Ask Rachel: I fantasise about my wife cuckolding me
Dear Rachel,
I am intrigued by your reference to a future column on cuckolding. I am 40, my wife is 39, and I have fantasised her cuckolding me for many years. Recently I have dreamt of it in my sleep and, while in the dream I didn't see who she was sleeping with, it was a real turn on – so much so I actually told her about my 'strange dream'. She seemed surprised but not offended, and it has given me some hope that one day she will do it. I look forward to the column.
– Stuart
Dear Rachel,
In your latest column you mentioned that you might discuss 'cuckolding'. My wife and I have been happily married for 15 years and have a happy and fulfilling sex life. Prior to marriage we both had reasonably extensive sexual experience. Over the past year or two we have semi-jokingly (when a bit drunk) discussed my wife having sex with another man. Personally I would find this a real turn on, as long as I was present. I really don't understand why husbands are so against this! We have not made any firm plans and I'm not sure how to take it forwards.
– Richard
Dear Stuart and Richard,
Like trade deals and buses, nothing for ages and then two enquiries about 'cuckolding' come along at once! We've decided to stack them and deal with both at the same time as part of my general efficiency drive during the ongoing cost of living crisis.
Both husbands declare themselves aroused by the prospect of watching their wives having sex with another man. Shades of Readers' Wives (a popular feature in Fiesta or was it Razzle? I'm sure I will find out below the dreaded line in due course), but just to say: this topic did come up in conversation right at the beginning, ie over a year ago, with my wing-woman, the therapist Sophie Laybourne. She let slip (we were talking about something else, bound to have been erectile dysfunction, loss of desire, one of the hardy perennials) that she'd had a call from a man who wanted to be treated for 'cuckold syndrome'.
As I have lived sheltered life – that's my story and I'm sticking to it – I went, ' Cuckold syndrome?' Then she dished. I hope you're sitting comfortably.
In summary, it is not uncommon to find couples who are turned on by watching their partners have sex with others (usually men). The male whose partner is receiving attentions from a third party is the cuckold (cuck for short). The female partner is the 'hotwife'or 'sharedwife' (there are also sites for hotwives) and the male brought into service the hotwife is, I'm afraid, hilariously known as the bull.
At this point I dissolved into helpless laughter. The bull! After I'd wiped my eyes, Laybourne continued. There are obvious aspects of the threesome to this if the hotwife/sharedwife, cuckold and bull are all present. It can, for example, lead to something called 'reclamation sex' where the cuckold takes over stud duties after 'the bull' has finished. This, I am told, is a thing. There are even swinger parties ('often in Bristol') where the dynamic is designed to provoke and inflame the various parties. The designated bull, say, ignores the appointed hotwife (also known as cuckoldress, although 'cow' would work if you think about it) and freelances with someone else. Or the cuckold changes his mind and withdraws consent when he sees the bull eyeing a different member of the herd than the designated hotwife.
Laybourne concluded by pointing to a cuckolding scene in first season of The Girlfriend Experience (me neither) where 'this masochistic aspect is explicit'. She added, 'I find it hard to believe that Telegraph readers will be getting into this any time soon!' Well, it turns out you are.
As with almost everything these days, there are bespoke dating sites for cuckolds (I'll let your fingers do the walking), which I have intrepidly confirmed on your behalf. If you're still keen to investigate or experiment further after reading the above, this is what the helpful site 'Cuckin' advises.
If you want, you can find your desired third party on most dating sites, but make sure the site is active (ie check how recently it's been used); that it's not populated by bots, and it's not just men on there, but women aka 'hotwives' too. Take Tinder. According to the Cuckin site: 'The best way to find people who are OK with cuckolding on dating apps like Tinder is to put some nice pictures of you/your wife and put in the bio: looking for a bull/man to join us! You may have a lot of time wasters but once you get through the creeps you will find the perfect bulls and gentleman to play with on there who understand the lifestyle.'
In response to each of your letters, in turn: the first correspondent seems to be aroused by voyeurism, and it's not clear to me that his wife shares his enthusiasm. The fact that she didn't scream and run away when he told her his dream doesn't mean she is up to provide a Moulin Rouge -style floor show… with a total stranger. Or even a friend. So he'd better do his due diligence before he finds a bull and stocks up on baby oil and invites him into his house. What if the bull turned out to be a Fred West? Or a Rosemary West? (Yes I've been watching the Netflix series about the Gloucester serial killers). Plus, I heard about a 'fracas' at a swingers event when a cuckold suddenly withdrew consent for a bull to mount his hotwife (gosh these terms are ridiculous) and the Knightsbridge sex party descended into a brawl.
As Telegraph readers will know, introducing a third party into a relationship can be combustible. Cuckolding has a long and bloody history dating back to Herodotus, who in his Histories wrote of King Candaules of Lydia, who had the urge to flaunt his gorgeous naked wife to an underling called Gyges. Gyges then killed Candaules and claimed the throne of Lydia in one hell of a cucking.
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