Some of my best friends are people I've never met
Social media has provided me with many important things in my life. I met my wife through social media. I found my job on social media. It has also given me the chance to create friendships with people around the world.
In June 2018, while I was unemployed and spending a lot of time on Instagram sharing pictures of my ever-growing Blu-ray film collection, a person I followed asked if anyone was interested in joining a group chat to discuss the movies we watched.
Having the free time, I opted in. Everyone else in the chat was from the US and Canada. What started with at least 15 people reduced over the next two years to a core group of eight. Over the years, the group chat has become more than just a film discussion after we began to share our grievances, hardships and celebrations.
I revealed in a previous column that I was diagnosed with high-functioning autism two years ago. This diagnosis has made me realise why I've always found it difficult to make new friends and retain them. During my life, I've had friends come and go. Outside the group chat and work, and my wife who is my absolute best friend, I probably only have two people I can truly call friends.
Friendship is a funny thing. You can't force it, and the chemistry needs to be just right to work. Shared interests help, but there's a more complex reason behind them lasting. As someone on the spectrum, it's hard to maintain friendships that endure.
In the group chat, I found a place where I could be myself, share my thoughts and not worry about being judged. We were there for each other during the Covid-19 pandemic. We are there for each other when someone loses a family member or suddenly needs financial support. We've even sent each other Secret Santa presents and postcards.
We've celebrated each other's marriages, the births of children and graduation ceremonies. They are in the US, so I haven't met any of them in person, though some have had that opportunity when they are in the same city. I sometimes feel jealous that they have that option much more readily.
Day to day, we update each other on new passions that we can discuss. We make it a point to be present for whoever needs listening to. We've also taught each other many things – cultural nuances and political awareness are just some of the topics discussed.
I sometimes take a step back and wonder: 'How did I form such strong relationships with people I have never even met?' But frankly, I just feel lucky.
We celebrate our seventh anniversary this year, and I don't know how long we'll be friends. But for now, I thank everyone in the group chat who is reading this column. I thank you for being understanding, compassionate and caring. I thank you for the laughs and cries. I thank you for being there.
Will I ever get to meet them in person? Who knows? But I do hope so. For now, I'm grateful to have such a space.
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