Latest news with #selfreflection
The Guardian
6 hours ago
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Six great reads: tradwives v radwives, hollowed-out London and the last musical genius?
'Like many people, reaching the age of 40 inspired Matt to do some self-reflection. He had achieved many hallmarks of adulthood: a college degree, a career he enjoyed, and two beloved dogs. But he'd never had a relationship, or even a sexual partner.' Scores of Christian men in the United States have been raised on ideas of abstinence and 'purity' – what, asked Jessica Bateman, does that mean for their sex lives later on? Read more The Prince Charles Cinema is beloved by film-lovers and counts the like of Christopher Nolan as a fan. But its future is at risk due to a David v Goliath battle with its billionaire owner. Writes Will Coldwell: 'To many, what was happening to the Prince Charles Cinema was about something bigger than a negotiation over rent. It was about the persistent threat of closure that so many cultural and community spaces in London face, the impact of rampant commercialism on the city's cultural diversity, and the seemingly unchecked power that developers wield.' Read more In pop, which equates genius with innovation, recent artists have not pioneered new forms like those from the 60s. Has, asks Rachel Areosti, the digital age sidelined invention and promoted the derivative for ever? Read more 'Height is often seen as a dealbreaker when it comes to romance, particularly within heterosexual relationships. But when Tinder recently said that it was trialling a feature that allows some premium users to filter potential matches by height, it quickly proved controversial. 'Oh God. They added a height filter,' lamented one Reddit thread, while an X user claimed: 'It's over for short men.'' What is behind the '6ft fixation' in dating – and could it be scuppering the chance of true connection? Leah Harper set out to find out. Read more Slick Rick, writes Alexis Petridis, 'remains the rapper's rapper, the most-sampled hip-hop artist in history'. In this brilliant interview the British-born artists explains why it's been more than quarter of a century since his last album and why he was inspired by the production techniques of Alvin and the Chipmunks. Read more 'For the uninitiated: the tradwife is a married woman, usually conservative and/or Christian, usually white (though not always), of the belief that her place is in the home. She is feminine, usually kempt, often dressed like Betty Draper, but increasingly workout gear in neutral tones too. Though at home, she is not a stay-at-home mother, rather someone who performs as if she is, documenting her life in dizzying, up-close fashion for us to wonder: who's doing the potty training?' Morwenna Ferrier isn't, she writes, the first wrung-out mother to take umbrage with this sort of performance. But, as the cost of living crisis squeezes, the fantasy of escaping into being a wife and mother becomes more vivid and, for realistic mothers whose life is a delicate balance between task and failure, app-reliance and guilt, maybe we should lean in to the term 'radwife'. Read more
Yahoo
20 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
15 Risky Decisions That Will Haunt You When You're Older
Aging is a funny thing. It's like a time machine that whisks you forward and forces you to reckon with the choices you've made. Some decisions you can laugh about over wine, others may gnaw at you in the quiet of the night. Here are 15 risky decisions that might just come back to haunt you, the ones that demand introspection and perhaps a touch of regret. Education doesn't stop after formal schooling, yet many of us neglect ongoing learning in favor of more immediate pursuits. The world is ever-changing, and continuous learning could be the key to staying relevant and fulfilled. As you grow older, the opportunities missed for personal and professional development might start to weigh on you. The haunting realization is that knowledge could have opened doors you didn't even know existed. The regret is compounded by the awareness that it's never too late to learn, but now the climb seems steeper. Watching others thrive because they invested in their growth can serve as a constant reminder of what you didn't do. You might find yourself yearning for the insights and skills that could have been yours. And you'll wish you'd recognized the power of lifelong learning when it mattered. How often do we linger in toxic relationships because we're too afraid of the void they might leave behind? The idea of ripping off the Band-Aid seems daunting, so you stick around, hoping things will magically improve. But here's the harsh truth: allowing toxic people to sap your energy is a decision you'll kick yourself for later. Ask anyone who's survived it—they'll tell you that time spent on people who don't uplift you is time wasted. The years will pass, and what you'll remember isn't the comfort of the familiar, but the stagnation it brought. It's like being stuck in quicksand where every attempt to reach for better is stifled by their negativity. As the years roll by, you'll yearn for the courage to have cut ties sooner. And realize that peace was always just a decision away. There's something almost invincible about feeling young, like your body's a temple that you can graffiti all over without consequences. But the truth often hits you later—hard—when you realize those skipped dentist appointments and ignored aches are catching up. According to a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association, untreated minor health issues in your 20s and 30s can evolve into major problems by the time you're 50. So those cavalier days of skipping check-ups might morph into a regretful reflection in the mirror, as you count the cost of negligence. The real kicker is that routine self-care often sounds unbearably mundane in your youthful years. Who wants to swap late-night adventures for early morning jogs or trade pizza for kale? The reality check comes later when you're left with a body that feels older than its years. And you'll find yourself shaking your head, longing for a chance to whisper some wisdom into your younger self's ear. The allure of climbing the career ladder is undeniable, and there's a certain prestige that comes with those late nights at the office. But here's a sobering thought: no one on their deathbed ever wishes they'd spent more time at work. Research from Harvard Business School highlights a staggering number of professionals experiencing significant regret over imbalanced work-life priorities. The hard truth is, while promotions and paychecks are enticing, they're a poor substitute for memories and meaningful connections. Years down the line, when you're flipping through old photo albums, it's the family gatherings and spontaneous road trips that'll tug at your heartstrings—not the spreadsheets or client meetings. The risk here is that you might wake up one day and realize you've built a career but not much of a life. What seemed like ambition in your youth might echo as regret in your later years, leaving you to wonder if the trade-offs were truly worth it. There's a certain thrill in living for today, in cashing in your paycheck for instant gratification. But fast forward a few decades, and you'll be cursing your past self for not stashing away those dollars. Retirement may seem like an eternity away when you're young, but the future has a sneaky way of arriving sooner than expected. And suddenly, those splurges on non-essentials start to haunt you. The regret deepens when you see peers enjoying the fruits of their financial wisdom. They've got peace of mind, while you're scrambling to catch up, feeling the pressure of financial insecurity. This decision, once so trivial, becomes a looming ghost. It serves as a reminder that sometimes the most freeing choice is the one that feels like a sacrifice at the time. The world is a vast playground, but how often do we put off exploring it, thinking we'll have time later? According to travel expert Rick Steves, there's an undeniable enrichment that comes from seeing the world, something you can't replicate in textbooks or documentaries. Yet, many of us hesitate, citing work, finances, or responsibilities as barriers. Years later, the regret sinks in as you realize that the opportunity was there, ripe for the taking, and you let it pass by. Sure, traveling can feel like an extravagant indulgence, especially when you're young and funds are tight. But those who've done it will tell you it's an investment in your soul, one that pays dividends in perspective and joy. The places you didn't see, the cultures you didn't experience become a haunting reminder of a world half-lived. And that's a ghost that whispers softly, "You should have come." Comfort zones have a sneaky way of morphing into ruts without you even realizing it. We crave stability and safety, but too much of it can lead to a stagnant life. According to psychologist Dr. Carol Dweck, stepping out of your comfort zone is crucial for growth and fulfillment. Yet, too often, the fear of change keeps us tethered to what's familiar, and we wake up one day feeling unfulfilled and trapped. The rut becomes a prison of our own making, and the longer we stay, the harder it is to leave. You'll look back and see the missed opportunities for growth and the dreams that quietly faded into the background. The risk of staying put can leave you with a life unlived, haunting you with the possibilities you didn't pursue. And the regret is not just about what you did, but what you never dared to do. There's a seductive pull to short-term pleasures that often blinds us to the long-term goals we set for ourselves. The thrill of an impulsive purchase or the fleeting high of a night out can feel euphoric. But when those moments accumulate into a pattern, they can derail the bigger aspirations you once held dear. Years later, as you sit amidst the clutter of temporary satisfactions, you might wonder where all that time and money went. The haunting realization is that each small indulgence took you a step further from the dreams you shelved. While not all pleasures are detrimental, consistently choosing the short-term can leave you with a life that feels scattered and unanchored. The echoes of those choices will remind you of the sacrifices you made and the goals you compromised. And you'll find yourself yearning for a second chance to balance desire with discipline. We often let the fear of others' opinions shape our decisions, silencing our true desires. This fear becomes a shadow that follows you, influencing every choice, no matter how minor. Over time, you might realize that many of your life's decisions weren't truly yours, but rather a reflection of what you thought others wanted. It's a realization that comes with a sting—a life lived for others is rarely fulfilling. As you age, the weight of this becomes heavier, and the regret more palpable. The sad irony is that people are usually too caught up in their own lives to scrutinize ours as closely as we imagine. By allowing fear to dictate your path, you end up with a life that feels like an ill-fitting costume. And the haunting thought will be how different things could have been if you'd only listened to yourself. Pride and fear of vulnerability often keep us from reaching out when we need help the most. We assume independence is synonymous with strength, but this mindset can be isolating. In hindsight, you might see the times when a little support could have made all the difference. The reality is that everyone needs a helping hand now and then, and refusing it only prolongs struggle. The haunting regret here is rooted in the unnecessary suffering, the challenges that became harder because they were faced alone. Years down the line, you'll see the missed opportunities for connection and growth that come from asking for help. The courage to be vulnerable might have led to richer relationships and easier resolutions. And you'll wish you'd embraced the strength in admitting you couldn't do it all alone. Love's a tricky business, and the fear of being alone can lead us to settle for relationships that don't truly fulfill us. You might think you're being practical, but settling is a compromise that chips away at your soul bit by bit. Fast forward a few decades, and the decision to stay in a lukewarm relationship will feel like a weight around your heart. It's a decision that haunts you in the quiet moments, a constant reminder of what could have been. The regret is often not just about the love that didn't feel right, but about the love you never opened yourself up to. The realization that you could have held out for something more authentic, more passionate, can be a bitter pill to swallow. Settling in love leaves you contemplating a life half-lived, yearning for what you believe love should have been. And you'll find yourself longing for a chance to do it over, to choose differently, to choose better. We all have that inner voice, that gut feeling that guides us, yet how often do we ignore it? It's easy to be swayed by logic, by what seems rational and sensible on the surface. But as time goes on, you might find that ignoring your instincts leads you away from paths that were meant for you. That haunting, nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach becomes a testament to the choices you didn't make. The regret lingers because deep down, your inner voice often knows best—even when logic doesn't agree. You'll look back and see the opportunities missed, the roads not taken, all because you silenced that whisper of intuition. It becomes an echo of lost potential and dreams deferred. And you'll wish you'd trusted yourself more when it mattered. Friendships often take a backseat when life gets busy, overshadowed by work, family, and responsibilities. Yet these relationships are the threads that weave the tapestry of a fulfilling life. In the end, it's the friends you've nurtured who will stand by you, who'll be the keepers of your shared stories and laughter. The regret comes when you realize you didn't invest enough in these connections. Years later, you might find yourself feeling isolated, missing the camaraderie and support you took for granted. Those friendships you let drift away can become ghosts that haunt you, reminders of the support system you could have had. The realization that you didn't prioritize those bonds only hits harder with age. And you'll wish you'd known the true value of those friendships when you had the chance to nurture them. Perfectionism is a seductive trap, promising success and acceptance, yet delivering stress and anxiety. In the pursuit of perfect, you often miss the beauty of progress and the joy of the journey. As the years pass, you might find yourself with a list of accomplishments that feel hollow, tainted by the constant pressure you placed on yourself. The haunting realization is that perfection is unattainable, and in chasing it, you overlooked the growth and learning along the way. The regret is not just about what you didn't achieve, but how you achieved what you did. Those moments lost to stress and self-doubt can add up, leaving you wondering why you weren't kinder to yourself. With age, you begin to see that progress, no matter how imperfect, is where the real achievement lies. And you'll wish you'd celebrated the small wins instead of fixating on flawlessness. Fear is a cunning beast that masquerades as wisdom, whispering caution when what you need is boldness. The irony is that failure isn't life's greatest tragedy—it's the missed opportunities that could've led to success. In your later years, you'll look back at the risks you didn't take and realize that the safety net you clung to was more of a cage. It's a bitter pill to swallow, knowing your potential was stifled by nothing more than your own doubt. There's a stark difference between calculated risks and reckless abandon, and oftentimes, we err on the side of excessive caution. This hesitation can rob you of the breakthroughs that come from stepping into the unknown. As the years tally up, so too will the what-ifs, each a testament to chances not taken. And you'll wish you'd been a little braver, a little more daring, when the stakes were lower.
Yahoo
2 days ago
- General
- Yahoo
13 Reasons You've Always Felt Lonely In Life
Loneliness can be crushing. It creeps up on you in the quiet moments when you're convinced the world is turning without you. You've scoured the internet for answers, searched your soul for understanding, yet the feeling remains. Maybe it's time to confront what you've always felt but never quite articulated. This is your moment of clarity. Your intelligence is a double-edged sword, making it hard to relate to people who don't think as quickly or as deeply as you do. According to a study published in the British Journal of Psychology, higher intelligence often correlates with lower life satisfaction, partly due to social isolation. While your brain craves complex conversations, you often find yourself stuck in small talk purgatory, longing for a deeper connection. Yet when you finally find someone who can match your intellectual stride, you might scare them off with your intense need for philosophical sparring. This results in a vicious cycle: the smarter you are, the harder it is to find someone who gets you. You retreat into books and podcasts, hoping one day someone will see through to the person you really are. Until then, it's just you and your thoughts, a lonely duo. Blame it on your upbringing. Maybe your parents were emotionally distant or maybe you just never saw vulnerability modeled in a healthy way. So you've become a master of the controlled façade. Sure, you're "open" on social media, but how deep does that openness really go? You build walls, not bridges, with your perfect Instagram feed. Feeling vulnerable feels synonymous with being weak, so you avoid it like the plague. Meanwhile, your heart's a fortress, and sometimes even you don't have the key. It's lonely inside your castle, even if it's adorned with the finest illusions of happiness. Your ambition is admirable, but there's a cost to being married to your job. You've got the accolades and the promotions, but when it comes to personal relationships, you're running on fumes. According to a report by the American Psychological Association, workaholics are more likely to experience loneliness due to neglecting social connections. When you're always hustling, friendships become collateral damage. And let's not even get started on romantic relationships. They're hard enough without you prioritizing every email over date night. You tell yourself you'll get to it one day, but days turn into months, and months into years. Suddenly, you realize your work achievements can't keep you warm at night. You're loyal to a fault, sticking around even when it's clear the friendship has soured. Maybe it's because you think you can fix it, or maybe you're afraid of what the void will feel like if you let go. Either way, these friendships are an anchor, dragging you down into isolation. You might be surrounded by people, but it still feels like you're an island. It's not just the gossip or the letdowns that sting; it's the endless cycle of hope and disappointment. You keep giving them chances, only to end up hurt all over again. The worst part? You question your worth, allowing their behavior to dictate how you see yourself. Breaking free feels terrifying, but holding on means continuing to swim in a sea of loneliness. For you, the fear of being rejected is paralyzing. It's easier to keep people at arm's length than risk the sting of being unwanted. According to psychologist Dr. Guy Winch, fear of rejection can activate the same pathways in the brain as physical pain, making it a potent barrier to forming connections. You meticulously curate your persona, making sure no one can find flaws, because flaws mean vulnerability and vulnerability means potential rejection. But in safeguarding your heart, you shut it off from genuine connection. The irony is that by trying to protect yourself, you only end up more isolated. It's a lonely fortress you've built, but at least it's safe, right? Scrolling through feeds has become your substitute for meaningful interaction. It's got all the allure of connection without any real substance. You know the highlights and lowlights of everyone's life, yet the details of your own remain murky and undefined. The irony is that while you're never really alone, you're also never truly with anyone. You crave the likes, the validation, even though each hit is more ephemeral than the last. Yet, logging off feels like stepping into a void. Your social media presence becomes a double life that you can't escape. It's a carefully curated reality that, once the screen goes dark, leaves you more alone than ever. The ghosts of relationships and regrets linger in your mind like an indelible ink stain. Maybe it was the "one that got away" or a friendship that ended in flames. Research from the University of Southampton shows that dwelling on past relationships can intensify feelings of loneliness. It's hard to move forward when you're anchored to what could have been. Every new friendship or relationship is tainted by the comparisons you can't help but make. You hold them to standards set by people who are long gone, and unsurprisingly, they always fall short. The past is a siren song you can't resist, even though you know it'll lead you to the rocky shores of isolation. Until you learn to let go, you're forever trapped in a cycle of loneliness. Most people are like Teflon, letting life's minor slights roll off them. But you're not most people. Every offhand comment, every side-eye glance, it all sticks and stays, weighing you down like lead. You absorb emotions like a sponge, and unfortunately, that includes loneliness too. This sensitivity makes you compassionate, sure, but it also makes you vulnerable. You tiptoe through life, trying to avoid the sharp edges and harsh realities. This self-protective cocoon only isolates you further. You long for connection but fear the inevitable heartache that comes with it. Some wounds never heal; they just scab over until something rips them open again. The pain is so familiar it's almost comforting, except for the isolating fact that no one else seems to understand it. You hide it well—only allowing yourself to break down in private. On the outside, you're the epitome of composure; on the inside, you're a tangled mess. It's hard to let people in when you're still haunted by the specters of your past. You tell yourself it's better this way, that you're protecting them from your darkness. But the truth is, you're protecting yourself from vulnerability. Yet, each layer of protection is another layer of loneliness. Independence is your badge of honor. You pride yourself on being self-sufficient, needing no one. This fierce independence is empowering, but it also leaves you alone in your own world. You're so used to doing everything solo that the idea of relying on someone else feels like a foreign language. Being fiercely independent means you often forget to invite others in. You navigate life like a lone wolf, forgetting that even wolves have a pack. The strength you draw from being independent is undermined by the isolation it brings. It's a lonely kind of freedom, but it's one you're not quite ready to give up. When it comes to relationships, your expectations are through the roof. You want perfection, crafted in the image of your own impossibly curated ideals. But real people are flawed, messy, complicated beings. Searching for that unattainable perfection leaves you alone, a princess in an ivory tower with no prince or princess in sight. You tell yourself you're just holding out for the right person, but deep down, you know you're sabotaging your own happiness. Yes, standards are important, but are they worth the loneliness they bring? It's a hard pill to swallow, realizing that maybe you're asking for more than anyone can ever give. Until you lower those standards, you'll remain in splendid isolation. You never quite fit in, did you? Always the outsider looking in, you feel like a puzzle piece that doesn't belong. Whether it's your family, a friend group, or society at large, you're always the odd one out. You've come to wear it like a badge of honor, but it's isolating in its uniqueness. Being the black sheep means you often walk your own path, but you do so alone. The world feels like it's speaking a different language, one you've never managed to learn. Despite your bravado, the loneliness of your outsider status occasionally sneaks up, reminding you of the connections you're missing. It's a lonely road, but it's the only one you know. You know they're out there—people who get you, who love you for exactly who you are. But finding them is like searching for a needle in a haystack. Until then, you wander through life feeling like an alien on your own planet. You strive to connect but never quite synch up with the world around you. The quest for your tribe is relentless, filled with trial and error. Each failed connection makes you retreat further into your shell, convinced the search is hopeless. But deep down, you hold onto the hope that one day you'll find your people. Until then, you continue to navigate this lonely journey, waiting for the day you finally belong.
Forbes
3 days ago
- General
- Forbes
3 Signs You Fall For Emotionally Unavailable People, By A Psychologist
Over time, through experiences, repeated patterns and relationships that never seemed to work, you may have come to recognize something — you have a type. And more often than not, that type is someone who cannot or will not love you back in the way you expect them to. It's easy to believe you're simply attracted to passion or go all in for the ones you love. The chase, after all, feels familiar. It keeps you engaged, gives you purpose and allows you to imagine that with just enough effort, something will finally click. But if you pause, upon deeper reflection, you may notice an uncomfortable truth. Sometimes, the pursuit isn't about love at all. Sometimes, it's a defense against really being seen or known. Because to be loved fully, reliably and without reserve, can feel more vulnerable than pursuing someone who is always just out of reach. I know that's a hard pill to swallow. It calls into question the very narratives we've used to make sense of our relationship patterns, but it's worth reflecting on. Here are three signs you might be unconsciously resisting the very love you say you want. People are not always drawn to what's emotionally safe, but rather to what they deem emotionally familiar. If someone grew up in an environment where caregiving was inconsistent, connection was conditional, intermittent or unavailable, they start to equate uncertainty with love. That's why when your partner pulls away, you cling harder; when they go silent, you grow anxious and double your efforts at communication or when they give you crumbs of affection, it feels like 'something real.' This is not a conscious choice. It's a subconscious attachment template formed in your childhood. A 2015 review published in Frontiers in Psychology outlines how early attachment experiences shape what we later perceive as emotionally 'normal.' Gradually, individuals raised in unhealthy environments become conditioned to confuse intimacy and connection with uncertainty, unpredictability or even anxiety. With disorganized attachment, often resulting from abuse, trauma or neglect, this presents a paradox: the child desires closeness yet reacts in fear or confusion when offered it. The study also points out that low childhood emotional availability can influence the way an individual participates in adult relationships. If steady attunement was never demonstrated, true emotional presence might seem strange or even threatening. Additionally, researchers discovered that even when children are placed in safe and loving settings, like with responsive adoptive parents, some of them naturally shunned connection. Not because the caregiver was unkind but because emotional safety wasn't what they had been conditioned to anticipate. If you're attracted to emotionally unavailable partners, it's perhaps less about love and more about avoiding the pain of actual intimacy. Genuine relationships demand that two people connect fully, compromise, inspect their own motives and face their insecurities. This takes a degree of honesty that can be intimidating. To really bond, you have to be open about not just your best qualities but the vulnerable aspects of yourself that you might wish to hide. Sharing them with someone else involves a risk of rejection. However, this is also the path to true intimacy and growth — there are no shortcuts. So instead, you might be attracted to the emotionally unavailable. They enjoy your accessibility but avoid commitment. They offer vague commitments of 'someday' but do nothing more. You are left in a hot and cold relationship, yearning for more but also grateful deep down that you don't have to deal with what would occur if someone actually got to see all of you. A 2007 study in Personal Relationships confirms this. When individuals were less committed, they were more emotionally reactive to their partner's flaws. Instead of moving into connection, they withdrew using emotional distance as a defense. On the other hand, those who were committed held firm even in the face of uncertainty, indicating that intimacy is not about flawless perfection. It's about being present and staying open when things get real. One core belief behind people chasing after emotionally unavailable partners is a doubt in their own self-worth. They may think, 'If I can get them — this distant, inconsistent, emotionally walled-off person — to love me… then maybe I'll finally be enough.' This isn't a conscious pursuit. It's a deeply embedded pattern that can be traced back to one's childhood. If your parents withheld love and treated it like an award you had to earn through effort or being worthy of affection, the belief may have solidified that nothing is freely given — you have to earn it. So now, in adulthood, you may seek relationships that echo that same pattern, where love must be earned, fought for or proven. This often translates into you doing all the emotional labor between the two of you. A 2020 meta-analysis published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology analyzed data from over 46,000 participants and found that self-esteem and social relationships are deeply intertwined, forming a feedback loop across the lifespan. In other words, the way we feel about ourselves shapes the kinds of relationships we pursue and tolerate. And the quality of those relationships, in turn, reinforces or erodes that self-worth. This can create a self-defeating cycle. If we constantly find ourselves in connections where we feel unseen, unchosen or emotionally neglected, over time we may begin to internalize that experience. Not consciously, but in the subtle ways we start to believe we have to earn closeness or prove we're worthy of care. The study also found that this pattern holds true across life stages and relationship types, meaning it's not just something we grow out of. If unaddressed, it can follow us into every phase of connection — until we begin to disrupt the cycle ourselves. Remember, you cannot fix or change someone else's emotional availability, but you can fix the parts of you that are drawn to this dynamic. Becoming aware of this pattern is the crucial first step. Begin to explore what you truly want from relationships, and don't settle for anything less moving forward. Want to explore this further? Take the science-backed Anxious Attachment Scale to see how your attachment style might be shaping your current relationship dynamics.
Forbes
4 days ago
- Business
- Forbes
Surprisingly Uplifting Advice For 2025 Graduates In An Uncertain World
Too often people send graduates out into the world with platitudes and lofty thoughts. While I certainly don't want to diminish any aspirations for the future, my best advice for 2025 graduates is grounded in a somber reality compounded by both economic uncertainty and continued political division. The economic climate is troubling, with constantly gyrating tariffs, increasing levels of government debt, inflation heading higher, and the likelihood that interest rates will rise further and U.S. companies will cut investment spending and hiring. Many companies are laying off people, while those that are hiring are often delaying start dates, for example from July until December 2025. All of this adds up to a difficult job market for graduates. This is hardly the kind of news anyone wants to deliver to new entrants into the workforce. But there is a silver lining here: life lessons on dealing with uncertainty that will help graduates eliminate much of the worry, fear, pressure, anxiety, and stress they're feeling right now—and in the future. Based on my own life experience, including 45 years in business, here is my advice to 2025 graduates (which also applies to the rest of us, at any age or stage of life). 1. Make Self-Reflection Your Foundation. No doubt, graduates have a lot on their minds right now—college debt, finding a good job, struggling to get interviews and facing rejections, figuring out their personal lives. As these concerns pile up, the temptation is to go faster and faster to resolve everything as quickly as possible. My recommendation? Stop! Turn off the noise and distractions and engage in self-reflection. The more you self-reflect about your goals, priorities, and values, the more you can guard against becoming overwhelmed. Check in with yourself, ideally for a few minutes every day, about your feelings, what you're doing (or not doing), and how you treat yourself and others. No matter what is happening in the world, the one thing you can control is how you act and interact with others. As entertainer Steve Carell told the 2025 graduating class at Northwestern University, 'My topic today is kindness,' calling it 'something we need more of in the world.' In humorous speech interrupted with laughter, Carell delivered some pearls of wisdom: 'It is no more difficult to be kind than it is to be mean.' 2. Develop True Self-Confidence. Not just confidence—but true self-confidence. This has nothing to do with posing and posturing. Rather, you're becoming more comfortable in your own skin, with the knowledge of your strengths, talents, and skills. One of those strengths is staying positive in a negative world—as KIND founder Daniel Lubetzky told the graduates of the University of California at Berkeley. He described 'superpowers' of youth as grit, fearlessness, creativity, and love—all of which he equated to skills for career success. The other side of true self-confidence is acknowledging you also have weaknesses (like everybody else) and you're going to improve. These are development areas that ensure you'll always have something to work on. Keep learning and growing so you can contribute even more to your team, organization, and community. With true self-confidence, you'll see that the glass is never half empty—it truly is half full and on its way to overflowing. 3. Build And Expand Your Network. After the race to the finish line known as graduation day, networking may feel like something that will be 'nice to do' later. However, nothing can be more important for you right now than building your network. That means connecting with people you went to high school and college with, as well as with people who share your interests such as sports and recreation, volunteer work, or your faith community. Find out what they're doing and where they are working; ask if they will take the time to talk about their jobs, their companies, and their industries. They may know of an opportunity for you or may want to introduce you to someone. That's how you build and grow your network. But remember, networking is reciprocal. You're not just receiving help but also looking for what you can give to others. 4. Significantly Expand Your Job Search. Many of my students tell me they've applied to four or five companies and now they're waiting to hear back. That's hardly sufficient—especially today. You need to apply to at least 30 or 40 companies. No matter what your field of interest or specialization, you cannot have too many lines in the water. Knowing that it will likely take more time and more effort to land your first job, you can't afford to passively wait for your top-choice employers to get back to you. Expand your search, especially as you network about potential opportunities. 5. Recognize The Importance Of Getting In The Door. This advice may make the biggest impact of all. It's easy to focus only on a specific industry and a specific company—or even a particular role in one department. Now, more than ever, it's important to concentrate on 'getting in' a company, no matter which door opens for you. Once you're in the company then, assuming you are good at what you do, you'll be able to build your internal network by connecting with people on other teams and in other departments—such as by volunteering for task forces, interdepartmental projects, and cross-functional teams. As you do, you'll find out about other opportunities, including in the departments that most interest you. Consider this story from a few years ago: A student told me he really wanted to get into the marketing department of a particular company. The challenge, however, is all his experience was in finance. As it turned out, I knew the treasurer of that company and offered to help him get an interview in the treasury department. The student smiled and said, 'I'm sorry, Professor Kraemer, but I don't want to be in finance. I want to be in marketing.' I explained that I understood exactly what he wanted, but the first thing to do was to get in the company. Once he performed well in his job, he could tell the treasurer, 'I'm so grateful for this opportunity and I've learned so much. But I'm really interested in moving to marketing.' And that is exactly what happened. Three years after joining the company, he was a director of marketing. One final thought, your next job is obviously a big priority for you right now, but it's only the beginning. Far more important is who you are as a person—your values, priorities, and how you aspire to make a difference. In other words, your values-based leadership in every aspect of your life. As Grant Hill, one of the greatest college basketball players of all time, told members of the graduating class of Duke University, his alma mater, 'Don't just list your values, live them… The world doesn't need more promises, it needs people who keep them.' This is the journey that is unfolding for you as a new graduate, which will continue throughout your life. Now is the time to lead by example and show the world how you live your values.
