Chemical castration for sex offenders may horrify the masses but I'm delighted
Chemical castration. State sanctioned.When I first read the headlines I thought it must surely be a metaphor for Trump's erratic (definitely not erotic) foreign policy. Or perhaps a particularly unpleasant news story from Kazakhstan where they still play blood-drenched polo with a decapitated goat.
But no. It's happening here in Britain – a pilot scheme to use chemical castration on sex offenders has been operational in prisons in the south-west of England since 2022. And it will be rolled out to 20 new prisons if Shabana Mahmood, our Justice Secretary, has her way. Hang on, Labour? I should have thought it was more on-brand as a Reform policy, but hey, this Government is performing so many U-turns it's hard to know which direction it's facing at any given time. Other than Brussels.
Anyway, when the truth dawned about chemical castration on this sceptred isle (talk about cognitive dissonance), I'm not going to lie: I was torn between horror and elation and a palpable sense of relief that Her Late Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, who died the same year the trial started, probably wasn't briefed on the particulars.
Horror because are we not civilised people who invented warm beer and, um, Empire? A nation of cricket grounds and old maids bicycling to Holy Communion? Elation because those rain-coated pervs will never again flash our beloved spinsters once they're singing falsetto in the schola cantorum. (Yes, I know castrati were operated on pre-puberty to preserve their treble pitch but I just wanted to mention they were typically dosed with opium, laid in a hot bath and had their tiny little testes either crushed by hand, twisted or snipped to sever the blood supply.)
So in light of that procedure, how could anyone possibly object to sexual-suppression chemicals being given to convicted sex offenders? These would be administered by injection, implant or orally. Believe me, there are worse ways.
I grew up among Irish farming folk and I can't unsee the things I witnessed. Back in the late 1970s, 'Burdizzos' were the thing; essentially a pair of large metal pliers that were clamped round a young bullock's scrotum to crushing point as the farmer counted to 20. On each side. You were supposed to hear a discernible crunch but it was hard to hear anything over the distraught creature's anguished bellow. After release, it went back to amiably eating grass. All sorted. Forever.
Chemical castration for prisoners? A breeze! It's not even permanent. Unfortunately.
Now, I am quite sure there are Dear Readers out there crossing their legs who are also really very cross at my upbeat tone. I will, of course, be accused by various chaps of sexism for my attitude towards emasculation. To them I say this: any woman, which is to say the vast majority, who has been sexually assaulted will have a very different perspective on the sanctity of a man's genitalia.
Figures from Rape Crisis show that in England and Wales 71,227 rapes were reported to police in 2024. The same year, charges were brought in just 2.7 per cent of those cases – that's fewer than three of every 100 rapes recorded. It is a deeply depressing fact of modern life that rape is so commonplace and the treatment of victims by our justice system so demeaning that five out of six women who are raped don't report it – that's an additional 356,135 women every year. Sisters, mothers, daughters.
Every one of my girlfriends will openly say they know someone who has been raped (for a troubling number that 'someone' is themselves), so how can it be that not a single one of their husbands and partners knows anyone who has committed rape?
Sarah Everard, a talented, shining 33-year-old, was kidnapped, raped and murdered by serving Met officer Wayne Couzens in 2021. Long before he committed this heinous crime he was nicknamed 'the rapist' by colleagues. Because they thought it was funny.
A shocking number of men joke about sexual depravity. In 2022, the Met had to deny the force was plagued by misogyny after an official report revealed shocking details of police officers sharing 'banter' about hitting and raping women. And these are just the men tasked with protecting us.
So forgive me – or don't, I'm honestly not that bothered – for applauding the prospect of chemical castration for sex offenders and paedophiles. The pilot scheme currently under way is voluntary but, looking ahead, Mahmood will apparently consider overhauling medical laws in order to compel sex offenders to take libido-supressing drugs.
I do have concerns, primarily about the way this treatment has been linked to the early release of prisoners in order to free up spaces in our overcrowded jails. The idea that simply taking medication would allow serious sex offenders to walk free early and spend less time behind bars is absolutely unacceptable.
The Justice for Victims campaign group has already voiced its concern that proper efforts have not been made to place the needs of victims and families at the heart of sentencing policy. Another complicating factor is that rape can be a crime of anger and control; any sexual gratification is purely secondary, something that must be taken into account on a case by case basis. This then is a policy we will need to keep a close eye on.
But in the meantime, in the public spirit of London 2012 Games Makers who happily herded the crowds or indeed the lockdown snitches who dobbed in their friends and neighbours during Covid, I'd be more than happy to volunteer for chemical castration duties.
Just pass me the pills, the syringe or implants and I'll do the rest. And just in case there's trouble, I'll bring along a Burdizzo. A bit rusty, admittedly, but I'm sure I'm not the only one who would like to hear the crunch…
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