Toxic ‘submariner' daters resurface — like nothing ever happened: ‘Worse than ghosting'
First, they vanish into the dating deep.
Then, months later, they're back in your DMs — like nothing ever happened.
Welcome to the maddening world of 'submarining' — a toxic, resurfacing trend where ghosters pop up from your past, acting like their sudden radio silence was no biggie.
'They want someone to talk to and make them feel good about themselves,' Gigi Engle, certified sex coach and author of 'All the F*cking Mistakes: A Guide to Sex, Love, and Life,' previously told Men's Health.
'It's pretty unlikely that it's because this person actually cares about you.'
They aren't exactly rare, either. Submariners — also known as 'zombie daters' — typically ghost without explanation, only to boomerang back into your life like nothing went wrong.
Think: 'Hey, stranger' six months after you cried in your Uber home.
'People may choose to resurface for a lot of reasons, but more often than not, it's out of insecurity or boredom,' Engle said.
Worse, they never acknowledge their vanishing act — no apology, no closure — just a creepy illusion that the last few months of your life didn't happen.
According to Dr. Wendy Walsh, Ph.D., a psychology professor and relationship expert at DatingAdvice.com, it's not just flaky — it's prehistoric.
'Evolutionarily speaking, having 'backup mates' is a very common human mating strategy,' she told PureWow.
'Submariners often crave intimacy but are terrified of the vulnerability it requires,' she explained.
'A submariner wants to put somebody on the back burner so they can reach out to them later when they feel lonely.'
However, experts warn: Don't bite when they breadcrumb.
'You've already grieved them for a while; just let them go and move on,' Engle advised.
'If someone is actually into you, they don't disappear out of nowhere.'
Submarining joins a long list of bizarre and brutal dating behaviors swimming around the app era — ghosting, love-bombing, fizzing and, more recently, 'shallowing.'
As The Post previously reported, 'shallowing' may sound like a harmless beach activity, but it's a rising sex trend involving playful 'outercourse' fun — and, yes, it's just as real as being haunted by your emotionally unavailable ex.
Sexual wellness brand LELO even listed it as one of the top sex trends of 2024.
In fact, a 2021 survey of more than 4,000 women — by Indiana University and intimacy site OMGYES — revealed that nearly 84% of U.S. women found increased pleasure from this intimate form of stimulation.
While some are exploring shallow waters, others are diving deep into submarine-infested territory — and many are using tech to navigate both.
'It's important that anyone with questions about sex and pleasure can receive answers from trusted sources,' said Verena Singmann, spokesperson for sex-toy purveyor We-Vibe.
'Technology can be a helpful tool when it comes to sex and pleasure, but AI doesn't always know best when it comes to our sexual health and wellbeing.'
Bottom line: When a former flame who ghosted you suddenly reemerges like they're starring in their own reboot, treat them like the shipwreck they are.
They didn't just get 'busy.'
They got bored — and experts say you deserve better than being someone's Plan B with Wi-Fi.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
'Materialists' Totally Set Dakota Johnson's Character for Up Failure and You Can't Convince Us Otherwise
Materialists poses the question of whether or not we should be going for love or for money and the choice Dakota Johnson's character makes has people on internet divided The film also stars Pedro Pascal and Chris Evans Materialists is in theaters nowMovies have long wanted to convince us that we should be marrying for love. From The Notebook to Titanic, films have always suggested that women should follow their hearts and go for the sweet charmer with no money instead of the well-established gentleman who has financial stability. (Granted, Billy Zane's character in Titanic was awful, but stay with me here.) Well, Materialists has repurposed that trope once again, and the internet is seething. The film follows Lucy (played by Dakota Johnson), a successful matchmaker who has managed to find love for everyone except for herself. Her skills are immediately tested when she finds herself in a love triangle with Harry (played by Pedro Pascal), a successful billionaire who errs on the side of superficiality but is offering her the world, vs. John (played by Chris Evans), her ex-boyfriend, who offers her lots of love and affection, but works from gig to gig while trying to get an acting career off the ground. The film takes us through all the hijinks of a romcom as both men have their pros and cons and try to woo her. In the end, Lucy goes for John, the broke boy who loves her dearly, but can't provide her with the lifestyle she always dreamed of. And while the internet is upset over the fact that Pedro Pascal doesn't get the girl, the truth of the matter is, Lucy was set up for failure from the jump. As PEOPLE editor Bailey Richards pointed out. Regardless of whom she was going to end up with, Lucy was going to be settling. "I don't think she should have ended up with either of them," Richards says, considering Bailey's options. "Marry this hot, caring man who will pay for everything for you for the rest of your life — any materialistic whim you may have. He doesn't love you, but he will pay anything. Or a hot, caring man who does love you, but makes no money ... he will drop anything, at any given moment to do whatever for you." We can all agree that the only real winners are Lucy's children (if she wants any), who will 100% win the genetic lottery regardless of which guy she chooses. However, when it comes to meeting the standards Lucy deeply desires, she's bound to lose regardless. So, instead of settling for the loverboy with no money, Richards believes Lucy should have actually axed both men. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. "After everything that she, as a matchmaker, as a woman, goes through in that movie, she just needs to break from romance altogether and do some introspection, the kind that requires you to be single and be alone," says Richards. Personally, the right choice for me is always Pedro Pascal. But I have to agree with my colleague here. Relationships are hard, even when you find everything you want in a person, so why give yourself more heartache by settling for someone who doesn't meet your standards? Read the original article on People
Tom's Guide
4 hours ago
- Tom's Guide
Netflix is losing 41 movies this month — here's the 5 you need to stream now
The Netflix movie library is constantly rotating. While the streaming service adds plenty of new flicks each month, it also removes some old favorites to make room. On June 30, 2025, Netflix will remove more than 40 movies from its platform. These cover pretty much all genres, from family-friendly adventures like 'The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water' to jump-scare-landed horror like 'The Nun.' The platform is also removing the complete 'Twilight' saga, so if you want to relive your angst-ridden teen years, you've got only a few days left. While some of the soon-to-be-removed movies probably won't be missed by many subscribers, there's a healthy handful that I'm sad to see go. But don't worry — you've still got a little time to watch because the month isn't over yet. These are the five Netflix movies you should stream right now before they head to the great streaming service in the sky. 'Crazy, Stupid, Love.' is unquestionably one of the most beloved rom-coms of the 21st century. It's not hard to see why, either. Any movie that brings together Steve Carell, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling and Julianne Moore, flaked by John Carroll Lynch, Marisa Tomei and Kevin Bacon, is going to be a hotbed of lovable charm and charisma. Plus, that third-act scene (you know the one) seems to go viral literally every single week, for good reason. This easy-watching comedy opens with Cal Weaver (Carell) discovering his wife (Moore) is having an affair. Thrust back into single life and very out of practice when it comes to dating, a younger hotshot womanizer (Gosling) takes Cal under his wing. But his bar-hopping commitaphobe starts to change his ways when he begins to fall for one of his hook-ups named Hannah (Stone). Get instant access to breaking news, the hottest reviews, great deals and helpful tips. Genuinely funny, surprisingly romantic and effortlessly warm, it's an almost perfect rom-com. Watch on Netflix until June 30, 2025 One of 2024's very best movies is making its exit from Netflix this month. 'Dune Part Two' is another sci-fi masterpiece from Denis Villeneuve, and it gives even 'The Lord of the Rings' a run for its money when it comes to epic scale. This sprawling blockbuster combines intergalactic politicking with deeply compelling characters and a hair-raising sense of spectacle. I thought Villeneuve's first 'Dune' movie was a remarkable achievement, but 'Part Two' raises the bar even further. And I've not even touched upon the ludicrously stacked cast, incorporating more than a dozen recognizable A-list names from Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya to Rebecca Ferguson and Javier Bardem. In the wake of the fall of House Atreides (as depicted in 2021's 'Dune'), Paul (Chalamet) has united with the Fremen clan, as he seeks to liberate the desert planet of Arrakis from the treacherous forces that betrayed his family. Struggling with his supposed destiny to become a great leader who will determine the fate of the universe, he also begins to fall in love with a Fremen rebel, Chani (Zendaya). Gripping from the drop, 'Dune: Part Two' is incredible. Watch on Netflix until June 30, 2025 With the franchise reboot on the horizon (it's set to arrive in theatres this summer), now is a great time to rewatch, or get familiar with, the '90s original. 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' is an archetypal slasher, the type of horror movie that 'Scream' was lampooning just a year prior, and was thoroughly mocked in the first 'Scary Movie.' Yet while it sticks to all the genre conventions, 'I Know What You Did Last Summer' remains an enjoyably silly popcorn-muncher, and there's enough bloody fun to keep you hooked throughout. The movie centers on a group of friends who accidentally hit a pedestrian following a beach trip to celebrate July 4. They swear a pact to hide the body and never speak of the incident again. However, a year later, one of the group, Julie (Jennifer Love Hewitt), receives a letter telling her that somebody knows what they did, and the mystery sender wants revenge. Also starring Sarah Michelle Gellar and Freddie Prinze Jr., it's a pretty cheesy, yet enjoyable watch. Watch on Netflix until June 30, 2025 Netflix is removing the entire original 'Ocean's' trilogy this month, so now is the perfect time for a movie marathon full of gripping heists and larger-than-life characters. Directed by Steven Soderbergh (whose new movie 'Black Bag' is one of the year's best to date), and a remake of the 1960s Rat Pack crowd-pleaser of the same name, it stars a legendary crew of 2000s top-tier talent including George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Jula Roberts and Casey Affleck. Clooney plays the leader of the group, Danny Ocean, a career criminal who uses his charms to rob those he believes deserve their comeuppance. Alongside partner in crime Rusty (Pitt), he brings together a sophisticated group of thieves to pull off a seriously audacious heist. The plan is to rob three of Las Vegas' biggest casinos in one swoop, and the stakes are extra personal because the owner of these gambling establishments happens to be dating Danny's ex-wife, Tess (Roberts). Watch on Netflix until June 30, 2025 'The Equalizer 3' has enjoyed a fruitful run on Netflix, holding the No. 1 spot for several weeks when it first arrived on the streaming service in early 2024. Since then, it's always been in and around the top 10, but all good things must come to an end, and Netflix will soon lose one of Denzel Washington's best action efforts to date. For anybody who (foolishly) doubts it, 'The Equalizer 3' again confirms Washington's status as the coolest man in Hollywood. The second sequel to the 2014 original sees Washington return as Robert McCall, a former Marine and government assassin who now protects the vulnerable in society who are unable to defend themselves. Having moved to southern Italy to escape his past actions, McCall's sun-soaked retirement is short-lived when he's forced back into the field to save his new friends from a local mafia boss, who might be McCall's most ruthless foe yet. Watch on Netflix until June 30, 2025
Cosmopolitan
18 hours ago
- Cosmopolitan
'Sorry Emily Ratajkowski, but having 'zero straight men in your life' is actually your loss'
The unspoken understanding of a shared holiday wardrobe. A knowing look when it's time to leave the pub and grab an Uber home. A constant stream of communication, support, and love. It's true what they say about female friendships: they often are the strongest, most important relationships of your life. The ones that see you through both the highs and the lows; those that are there to soak in the ecstasy of celebrations, but also to scoop you up off the floor when things get rough. But Emily Ratajkowksi has still got it wrong when it comes to cutting straight male friends out of her life. In a recent interview with Elle UK, the 34-year-old model revealed she was refusing to 'centre men' right now, and instead was purposefully only spending time with women and queer friends. 'I still like men,' she said, before adding: 'I just have zero straight men in my life, unless they're a romantic interest. In the hierarchy of needs, that's at the top of the pyramid, which is nice. [Men are] pleasure and fun, but not a part of my core. The rest of my life is community with other women and queer people, and being a mum.' Look, I get it. As a woman who has been constantly berated on the internet for her 'overtly sexual nature', and labelled as a sex symbol by every mainstream media outlet under the sun, it makes sense for EmRata to want to distance herself from the male gaze; to not let men define her. It's why she wrote her 2021 book, My Body, a deeply personal investigation into both the commodification of the female form and sexuality, but also her own nuanced experience of how she — and her physical body — are perceived, scrutinised, and commented on in the public eye. But to totally remove herself from any interaction with a straight male — 'unless they're a romantic interest' — is to lose out on so much that there is to gain from these relationships. The joy that a platonic male friend can bring: the alternate view point, the differing experiences of the world, and the idea that you can connect with someone of another gender in a genuinely fulfilling (but non-sexual) way. Of course, I'm sure she's getting this from the queer community, and from other women. I have no doubt she is surrounded by interesting, kind, and funny people — and these friendships are important. And beautiful! Fulfilling! Amazing! But to dismiss a whole category of potential connections based on their gender seems reductive, and, quite frankly, a loss. Some of my best friends are male. My school friends, Ed and Ben, who I've known for almost 15 years; my husband's best men, Dan and Gaz. The idea of distancing myself from them based on their gender diminishes the importance of connection; of finding another personality you properly gel with — and also pushes the outdated relic that men and women can't 'just' be friends. There's also the suggestion that men, for EmRata, are just 'pleasure and fun', and serve no purpose beyond serving her needs. Sexual gratification, sure, but emotional connection, a shared sense of humour, or seeking advice over a shared bowl of chips? Nah, she's good. This narrative seeks to create further divide between the genders at a time when we need more open communication than ever. Recent data from King's College London found that 57% of Gen Z (aged 13 to 28) men believe women's rights have gone so far that men are now actively being discriminated against (with 36% of Gen Z women agreeing with that statement too). Surely we should be encouraging young people to talk to each other; to gain an emotional understanding of differing gender's points of view, and not further push this dynamic of division? I'd argue the men I know who nurture their female friendships make for better partners, because of their increased understanding. Who wouldn't want more of that in the world? In a sense, I get what Ratajkowksi is saying: female and queer friendships are joyful, supportive, and filled with love. But there's no reason why relationships with men shouldn't be like this too (and why we can't have both.) Maybe she just hasn't met my friends Ed and Ben yet. Dusty Baxter-Wright is an award-winning journalist and the Entertainment and Lifestyle Director at Cosmopolitan, having previously worked at Sugarscape. She was named one of PPA's 30 Under 30 for her work covering pop culture, careers, interiors and travel, and oversees the site's Entertainment and Lifestyle strategy across print, digital and video. As a journalist for the best part of a decade, she has interviewed everyone from Louis Theroux and Channing Tatum to Margot Robbie and Ncuti Gatwa, while she has also spoken on Times Radio and BBC Radio. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram here.
