Kids falling behind as parents treat ‘iPads as pacifiers'
If Tami Larsen could go back in time, the preschool teacher of 20 years said she'd have fiercer limits on her own children's screen time. She places strong limits now at Miss Tami's Preschool, where screens are used only rarely and then always interactively and for an educational reason.
Jody Zabriskie's A to Z Building Blocks preschool and child care facilities don't use screens at all. She said that sometimes greatly frustrates the parents who do use them.
Both child care professionals told Deseret News they know well the ill effects of using 'iPads as pacifiers,' as Utah officials call it. They note an increase in children who don't know how to self-soothe when they have strong emotions, so there are more tantrums and screams. Some kids have no idea how to share, either. They believe screens have a lot to do with it.
'Emotional outbursts and limited self-regulation skills' is how Zabriskie describes it, noting that parents often don't know emotional regulating techniques, either, but teaching it should start in infancy including breathing exercises.'
Utah state officials are well aware of the data on screen time and the impact on children of various ages and say it's not very heartwarming. So Thursday, Gov. Spencer Cox and his wife Abby released a video and an announcement of Family Connection Week June 9-15 across the state.
Getting families to mind their screen time is central to the messaging.
'Spending quality time together strengthens our bonds, fosters better communication and creates lasting memories that carry us through life's challenges,' the governor said in the release. 'This week is a chance to really listen, connect and to make sure the people around us know they are valued.'
'As we thought about what can make a big impact for families, we recognized that doing a better job getting off devices, not using screens so often and spending real intentional time together is so critical,' said Aimee Winder Newton, who oversees Utah's Office of Families.
'We really are encouraging families to put their devices down and enjoy a family meal or an activity together. The data is so strong showing family dinners together help kids.'
According to the Utah Student Health and Risk Prevention (SHARP) survey, when Utah teens sit down to eat at least one meal with family, they are 45% less apt to report feeling depressed, 70% less likely to vape and 54% less likely to consider suicide. Positive in-person interactions lay the foundation for resilience and safety for children and adults alike, the announcement said.
And while putting aside social media and screens in general is important at all ages, Winder Newton said that an overlooked group are the littlest kids. Perhaps almost unbelievably, screen time in some families starts nearly from birth, as babies get parked in front of screens for distraction. And among those who are a bit older, the iPad or smartphone or TV are sometimes used as a calming tool whenever a child is cranky.
That's bad news for a lot of reasons, including because excessive screen time has been linked by research to developmental delays in speech, motor skills and emotional intelligence, as well as sleep disruptions. It increases sedentary time and dilutes ability to problem solve.
The American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry both say babies should have absolutely no screen time. Winder Newton notes one exception: interactive activities like FaceTiming with a grandparent.
The pediatric group's recommendation is that children 18 months to 2 years old should have absolutely zero solo use of screens and when an adult is with them using screens, it should be limited to educational material. Those ages 2 to 5 should have an hour or less and only view it with a parent or sibling. Finally, children 6 and older should have two hours tops and parents should 'place consistent limits on time and media type.'
'Children learn best when they're watching with someone else and the adult can explain what they're watching,' Winder Newton said of children preschool-age and younger.
She admits that she's a fan of screens when it comes to connecting little kids to relatives. She loves to FaceTime with her granddaughter when she can't visit her, though they don't live very far apart. They play peek-a-boo or sing songs and it's smiles all around.
And she notes that educational shows can be good for kids, in limited amounts and if they're high quality.
Winder Newton said she understands that parents come home from work sometimes and just need a minute. But screens with the very littlest ones are not a good solution.
And the worst use of screens at that age — 'it's very concerning,' she said — is distracting or soothing a child by just handing them a screen to watch. 'That's where we're starting to see some trouble.' Those children don't learn to self-soothe or distract themselves without a device. 'Their social and emotional maturity is lacking because they don't have that interaction with people or learn how to soothe themselves.'
However, she added, if you're stuck on a plane with a screaming child, the screen could be a valuable tool. 'But when you're at home during the day, make sure that's not a constant part of their daily routine and they're getting plenty of other interaction. It's really, really important,' said Winder Newton.
Larsen has also been a substitute teacher for a long time in a local school district. She thinks kindergartners and those in first grade have the hardest time with self-control, but part of that is because that's the age group that didn't get outside social exposure during COVID-19, she added.
Children ages 3 to 5 are not all well-versed in showing respect and many seem to feel entitled in ways that children that age did not years ago, she said.
Zabriskie notes that screens do calm children, which is why many parents see it as an effective tool. The babies and toddlers are stimulated by the lights and the rapidly changing images that are common in screens.
When they hear A to Z Building Blocks doesn't use screens, parents sometimes offer to bring in their own iPad in case their child struggles with strong emotions. She said it's common with children who have special needs, too.
Zabriskie's a fan of teaching children breathing techniques. 'OK, let's breathe together. Let's figure this out together, rather than I am going to put you over here because I've got to deal with my own emotions.'
She also says to give parents some grace. 'Really, I think parents are doing the best that they possibly can and as providers, we do the best that we can. You can never say anything bad about either source because everyone's just trying to do the best that they can to help these children.'
Larsen believes parental screen time has as much impact as the kids' use of screens. Children are affected when they can't get the attention of a parent whose face is in a phone. 'I really do feel like that affects the children's self-esteem. It affects their ability to get their point across; they're crying out for attention and then they try to get it in negative ways because they are not getting it.'
Zabriskie said parents must learn to calm themselves so they can teach techniques to their children.
The American Academy of Pediatrics offers these recommendations, shared by Utah officials:
Don't use screen time to pacify, babysit or end tantrums.
No screens during family meals and outings.
Don't use screens while feeding your child.
Use parental controls — and control your own screen use around children to model healthy screen habits.
Build in lots of face-to-face time, as it boosts language ability, emotional intelligence and social skill development.
Winder Newton said she loved to take her toddlers to the grocery store, despite the risk of tantrums. There were lots of colors and things to talk about, people smiling and interacting. And if a tantrum was brewing, it was a chance to teach her youngsters how not to behave and that a tantrum wouldn't get them what they wanted.
The Utah Department of Health and Human Services offers a list of suggested activities to 'disconnect and reconnect' during Family Connection Week.
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