasm equally ― but what Wolfer likes to call 'sexual pleasure equity.' 'True pleasure equity means both partners feel supported, seen, and have the opportunity to experience safe and fulfilling sexual experiences, whether that includes orgasm or not.' How to get closer to 'sexual pleasure equity' in your own relationship. For women wanting to get their partner more involved, it starts with feeling worthy of pleasure, Marin said. (Spending some time learning how you personally get off during masturbation might be a good goal, too, so you can communicate to your partner what you need.) 'For many women, this means unlearning years of societal conditioning that taught us to prioritize others over ourselves,' Marin said. 'It's about giving yourself permission to see your pleasure as valuable — not just for your partner's ego or the relationship, but for you.' Be specific about what you need with your partner — whether it's more clitoral stimulation, slower pacing, or just feeling like your pleasure is a priority. Men need to ask their partner what feels good for her, and really listen. Use open, nonjudgmental communication to bring it up with your partner, Marin said. 'You could say something like, 'I love being intimate with you, and I'd love for us to explore ways to make it even more enjoyable for both of us. Can we talk about what feels good for each of us and how we can support each other's pleasure?'' Be curious and open to trying new things, like focusing on clitoral stimulation or experimenting with different techniques, she said. 'Communicate during and after sex. Check in with her, not just about what feels good physically, but about how she's feeling emotionally.' For men, the most important step is to shift the mindset of 'getting' to one of 'giving and sharing,' Marin said. Ultimately, this approach will pay off for both of you and at least get you two one step closer to closing that pesky orgasm gap. HuffPost.
Hindustan Times
12-05-2025
- General
- Hindustan Times
Do you call your partner your best friend? New study says you may experience greater companionship
Do you consider your partner your best friend? If yes, you may be in the minority. A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships examined how romantic relationships and friendships intersect. It found that only 14 percent of US adults in relationships identify their partner as their best friend. Also Read | Cardiovascular surgeon advises not skipping leg day: 'It can prevent heart attack' The research found that the individuals who said that their partners were their best friends reported greater companionship. Meanwhile, those with a separate best friend experienced higher perceived social support, highlighting the distinct benefits of different types of relationships. The research was led by Natalie Pennington as part of the American Friendship Project. The study used data from 940 adults in romantic relationships. Participants listed up to seven friends and assigned labels like best friend or romantic partner without direction, offering insight into unprompted social perceptions. While 36 percent named their partner as a friend, only 39.5 percent of those also considered them their best friend. The study found that seeing a partner as a best friend correlates with greater emotional closeness and routine interaction, but the label itself doesn't necessarily deepen the bond if the partner is already seen as a friend. Interestingly, 25 percent of participants labelled more than one person their best friend, challenging traditional social norms. The study, 'What's in a label? Exploring the intersection of relationships with best friends and romantic partners with well-being,' found that older adults were slightly more likely to view their partner as a best friend. Meanwhile, married and higher-income individuals were less likely to do so. Those with a romantic partner as a best friend felt more companionship, whereas those with a separate best friend felt more supported, suggesting that no single relationship can fulfil all emotional needs. The study underscores the importance of maintaining diverse social ties and calls attention to how socioeconomic status may influence reliance on romantic partners. Though limited by its cross-sectional design and self-reported data, the findings support fostering multiple strong connections—romantic and platonic alike—for emotional well-being and resilience.
New York Post
06-05-2025
- Science
- New York Post
Study finds women still get screwed on orgasms — and the blame doesn't just fall on men
If this was a newspaper and not a nice shiny website plugged into the wall with a few blue cables coming out the back, then there is only one headline we would use on this story: Come again? Today we have new research out of the US where some academics have dedicated themselves to the burning question: Why aren't women having more orgasms? Advertisement Sadly, big tech, big pharma and big porn, despite being industries worth a combined $21 trillion, have failed to solve this. Enter a new study that has some answers. Published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, this research has identified what is really going wrong in the bedroom — we are suffering from an Orgasm Pursuit Gap (OGP). Straight men and women both prioritize the man orgasming — and that far less effort, on everyone's part, went into the woman achieving similar results, the study essentially found. gpointstudio – Advertisement That is, how much perceived effort, both partners, put into a woman orgasming. The study found that, essentially, straight men and women both prioritize the man getting there (sly wink) and that far less effort, on everyone's part, went into the woman achieving similar results. Sigh. Great. Just great. We (writing as a cis gender woman) are, statistically, paid less, do more housework and childcare, report higher rates of feeling rushed and pressed for time, and are more likely to die of stroke. Advertisement And now, it turns out that we are being even further short-changed in the bedroom. Who do we ask for a refund? The study was led by Carly Wolfer, a doctoral candidate in social psychology at City University of New York, who asked 127 people in heterosexual relationships aged 18-40-years-old to keep sex diaries for three weeks, a span which ultimately tracked 566 sexual events. Advertisement Ms Wolfer found that men orgasmed during 90 percent of their sexual encounters while women only got to the same place just over half the time, at 54 percent. It gets worse. Not only are men 15 times more likely to orgasm than women but when they do they have more satisfying orgasms. (Programming note: I vehemently refuse to use the word 'climax'. We are not trapped in the early aughties badlands of mags doing stories like '15 ways to blow his mind'.) That's 'not because it's 'just naturally harder' for women to orgasm — a common myth,' Wilder told the HuffPost, 'but because we put less effort into the sexual practices that support women's pleasure, like clitoral stimulation.' Or to put it another way, heterosexual couples have a general tendency to do the things, positions, and upside-down, back-to-front, standing-on-your-head gymnastics that help men orgasm over what works for women. Moreover, while this is going on, the research showed that both him and her are more focused on the guy orgasming, rather than the gal equally. Wolfer found that men orgasmed during 90 percent of their sexual encounters while women only got to the same place just over half the time, at 54 percent. Pixel-Shot – Advertisement Et voila, the orgasm pursuit gap. As Wolfer explained to the HuffPost, the OGP is about 'how much someone wants an orgasm to happen — whether it's their own or their partner's — and how much effort they put into making it happen.' From a feminist standpoint this all makes me want to grind my teeth and start emitting the sort of noises better suited to a pitbull chained up to a fence who is having a very bad day. When it comes to female sexual enjoyment, the figures are a real turn off. Advertisement Last year the sex toy company Womanizer's We-Vibe sex and relationships study found that barely 40 percent of women across all age brackets are actually satisfied with the amount of sex they are having. Meanwhile, an Australian study has previously found that only one in four women regularly masturbate, dealing a devastating blow to double AA battery sales. Overall, researchers found that in the past year, nearly three quarters (72 percent) of men had masturbated but only just a bit more than one in three women (42 percent). Advertisement According to Womanizer's numbers, overall, 62 percent of women don't own a single sex toy. So women of Australia it's time to unite: We are being shortchanged, and short changing ourselves, in the bedroom. Forget budget deficits, we are massively stuck in a far more pressing orgasm deficit, strangely an issue that has not come up during this election cycle. (Imagining Prime Minister Athony Albanese and Opposition Leader Peter Dutton even spluttering their way through saying the word 'orgasms' as they turned various shades of puce and became increasingly flustered is the best fun you can have with your pants on today. Advertisement No one should ever lie back and think of Canberra.) The moral of all this: When it comes to your next sexual event, everyone needs to try. Everyone needs to come to the party.
