'Every child will have contact with a stranger online'
Sophie was just 17 when she was contacted online by someone she believed to be a boy of her own age. Having just split from her boyfriend, Sophie - not her real name - admits she was feeling low and lacking self-confidence, so welcomed his attention."He told me I was pretty and we chatted on and off for about a month or so on various social media platforms," she says.He asked her to send him some pictures, which she did. "I didn't think much of it," she says.He then told her she could make money from the pictures, and asked for more, including sexually explicit shots."So I began sending him pictures of what he asked for. Before too long, it was videos and I was in way too deep," she says.Sophie realised something was amiss when people began to contact her to say they had seen the videos.The "boy" asked her for more photos and video, this time of her with others, and she never received any money."I felt like I was in a mess and it was all too much," she says.
Sophie is one of hundreds of people who have been helped by Bedford-based charity Link to Change.It offers help, support and guidance to young people aged from seven to 26 in four areas of exploitation: sexual, criminal, online and financial.Operating for 20 years, its clients are referred by organisations including police and schools, as well as parents. "At some point, every child will have contact with a stranger online," warns Hayley Brown, its chief executive."Find me a young person that doesn't have a phone or a tablet, and if a young person has a phone or tablet, there is a way and means they can be contacted," she says.What is crucial, she adds, are the decisions made after that contact."It's about being able to have those conversations with young people and make them aware of what's happening."
"There needs to be more around what we are doing in society," says Ms Brown."We can blame the social media companies; however, what we have is a generational gap, around young people, technology that they are using and parents' knowledge and understanding around that."Parents, she says, have a "fine line" to negotiate as young people's critical thinking will not be fully developed."What they think might be a wise decision might not be a wise decision," she warns.
Everyone, she says, needs to be aware of grooming "as it's a natural process" that builds trust.The groomer could be an older male, she says, but "could be their best friend, someone in their class, someone the same age as them". As the mother of a 13-year-old herself, she says: "There's an element of needing to trust my child but also being able to know and monitor what they are doing."So many young people are scared to report something that's happened to them as they're scared of the trouble they'll get in. It's not the young person's fault."They're not asked to be groomed. In society, we put the blame on children, but this is abuse; this child has been abused."
If you have been affected by the issues raised in this article, help and support is available via BBC Action Line.
Demand for the charity's services are up: its referrals have increased by 233% in four years."We are at a point where our waiting list is so high, we're having a battle with our capacity," Ms Brown says.But she says it is worth it, because the charity has a 98% success rate in helping people exit exploitation. "We will not close a young person's case until all aspects of their life are on track," she says.
While it is still unclear who Sophie's groomer was, she says the support she received "helped change my life". "They helped me to understand what had happened to me - it wasn't my fault," she says."I had one-to-one support for about eight months in total. "They helped not only with the exploitation, but to be able to build my confidence and self-esteem and my mental health struggles."
James Simmonds-Read, national programme manager for The Children's Society, says online spaces can be "hugely positive" for young people.They can be places to learn, to connect and have fun, but can also be used by abusers to "exploit and groom"."That's why it is so important for adults to build open, trusting relationships where children can tell them anything without fear of judgement while also staying alert to signs of potential harm, and speaking up if something doesn't feel right," he says."Children won't always realise they're being groomed - that's why adults need to stay switched on to the signs."These can include:Sudden changes in behaviour, particularly after time onlineMentioning or meeting new friends they met on gaming or social appsTalking about offers of making "easy money"Being secretive or withdrawn about online activitiesHe advises anyone with concerns to report them to the police and to contact the platform where any incidents of grooming, exploitation, or abuse are taking place.
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