Latest news with #Column8
The Age
4 days ago
- General
- The Age
Demolition experts go to great lengths
In an effort to keep the peace and avoid a battle of wills (not to mention 10 Ball Magical Shooters), we're going to put a cap on the home armaments (C8) chapter very soon. But we do have room for Joy Cooksey of Harrington: 'On the aftermath of one cracker night, my brother built himself a pea-shooter. All the powder from the various unexploded crackers was collected and tipped into a piece of steel piping clamped in the workbench vice. But as he rammed down the largest ball bearing available, this supersized pea-shooter was activated. Any reference to the hole in the ceiling always made him think twice before considering any other inventions.' Doug Vorbach and his 'orange cannon' escapade reminded Les Tomlinson of Berowra Heights of his own adventures: 'We used a length of two-inch galvanised water pipe, tuppenny bungers and lemons with devastating effect. We also used metal downpiping and rockets as a makeshift bazooka. When eventually conscripted into the ADF in the mid-1960s, it was probably inevitable that I found myself assigned to an artillery unit.' Kerrie Wehbe of Blacktown remembers a more melodic repurposing of pipes: 'During my years teaching in PNG's Milne Bay Province, the students used PVC pipes with rubber stretched over one end to do the job of the traditional kundu drum. This modern item, among all the traditional grass skirts, shells, plants and feathers, was quite a sight, but it did the job.' Peter Singer of Hamilton South reckons 'HE STOOD CORRECTED' seems like a suitable statement for Richard Stewart's headstone (C8) and adds that 'maybe for someone whose missives for Column 8 are continually ignored it could be 'HE LAYS REJECTED'?' 'Put those know-it-alls in their place, Richard,' implores Col Burns of Lugarno. 'Expand your epitaph to 'HE ONCE STOOD CORRECTED BUT NOW HE RESOLUTELY MAINTAINS HIS POSITION'.' Philip Laird of Keiraville notes that 'the bus stop outside the Wollongong Botanic Garden on Northfield Avenue, and opposite the busiest bus stop in Wollongong at the university's main campus, has a timetable dated January 27, 2015. Since then it's just possible that some services have been added and some withdrawn.' 'If the chicken Bob Selinger (C8) writes about is not claimed, I wonder if its goose is cooked?' ponders Wayne Duncombe of Lilyfield. Either way, Tim Slack-Smith of Castle Hill considers the whole thing 'just a poultry piece of fowl play'.
Sydney Morning Herald
4 days ago
- General
- Sydney Morning Herald
Demolition experts go to great lengths
In an effort to keep the peace and avoid a battle of wills (not to mention 10 Ball Magical Shooters), we're going to put a cap on the home armaments (C8) chapter very soon. But we do have room for Joy Cooksey of Harrington: 'On the aftermath of one cracker night, my brother built himself a pea-shooter. All the powder from the various unexploded crackers was collected and tipped into a piece of steel piping clamped in the workbench vice. But as he rammed down the largest ball bearing available, this supersized pea-shooter was activated. Any reference to the hole in the ceiling always made him think twice before considering any other inventions.' Doug Vorbach and his 'orange cannon' escapade reminded Les Tomlinson of Berowra Heights of his own adventures: 'We used a length of two-inch galvanised water pipe, tuppenny bungers and lemons with devastating effect. We also used metal downpiping and rockets as a makeshift bazooka. When eventually conscripted into the ADF in the mid-1960s, it was probably inevitable that I found myself assigned to an artillery unit.' Kerrie Wehbe of Blacktown remembers a more melodic repurposing of pipes: 'During my years teaching in PNG's Milne Bay Province, the students used PVC pipes with rubber stretched over one end to do the job of the traditional kundu drum. This modern item, among all the traditional grass skirts, shells, plants and feathers, was quite a sight, but it did the job.' Peter Singer of Hamilton South reckons 'HE STOOD CORRECTED' seems like a suitable statement for Richard Stewart's headstone (C8) and adds that 'maybe for someone whose missives for Column 8 are continually ignored it could be 'HE LAYS REJECTED'?' 'Put those know-it-alls in their place, Richard,' implores Col Burns of Lugarno. 'Expand your epitaph to 'HE ONCE STOOD CORRECTED BUT NOW HE RESOLUTELY MAINTAINS HIS POSITION'.' Philip Laird of Keiraville notes that 'the bus stop outside the Wollongong Botanic Garden on Northfield Avenue, and opposite the busiest bus stop in Wollongong at the university's main campus, has a timetable dated January 27, 2015. Since then it's just possible that some services have been added and some withdrawn.' 'If the chicken Bob Selinger (C8) writes about is not claimed, I wonder if its goose is cooked?' ponders Wayne Duncombe of Lilyfield. Either way, Tim Slack-Smith of Castle Hill considers the whole thing 'just a poultry piece of fowl play'.
The Age
10-06-2025
- The Age
The dawning of an elephantine era
'We Herald letter writers may be fond of clichés and over-used metaphors but, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we're (literally) on the same page in our desire to maintain anonymity for the 'elephant in the room' (C8) because any public vote would likely proffer Trunky McTrunkface,' offers the always erudite Col Burns of Lugarno. 'No need to cry crocodile tears Dawn Hope, your curiosity, while it won't kill the cat, is a red herring, and you may be on a wild goose chase trying to find out the name of that elephant,' adds Mary Carde of Parrearra (Qld). 'I've heard it straight from the horse's mouth, who put that very same question to the fly on the wall; apparently while they're all having a whale of a time, nobody knows who's who in the zoo.' For Pasquale Vartuli of Wahroonga, Dawn's search has thrown up another mythical poseur: 'Apropos the name of the elephant in the room, who was 'Larry Dooley' often referred to by rugby league commentator Frank Hyde?' Col Mitty of Warrawee and his mates know how to get the lead out: 'I've been reminded of the moment in my pre-teens when a friend aimed his air rifle (C8) at another friend and struck the target between the eyes. The pellet slid under his skin stopping just under one eye. I was shocked, the shooter was speechless and the target screamed. I don't believe the police were informed.' 'The passing of John Shakespeare marks the end of a short but illustrious life of a highly talented cartoonist,' writes Allan Gibson of Cherrybrook. 'Many of his Fairfax/Nine colleagues will hold special memories with those who left this masthead receiving a caricature of themselves. Away from the newsroom, but looming large over Granny's shoulder, one George Manojlovic of Mangerton was named in August 2016 as Column 8's most prodigious contributor. His prize was a caricature of himself depicted with the Column 8 doctorate drawn by John Shakespeare. For the record, George had 68 entries. He was closely followed by Paul Hunt of Engadine (66), Jim Dewar of North Gosford (65) and yours truly (59).'
Sydney Morning Herald
10-06-2025
- Sydney Morning Herald
The dawning of an elephantine era
'We Herald letter writers may be fond of clichés and over-used metaphors but, at the end of the day, when all is said and done, we're (literally) on the same page in our desire to maintain anonymity for the 'elephant in the room' (C8) because any public vote would likely proffer Trunky McTrunkface,' offers the always erudite Col Burns of Lugarno. 'No need to cry crocodile tears Dawn Hope, your curiosity, while it won't kill the cat, is a red herring, and you may be on a wild goose chase trying to find out the name of that elephant,' adds Mary Carde of Parrearra (Qld). 'I've heard it straight from the horse's mouth, who put that very same question to the fly on the wall; apparently while they're all having a whale of a time, nobody knows who's who in the zoo.' For Pasquale Vartuli of Wahroonga, Dawn's search has thrown up another mythical poseur: 'Apropos the name of the elephant in the room, who was 'Larry Dooley' often referred to by rugby league commentator Frank Hyde?' Col Mitty of Warrawee and his mates know how to get the lead out: 'I've been reminded of the moment in my pre-teens when a friend aimed his air rifle (C8) at another friend and struck the target between the eyes. The pellet slid under his skin stopping just under one eye. I was shocked, the shooter was speechless and the target screamed. I don't believe the police were informed.' 'The passing of John Shakespeare marks the end of a short but illustrious life of a highly talented cartoonist,' writes Allan Gibson of Cherrybrook. 'Many of his Fairfax/Nine colleagues will hold special memories with those who left this masthead receiving a caricature of themselves. Away from the newsroom, but looming large over Granny's shoulder, one George Manojlovic of Mangerton was named in August 2016 as Column 8's most prodigious contributor. His prize was a caricature of himself depicted with the Column 8 doctorate drawn by John Shakespeare. For the record, George had 68 entries. He was closely followed by Paul Hunt of Engadine (66), Jim Dewar of North Gosford (65) and yours truly (59).'
Sydney Morning Herald
13-05-2025
- General
- Sydney Morning Herald
Flush with excess
Having been reminded by our friend Carmel Kenniff of Randwick that she reads Column 8 over breakfast and having been informed by Graham Lum of North Rocks that 'the ongoing anecdotes about dunnies (C8) are becoming a pain in the butt,' we think now might be a good time to can the toilet talk, but not before we get an archival perspective from Wendy Bull of North Turramurra: 'I remember my history teacher in the '60s, telling us to count our blessings. The ancient Romans used a communal 'sponge on a stick' (called a 'tersorium') which they dunked in troughs of salt water and if there was no sponge available, they'd use shards of old pottery. If they were out in the country then soft growing moss was used. Think I know what I'd prefer!' 'If you were a brewer, Jim Dewar, You'd gather that steaming manure, Set up a still, On top of the hill, And brew Dewar's Pure Cow-lua.' For this offering, we thank the epical George Manojlovic of Mangerton. Richard Stewart of Pearl Beach has been a C8 contributor on and off for a few decades or so and wants to convey in strongest of terms 'I despise fitted sheets and fitted sheets despise me.' 'Years ago the circus, was parked next to our farm,' writes Kate Fraser of Scone. 'It was a very noisy night as something seemed to have disturbed the lions. Next morning, 300 upset dairy cows (C8) were pressed as close as possible to the shed gate. Milk yield was down for a few days.' Kelvin Atkinson's (C8) premium offering has reminded David Prest of Thrumster that 'nobody's mentioned the man from Waltons who helped housewives plan their budgets.' On hearing that New Zealand's Finance Minister Nicola Willis said that people leaving the country for Australia was 'an ongoing challenge', which could be addressed by growing the economy, Bill Leigh of West Pennant Hills recalled a statement made in the 1980s by then NZ prime minister Robert 'Piggy' Muldoon when commenting about the increasing exodus: 'New Zealanders who leave for Australia raise the IQ of both countries.' 'Not so sure about the wet newspaper test of sharpness (C8),' says Geoff Carey of Pagewood. 'I remember getting into a lot of trouble for using my mother's dressmaking scissors to cut paper. Apparently, paper blunts the blade.' Not with the good scissors, Geoff!
