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The Sun
15 minutes ago
- The Sun
I've slept with 400 men to show them how to make love… parents have brought their sons to my £250-an-hour sessions
LYING in the arms of the man I'd just had fantastic sex with, I smiled with satisfaction. Somewhere out there was the next woman he'd sleep with, and she'd never know that, thanks to me, he'd been transformed from a clueless virgin into a skilled lover. But I wasn't in a relationship with this man – I was his sex therapist and surrogate. Over three months, we'd progressed from him starting to get comfortable with physical intimacy, such as hand-holding, hugging and stroking, to more sexual touching. And finally, we'd had sexual intercourse. I've been a sex surrogate for 15 years, and during my career I've supported women with a fear of intimacy, helped a Hollywood actor overcome his sex addiction, and guided couples on how to safely have an open relationship. I don't keep count of the number of clients I've slept with, but it's between 300 and 400. Growing up in São Paulo, Brazil, if you'd told me that one day I'd be teaching people how to enjoy sex, I would never have believed it. As a young woman, I was comfortable with my sexuality, but never questioned what I wanted or needed sexually. I moved to London for university at 21, then married a few years later and had four children. Running a successful events company with my husband, I enjoyed a comfortable lifestyle. But working 18-hour days soon burned me out, and I just wasn't happy. When I was 35, I ended my marriage, leaving my husband and the company, while I moved into a one-bedroom council flat with our children. I'm a sex coach, women always ask what to do if their man won't talk about sex and it's NEVER a good sign I went on to qualify as a masseuse, working with athletes and actors. I enjoyed my job, but wasn't earning enough to give my children the life I wanted for them. So, in 2013, I invested £3,000 in a surrogate partner therapy course, after seeing an ad in a local paper. I thought it sounded like a great opportunity to further my massage skills, but on the first day, I was shocked to learn I'd be expected to have sex with clients. I thought about quitting, but decided – with trepidation – to continue with the course because I'd paid so much money for it. I'd studied tantric sex in my spare time, so I was more comfortable with my sexuality than ever, but I didn't know if I'd actually be able to go through with sleeping with someone. Three months later, I met my first client, a single man in his 60s who was a virgin. My initial thought was: 'I can't do this, he's the same age as my dad!' But when I asked him why he'd come to the session, his response changed everything. He explained that his brother had passed away recently, and he realised he didn't want to die without knowing what love felt like. Men came to see me to overcome issues including being unable to get an erection, premature ejaculation, fear of intimacy and body dysmorphia Kaly Miller It helped me understand that there was a genuine need for sex surrogates and there was nothing sleazy about it. I spent a month focusing on helping this man feel comfortable with his body, and teaching him how to touch a woman, before we had sex. It felt so natural, as we'd established a trusting, loving bond and it made me realise how much impact a surrogate can have. He went on to have a relationship with someone for the first time, and was so grateful. How is masturbation beneficial for health? Masturbation is nothing to be embarrassed about - after all, it's physically and mentally good for you! Just like sex, masturbation - and likely an ending of orgasm - is healthy. Masturbation releases endorphins which boost mood and can alleviate depressive symptoms and cortisol, the stress hormone. It can help you relax, reduce stress and help you sleep better - which has a number of health benefits in itself. In one study, published in the Frontiers in Public Health, almost half of men and women who masturbated before bed said they either got better sleep quality, or fell asleep quicker. Spring Cooper is a social researcher with academic qualifications in public health, health promotion, and sexuality, said: "For women, masturbation can help prevent cervical infections and urinary tract infections through the process of 'tenting', or the opening of the cervix that occurs as part of the arousal process. "Tenting stretches the cervix, and thus the cervical mucous. "This enables fluid circulation, allowing cervical fluids full of bacteria to be flushed out. "Masturbation can lower risk of type-2 diabetes (though this association may also be explained by greater overall health), reduce insomnia through hormonal and tension release, and increase pelvic floor strength through the contractions that happen during orgasm." For men, there is evidence that climaxing may help to reduce the risk of prostate cancer - "probably by giving the prostate a chance to flush out potential cancer-causing agents," says Spring. Though the benefits of masturbation are not the most scientifically studied, there's certainly no harm in doing it. For the next five years, I worked under supervision – there was always a qualified sex surrogate present at all my client meetings, including during sex, and they would give me feedback and advise me if I was unsure. Men came to see me to overcome issues including being unable to get an erection, premature ejaculation, fear of intimacy and body dysmorphia. Women came to overcome trauma after giving birth, learn how to orgasm and to conquer their fear of penetration. I also treated people who had difficulties after physical and sexual abuse. THE NAKED ROOM Eventually, I set up my own clinic, The Naked Room. My four adult children and parents know and fully support what I do. They all came to cheer me on when I won Somatic Sexologist of the Year at the Sexual Freedom Awards in 2022. And though some friends were initially sceptical, they soon came round. Before accepting clients, I meet them on Zoom so I can find out why they want to see me and also observe their body language, in order to spot unsuitable people who think they can just turn up and have sex with me. One time, a man was naked. I turned off my camera and told him that's not what I'm here for. Then, once they've completed a consent form and paperwork, my prices start from £250 for a one-hour in-person session, to £1,250 for a day session of five hours. If a client is a virgin, the ultimate aim is for us to have sex. If they're female, I can pass them on to a trusted male sex surrogate when they're ready. Every client has to provide a recent STI test and I always use condoms. I also work with couples, although I don't touch them – I coach them on how to touch each other. I insist on at least three sessions, because this isn't a quick process, and a maximum of 10 to make sure they don't form a romantic attachment with me. Before meeting a client, I prepare by going to the gym or doing yoga, and I meditate on my commute. Since I turned 50, I'm conscious I need look my best, so I see a dermatologist, and of course I regularly do kegel exercises to keep my pelvic floor muscles tight. There have been many memorable moments over the years. When one client saw my vagina – the first he'd ever seen – he was blown away. 'It's marvellous!' he said. 'I love the colour and the texture.' I was thinking: 'I've had sex for 30 years and not once has a partner admired me the way this guy has.' Then there was the man with autism, who I helped have sex for the first time. His parents used to bring him to the sessions with me, and were so grateful. His dad said to me: 'Thank you for making him experience life as a man outside of his challenges.' Those sorts of moments are humbling and make me realise how much I'm helping people. My job has also helped me realise that sex can be incredibly powerful, rather than shallow or mediocre. I'm currently single, but I've had relationships since I became a sex surrogate. I've learned to separate my professional and personal life to avoid falling into 'work mode' and educating partners on being the ideal lover. I'm always transparent with a partner about my work and, so far, they've all been open-minded and unfazed by the fact I'll be sleeping with other men, and that I often get aroused while doing so. I have no intention of stopping anytime soon – I feel privileged to help people overcome their issues. Everyone who wants to enjoy great sex should be able to, and I'm happy to play a part in helping them achieve that.


The Sun
30 minutes ago
- The Sun
I'm feeling guilty about all the casual sex I've been having and worry my daughters will do the same
DEAR DEIDRE: BEING desired by men used to make me feel so powerful and good about myself, but recently I've been feeling guilty about all the casual sex I've been having. I'm 28 and a single mother to two daughters, aged seven and three. I support us all by myself and we have a nice life. They are my everything and yet I spend so much money on babysitters so I can go out on casual dates. I wake up in the morning thinking, 'Never again'. Then I'm straight back on the apps, looking for my next hook-up. Last year I met a man I really hoped would be The One. He seemed kind and caring, and I got to know him slowly before we had sex. When we finally did, I cried because it was both passionate and loving. A few months later, my best friend found him on Tinder still. Relationships have never been easy for me. I get very clingy and emotional — boyfriends don't stick around long. But I've always loved sex, mainly because it makes me feel so good about myself, for a short time at least. I met my girls' father when I was only 18 and got pregnant by accident. We tried to make the relationship work but we had nothing in common. My sex drive was much higher than his and the constant rejection ruined my confidence. When we split up, I had one-night stands to reassert my independence. I thought it would be a phase but I'm finding it impossible to stop. I'm constantly looking for sex and I almost don't care who it's with. But I'm worried my daughters will grow up to do the same. Dear Deidre: Understanding why your man's gone off sex DEIDRE SAYS: A craving to be desired is often a sign of low self-esteem, which usually develops at a young age. You don't say what growing up was like for you, or how you were treated as a child, but it may be the root cause of your feelings. It might also explain your attachment style and why you feel so vulnerable in relationships. The good news is, being a loving mother will help your own daughters grow up with a more secure foundation. You're not failing your daughters. You are raising both of them by yourself, which is no easy task. Build up your self-confidence to help break the habit of seeking meaningless sex. I'm sending you my support packs on Raising Self-esteem and Finding The Right Partner For You. I know you're wary, believing you'll never find love. That's understandable after all you've been through. But you still have plenty of time to find the right person. MY DOUBTS OVER GIRL'S PARENTAGE I HAVE doubts over who is the father of my granddaughter. My daughter is 28 and I'm her father. She'd been dating her current partner – a lovely lad, a builder, aged 30 – for only a couple of months when she got pregnant last year. It was a shock to both of them, but he stepped up. They all live together now and seem very happy. But the baby looks nothing like him. And I mean nothing. She has bright ginger hair, blue eyes and very pale skin. My daughter's boyfriend has black hair, green eyes and sallow skin. But you know who does have ginger hair? My daughter's old next-door neighbour. I never liked him. He's much older than my daughter and seemed to live a sketchy life, full of 'deals' and far-fetched stories. My daughter liked him, though, and they often met for coffee or went shopping. He has money – I don't know where from – and was always helping her out financially. He's the spitting image of my granddaughter and I can't help but assume he's the father. I daren't say anything in case I spark a family rift, but I think my daughter's partner deserves the truth. He's working all hours to support them, while the neighbour swans around like nothing's happened. I asked my daughter if she'd ever had a fling with her old neighbour and she looked at me in horror. She swore on her daughter's life that nothing had ever happened. But I don't know. Each child gets half their genes from each parent, and the final combination can be unexpected. It's not unusual for parents to have a child who looks nothing like either of them. Appearances can change over time, too. Your daughter's partner might seem darker-skinned, but his outdoorsy job could just have tanned him. And babies' eyes often look blue when they're born, but can change during the first year. It wouldn't be wise to go storming in and would probably damage your relationship with your daughter. You're right in thinking you might spark a family feud if you voice your doubts again. You risk setting the couple against each other too, at a time when they need to be united for your granddaughter's sake. Your role is to support your family, not create conflict. DUMPING HIM OVER SEX I'M so sick of my boyfriend turning me down for sex, I've decided to dump him. The final straw happened tonight. We don't live together – we're both 22 – so I texted him a sexy message, asking if I should pop over for some fun. His reply? 'I've just put my tea on.' What red-blooded man would rather watch a ready-meal in the microwave than have sex with his girlfriend? After that, I realised we are only ever intimate when he initiates it. I sent him a long message explaining how hurt I felt, and he simply replied, 'OK.' That's it. He's blocked. DEIDRE SAYS: You're understandably upset. Sex should be a loving act enjoyed by both of you, not something only he can initiate. He sounds like he is keen to keep everything on his terms. If you want to work on this then meet up to discuss how he feels about your relationship, explain how rejected you feel. You won't get any answers by blocking him. My support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, explains more. FAMILY FORUM DEAR DEIDRE: MY son's real dad got back in touch, so I'll have to finally tell my son about him. I'm 45, my son is 15. He thinks my husband, who is also 45, is his father. He's not. His real dad is a man I had a fling with, who vanished as soon as I got pregnant. Two years later, I met my husband, and we became a family. I was always waiting for the right time to break the news. Every time I'd gathered the courage to tell my son the truth, a crisis would get in the way. I was ill, then we had to move house, then Covid. The years flew by. I'd resigned myself to breaking the news on my son's 18th birthday, but then my ex got back in touch out of the blue. He wants to see our son. I don't think I can deny him that. But we're in the middle of another crisis. My husband had an affair three years ago and I'm struggling to get over it. My son is already shaken by the bad atmosphere so I don't feel I can shake his world further. DEIDRE SAYS: It is good that you plan to tell your son about his biological dad as secrets do have a way of coming out. You can handle this in a way that minimises the stress on everyone. The first step is to sort things out with your husband. Counselling – ideally as a couple, but individually if necessary – is a good way to process issues like infidelity. It lets you work through all your feelings and then find a way to move past them. I realise you're finding it hard to forgive your husband but remember, forgiveness is something you do for you, not anyone else. It's not letting him off the hook, it's giving yourself permission to move forwards. When it comes to revealing the news to your son, you can find advice through Family Lives ( 0808 800 2222). Talking to him is going to be difficult, and only you can decide when the right time is. But impress upon him that your husband has always been there for him and loves him unconditionally.


The Sun
30 minutes ago
- The Sun
Cancer weekly horoscope: What your star sign has in store for June 22
OUR much-loved astrologer Meg sadly died in 2023 but her column will be kept alive by her friend and protégé Maggie Innes. Read on to see what's written in the stars for you today. Sign up for the Mystic Meg newsletter. Your info will be used in accordance with our Privacy Policy CANCER JUNE 22 - JULY 22 1 Now Mars is established in your connections sector, you have the courage to contact anyone, even when you are not sure what the response will be. So do use this while it is hot. If you are in love, a personal new moon is your try-anything trump card; ask again, and a partner may have changed their mind. If you are single, no one is out of your league; remember that around 'K'. DESTINY DAYS Gather special people together on Tuesday and Wednesday, and find ways to show them how much you care. Reboot a side-business, or a work overtime plan on Friday. Dress up on Sunday, even just to stay home; love can come knocking! What is your star sign's element? In astrology, the elements — Air, Water, Earth, and Fire signs — serve as foundational principles that influence the characteristics and behaviours associated with the twelve star signs. Earth signs: Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn The Earth signs are grounded in the tangible and practical aspects of life, embodying the stable and nurturing qualities of their element. These signs are known for their pragmatism, reliability, and strong connection to the physical world, often excelling in matters that require patience and persistence. Air Signs: Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius The Air signs are characterised by their intellectual, communicative, and social nature. This reflects the light and dynamic essence of their elemental influence. Overall, these signs tend to excel in the realms of ideas, relationships, and innovation, bringing a breath of fresh air to their interactions and thought processes. Water Signs: Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces The Water element signs are profoundly impacted by their element. With each astrological sign, water gives way to emotional depth, strong intuition, and a capacity for deep empathy and connection. Fire Signs: Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius Fuelled by the element of Fire, these fire signs in astrology are known for their passion, boldness, energy, enthusiasm, courage, and a zest for life that often leads them to adventurous and creative endeavours. MAKE THIS THE WEEK YOU Speak honestly and openly, rather than trying to guess what other people expect. Fit more wandering and wondering space into your daily routine TAROT CHALLENGE Your Tarot card this week is the EARTH PRINCESS, a symbol of steady progress, self-belief, and calm, quiet connections. Do not expect steamy hook-ups and thrilling challenges, but emotional moves decided after a period of shared discussion can still be life-changing. Just remember there is a fine line between being patient and being a pushover, in love and money. Fabulous is the home of horoscopes, with weekly updates on what's in store for your star sign as well as daily predictions. hook up with for the steamiest sex to what it's like to live your life totally by your horoscope.