I'm a mom of 5 and thought work would get easier as the kids got older. I was wrong.

Yahoo5 hours ago

I'm a mom of five kids ranging from ages 5 to 17.
I thought having teens would be easier than having toddlers for my career.
Turns out teens are even more demanding, and I need to give myself grace.
As the mother of five kids, four of whom were born in six years, I have spent all of my 17 years of parenting working from home in some capacity. And in those 17 years, I've been successful under the definition of a capitalist viewpoint.
The first year I hit a profit with my writing business was the same year I birthed my fourth child. I went viral, was interviewed by Good Morning America, and churned out work at a rate that left many people wondering how I did it all, considering my oldest child was only 6 and my husband worked several jobs.
I struggled to balance it all, but I remember thinking that that time in my life, full of babies, toddlers, and preschoolers, would be the hardest part of my life. I just had to make it through, and then I could coast.
I was so terribly wrong.
Now that most of my kids are tweens and teens, I find myself in the weeds of parenting all over again, but this time I'm somehow even more exhausted, confused, and overwhelmed. Instead of dealing with potty training and tantrums, I'm dealing with teen drivers, volatile emotions, and big life decisions.
I feel frustrated and guilty, like I'm doing something wrong for somehow being less productive as the mother of older kids.
I think part of it is that when they were small, there was a routine that let me get some work done. There were daily nap times I could count on, movies I could turn on, or playdates I could schedule. But with teens, I am never off the clock. I'm always a text away, and with a teen driver, I feel like I can't not be available 24/7.
Also, older kids take up more space, are louder, and have more intense needs than I anticipated. Every day feels like a circus show of juggling, and I'm kind of holding my breath and hoping I'll have enough breathing room to manage any work.
While a cartoon and snuggles could suffice with a toddler, teenagers require 50 memes, a thoughtful conversation, and probably Chick-fil-A to connect. I feel a pressure to be emotionally available in a way I didn't when they were younger, and that makes it hard to switch back and forth to work mode when working from home.
I don't want to be resentful of being "interrupted," and of course, I want to be there for my kids and hear all the details and be available for their lives. I want to be that person for them, and I'm all too aware how fast and fleeting it all is, and I could lose one of them next year to college.
You know the guilt heaped on moms of young kids about how fast it all goes, so you better soak it in? Well, as a mom of teens, that guilt is magnified by about a million because this is exactly the time they were talking about — we're living the slow slippage of our kids out of our lives daily.
I want to embrace it, soak it in, and be here for it. But I also have to pay my bills, and I don't know how to do both right now.
I'm trying some new things, like getting noise-cancelling headphones, setting more firm boundaries about when I can and can't be interrupted, and trying to shift more of my morning chores to later in the day so I have more work time.
The pressures and intensity of this stage feel a lot like the new parent stage all over again, only without the cute baby to cuddle. I still have plenty of sleepless nights, too — watching your child on Life360 is the new baby monitor.
Maybe I just need to give myself the same amount of grace (and coffee) as I did back then.
Read the original article on Business Insider

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15 Risky Decisions That Will Haunt You When You're Older

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15 Risky Decisions That Will Haunt You When You're Older

Aging is a funny thing. It's like a time machine that whisks you forward and forces you to reckon with the choices you've made. Some decisions you can laugh about over wine, others may gnaw at you in the quiet of the night. Here are 15 risky decisions that might just come back to haunt you, the ones that demand introspection and perhaps a touch of regret. Education doesn't stop after formal schooling, yet many of us neglect ongoing learning in favor of more immediate pursuits. The world is ever-changing, and continuous learning could be the key to staying relevant and fulfilled. As you grow older, the opportunities missed for personal and professional development might start to weigh on you. The haunting realization is that knowledge could have opened doors you didn't even know existed. The regret is compounded by the awareness that it's never too late to learn, but now the climb seems steeper. Watching others thrive because they invested in their growth can serve as a constant reminder of what you didn't do. You might find yourself yearning for the insights and skills that could have been yours. And you'll wish you'd recognized the power of lifelong learning when it mattered. How often do we linger in toxic relationships because we're too afraid of the void they might leave behind? The idea of ripping off the Band-Aid seems daunting, so you stick around, hoping things will magically improve. But here's the harsh truth: allowing toxic people to sap your energy is a decision you'll kick yourself for later. Ask anyone who's survived it—they'll tell you that time spent on people who don't uplift you is time wasted. The years will pass, and what you'll remember isn't the comfort of the familiar, but the stagnation it brought. It's like being stuck in quicksand where every attempt to reach for better is stifled by their negativity. As the years roll by, you'll yearn for the courage to have cut ties sooner. And realize that peace was always just a decision away. There's something almost invincible about feeling young, like your body's a temple that you can graffiti all over without consequences. But the truth often hits you later—hard—when you realize those skipped dentist appointments and ignored aches are catching up. According to a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, untreated minor health issues in your 20s and 30s can evolve into major problems by the time you're 50. So those cavalier days of skipping check-ups might morph into a regretful reflection in the mirror, as you count the cost of negligence. The real kicker is that routine self-care often sounds unbearably mundane in your youthful years. Who wants to swap late-night adventures for early morning jogs or trade pizza for kale? The reality check comes later when you're left with a body that feels older than its years. And you'll find yourself shaking your head, longing for a chance to whisper some wisdom into your younger self's ear. The allure of climbing the career ladder is undeniable, and there's a certain prestige that comes with those late nights at the office. But here's a sobering thought: no one on their deathbed ever wishes they'd spent more time at work. Research from Harvard Business School highlights a staggering number of professionals experiencing significant regret over imbalanced work-life priorities. The hard truth is, while promotions and paychecks are enticing, they're a poor substitute for memories and meaningful connections. Years down the line, when you're flipping through old photo albums, it's the family gatherings and spontaneous road trips that'll tug at your heartstrings—not the spreadsheets or client meetings. The risk here is that you might wake up one day and realize you've built a career but not much of a life. What seemed like ambition in your youth might echo as regret in your later years, leaving you to wonder if the trade-offs were truly worth it. There's a certain thrill in living for today, in cashing in your paycheck for instant gratification. But fast forward a few decades, and you'll be cursing your past self for not stashing away those dollars. Retirement may seem like an eternity away when you're young, but the future has a sneaky way of arriving sooner than expected. And suddenly, those splurges on non-essentials start to haunt you. The regret deepens when you see peers enjoying the fruits of their financial wisdom. They've got peace of mind, while you're scrambling to catch up, feeling the pressure of financial insecurity. This decision, once so trivial, becomes a looming ghost. It serves as a reminder that sometimes the most freeing choice is the one that feels like a sacrifice at the time. The world is a vast playground, but how often do we put off exploring it, thinking we'll have time later? According to travel expert Rick Steves, there's an undeniable enrichment that comes from seeing the world, something you can't replicate in textbooks or documentaries. Yet, many of us hesitate, citing work, finances, or responsibilities as barriers. Years later, the regret sinks in as you realize that the opportunity was there, ripe for the taking, and you let it pass by. Sure, traveling can feel like an extravagant indulgence, especially when you're young and funds are tight. But those who've done it will tell you it's an investment in your soul, one that pays dividends in perspective and joy. The places you didn't see, the cultures you didn't experience become a haunting reminder of a world half-lived. And that's a ghost that whispers softly, "You should have come." Comfort zones have a sneaky way of morphing into ruts without you even realizing it. We crave stability and safety, but too much of it can lead to a stagnant life. According to psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck, stepping out of your comfort zone is crucial for growth and fulfillment. Yet, too often, the fear of change keeps us tethered to what's familiar, and we wake up one day feeling unfulfilled and trapped. The rut becomes a prison of our own making, and the longer we stay, the harder it is to leave. You'll look back and see the missed opportunities for growth and the dreams that quietly faded into the background. The risk of staying put can leave you with a life unlived, haunting you with the possibilities you didn't pursue. And the regret is not just about what you did, but what you never dared to do. There's a seductive pull to short-term pleasures that often blinds us to the long-term goals we set for ourselves. The thrill of an impulsive purchase or the fleeting high of a night out can feel euphoric. But when those moments accumulate into a pattern, they can derail the bigger aspirations you once held dear. Years later, as you sit amidst the clutter of temporary satisfactions, you might wonder where all that time and money went. The haunting realization is that each small indulgence took you a step further from the dreams you shelved. While not all pleasures are detrimental, consistently choosing the short-term can leave you with a life that feels scattered and unanchored. The echoes of those choices will remind you of the sacrifices you made and the goals you compromised. And you'll find yourself yearning for a second chance to balance desire with discipline. We often let the fear of others' opinions shape our decisions, silencing our true desires. This fear becomes a shadow that follows you, influencing every choice, no matter how minor. Over time, you might realize that many of your life's decisions weren't truly yours, but rather a reflection of what you thought others wanted. It's a realization that comes with a sting—a life lived for others is rarely fulfilling. As you age, the weight of this becomes heavier, and the regret more palpable. The sad irony is that people are usually too caught up in their own lives to scrutinize ours as closely as we imagine. By allowing fear to dictate your path, you end up with a life that feels like an ill-fitting costume. And the haunting thought will be how different things could have been if you'd only listened to yourself. Pride and fear of vulnerability often keep us from reaching out when we need help the most. We assume independence is synonymous with strength, but this mindset can be isolating. In hindsight, you might see the times when a little support could have made all the difference. The reality is that everyone needs a helping hand now and then, and refusing it only prolongs struggle. The haunting regret here is rooted in the unnecessary suffering, the challenges that became harder because they were faced alone. Years down the line, you'll see the missed opportunities for connection and growth that come from asking for help. The courage to be vulnerable might have led to richer relationships and easier resolutions. And you'll wish you'd embraced the strength in admitting you couldn't do it all alone. Love's a tricky business, and the fear of being alone can lead us to settle for relationships that don't truly fulfill us. You might think you're being practical, but settling is a compromise that chips away at your soul bit by bit. Fast forward a few decades, and the decision to stay in a lukewarm relationship will feel like a weight around your heart. It's a decision that haunts you in the quiet moments, a constant reminder of what could have been. The regret is often not just about the love that didn't feel right, but about the love you never opened yourself up to. The realization that you could have held out for something more authentic, more passionate, can be a bitter pill to swallow. Settling in love leaves you contemplating a life half-lived, yearning for what you believe love should have been. And you'll find yourself longing for a chance to do it over, to choose differently, to choose better. We all have that inner voice, that gut feeling that guides us, yet how often do we ignore it? It's easy to be swayed by logic, by what seems rational and sensible on the surface. But as time goes on, you might find that ignoring your instincts leads you away from paths that were meant for you. That haunting, nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach becomes a testament to the choices you didn't make. The regret lingers because deep down, your inner voice often knows best—even when logic doesn't agree. You'll look back and see the opportunities missed, the roads not taken, all because you silenced that whisper of intuition. It becomes an echo of lost potential and dreams deferred. And you'll wish you'd trusted yourself more when it mattered. Friendships often take a backseat when life gets busy, overshadowed by work, family, and responsibilities. Yet these relationships are the threads that weave the tapestry of a fulfilling life. In the end, it's the friends you've nurtured who will stand by you, who'll be the keepers of your shared stories and laughter. The regret comes when you realize you didn't invest enough in these connections. Years later, you might find yourself feeling isolated, missing the camaraderie and support you took for granted. Those friendships you let drift away can become ghosts that haunt you, reminders of the support system you could have had. The realization that you didn't prioritize those bonds only hits harder with age. And you'll wish you'd known the true value of those friendships when you had the chance to nurture them. Perfectionism is a seductive trap, promising success and acceptance, yet delivering stress and anxiety. In the pursuit of perfect, you often miss the beauty of progress and the joy of the journey. As the years pass, you might find yourself with a list of accomplishments that feel hollow, tainted by the constant pressure you placed on yourself. The haunting realization is that perfection is unattainable, and in chasing it, you overlooked the growth and learning along the way. The regret is not just about what you didn't achieve, but how you achieved what you did. Those moments lost to stress and self-doubt can add up, leaving you wondering why you weren't kinder to yourself. With age, you begin to see that progress, no matter how imperfect, is where the real achievement lies. And you'll wish you'd celebrated the small wins instead of fixating on flawlessness. Fear is a cunning beast that masquerades as wisdom, whispering caution when what you need is boldness. The irony is that failure isn't life's greatest tragedy—it's the missed opportunities that could've led to success. In your later years, you'll look back at the risks you didn't take and realize that the safety net you clung to was more of a cage. It's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing your potential was stifled by nothing more than your own doubt. There's a stark difference between calculated risks and reckless abandon, and oftentimes, we err on the side of excessive caution. This hesitation can rob you of the breakthroughs that come from stepping into the unknown. As the years tally up, so too will the what-ifs, each a testament to chances not taken. And you'll wish you'd been a little braver, a little more daring, when the stakes were lower.

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