SpongeBob & GPS out the window - inside story of pre-season

"I've had boys being caught driving round the stadium with their GPS hanging out the window, claiming they've done 5K in 16 minutes."Pre-season training isn't the place for the faint hearted.The days of running up and down sand dunes in the mid-1970s may be over. Long fortnights in Largs have since been switched for private jets, Austrian training camps and sports science.However, it still plays a hugely pivotal role in the outcome of a team's season. With many teams returning already to hit the training pitch, how are they put together, and what happens to get teams ready?
'We went to Hungary and it was 40 degrees' – the manager
So, while players are off sunning themselves in some picture perfect beach club, or perhaps playing Ludo with the kids on a staycation at a midgie-infested glamping site, back at base camp there will be some poor sod plotting their return.Enter stage left, Livingston manager David Martindale.With the break between the season finishing and preparation for the next shortening by the year, you'd think it would be difficult for players to allow their fitness to slide too much. Right?Well, Martindale is one of many managers who will make sure their players aren't coming back battling the holiday bulge."It's changed now," he told BBC Scotland. "The boys will have a two-week programme before they come back into the club, so when they come back in, they're not a million miles away from when they left the club."They'll be given 5Ks, they'll be given 10Ks, they'll be given some mobility exercises, and light gym work."You might have boys that have, how do I put this, had a better summer than others. So, it's important that you don't treat it in a general way… so the players come in, we test them, check their body fats, check their body weights and then adjust the programme accordingly."
Footballers are professionals, so let's go on the notion every single one of them watches what they eat and drink and follows the holiday programme to the letter.But what happens if that maybe hasn't happened?"I've had everything," said Martindale. "But they're only cheating themselves. You find out very quickly on the first day back if they've been telling porkies."I remember one player telling me he had an all-inclusive two weeks in Mexico, I said, 'well, you're going to have to get out and you're going to have to go run, you're going to have to watch what you're eating slightly, you're going to have to watch what you're doing'."He came back in, I think his body fat had nearly doubled, and he'd put on about 8kg, and from that moment onwards he was playing catch up. He went out on loan two weeks later…"Martindale says he's not all old school when it comes to pre-season training. After the first day test, the footballs are out and friendlies will soon be played.Livingston are off to the Netherlands this summer with their boss saying finding the right location for a trip is crucial."One year we went to Hungary, and I think it was like 40 degrees," he added. "The first couple of sessions weren't bad, then the last ones after that, it was just taking the energy straight away from the boys, so the element of the weather can play a part in your training intensity."
'From laundry to private dining… it's never ending' – the club secretary
Livingston won't be the only team heading abroad to get rid for the rigours of the season. In fact, dozens of sides across the UK will be doing the same.So, what goes into planning such a trip?"Once the board and the manager determine there's going to be one, the manager would normally tell me where he would like to go," Karen Castello, Kilmarnock's club secretary, explains."Once a venue's available and we have a hotel, then obviously flights or ferries have to be organised. Then we have to also gather everyone's passport details and ensure they're all valid within the six months of travel."From laundry, dealing with the food that the sports scientists advise, it's never-ending. Also, within the hotel we also have to arrange meeting rooms, physio rooms, private rooms, private dining…"While Castello is in charge of the logistics after listening to the manager's wish list, clubs can also pull in agents to pull together the perfect trip.During the jaunt, which is typically around one week, players will also get some down time. And if anyone fancies a round of golf, then you guessed it, Castello has to organise this too."It's also good when you've got fresh players coming in as well," said Castello of the social benefit of going away for pre-season."It's the only time you actually get a chance to actually get to meet the boys on a daily basis."I mean, I see them here at the club, obviously, but it's good to get to know them. It's really nice because you get to see the personal side as well."
'There was a 22-man brawl' – the player
So we've heard from a manager and a club secretary, but what about those who are being put through their paces in a bid to ready themselves for the new season?It may seem a bundle of laughs jetting away. Maybe to Spain, maybe to Portugal, maybe to the United States to get your photo taken with SpongeBob Squarepants like Rangers did back in 2018.But this is where the hard graft begins, and as Martindale alluded to, there's nowhere to hide."My first full-time pre-season I'd did the runs on Gullane sands with Livingston. Thankfully that's long gone, because I don't think I could have done 17, 18 of them," said Motherwell midfielder Andy Halliday."We're very lucky to do what we do, but everyone sort of dreads that first day back in pre-season because they know they're going to be putting in the tough yards."But after it's done you obviously always feel the benefits for it and you know you're better off for it as a player and obviously as a team as well.""We were in Holland last year, I've been to Marbella, I've been to Portugal so we're really lucky to be going to nice places with warm weather as we're not blessed with brilliant weather here in Glasgow and in Scotland so I think it's always nice to get a bit of sun on your back as well."In saying that Halliday's pre-season experiences haven't always gone to plan…he remembers one trip for all the wrong reasons."It was either my first or my second season at Hearts, and we played a friendly against a Spanish team and there was a 22-man brawl," he recalls."I think there was about 12 sending offs and the game got cancelled after 30 minutes. That was the only game we had in that week of pre-season and the trip away so we ended up not even having a game but we started the season well so it didn't really matter."

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Return to Japan Adams has fond memories of Japan having been the World Cup's top try-scorer with seven when Wales reached the semi-finals in years on, he is only one of four survivors from that squad alongside Elliot Dee, Nicky Smith and Aaron an inexperienced squad heading to Japan, Adams is the most capped back with 61 Wales internationals, with only Test centurion Taulupe Faletau boasting more wing Adams is back fit after missing the final three Six Nations defeats because of a hamstring injury."I got back for the last six games of the season," said Adams. "That meant I had probably the longest consecutive run of matches I've had in at least a season and a half and I'm feeling good at the minute." Being pushed to the limit The new-look squad have spent the past few weeks attempting to acclimatise to the searing heat and humidity expected in Kitakyushu and coach Eddie Jones has stated he wants to run Wales around in matches that will be played in the have replicated the tactics sides adopted in the 2019 World Cup by training with wet balls to become used to the greasy conditions. They have also had intense gym sessions in a heat chamber at Wales' training base where temperatures are ramped up to 36 degrees and 87% has experienced previous brutal fitness sessions with Wales in Switzerland and Turkey and rates the latest conditions as some of the toughest he has experienced."Some boys were saying 'that's the hardest thing I've ever done' and it's got to be in the top three worst I've felt after a session," said Adams."It was really bad, genuine, because it's so stuffy."There's certain times and calories you've got to do, but you're all crammed in there, so it's uncomfortable when you're knackered."You want a bit of space just to breathe, but you can't because it's so hot and stuffy and everyone's rubbing against each other. You're trying to not agitate each other because it's so cramped."But the boys have managed pretty well, no one's tapped out yet, so we're doing alright." Replenishing fluids The gruelling conditions led to some players losing up to 5kg in one session. "We're weighing in before and after, we take one bottle of water which is rationed for the whole session," said Adams."Not because they want to be horrible, but it gives them a better gauge of how much fluids we lose and it's a considerable amount of weight. "There's a lot of fluid then you've got to drink to get your body back to some sort of base level."Adams says one of the worst parts is "cooling down as you let your body regulate the temperature"."They don't want us hopping in ice baths because you can't do that in the game," said Adams."It's trying to get your body to regulate this body temperature and back to normal."We have done these off-field conditioning sessions and then come straight down and got into some skills."It's trying to copy what the climate would be like out there as best we can and make it as comfortable as it can, so we're in a good space to cope with anything."