Latest news with #siblingrelationship
Yahoo
18 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
I can't stand my sister's husband. What can I do about him?
I love my sister. But I can't stand her husband. He is an idiot who thinks he is better than other people and talks down to them. I am a man in my 50s and I used to visit my sister a lot, but now I would rather do something else. I try to hide it, but it must be clear I am not keen on him. They have been married for eight years and things are getting worse; he used to work and contribute, but now he doesn't even do that. What can I do? I want to support my sister while spending as little time as possible with her husband. This happens in lots of families, unfortunately. Unless one's parents split and remarry, it's usually only when siblings partner up that a new person (a stranger!) is brought into the family and the dynamics change. We all wish these new additions bring joy and harmony, but sadly often they do not. And then we're not only saddled with a person we don't like, who is now part of the family, but we're left looking at the person who brought them in and thinking, 'Really?' This can lead to all manner of unravelling of childhood feelings when it's a sibling. Unfortunately we can't control this, as people will insist on doing their own thing. You didn't tell me your sister's age (or about her previous partners and how you felt about them) but it sounds as if this dynamic is relatively new to you. Reading your letter I was left wondering about many things – the age gap between you and your sister, what your relationship was like before, how you were brought up. Sometimes it's easier to have feelings toward the in-laws than the person who brought them in My specialist this week, UKCP-registered psychotherapist Stephanie White, felt the same. Sorry for all the questions, but they may help you. We wondered if you were used to looking after your sister or being her protector? What did your brother-in-law change for you? 'Is there,' asks White, 'something familiar here? Does he remind you of a significant person from your early life?' This can be important because, while you may still find your brother-in-law annoying, the irritation may lessen if you realise he reminds you of someone else and is therefore being overly harshly judged. The fact that your brother-in-law doesn't work and 'doesn't contribute' also seems really pertinent here. No one likes a sponger – is that how you see him? 'Ultimately,' says White, 'your sister chose this man.' And maybe in her doing so you see parts of her you don't like and find it difficult to admit to? Maybe you have to come to a place where you love your sister but don't like her choices. Are you with someone? Does she like your partner? White suggests you try to see if there's any common ground with your brother-in-law. That may be hard given your feelings towards him, but it's worth a try. If not, 'try to manoeuvre time with your sister without him'. Related: I'm smitten, but does my boyfriend's dysfunctional family bode ill for our future? | Ask Annalisa Barbieri I've long come to the conclusion that sometimes it's easier to have feelings toward the in-law(s) than the person who brought them in. Problems presented as, for example, 'I don't get on with my mother-in-law' are often, when you scratch the surface, really about, 'I wish my husband would be more assertive.' That's worth thinking about. In therapy, it's said that people we don't like often remind us of people from our childhood, or even bits of ourselves that we don't like. And while I think that's true, I'm not a therapist so I can say that sometimes people are just plain annoying. In our own lives we can move away from these people, but when they are brought into the family by others, we are stuck with them. All you can do is try to work out just why you find your brother-in-law so annoying, which may help. And then do not reduce the time you spend with your sister, but don't spend any more time with him than necessary. If your sister asks, I find the very English phrase 'he's just not my cup of tea' works wonders. • Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. The latest series of Annalisa's podcast is available here. • Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
The Guardian
18 hours ago
- General
- The Guardian
I can't stand my sister's husband. What can I do about him?
I love my sister. But I can't stand her husband. He is an idiot who thinks he is better than other people and talks down to them. I am a man in my 50s and I used to visit my sister a lot, but now I would rather do something else. I try to hide it, but it must be clear I am not keen on him. They have been married for eight years and things are getting worse; he used to work and contribute, but now he doesn't even do that. What can I do? I want to support my sister while spending as little time as possible with her husband. This happens in lots of families, unfortunately. Unless one's parents split and remarry, it's usually only when siblings partner up that a new person (a stranger!) is brought into the family and the dynamics change. We all wish these new additions bring joy and harmony, but sadly often they do not. And then we're not only saddled with a person we don't like, who is now part of the family, but we're left looking at the person who brought them in and thinking, 'Really?' This can lead to all manner of unravelling of childhood feelings when it's a sibling. Unfortunately we can't control this, as people will insist on doing their own thing. You didn't tell me your sister's age (or about her previous partners and how you felt about them) but it sounds as if this dynamic is relatively new to you. Reading your letter I was left wondering about many things – the age gap between you and your sister, what your relationship was like before, how you were brought up. My specialist this week, UKCP-registered psychotherapist Stephanie White, felt the same. Sorry for all the questions, but they may help you. We wondered if you were used to looking after your sister or being her protector? What did your brother-in-law change for you? 'Is there,' asks White, 'something familiar here? Does he remind you of a significant person from your early life?' This can be important because, while you may still find your brother-in-law annoying, the irritation may lessen if you realise he reminds you of someone else and is therefore being overly harshly judged. The fact that your brother-in-law doesn't work and 'doesn't contribute' also seems really pertinent here. No one likes a sponger – is that how you see him? 'Ultimately,' says White, 'your sister chose this man.' And maybe in her doing so you see parts of her you don't like and find it difficult to admit to? Maybe you have to come to a place where you love your sister but don't like her choices. Are you with someone? Does she like your partner? White suggests you try to see if there's any common ground with your brother-in-law. That may be hard given your feelings towards him, but it's worth a try. If not, 'try to manoeuvre time with your sister without him'. Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion I've long come to the conclusion that sometimes it's easier to have feelings toward the in-law(s) than the person who brought them in. Problems presented as, for example, 'I don't get on with my mother-in-law' are often, when you scratch the surface, really about, 'I wish my husband would be more assertive.' That's worth thinking about. In therapy, it's said that people we don't like often remind us of people from our childhood, or even bits of ourselves that we don't like. And while I think that's true, I'm not a therapist so I can say that sometimes people are just plain annoying. In our own lives we can move away from these people, but when they are brought into the family by others, we are stuck with them. All you can do is try to work out just why you find your brother-in-law so annoying, which may help. And then do not reduce the time you spend with your sister, but don't spend any more time with him than necessary. If your sister asks, I find the very English phrase 'he's just not my cup of tea' works wonders. Every week, Annalisa Barbieri addresses a personal problem sent in by a reader. If you would like advice from Annalisa, please send your problem to Annalisa regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence. Submissions are subject to our terms and conditions. The latest series of Annalisa's podcast is available here. Comments on this piece are pre-moderated to ensure the discussion remains on the topics raised by the article. Please be aware that there may be a short delay in comments appearing on the site.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
Woman Changed Her Baby Shower Date Last Minute — and Now She Wants Her Sister to End Her Family Vacation Early to Attend
A woman's sister wants her to end her family vacation early so she can attend her baby shower The sibling, the woman explained in a post on Reddit's "Am I the A-----" forum, changed the date of the event last minute after another person couldn't attend "That's honestly an unreasonable expectation," the woman wroteA woman said her sister wants her to end her family vacation early so she can attend her baby shower — after she changed the date of the event last minute. In a post on Reddit's "Am I the A-----" forum, the woman explained that her sister had set an initial date for the baby shower, but it was moved up because another guest was unable to attend. However, the new date, the woman wrote, does not work for her, as she is going to be on a family vacation and she wasn't planning to return home until a day after the rescheduled baby shower date. Never miss a story — sign up for to stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories. According to the woman, she has "never" been "really close" with her family, including her sister. So when her sibling texted her in a group chat asking if she could come home early to attend the baby shower on the new date, the woman said she was confused. "I don't want to do it," she further wrote of attending the event, adding, "I'm chronically ill and can't do much. I've been at home for over six months, I can barely do anything, and that also resulted in bad mental health. My partner works his butt off and really deserves a proper holiday. As do my parents and my kids." The woman also said that changing her family's vacation weeks before it is set to happen felt "unfair," and it also posed a risk to her, since it would make her schedule even busier and she "can't do a lot of things straight after another because of [her] illness." And while the woman said she felt like "a jerk," she wrote that she'd rather "come by another time and bring a present and do something for them." As she asked if she was wrong to skip the baby shower, many other Reddit users assured the woman that she was making the right decision. "No way in hell I would cut my vacation short for a baby shower — especially when the date was changed to accommodate someone else!! That's honestly an unreasonable expectation," one user replied. "There's no reason in the world for you to make that sacrifice for anyone. You already have plans, serious plans that involve several other people," they added. is now available in the Apple App Store! Download it now for the most binge-worthy celeb content, exclusive video clips, astrology updates and more! Another pointed out that the baby shower date was changed to accommodate someone else, which felt unfair to the woman. "[It's] ASTOUNDINGLY selfish of your sister to expect SIX people to cut their vacation short for her shower," one Redditor commented. "Tell your sister that you just can't rearrange the holiday, as you'll lose money," someone else said. After reading the comments, the woman posted an update on the Reddit post, thanking other users for their responses. "It's a relief that you're agreeing with me. I get really insecure about this because they're very good in guilt-tripping me lol," she wrote. Ultimately, the woman said she spoke to her dad and told him that she "wasn't planning on doing it." He, as well as her partner, agreed she was making the right call. "I messaged the group chat saying I cannot make it but have fun!" the woman concluded. Read the original article on People
Telegraph
6 days ago
- General
- Telegraph
The Midults: I'm jealous of my wife's relationship with her brother
Dear A&E, My wife of two years comes from a small, close family and has a very intense relationship with her brother. They speak at least twice a day, go out for 'just us' dinners weekly and have so many in-jokes that it can be hard to feel included in their conversation. I used to think it was wonderful but I'm starting to find it weird and to feel jealous of this unwavering closeness. I don't know if I even have the right to question the situation but it's making me angry with both of them and less able to be intimate with my wife. What do I do? – Bothered Dear Bothered, Other people's families are, almost without exception, deeply weird to us. Every family has its own emotional ecosystem; speaks another language; lives by its own ingrained code of conduct. We find the commonalities, as best we can, but we remain outsiders. And, if we interfere, more often than not, we become the problem. The enemy. The weirdo. It turns into the grown-up version of, ' I can say I hate my mum, but you can't.' However justified your discomfort may be, you are wise to proceed with caution. To some, this level of connection might be dysfunctional. To others it is just a happy sibling situation. And much of that judgement will depend upon the lens through which it is viewed. It seems to us that you are feeling unsafe in some way and maybe you are looking for reasons why. You are – rightly – looking to explain how and why this odd hollowness has opened up in your marriage. You feel neglected. De-prioritised. In your longer letter you say that you are now working entirely from home. Do you, perhaps, feel isolated? Are you envious of the relationship (you have one brother who you see twice a year at family gatherings)? Do you feel resentful of the lack of attention for your wife? This is all to say that what has changed seems to be your relationship with her rather than her relationship with her brother. Often the concerns we have very early in our relationships (annoyingly labelled, ' red flags ') will be the problems that rise up and cause huge problems further down the line. Indeed, some say that within half an hour you can identify what could, eventually, break you up. But it's only recently that this relationship has bothered you. Previously you thought 'it was wonderful'. What is it that has suddenly started to make you feel so uncomfortable? Can you take a moment for pause and really think about that? This is not to say that you are the problem but you might as well let the solution begin with you. Does she need to make room in her relationship with her brother to help you feel better about… what? We always want to feel like the first choice and absolute priority with our romantic partners but how do we untangle romantic partnerships, and what we expect from them, with family relationships and what we expect from them? Sibling relationships are – hopefully – the longest human connections we shall ever experience. They deserve to be treated like the precious things they are. But feeling excluded is lonely and feeds resentment. Where does this leave us? On sensitive ground, that's where. Of course you could say, 'Your secret jokes make me feel left out,' but how will that help? Could it open up all manner of neuroses and umbrages? Mightn't it be better to concentrate on your own relationship with your wife? Her brother is in your life but he is not in your marriage. And, if you are having trouble having sex with your wife, we would suggest that could either be because you do not feel cherished and seen (a feeling exacerbated by her closeness to her brother), or there are other problems around your connection to her and that is where the shifting sands are happening. Her attachment to her brother has been a constant since you met her. That has not changed. But your feelings have. Who are we to say how much a person should see their mother or brother or cousin or friend? A balance must be struck and it is not an exact science. But balances tend to be established through investigation, compassion and understanding. Look after yourself, Bothered. Exercise. See your friends. Plan dates and a holiday with the wife that you love. Take her brother out for beer/coffee/tennis/cinema. In other words, dive into these relationships in your life. Re-access the enrichment and the joy that they deliver. Don't strip your life away to the bare bones of disquiet and indignation. Find the abundance. Few things about humans or families are simple. Acceptance and embrace of those intricacies can be what delivers the fulfilment, in the end.
Daily Mail
06-06-2025
- Lifestyle
- Daily Mail
'She won't stop posting private photos of me on social media - and laughs when I ask her to stop': This is such a common problem, says CAROLINE WEST-MEADS... and my answer may surprise you
Q My younger sister, who is 30, is much more outgoing and gregarious than me. I'm nine years older and, as the eldest sibling, always felt I had to be more responsible. We were not very close growing up because of the age gap, but since her 20s she has become like a good friend. We often socialise together now, especially recently as I have been feeling lonely after splitting from a long-time partner, which has been devastating. The problem is that she constantly posts our activities on social media, which I hate. So if I'm out with her and friends I have to expect lots of selfies and sometimes photos of me when I'm off-guard. Even if it's just for friends and family, I dislike being in so many pictures and worry about their impact on my job.
