Tyson Fury's early evening f-bomb sums up strange appeal of Soccer Aid
1984. Appalled by a BBC news report about the Ethiopian famine, Boomtown Rat Bob Geldof calls Ultravox's Midge Ure. Together they devise the modern template for the charity single. They will form a supergroup of the era's biggest talents (and Marilyn) and call it Band Aid.
2025. A creaking Old Trafford opens its doors for a mixed-gender game between footballers and celebrities, to raise money for Unicef. Bella Ramsey, 5ft 1in star of The Last Of Us, attempts to close down Nemanja Vidic. The bloke from Baby Reindeer is marking one of One Direction. It can only be Soccer Aid.
Commentator Sam Matterface called it the best match of the weekend and he had a point, given the competition was Bayern Munich 10 Auckland City 0 in the Club World Cup. Despite the peculiarities of England vs the World XI, ITV's coverage occasionally attempted to ape traditional football broadcasting. Some truisms remained accurate, even in this surreal sphere.
The World XI had Rivaldo in attack, Edwin van der Sar in goal and David Trezeguet out wide. Surely no match for an England team carrying dead weights such as YouTuber Angryginge, pop star Tom Grennan and Wayne Rooney? In fact England were fully in control in the first half, proving that a united team always beats a collection of talented individuals. Credit here to the left-field management duo of Harry Redknapp and Tyson Fury.
Redknapp announced the starting line-up to his squad with the ease of a veteran stand-up. He was born for the job of Soccer Aid manager and seeing him at work made you wonder if he could have bantered England's Golden Generation to a trophy. His heavyweight assistant took a more direct approach.
The 'How long can Tyson Fury go without swearing?' challenge lasted roughly until his 14th word of the evening, at a watershed-horrifying time of 6.25pm. Geeing up his team he called them 'f---ing Spartans'. Immediate apologies from host Alex Scott, but if you will insist on putting cameras into dressing rooms…
Back on the pitch it was time for the punditry soft launch of Mary Earps, presumably a late call-up for plinth duty after her withdrawal from the England Euros squad. A natural presence, you can foresee a big future for her on TV although this was a tough debut. Dermot O'Leary seemed to be leaning on her to provide conventional tactical insight but it is hard to deliver that when you are a B-plot to Lee Mack and Big Zuu gags.
'They've taken the microphone off him I see,' said co-commentator Jason Manford when he spotted Fury in the tunnel before kick-off. When the game started Rooney scored early and Edwin van der Sar looked delighted. They may be former team-mates but Van der Sar had conceded the goal.
What an odd occasion this is. Diamond from Gladiators could find no joy on the flank occupied by Grennan. Angryginge cleared a shot off the line. A Mexican wave broke out after 25 minutes. 'Famously, Soccer Aid is a very different game in the second half,' said a hopeful-sounding Manford. During a break in play Scott spoke to Fury on the bench: 'I've been screaming and shouting instructions and s--t like that.'
'Once again,' said Scott, 'I apologise for Tyson's swearing.'
The charitable element was handled with an expertly light touch and with none of the telethon whiplash that blights Comic Relief. No uncomfortable juxtapositions between newsreaders horsing around and horrifying footage of war zones. The segments highlighting various Unicef initiatives were touching, clear and effective. I lasted until the second appeal of the night before texting in my donation.
It would be interesting to see when those donations come across the course of the evening. Matterface peppered his regrettably pun-filled commentary with sobering stats. The world hunger sort, not Rivaldo's pass completion. A phalanx of not-quite-famous-enough celebs manned the phones. Call now for your chance to talk to Catherine Tyldesley off Corrie!
The actual match was comfortably the least engaging part of a four-hour broadcast, until Carlos Tevez realised he had the beating of Paddy McGuinness in goal in the second half, leading the World XI to a 5-4 win. This is a gentle light entertainment show ruined by sub-testimonial football.
Class is permanent. 🇦🇷
Watch Soccer Aid for UNICEF 2025 live on @ITV, @ITVX and @WeAreSTV 📺 pic.twitter.com/gAoOBNW6AP
— Soccer Aid (@socceraid) June 15, 2025
There are still many worse ways to spend a Sunday night and with £15 million raised shortly after the final whistle, it is evidently a successful vehicle for inspiring charity. To borrow a phrase credited to Geldof, which you can also imagine from the mouth of Fury: give them your f---ing money.
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