Woman ‘Annoyed' That Her Daughter-in-Law Said She Feels Unappreciated. But Other People Think the Woman Is 'Thoughtless'
A woman shared on the community forum Mumsnet that she feels 'annoyed' after her daughter-in-law confronted her about feeling unappreciated
She explained that she took her son out to a baseball game because he was 'stressed' about work and a new baby, but the daughter-in-law thinks she should have offered to babysit instead
Reacting to the woman's post, some commenters called the woman 'thoughtless'A woman says she feels 'awful' after dropping the ball with her daughter-in-law — while also admitting she's 'a bit annoyed deep down.'
The woman detailed her experience on Mumsnet's 'Am I Being Unreasonable?' forum in a post titled, 'I felt like I got shut down in a weird way by my daughter-in-law.' She explained that she recently took her son to a baseball game because 'he's been under a lot of pressure at work.'
'He's an awesome dad, and I wanted to give him a bit of a break,' the OP (original poster) noted.
However, her daughter-in-law told her that she instead 'should've offered to watch the baby so they could've gone on a date.'
'She said she felt she supports my son by raising my granddaughter, saving the family money and giving my son peace of mind that [their daughter] is in good hands with her mother,' the OP continued.
She said her daughter-in-law also pointed out that being a stay-at-home mom is 'not easy,' and that while the OP's son can leave work at the end of the day, she never gets to 'clock out.' Her daughter-in-law also said she felt as though the OP 'overlooked' her contributions to the family.
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'I feel awful that my daughter-in-law feels I was just supporting my son,' the OP wrote, adding in a follow-up post that she apologized and told her daughter-in-law that she 'will try to support them both as parents and a couple.'
And while the OP said she's 'glad' her daughter-in-law is comfortable enough to talk to her about her feelings as opposed to 'harboring resentments,' she also admitted that she is feeling 'a bit annoyed deep down that a kind gesture I did [for] my son individually was basically shut down.'
'AIBU [am I being unreasonable]?' the OP asked.
The vast majority of commenters said they thought the OP should have approached the situation differently.
'I'm a grandmother. Most people I know would have offered to babysit and got them a couple's present. The best thing would be to support their relationship. You got it wrong. It says a lot that she can be honest with you, though,' one person wrote.
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'I agree that you were thoughtless,' someone else commented. '[I] also agree that it's a good thing your communication is open enough for [your daughter-in-law] to have told you what was wrong, and it does sound like you've apologized appropriately. Now, of course, you need to follow that through by giving them some adult time together.'
The same person added, 'Also, maybe encourage your son to pull his weight a bit more at home? This little fallout could prove to be the trigger for a more mutually supportive home life [...] if he is able to hear what his wife is saying.'
Other commenters, however, took a different stance, saying they don't think supporting one's daughter-in-law must be mutually exclusive to spending solo time with one's actual child.
'I don't know why [taking your son out] has to be for 'his role in the family,' " one person said. "You're allowed to have a day out with your son just because you want to spend time with him. If she wants you to babysit for a date night, she can always ask.'
'Why shouldn't a mom sometimes spend time with her son? And I'm saying this as a [daughter-in-law],' someone else chimed in.
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