Expert reveals conversation habits that make people instantly hate you - including how you take compliments
Many people are guilty of five common habits that will make others instantly dislike them, according to a video by YouTube channel Charisma on Command.
One of these key habits people should avoid, according to the clip, is jumping on every opportunity to call praise or attention to themselves.
The video claims that if people do find themselves the subject of praise, a great way to handle this is to spread that praise to others. To illustrate the point, the video highlighted an interview from several years ago with Brie Larson and Chris Hemsworth.
While the actress is popular with many thanks to her dry humour and sense of irony - something the video narrator pointed out - he suggested that her communication during this interchange may not have read well with the audience.
'I want to make this clear, there are interviews that I can show you where Brie is extremely likeable,' the video was keen to stress.
During the Entertainment Tonight interview, in which the actors were promoting the movie Avengers: Endgame. According to the video: 'Chris Hemsworth is talking up his stunt double, and he's putting himself down to do it. This is a nice common move for somebody who is kind of on top.
'And in this case, Hemsworth is clearly athletic and powerful and famous. So it's kind of him to take that trainer and put him above him, even if it means denigrating himself.'
The narrator added: 'The charismatic move, the confident move, is to spread the praise. Don't worry so much if you're getting yours. When you give it freely, it comes back to you freely.'
According to the video, in this situation, in contrast to her many interviews in which she has come across as very likeable, during this conversation, noted that she did all her own stunts thinking 'this is what everyone does'.
While the narrator noted this may have been an ironic comment that didn't quite land with the audience, the situation deteriorated when Tom Cruise was highlighted as an actor who does their own stunts, and it was suggested that Brie could be the next Tom Cruise. She commented that she would rather be 'the first me, not the next Tom Cruise'.
A number of viewers agreed with the point, and went on to share their own thoughts in the comments section of the video. One wrote: 'Constantly redirecting the conversation on yourself makes people not want to talk to you.'
Meanwhile, others revealed that they found this type of advice useful as they often struggled with how to behave. One YouTube user said: 'Watching these videos always reminds me how hard social life is.
Another said: 'As a person with Aspergers who doesn't know how to converse. I think this channel is really helpful.'
Meanwhile, another offered a suggestion as to why behaviours can somehow come across differently than intended.
They wrote: 'One thing I've noticed about popular, successful people is that they rarely if ever seem to be triggered in public anyway. My guess is they either had stable, loving childhoods or have done trauma work. If you have unresolved trauma certain social things can be massively distressing and will trigger a trauma response, which most people won't understand and will interpret negatively. Brie seems either triggered from past put downs/abuse/bullying or she's trying to be funny and it's falling flat.'
The video listed a number of other habits than can be off putting to other people, and are therefore worth trying to avoid during interactions.
A number of viewers commented on how it can be difficult to know how they are coming across in social situations
Among them were reading negative intent in an ambiguous situation, or in other words, assuming that when a comment is made, it is designed to insult.
However, the next point related to this, with the video pointing out that sometimes when a person responds to a comment in a way that appears they took it as an insult, they can actually be just trying to be sarcastic.
The narrator pointed out that 'sarcasm requires a "tell" - and noted there could be cultural differences when it comes to how sarcasm is communicated.
He explained: 'I know that British people are going to hate this recommendation, but at least in America, a good rule of thumb is that when you are being tongue in cheek, do not be flat in your delivery.
'[This is] especially if a literal interpretation of what you're saying would make you sound like a jerk.
'Go over the top and change your tone, your gestures or your facial expressions. This helps people distinguish between normal conversation and a character that you are playing for the purpose of joke.'
Moving on, he suggested that people should 'not try to win every moment of banter' if they don't want to risk coming across as unlikeable.
When banter can start to feel like a fight, he said: 'Sometimes it is better to stop fighting. Don't try to win every laugh from the audience. Instead, go with the joke, even if it feels like you are the butt of that joke, and then amplify it, not taking this kind of insulting joke seriously.
'You diffuse its power, and you turn the crowd from laughing at you to laughing with you.'
The final of the five behaviours that can make people dislike others handling compliments improperly.
'You should avoid responding to compliments with banter that are put downs in nature,' the video said.
'Instead, you can give a sincere thank you, emphasised perhaps with sustained eye contact or a touch [...] Alternatively, you can spin it back around to the other person and playfully find a way to give them back an even bigger compliment..
It concluded: 'Whatever you do, do not punish people when they give you compliments. Otherwise, they will not be so forthcoming. When in doubt, a sincere thank you and a smile or just to return a compliment will take you much farther.'
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
Naomi Watts and daughter Kai Schreiber pose up a storm at Armani Beauty event after model teen came out as transgender
Naomi Watts and her daughter Kai Schreiber posed up a storm as they attended a Armani Beauty celebrating Luminous Silk Foundation and Concealer. The King Kong actress, 56, and her model daughter, 16, who she shares with actor Liev Schreiber, were among the stars at Wednesday's event, held at Twenty Three Grand in New York City. Naomi looked effortlessly chic as she donned a navy sparkly smock dress, featuring a boat neckline and draping fabric with stilettos. She was joined by her daughter Kai, who had her modelling debut at Paris Fashion Week for Valentino earlier this year. For the occasion, Kai wore a black high-neck sweater covered in multicoloured polka dots with a matching skirt. Naomi was seen helping her daughter with her make-up in sweet snaps from the event. Kai, who is transgender, recently spoke in-depth about how she had struggled 'with gender identity from a young age' and 'always wanted to grow up and be a beautiful, glamorous, influential woman, like Marilyn ' Monroe. She told Interview Magazine she has studied how people in the transgender community navigated stormy waters in the past. The daughter of the Ray Donovan star, 57, and two-time Oscar nominee, 56, named figures she found inspirational 'as a young trans girl' navigating life through turbulent times for the community. 'I'm always going to look up to the older generation of transgender people, especially in fashion,' Kai told the magazine. 'People like Alex Consani, Hunter Schafer, Hari Nef, Dara, Richie Shazam, Colin Jones, and so many more,' Kai said. 'It's so great that there's a strong community of us in the fashion world; it's really a doll takeover.' The nepo baby said that she had a breakthrough earlier this year when working for the fashion house Valentino. 'That job made me realise, 'OK, this is what I want to do,' Kai said. ' I want to be a supermodel. Period.' Kai opened up to the publication about what she's been doing in terms of honing her craft as a regular presence on the catwalk. Naomi looked effortlessly chic as she donned a navy sparkly smock dress, featuring a boat neckline and draping fabric with stilettos 'I've been practising my walks in the kitchen for years; my mom can show you all the videos I forced her to film,' Kai said. Kai also opened up about her fashion preferences in the wide-ranging chat with the publication - joking she's 'basic, but in a chic way.' Kai said of her couture choices: ' I love my low-rise jeans and black cardigan. That's my go-to outfit. I love when people have their own personal style. 'If you're presenting yourself in a unique, cool way, people are immediately drawn in and want to know more. If every person was walking around in the same outfit, fashion wouldn't be a thing.' Kai said that 'the world [is] more fun' with fashion in the mix. She took to Instagram to thank those involved with the feature as she said: 'I can't put into words how excited & grateful I am for this project. Thank you to the Interview team for the opportunity, and thank you Dara & everyone for making it such a fun and comfortable experience for me on set.' Naomi said on her Instagram that Kai was 'continuing to kill it' and that she was 'proud' of her. Kai has received public support from both of her famed folks, as Liev told Variety last month about what he felt was the most impactful moment as the parent of a trans child. 'Kai was always who Kai is,' The Manchurian Candidate actor said. 'But I suppose the most profound moment was her asking us to change her pronouns. 'To be honest with you, it didn't feel like that big of a deal to me only because Kai had been so feminine for so long.' The Perfect Couple star continued: 'Kai is such a fighter. It's important that she goes, "Hey, I am trans," and, "Look at me."'
Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
Was this divorced American diva the original Meghan Markle? The REAL story of the most divisive person to ever marry into the royal family...
An American divorcee. A dazzling wardrobe. A royal romance that ends in exile. Denied the use of her HRH title, accused of corrupting a prince, cast as a threat to the very survival of the British monarchy and relentlessly vilified by the press. No, not Meghan Markle - but you'd be forgiven for thinking so.
The Guardian
an hour ago
- The Guardian
My cultural awakening: I watched Sleepless in Seattle and realised I had to cancel my wedding
When my boyfriend proposed, I said yes – not because I was madly in love with him, but because it seemed like the correct thing to do. We'd been together for eight years and all of our friends were getting engaged; my life felt like a constant cycle of hen nights. I knew something was wrong but I suppressed it. Sometimes I'd get these flashes of anxiety. I'd worry about the fact that I no longer felt excited when my boyfriend walked into a room, or that we didn't have sex any more – but I was 28, which at that point felt ancient to me, and I was frightened of being alone. I told myself I was experiencing nothing more than a classic case of pre-wedding jitters. I threw myself into buying the big white dress and designing the invitations. I planned to stash a bottle of gin in the church, so I could have a shot to calm my nerves before I walked down the aisle. About three months before the wedding, I was home alone one evening and decided to watch Sleepless in Seattle. It was my father's favourite film – he loved the classic jazz soundtrack and Nora Ephron's dialogue. It had been on in the background a lot during my childhood and teenage years, so I was expecting it to be a comfort watch; something to almost lull me to sleep. I'd remembered the film as being about a man (Tom Hanks) and his cute son grieving the death of his wife. But that night I interpreted the film completely differently. I was sucked into the perspective of Meg Ryan's character, Annie, who is engaged to a perfectly decent but slightly boring man – and deciding whether or not to call it off. I'd always seen Sleepless in Seattle as being about bereavement, but that night on my sofa, it felt like a film about one woman's decision whether to get married, and play it safe, or give it all up and take a leap. There's a scene towards the beginning where Annie is trying on a wedding dress at her family home. Her mother is talking about the 'magic' she felt when she first laid eyes on her own husband, and Annie's face just goes completely blank. You can tell she doesn't feel anything close to 'magic' with Walter, her fiance. Watching that scene, I felt the familiar squirm of panic, but I squashed it down. I did love my boyfriend, in a way. We trusted each other and were good friends and he cared for me. I told myself: I'm not going to be the person who has the magic, and I'm OK with that. I'm going to be the person who has a sensible, kind husband, and children, and a life that is beautifully mapped out. But as the film went on I began to feel this overwhelming sadness. My wedding venue was booked, the deposit was paid – but watching Annie agonise over whether or not to leave Walter, I began to realise that the way I was feeling about my own wedding couldn't be ignored. Right at the end, Annie tells Walter about her doubts, and he has a line that illuminated everything for me: 'I don't want to be someone that anyone settles for. Marriage is hard enough without bringing such low expectations into it, isn't it?' I realised, listening to that, how selfish I was being. My boyfriend was good and generous. He didn't deserve to be 'settled' for. He didn't deserve to have a wife who had to get drunk to force herself down the aisle. That night when he came home, I said I wanted to postpone the wedding. I wasn't brave enough to outright ask to call it off, but he told me that if I didn't want to marry him now, he didn't want to be with me. I like to think perhaps he was having doubts too, but wasn't able to voice them – I hope that's true. I emailed all of our guests and told them that the wedding was cancelled, and people were generally supportive. I remember being so grateful that I didn't have to 'face' anyone. I could call the whole thing off while hiding behind a screen. I told my father that Sleepless in Seattle had inspired me to make the decision, but I kept that part a secret from everyone else in my life. He understood, but I suspected other people would think I'd gone mad. I spent about 11 years being single after the breakup, so I definitely had to face my fear of being alone. Often it was hard, feeling like a spare part at my friends' parties, but as I got older, being 'coupled up' and safe lost some of its allure. I saw the cracks in the marriages around me, and I realised coupledom doesn't actually insulate you from loneliness. I am married now, but I don't completely buy into the idea that there has to be 'magic' in a romantic partnership. I don't believe in the Disneyland, mind-altering, life-completing version of romance – that part of Sleepless in Seattle just doesn't ring true to me. But I still believe you should never settle for anyone. Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion You can tell us how a cultural moment has prompted you to make a major life change by filling in the form below or emailing us on Please include as much detail as possible Please note, the maximum file size is 5.7 MB. Your contact details are helpful so we can contact you for more information. They will only be seen by the Guardian. Your contact details are helpful so we can contact you for more information. They will only be seen by the Guardian. If you include other people's names please ask them first.
