‘We BTO-ed, so I stayed': SG woman shares emotional and mental abuse from partner, regrets not leaving sooner
SINGAPORE: A Singaporean woman recently shared on Reddit that she ended up staying in a toxic relationship longer than she should have, simply because she and her partner had already secured a BTO flat together.
In her post on the r/SingaporeRaw forum, she explained that she had been working full-time throughout the relationship, while her partner was still studying and had no income. As a result, she found herself shouldering most of the financial responsibilities, including paying for their dates and shared expenses.
She added that she had brought up the idea of him getting a part-time job multiple times to help with the costs, but he always brushed it off without much thought.
Her frustration deepened when he went on an 'overseas trip with his classmates' — a decision that made her realise he likely had money, just not when it came to contributing to their relationship.
Despite all this, she stayed. She held on to the hope that once he graduated and started earning, their combined income would eventually support a stable life together.
However, things only continued to spiral. She said his behaviour became increasingly 'toxic,' not just financially but emotionally as well. He would often raise his voice and 'shout at her in public' during arguments, would belittle her because she 'was only a poly graduate,' would leave her to meet his friends even when she was ill, and when faced with difficult conversations, he would walk away instead of trying to resolve them.
She added that whenever she attempted to discuss problems in their relationship, he would claim he was overwhelmed with 'schoolwork' and would begin to suggest that she was part of the problem. On several occasions, he even implied that her presence in his life was contributing to his mental health struggles, going so far as to say he felt 'suicidal.'
The final straw, she said, was when he looked her in the eye and asked what 'she actually brought to the table.'
'Now that I am still healing from this traumatic relationship, I realised what I experienced was a perfect example of how a person can be too fixated on getting a toxic relationship fixed just because we BTO-ed,' she wrote.
Not wanting others to go through the same thing, she added, 'Please, leave a toxic relationship even if it means letting go of your house that is getting ready.
Please, leave a toxic relationship even if it means starting all over again to meet someone new, love someone new, and get a house with someone new. Never let anyone doubt yourself and your capabilities. Please, love yourself before you love others.' 'This is true; don't stay for the BTO.'
In the comments section, one user remarked that stories like this explain why so many people are now scared of falling in love or settling down. They said, 'How many people stay in such relationships just to get a BTO flat? And the government wonders why nobody wants to have children or even get into a relationship. I don't expect silver-spoon elites to be able to comprehend the concept of trauma. Most fatigued nation, most traumatised nation too.'
Meanwhile, others responded with words of support for the woman who shared her story. One commenter said, 'It's always giving yourself time and space to really call this relationship what it is. I think you must have come a long way to come to this conclusion and accept it. Sending you love and light, and I hope you heal.'
Another added, 'I'm sorry you had to face this. This is true; don't stay for the BTO. Person A, he will just be more selfish in the future.' Things to consider before applying for a BTO flat as a couple
Before applying for a BTO flat, Thirst SG encourages couples to pause and have a few honest conversations with each other. Questions like 'Are we really ready for marriage?' or 'Should we commit to something as big as a flat if we're still unsure about our future together?' are worth asking before taking that next step.
It's not just about emotional readiness either. Couples should also think through the more practical aspects. For example, where will they stay while waiting for the flat to be built? Are they both comfortable living with either set of parents, and will that arrangement support a healthy relationship?
If staying with family isn't an option, renting may be the only alternative. But that brings up other concerns: Can they afford the cost of rent and bills for a few years? How will they manage shared expenses? And will renting delay their plans for saving up for things like a wedding or home renovation?
In the end, it's always better for couples to talk through these important issues early on, rather than rush into a long-term commitment they may not be fully prepared for.
Read also: 'How do I make her stop?' — Woman says her neighbour is 'weird and demanding,' but she struggles to say no to their demands
Featured image by Depositphotos (for illustration purposes only)
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