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Washington Post
29 minutes ago
- Washington Post
Carolyn Hax: Why can't sister-in-law just take their mother's advice in stride?
Dear Carolyn: You mentioned the importance of people feeling heard and what a difference it can make. I agree, but I'm a constant witness to my sister-in-law, 'Jane,' not extending that kindness to my mom. My mom is a super homemaker; no one cooks or cleans like her. She knows that, so she tends to offer advice. It can be a little annoying but also completely harmless and well-meaning. When she does it to me, I always say her way sounds better and agree to give it a try. To her credit, she never points out that I rarely follow through; she's happy if I just agree with her. After a recent holiday, she offered suggestions to Jane about the dinner. If you're wondering why not my brother instead, it's because if it had been up to him, we'd have had takeout on paper plates. Later, she did offer him a suggestion about how he was washing dishes, which he handled like I do. The things my mom said to Jane weren't mean or malicious, and it wouldn't have taken any effort for Jane to agree that the tablecloth would have looked better if it had been ironed, that the salad vegetables were a little underdone, that loose tea is better than bags. But my sister-in-law answers as if she said something else. Like when my mom said the tablecloth needed to be ironed, Jane said, 'Yes, we got that in France. Isn't it lovely?' It's weird and hurtful. My brother said he thinks Jane's way is 'clever,' but it's not to my mom. She even talked on the way home about how Jane ignores and 'talks down to' her. Can I try discussing this with Jane, since she is not the sort to be deliberately hurtful? — Constant Witness Constant Witness: An hour in this kitchen, and you'd witness me smashing crockery. Jane is a saint. Not just because of the oh-no-we-are-NOT-doing-this gaslight job you did with the storytelling. But let's talk about that: Since Jane prepared a holiday dinner for her husband's family on her own initiative, clearly, can we agree she undertook a lot of labor for love? Then your mom thanks her with three criticisms that couldn't hope to get any pettier. Oh. My. Floofing. Dog. You call them 'suggestions' that are, oh kayyy, 'a little annoying'! But 'completely harmless, 'well-meaning'! and 'weren't mean or malicious.' !!! To nitpick your daughter-in-law's holiday hosting is dictionary mean in a few senses — not to get all definey on you. Do you know what is actually 'completely' without harm? 'Thank you for a lovely dinner.' It's also 100 percent annoyance-free, requiring no multi-paragraph contortionist interpretive dancing by hyper-compliant grown children, because it's kind on its face. You are a constant witness to your mother not extending that kindness to Jane. Flatly withholding. What is the point of homemaking, an honorable and important purpose, if not warmth? And support. Yet you see Jane as problematic because she won't join your group lie propping up the queen of this preening dysfunction. Part of my urge to smash things is that I know, I know, there's a heart here somewhere that's trying to find the right place. Through all the eerie over-justified homemaker-matriarch reverence is a vibe that you're protective of your mother. Like, everyone needs to be in on this performative awe at her expertise, and Jane's refusal to simper along puts a fragile person at risk. Whatever the motivation, your response to Mom's deathless faultfinding unsolicited corrections is a disingenuous 'Your way sounds better, I'll try it,' then seamlessly ignoring her — and I couldn't ask for a better example in the wild of talking down to someone. So, whew. Thank you for that. It is not 'hearing' your mother. It's humoring her. It's buying (lying) your way out of the hard work of honest communication. This means a couple of things. For one, minor, it means you owe it to Jane to be a whole lot less upset with her. I recommend non-upset. While you're talking down to your mother, she's merely talking past your mother's left elbow, a survival tactic she probably whipped up to keep from throwing crockery herself. (Or she got it from me, since I've advised it before.) You and your brother had lifetimes, remember, to learn how to absorb un! re! len! ting! disapproval from a mother who, I'm guessing, finds love-love too vulnerable. Next, major: It means recognizing this whole humor-Mother act is, in fact, an elaborately workshopped emotional survival tactic. It's not some effortless courtesy gesture. Following the good-intentions idea, I'll posit that your mom is in her own protective shell. She may have found perfectionism safer than emotional intimacy. What your family is protecting itself from, that's too far offstage for me to see. (Maybe not for you and a therapist.) I just see performance where honest connection could be. In a truth-telling family, for example, you'd respond to Mom in the car: 'I wouldn't want to hear what I did wrong after cooking all day. To bond with Jane, try, 'I'm so grateful [Son] found you.''
Yahoo
35 minutes ago
- Yahoo
Texas Lottery results: Powerball, Pick 3 winning numbers for June 21, 2025
The Texas Lottery offers multiple draw games for those aiming to win big. Here's a look at June 21, 2025, results for each game: 03-16-32-52-62, Powerball: 24, Power Play: 3 Check Powerball payouts and previous drawings here. The next Powerball drawing is on Monday, June 23, 2025 at 10:12 p.m. Morning: 8-3-7, FIREBALL: 5 Day: 6-9-5, FIREBALL: 5 Evening: 4-8-8, FIREBALL: 5 Check Pick 3 payouts and previous drawings here. Morning: 2-3-9-2, FIREBALL: 0 Day: 3-7-6-7, FIREBALL: 3 Evening: 8-3-6-8, FIREBALL: 6 Check Pick 4 payouts and previous drawings here. Morning: 01-07-10-11-12-16-17-18-19-21-22-24 Day: 02-08-09-11-12-16-17-18-21-22-23-24 Evening: 01-02-05-07-08-10-11-13-17-18-23-24 Check All or Nothing payouts and previous drawings here. Feeling lucky? Explore the latest lottery news & results This results page was generated automatically using information from TinBu and a template written and reviewed by a Texas editor. You can send feedback using this form. This article originally appeared on El Paso Times: Texas Lottery results: Powerball, Pick 3 winning numbers for June 21, 2025
Yahoo
an hour ago
- Yahoo
NY Lotto, Win 4, Take 5 winning numbers for Saturday, June 21
The New York Lottery offers multiple draw games for people looking to strike it rich. The games include New York Lotto, Cash4Life, Numbers, Win 4, Take 5, and Pick 10. Cash4Life is a multi-state lottery game available in 10 states. The top prize is $1,000 a day for life or a one-time lump sum of $7,000,000. The winning numbers are drawn at 9 p.m. EST daily and we have the results below. New York Win 4, Take 5, and Numbers are drawn twice a day at 2:30 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. New York Lotto is drawn on Wednesday and Saturday. 29-30-34-35-40-59, Bonus: 31 Check New York Lotto payouts and previous drawings here. Midday: 3-5-9-9 Evening: 9-7-0-0 Check New York Win 4 payouts and previous drawings here. Midday: 01-14-15-18-35 Evening: 03-05-11-26-39 Check New York Take 5 payouts and previous drawings here. Midday: 8-0-2 Evening: 6-0-2 Check New York Numbers payouts and previous drawings here. 03-06-07-33-38, Cash Ball: 01 Check Cash4Life payouts and previous drawings here. 11-15-27-33-35-38-39-41-42-43-45-46-51-54-59-60-61-68-69-76 Check Pick 10 payouts and previous drawings here. Feeling lucky? Explore the latest lottery news & results Cash4Life is drawn daily. In New York, in-store and online ticket sales are available until 8:45 p.m. daily. Cash4Life costs $2 to play. New York New Jersey Florida Georgia Indiana Maryland Missouri Pennsylvania Tennessee Virginia Match Win Odds 5 numbers + Cash Ball $1,000/day for life 1 in 21,846,048 5 numbers $1,000/week for life 1 in 7,282,016 4 numbers + Cash Ball $2,500 1 in 79,440 4 numbers $500 1 in 26,480 3 numbers + Cash Ball $100 1 in 1,471 3 numbers $25 1 in 490 2 numbers + Cash Ball $10 1 in 83 2 numbers $4 1 in 28 1 number + Cash Ball $2 1 in 13 The odds of winning a prize in Cash4Life is 1 in 7.76. Winning lottery numbers are sponsored by Jackpocket, the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network. Tickets can be purchased in person at gas stations, convenience stores and grocery stores. Some airport terminals may also sell lottery tickets. You can also order tickets online through Jackpocket, the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network, in these U.S. states and territories: Arizona, Arkansas, Colorado, Idaho, Maine, Massachusetts, Minnesota, Montana, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Oregon, Puerto Rico, Washington D.C., and West Virginia. The Jackpocket app allows you to pick your lottery game and numbers, place your order, see your ticket and collect your winnings all using your phone or home computer. Jackpocket is the official digital lottery courier of the USA TODAY Network. Gannett may earn revenue for audience referrals to Jackpocket services. GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). 18+ (19+ in NE, 21+ in AZ). Physically present where Jackpocket operates. Jackpocket is not affiliated with any State Lottery. Eligibility Restrictions apply. Void where prohibited. Terms: This results page was generated automatically using information from TinBu and a template written and reviewed by a NY Audience Editor. You can send feedback using this form. This article originally appeared on Rockland/Westchester Journal News: NY Lotto, Win 4, Take 5 winning numbers for Saturday, June 21
