12-06-2025
Dear Richard Madeley: ‘I can't stand to hear every boring detail of my flatmate's day'
Dear Richard,
There's a saying that you don't really know someone until you've lived with them and I fear this is currently ringing true for me.
I moved in with a friend from university last year, which seemed like the perfect way to begin a post-university life in a new city.
However, my flatmate won't stop talking about her job. Every evening, as soon as I come in, I am pounced on and inundated with an extremely detailed run-down of her day at work: every conversation, every co-worker, every inconvenience. That's what it feels like anyway.
Being the passive and conflict-averse person I am, I haven't nipped this in the bud; instead I listen and nod politely. This might sound like a non-issue, but I have been hearing it for the last eight months, which has left me heading straight for my bedroom when I get home to avoid these discussions.
How should I approach this with my flatmate after not saying anything for so long?
– Emily, via
Dear Emily,
Argh! Nightmare! You have my total and unqualified sympathy. I once lived with someone exactly like that. I still bear the scars. I didn't even last the eight months you've managed – I moved out after six.
However, my flatmate, as well as being self-obsessed, was a chippy so-and-so and I knew however gently I explained to him that I really, really didn't need or want a daily dispatch from his own front line (he was a copper), he would take huge offence. You don't mention any such issues with your old friend from uni, so there's room for hope. Here's what I suggest.
Next time she launches into an 'every blade of glass' account of the journey through her day, smile, go to the fridge, and return with two glasses of nicely chilled wine.
Hand one to her, sit down beside her, take a deep breath and say something along these lines. (Let's call her Amanda.)
'Amanda. Honestly, over the last months I've really enjoyed hearing how your day has gone. It's genuinely interesting. But I can't have that conversation every night. Sometimes I just want to switch off completely from work – my work, your work – and talk about something else. Is that OK?'
I can't think of a politer way of putting it. And I think you should try this approach sooner rather than later. Otherwise you might simply explode with repressed irritation and use, shall we say, somewhat saltier language.
