I'm an aunt who chooses to be childless. Merchandise with passive-aggressive mom digs gets under my skin
This First Person column is the experience of Nicole Starker Campbell, who lives in Fort Saskatchewan, Alta. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.
My sister-in-law, Laura, handed me a gift wrapped in Christmas paper, apologizing for what she said was a tacky present.
I unwrapped a coffee mug and held it up for a look.
The yellow-and-dusty-rose colour scheme and random pink paintbrush stroke pattern signalled that this cup was made in the '80s. Judging from the tiny chips on the bottom, it had seen some use.
But printed on the side of the ceramic cup was, "For a Very Special Person," and below that, the word "Aunt."
Laura and my niece, Serene, had been browsing in a thrift shop when Serene saw the mug and declared she wanted to give it to me for Christmas. Laura suggested they pick out a brand new mug, but my niece looked at her with eyes the same blue as mine and said, "But it says, 'For a very special person.'"
Most of the text wore off years ago, yet that cup is still one of my favourites. I love my nieces and nephews to pieces and happily advertise that I'm a proud auntie.
But when I recently saw another mug decorated with the phrase "Aunts … Like Moms, Only Cooler," I paused.
This cup was less a tribute to aunts and more of a passive-aggressive dig.
While many mothers are also aunties, this alluded to a comparison that concludes childless aunts are cool and moms are not. In other words, women stop being fun and interesting once they have a child.
The us-against-them trap
This false chasm existing between mothers and childless aunts is just a construct pitting women against each other.
I think most of us live in the vast grey area between two polarizing stereotypes: that all women want to be mothers and that all childless women hate kids. In fact, there's no "womaning" better, there are just different choices.
Even so, I admit that I still get caught in the us-against-them trap sometimes.
Years ago, while chatting with a friend as she made us coffee, we began talking about the question of when to have children.
She had decided it was time for her and her husband to start trying. Sitting at her kitchen island, I explained that I'd never wanted children and wasn't going to have them.
As she reached into the cupboard for coffee mugs, she replied, "Oh, don't worry, you'll have kids one day." As if to say, you'll come around.
My friend didn't ask why I felt the way I did and didn't seem interested in a conversation about the different choices that women make. At the time, it felt like she'd simply dismissed my feelings as being wrong.
WATCH | Why fewer people are planning to have kids | About That:
Why fewer people are planning to have kids | About That
1 year ago
Duration 10:05
Research suggests a significant shift over the last two decades in the number of North American adults who are planning on having kids. Andrew Chang explores three main reasons for the generational change.
I now realize my friend wasn't trying to intentionally dismiss my decision not to have kids. Rather, it was a lack of understanding about why I would make a choice that was different than hers.
Most of the women in our friend group have felt the pull of motherhood.
I haven't.
I love kids, but I've never wanted any of my own. The responsibility of being a mom has always been far too daunting for me, and being an aunt is where I thrive.
Most of the moms I know are cool — and their kids think they're cool, too. These mothers have living room dance parties with their sons and daughters, shepherd their children through mental health challenges or have even parented their kids through tough divorces.
For all my advocating for, and defending of, the ability to not choose motherhood, I realize that children are still central to my identity.
Growing up, I used to visit a favourite aunt who never had children. Some of my favourite childhood memories involve driving around Seattle in her Corvette, talking, sipping iced mochas and listening to Wham!
Now, I'm making those memories with my nieces and nephews.
I enjoy babysitting my nieces and nephews, bringing them to the water park, buying them cool YA books and taking them on trips.
They've come to stay with me for a fun weekend visit and also when they needed support during a challenging time.
As an auntie, I get to love my siblings' and friends' sons and daughters, and be involved in their lives, free from the pressures of parenthood. I'm happy to play an important supporting role.
Serene is now in her early 20s. This past Christmas she gifted me a bright pink coffee mug that says "Best Aunt Ever."
To my nieces and nephews, just being their aunt is enough, and I'm cool with that.
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
CTV News
an hour ago
- CTV News
Shoppers are discovering once rare plants in local retailers in Canada
Plants that have colourful patterns that resemble paintings and even a starry sky were sold for hundreds of dollars during the pandemic houseplant boom. But amateur gardeners are finding that the Philodendron Pink Princess, Philodendron Ring of Fire and Monstera Thai Constellation are no longer hard to find in Canada. In fact, trips to local big-box retailers, grocery stores and nurseries are like treasure hunts for plant enthusiasts as they discover these non-traditional plants are sold for much lower prices today. This is a trend retailers and growers attribute to the continuing demand for unusual varieties. Rare plants in Canada: Genna Weber with spiritus-sancti Genna Weber holds one of her prized plants called the Philodendron spiritus-sancti, once considerd a 'holy grail' among plant enthusiasts. (Genna Weber) Because of the demand, these businesses found a way to mass produce them, which helped lower the prices. 'The plants that were rare and trendy during the pandemic are more mainstream now,' Justin Hancock, director of research and development for wholesale horticultural grower Costa Farms, said in a recent video interview with from Miami. Demand was a big factor in bringing in the non-traditional plants into Longo's stores, said Deb Craven, president at the Ontario grocery chain. 'I think what we noticed, especially during COVID, was that there was a demand for other types of plants and maybe plants that our guests wouldn't have been looking for in the past that they were starting to look for,' Craven said in a video interview from Ancaster, Ont. Rare plants in Canada: Philodendron Ring of Fire The Philodendron Ring of Fire is among the variegated plants that grew popular during the pandemic. (Home Depot) Pricey plant splurges Before the coveted plants started popping up at grocery stores, Pol Apiwong was among those who splurged on rare plants during the pandemic. Apiwong said he paid a grower in Thailand in 2021 around $400, excluding shipping, for a small Philodendron Spiritus Sancti, which was viewed as a 'holy grail' plant then. Before and during the pandemic, he said plant enthusiasts had to import rare plants or buy them from personal collectors or smaller plant shops. Four years after his big purchase, the Spiritus Sancti's price has plunged. The plant is currently sold out at the JOMO Studio plant shop in Toronto where Apiwong works as a manager. It has the price tag of $45 for the same size he paid the Thai grower. 'We continue to see excitement around new and unusual releases,' he said in a phone interview with 'People still want to buy something special.' Rare plants in Canada: Philodendron Spiritus Sancti Genna Weber won this small Philodendron Spiritus Sancti in a giveaway in 2022. She says the plant was selling for around $500 at that time. (Genna Weber) Genna Weber, a plant influencer with the handle Genna's Plants on Instagram and YouTube, recalled buying a small Philodendron Pink Princess for about $25 in 2019. Then during the pandemic, the houseplant market took off as lockdowns kept Canadians at home. At that time, these plants were tougher to find as demand was high, she said. Prices were often at least $100 for a small Pink Princess, which has splashes of bright pink foliage, and even a few hundred dollars for a large specimen during the pandemic. 'And now, you can basically pick them up in any garden centre or Canadian Tire for next to nothing, like under $20 for a plant,' Weber said in a recent video interview with from her plant-filled living room in Norwich, Ont. Weber significantly grew her collection during the pandemic to more than 200 plants today. 'And then the supply kind of caught up with the demand.' Rare plants in Canada: Philodendron Pink Princess Genna Weber, a plant influencer on Instagram and YouTube, holds a Philodendron Pink Princess. (Genna Weber) Mark Beaty, senior merchant of the garden department at The Home Depot, said interest has continued to grow. He noted 'an immediate positive' response, anecdotally, when the big-box chain started to sell a plant that has creamy white variegation that some say is reminiscent of a starry sky, called Thai Constellation, in March 2023 in Canada. 'Our customers see them trending on social platforms like Pinterest and are inspired to bring them into their homes,' he wrote in an email to 'Our associates see rare plants at trade shows and will send me photos, asking 'have you seen these?' which leads to me ensuring we eventually carry them in-store.' Why are prices down? The spike in demand for the trendy plants has led to producing and selling greater quantities of them, thereby reducing the price, said Julie Codere, lawn and garden category director at Rona. Despite plant sales cooling since the COVID-19 peak, she said the Canadian big-box retailer has seen 'steady purchases' of these unusual plants. 'Our 'trendier' plants usually sell quite fast as we have repeat customers that shop often and also employees that share on social media as well,' Codere wrote in an email to from Boucherville, Que., noting popular ones include a plant with golden-yellow leaves called Chameleon ZZ plant, another with splashes of cream, white and yellow on its narrow foliage called Pothos Variegated Amplissium, Monstera Thai Constellation and a plant with varying white variegation called Philodendron White Knight. Rare plants in Canada: Chameleon ZZ plant The Chameleon ZZ plant is among the popular plants at stores in Canada. (Rona) She said Rona discovers 'trending' plants by visiting trade shows as well as following blogs and plant groups on social media. 'Large producers have specialized teams of researchers and passionate growers that bring that new discovery to the market and we're able to sell it at a competitive price,' she wrote. Perhaps one of the best examples of a once-rare plant that has become widely available in Canada, the Monstera Thai Constellation is another plant whose price has plunged. It was harder to find several years ago, selling for three digits or more, depending on the seller and size. But the plant recently became more accessible. Costa Farms began to send shipments of the Thai Constellation to its partners including retailers in Canada just last year, Hancock said. He said it's difficult to propagate some plants like Thai Constellation by the tens of thousands through traditional cuttings, which are stems with nodes from which roots will grow. But his company found a partner that could more efficiently and affordably propagate the Thai Constellation through tissue culture, allowing Costa Farms to sell larger numbers of the plant at lower prices, Hancock said. Monstera Thai Constellation Monstera Thai Constellation has variegation that resembles a starry sky. (Home Depot) These are some of the formerly rare plants that are now accessible to the masses: Monstera Burle Marx Flame The Burle Marx Flame has lance-shaped leaves in its young form that become heart-shaped with slits resembling a flame when it matures, according to Costa Farms. Monstera Burle Marx Flame Monstera Burle Marx Flame has been mass produced. (Costa Farms) Epipremnum pinnatum Albo-Variegata Epipremnum pinnatum Albo-Variegata, or Albo Pothos, has cream and white patterns, with leaves fenestrating as it matures. Epipremnum pinnatum Albo-Variegata Epipremnum pinnatum Albo-Variegata is commonly sold at garden centres and local retailers.(JOMO Studio) Alocasia Frydek Variegated Alocasia Frydek Variegated is prized for its green velvet leaves with white and cream patterns. Rare plants in Canada: Alocasia Frydek Variegata Alocasia Frydek Variegata is also known as Variegated Alocasia Frydek or Alocasia micholitziana 'Maxkowskii Variegata.' (JOMO Studio) Alocasia Jacklyn Alocasia Jacklyn, or Alocasia tandurusa, has distinctive dark-veined, bright green, arrowhead-shaped and hairy leaves with striped stems. Rare plants in Canada The Alocasia Jacklyn has drawn buzz because of its distinctive foliage. (JOMO Studio) Philodendron Gloriosum Philodendron Gloriosum is a crawling plant — which means it grows horizontally — with heart-shaped velvety leaves. Rare plants in Canada: Philodendron Gloriosum Philodendron Gloriosum is a crawling plant native to South America. (JOMO Studio) Anthurium Crystallinum Velvety anthuriums such as Anthurium Crystallinum were on many pandemic plant parents' wish lists. The Crystallinum has dark green, heart-shaped leaves with contrasting white veins.
CTV News
8 hours ago
- CTV News
Firefighters rescue occupants of sinking boat on Ottawa River
An Ottawa Fire Services water rescue boat is seen in this undated image. (Dave Charbonneau/CTV News Ottawa) Firefighters rescued the occupants of a sinking boat on the Ottawa River Saturday afternoon. The Ottawa Fire Services say crews responded to the 2700 block of Cassels Street near Mud Lake at approximately 4:50 p.m. after a 911 caller reported to Gatineau firefighters that a boat had struck a rock shoal and was taking on water. There were three occupants aboard the vessel, Ottawa fire says. On arrival, crews found the boat had drifted through the rapids but was still afloat. A water rescue team was launched at the scene and everyone aboard was removed from the vessel by 5:06 p.m. Ottawa paramedics tell CTV News they were called to the incident but there were no reports of injuries.
CTV News
11 hours ago
- CTV News
National Indigenous Peoples Day in Ottawa
Saturday marks National Indigenous Peoples Day with ceremonies being held across the country to celebrate First Nations, Inuit and Metis people. CTV's Natalie van Rooy reports.
