Emily Ratajkowski is over 'centering men' who don't serve a purpose

Emily Ratajkowski is taking hot girl summer literally.
In a new interview with Elle UK, the model and actress told the publication that the men in her life must serve a specific purpose – or she's ready to show them the door.
"Not centering men is really wonderful," she said in the article, published June 18. "In general, in our world, men have somehow filled this space, but what I found instead of it is community."
"I still like men," she offered as a caveat, but added that her desire for friendship with straight men has dwindled.
"I just have zero straight men in my life, unless they're a romantic interest. In the hierarchy of needs, that's at the top of the pyramid, which is nice," Ratajkowski, 34, told the magazine.
While men may be good for "pleasure and fun," they're "not a part of my core" community, she explained. "The rest of my life is community with other women and queer people, and being a mom," she said. Ratajkowski shares one son, Sly, 3, with ex-husband Sebastian Bear-McClard.
'Hot girl summer,' move aside. Women are going 'boysober' and have never felt better.
Now an author, the model has spent recent years sharpening her feminist voice and becoming an outspoken advocate for women's rights. Her 2021 essay collection "My Body" explored themes of female empowerment, owning your own sexuality and the exploitative tilt of the entertainment and fashion industries.
Her comments echo a wider sentiment circulating in some circles online of a freedom found in "decentering" men. In line with the "boysober" trend of last summer, which saw women renouncing sex and romantic relationships for the sake of clearheadedness and empowerment, Ratajkowski's sentiments match a growing movement to throw out the boy craziness of yesteryear and dig deeper into female relationships.

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Emily Ratajkowski Has Zero Straight Men In Her Life

Emily Ratajkowski is deprioritizing "straight men," and I honestly love that for her. In a June 18 interview with Elle UK, the supermodel shared how she's entering a new era where her womanhood and femininity are at the center of her universe. For Emily, she's learned to deprioritize men. "Not centering men is really wonderful," she said. "In general, in our world, men have somehow filed this space, but what I found instead of it is community." "I still like men," she explained. "I just have zero straight men in my life, unless they're a romantic interest. In the hierarchy of needs, that's at the top of the pyramid, which is nice. [Men are] pleasure and fun, but not a part of my core." "The rest of my life is community with other women and queer people, and being a mom," she added. She is a mother to Sylvester Apollo Bear, whom she shares with ex-husband Sebastian Bear-McClard. Part of that "community" she discussed is her good friend Lena Dunham, who included her in her new Netflix series Too Much. Besides starring in one of my favorite TV creators' new shows and always serving us ridiculously beautiful, not-so-candid paparazzi photos, EmRata always has a way with words, and her latest take is certainly making waves on the internet. When Emily's quotes hit this Reddit thread, people had a lot of thoughts about the idea of her having "zero straight men" in her life and why she's choosing to decenter men. Here are some compelling responses: "I get it. Just wanted to build a friendship with a male neighbor and had one coffee with him, and whoosh the supposedly funny messages seasoned with sexual hints are coming in. Pisses me off so much." "I feel this. Most straight men I interact with for longer than ten minutes end up flirting with me. I hate it so much. In high school, almost all of my straight male friends tried hitting on me multiple times. I stopped having serious straight male friends years ago." "Yeah, it's a bit sad, but every male friend I've had eventually ended up trying to get something sexual from me. I can have more superficial friendships, as in, we can have a conversation in a group of people and get along. But 1:1 meet-ups I just won't do anymore because time and time again this has ended up being the end goal, and I'm so feeling tired of it." "This is normal for hot women. Straight men want to sleep with her, not be her friend. She's probably encountered enough of that to set her life up like this and avoid the trouble." "I still have trouble navigating adult friendships and wonder if this is a common thought among men and women. I just want friends, but stuff like this is usually in the back of my head when I try to make friends with women." "As someone who's a guy and friends with some hot women…I get it. I don't try to get with them because they're just my friends (shocker), but it's an epidemic issue. It's also not one-sided. A lot of the same doors are opened for hot men, and that introduces the same issues. It's very hard for our culture — right now, but I actually think not forever — to just respect the human across from you as a human first. But maybe that's naive." "Isn't this..... normal? Most guys are like this too, they have no women in their life unless they're a romantic interest and that's OK, too." Finally, "I'm a man with many male and female friends. I don't know how I'd actually feel if my female friends just decided this about me. 10 years ago, when I was coming of age, it felt like the trend was that all the gender barriers were coming down, and of course, men and women could be friends — now it feels like we're back to playground rules as some sort of edgy trend. Are the 1980s back or something?" Now, I want to hear what you think. Is it possible to maintain platonic friendships with people you could be attracted to, or are they always doomed to become something more? What are your biggest wins or failures while trying to maintain a platonic friendship that could've been romantic? Share your stories in the comments or use this anonymous form.

USA Today

9 hours ago

• USA Today

Emily Ratajkowski is over 'centering men' who don't serve a purpose

Emily Ratajkowski is taking hot girl summer literally. In a new interview with Elle UK, the model and actress told the publication that the men in her life must serve a specific purpose – or she's ready to show them the door. "Not centering men is really wonderful," she said in the article, published June 18. "In general, in our world, men have somehow filled this space, but what I found instead of it is community." "I still like men," she offered as a caveat, but added that her desire for friendship with straight men has dwindled. "I just have zero straight men in my life, unless they're a romantic interest. In the hierarchy of needs, that's at the top of the pyramid, which is nice," Ratajkowski, 34, told the magazine. While men may be good for "pleasure and fun," they're "not a part of my core" community, she explained. "The rest of my life is community with other women and queer people, and being a mom," she said. Ratajkowski shares one son, Sly, 3, with ex-husband Sebastian Bear-McClard. 'Hot girl summer,' move aside. Women are going 'boysober' and have never felt better. Now an author, the model has spent recent years sharpening her feminist voice and becoming an outspoken advocate for women's rights. Her 2021 essay collection "My Body" explored themes of female empowerment, owning your own sexuality and the exploitative tilt of the entertainment and fashion industries. Her comments echo a wider sentiment circulating in some circles online of a freedom found in "decentering" men. In line with the "boysober" trend of last summer, which saw women renouncing sex and romantic relationships for the sake of clearheadedness and empowerment, Ratajkowski's sentiments match a growing movement to throw out the boy craziness of yesteryear and dig deeper into female relationships.

Cosmopolitan

10 hours ago

• Cosmopolitan

'Sorry Emily Ratajkowski, but having 'zero straight men in your life' is actually your loss'

The unspoken understanding of a shared holiday wardrobe. A knowing look when it's time to leave the pub and grab an Uber home. A constant stream of communication, support, and love. It's true what they say about female friendships: they often are the strongest, most important relationships of your life. The ones that see you through both the highs and the lows; those that are there to soak in the ecstasy of celebrations, but also to scoop you up off the floor when things get rough. But Emily Ratajkowksi has still got it wrong when it comes to cutting straight male friends out of her life. In a recent interview with Elle UK, the 34-year-old model revealed she was refusing to 'centre men' right now, and instead was purposefully only spending time with women and queer friends. 'I still like men,' she said, before adding: 'I just have zero straight men in my life, unless they're a romantic interest. In the hierarchy of needs, that's at the top of the pyramid, which is nice. [Men are] pleasure and fun, but not a part of my core. The rest of my life is community with other women and queer people, and being a mum.' Look, I get it. As a woman who has been constantly berated on the internet for her 'overtly sexual nature', and labelled as a sex symbol by every mainstream media outlet under the sun, it makes sense for EmRata to want to distance herself from the male gaze; to not let men define her. It's why she wrote her 2021 book, My Body, a deeply personal investigation into both the commodification of the female form and sexuality, but also her own nuanced experience of how she — and her physical body — are perceived, scrutinised, and commented on in the public eye. But to totally remove herself from any interaction with a straight male — 'unless they're a romantic interest' — is to lose out on so much that there is to gain from these relationships. The joy that a platonic male friend can bring: the alternate view point, the differing experiences of the world, and the idea that you can connect with someone of another gender in a genuinely fulfilling (but non-sexual) way. Of course, I'm sure she's getting this from the queer community, and from other women. I have no doubt she is surrounded by interesting, kind, and funny people — and these friendships are important. And beautiful! Fulfilling! Amazing! But to dismiss a whole category of potential connections based on their gender seems reductive, and, quite frankly, a loss. Some of my best friends are male. My school friends, Ed and Ben, who I've known for almost 15 years; my husband's best men, Dan and Gaz. The idea of distancing myself from them based on their gender diminishes the importance of connection; of finding another personality you properly gel with — and also pushes the outdated relic that men and women can't 'just' be friends. There's also the suggestion that men, for EmRata, are just 'pleasure and fun', and serve no purpose beyond serving her needs. Sexual gratification, sure, but emotional connection, a shared sense of humour, or seeking advice over a shared bowl of chips? Nah, she's good. This narrative seeks to create further divide between the genders at a time when we need more open communication than ever. Recent data from King's College London found that 57% of Gen Z (aged 13 to 28) men believe women's rights have gone so far that men are now actively being discriminated against (with 36% of Gen Z women agreeing with that statement too). Surely we should be encouraging young people to talk to each other; to gain an emotional understanding of differing gender's points of view, and not further push this dynamic of division? I'd argue the men I know who nurture their female friendships make for better partners, because of their increased understanding. Who wouldn't want more of that in the world? In a sense, I get what Ratajkowksi is saying: female and queer friendships are joyful, supportive, and filled with love. But there's no reason why relationships with men shouldn't be like this too (and why we can't have both.) Maybe she just hasn't met my friends Ed and Ben yet. Dusty Baxter-Wright is an award-winning journalist and the Entertainment and Lifestyle Director at Cosmopolitan, having previously worked at Sugarscape. She was named one of PPA's 30 Under 30 for her work covering pop culture, careers, interiors and travel, and oversees the site's Entertainment and Lifestyle strategy across print, digital and video. As a journalist for the best part of a decade, she has interviewed everyone from Louis Theroux and Channing Tatum to Margot Robbie and Ncuti Gatwa, while she has also spoken on Times Radio and BBC Radio. You can find her on Twitter and Instagram here.