‘I'm going to work and afford a cook': When Sushmita Sen pushed against her father's wish for her to work in the kitchen
Across homes, simple acts—like sharing chores, cheering for women's achievements, or encouraging sons to be emotionally expressive—are quietly challenging old ideas about gender roles. In one such powerful example, Bollywood icon Sushmita Sen shared an anecdote about how she pushed against her father's archaic wishes and broke gender norms within the family.
In conversation with Humans of Bombay, the former Miss Universe revealed that her father had once jokingly asked her to help her mother out in the kitchen.
'My father had jokingly once said, Titan, go help your mother out in the kitchen. You are a girl, you must know how to. I was like, daddy, I ain't going in the kitchen. So my father would say, Who's going to put food on the table. I said, the cook. So, you're going to get a cook? I said, yeah. I'm going to work and afford a cook. Now, when he is here in Bombay, I joke on the dining table — Daddy, see cook see cook.'
Reflecting on the same, Juslin Jacob, clinical psychologist, Mpower, Aditya Birla Education Trust, told indianexpress.com that in the pursuit of gender equality, sweeping reforms and large-scale movements often take center stage. While these systemic changes are crucial, some of the most meaningful shifts begin much closer to home — in the ordinary routines and quiet decisions made within families.
According to her, small, conscious gestures can challenge deep-rooted gender stereotypes and lay the foundation for more equitable futures, particularly for women and girls. Gender roles are first observed, absorbed, and, crucially, reshaped within the walls of a household.
'In many households, women continue to shoulder the bulk of unpaid labor and emotional caregiving, often without recognition. When tasks like planning meals, attending school meetings, or managing finances are shared equitably, it sends a clear message: these responsibilities are not gender-specific — they are simply part of being a family,' she said, adding that children absorb not just what is said, but what is done.
'From a developmental psychology standpoint, this learning happens through a process known as modeling. Children internalize behavior by watching caregivers and family members,' she added.
Micro-gestures — such as inviting everyone's opinion at the dinner table or choosing toys based on interest rather than gender — become influential acts of inclusion. They show children that traditional roles do not confine possibilities.
'Language, too, is a powerful teacher. Labelling a girl as 'bossy' when she takes initiative, or discouraging a boy from crying, reinforces outdated norms. Replacing restrictive phrases like 'boys don't cry' or 'that's not ladylike' with affirming, inclusive language builds emotional resilience and encourages empathy across genders,' explained Jacob.
These subtle shifts expand children's understanding of what is acceptable, desirable, and possible, ultimately allowing girls to feel empowered and boys to grow into compassionate, respectful individuals.
Encouraging children — especially daughters — to explore their interests is another vital gesture. 'Whether in academics, sports, or creative pursuits, parental support builds confidence and ambition. This not only promotes gender equality but also contributes to a culture where women can thrive in all areas of life,' added the psychologist.
According to her, challenging gender roles doesn't require dramatic upheaval. It takes intention, consistency, and the courage to examine long-held habits. When fairness is lived at home, children value equality not as an exception, but as a norm.
'Sometimes, it's not the loudest changes that matter — but the quiet ones practiced daily. Whether it's sharing a chore, encouraging open dialogue, or rethinking how we speak to our children — change begins at home,' said Jacob, urging people to start today. 'Incorporate one small, intentional gesture into your daily routine. Let your home be the first step toward a more equal world,' she concluded.
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Across homes, simple acts—like sharing chores, cheering for women's achievements, or encouraging sons to be emotionally expressive—are quietly challenging old ideas about gender roles. In one such powerful example, Bollywood icon Sushmita Sen shared an anecdote about how she pushed against her father's archaic wishes and broke gender norms within the family. In conversation with Humans of Bombay, the former Miss Universe revealed that her father had once jokingly asked her to help her mother out in the kitchen. 'My father had jokingly once said, Titan, go help your mother out in the kitchen. You are a girl, you must know how to. I was like, daddy, I ain't going in the kitchen. So my father would say, Who's going to put food on the table. I said, the cook. So, you're going to get a cook? I said, yeah. I'm going to work and afford a cook. Now, when he is here in Bombay, I joke on the dining table — Daddy, see cook see cook.' Reflecting on the same, Juslin Jacob, clinical psychologist, Mpower, Aditya Birla Education Trust, told that in the pursuit of gender equality, sweeping reforms and large-scale movements often take center stage. While these systemic changes are crucial, some of the most meaningful shifts begin much closer to home — in the ordinary routines and quiet decisions made within families. According to her, small, conscious gestures can challenge deep-rooted gender stereotypes and lay the foundation for more equitable futures, particularly for women and girls. Gender roles are first observed, absorbed, and, crucially, reshaped within the walls of a household. 'In many households, women continue to shoulder the bulk of unpaid labor and emotional caregiving, often without recognition. When tasks like planning meals, attending school meetings, or managing finances are shared equitably, it sends a clear message: these responsibilities are not gender-specific — they are simply part of being a family,' she said, adding that children absorb not just what is said, but what is done. 'From a developmental psychology standpoint, this learning happens through a process known as modeling. Children internalize behavior by watching caregivers and family members,' she added. Micro-gestures — such as inviting everyone's opinion at the dinner table or choosing toys based on interest rather than gender — become influential acts of inclusion. They show children that traditional roles do not confine possibilities. 'Language, too, is a powerful teacher. Labelling a girl as 'bossy' when she takes initiative, or discouraging a boy from crying, reinforces outdated norms. Replacing restrictive phrases like 'boys don't cry' or 'that's not ladylike' with affirming, inclusive language builds emotional resilience and encourages empathy across genders,' explained Jacob. These subtle shifts expand children's understanding of what is acceptable, desirable, and possible, ultimately allowing girls to feel empowered and boys to grow into compassionate, respectful individuals. Encouraging children — especially daughters — to explore their interests is another vital gesture. 'Whether in academics, sports, or creative pursuits, parental support builds confidence and ambition. This not only promotes gender equality but also contributes to a culture where women can thrive in all areas of life,' added the psychologist. According to her, challenging gender roles doesn't require dramatic upheaval. It takes intention, consistency, and the courage to examine long-held habits. When fairness is lived at home, children value equality not as an exception, but as a norm. 'Sometimes, it's not the loudest changes that matter — but the quiet ones practiced daily. Whether it's sharing a chore, encouraging open dialogue, or rethinking how we speak to our children — change begins at home,' said Jacob, urging people to start today. 'Incorporate one small, intentional gesture into your daily routine. Let your home be the first step toward a more equal world,' she concluded.
