Latest news with #sandwichgeneration
ABC News
11-06-2025
- Health
- ABC News
The women of the 'sandwich generation' caring for young and old
I started to notice my 81-year-old mother, Di, struggling just under a year ago, when she texted me late on a Saturday night worrying about some legal paperwork and I could not get her to calm down. After that, she became increasingly anxious and depressed. She no longer took pleasure in the things she loved and began having trouble looking after herself day to day. Realising that mum needed serious professional help, we checked her into a psychiatric hospital for a short stay that turned into six months. Her decline was rapid. She seemed to wither before our eyes. There were falls, a broken arm, delirium, COVID, and, most likely dementia. She couldn't walk from bed to the toilet unaided. Only months prior, mum had lived alone and was independent. She had always been fearsome, a former school principal with a booming laugh and a single mother who made sure I had everything — a picture of self-sacrifice. We love each other to pieces, but also annoy each other like no-one else can. When I realised mum wouldn't be able to live on her own anymore, we planned for her to move into a granny flat at the back of our place when she left the hospital. I suddenly found myself part of what is sometimes called the "sandwich generation": people (mostly women) who have the task of being the primary carer for the generations on either side. My life was hectic even before mum became unwell. I'm an executive producer on the podcast Ladies, We Need to Talk and a parent to my two lovely and spirited neurodivergent kids, who are nine and 11. I knew it was going to be hard work, but nothing prepared me for the difficulty of trying to look after everyone all at once. Every day is spent frantically managing other people's needs, and our time spent together is mostly functional, keeping everyone warm, medicated, fed and showered. As well as helping mum after her release from hospital and getting the kids ready for school, a team of support workers for mum came and went daily, which required a tonne of admin and endless time on the phone. I often feel tired, and like my emotional reserves are used up on everybody else. It could break me on some days. But I'm not alone. There are around 1.5 million Aussies who are in this situation, and the numbers are rising. The 2022 Income and Labour Dynamics in Australia (the "HILDA") Survey, found that women were "considerably more likely" to be carers than men. As Australia's population ages, by 2050 the 85+ age group is expected to triple. We're also having babies later, which means women are often at the peak of their careers when they need to start caring for their kids and their elderly parents too. So, I wanted to find out what the sandwich generation can do to take care not only of the people around them, but of themselves. And for those not at that stage yet, how can we set ourselves up to survive this period? I met with Nasalifya Namwinga, a clinical psychologist and burnout researcher, who often sees how women carry most of the caregiving load, and how heavy this can be for them. "I think there's an expectation that as a woman, you'll provide this care. You're being pulled in three different directions and you are being stretched to meet the needs of these particular roles [as a mother, carer and partner]," she says. Namwinga says it can be helpful to have conversations about expectations of who does the care work early on, "while the parent actually has the capacity to engage or contribute". I've used the word burnout a lot in the past year. But I've often wondered how you know you are experiencing carer burnout as opposed to just being a bit tired and over it? Namwinga says there are three components to burnout: exhaustion, low efficacy and cynicism. I identify with "low efficacy" — stuff like missing kids' appointments, or being late on paying my bills — things that are not the norm for me. Namwinga says cynicism is also one to keep an eye on. "[Cynicism] might play out as anger or intense emotions that don't match how you feel about the thing that you're doing. Those are the feelings that come up that; 'I just wish I didn't have to do any of it.' That's probably a sign you're experiencing carer burnout." I think a lot of mothers and carers struggle with asking for help, because we're used to doing it all, and we are really good at juggling a million things. Namwinga says protecting ourselves from burnout is ultimately about "scaffolding" ourselves with support from others. "So if I start experiencing exhaustion to the point that I'm struggling to get out of bed, who can I call? And asking them for support when you need it. And that means you have to prioritise yourself." Phyllis, who is looking after her mother and children, thinks the term "sandwich generation" needs a rebrand. I spoke to Phyllis because I wanted to hear about women going through similar experiences. She is in the thick of it right now, caring for her 94-year-old mother, Barbara, and two teenage sons, who are 15 and 18, while also working four days a week. She's been her mum's main carer since Barbara's husband died 13 years ago. "He was the filter through which mum saw the world, so when he passed, I had to step into that role," she says. Barbara is in great health for a nonagenarian, but she doesn't drive anymore, and Greek is the language she's most comfortable with. So Phyllis is Barbara's emotional support, her taxi driver, her translator and personal assistant. She tries to see her mum twice a week, and they stay in constant phone contact. But she has set clear expectations with Barbara about how much she can offer as a carer while also trying to parent two teenagers. "My sons come first," she says. "You cannot in this day and age take your hands off the wheel. You can't just say 'hey they're teenagers now, go be free'. It adds a whole other layer of complexity to the parenting equation." As the primary carer, Phyllis can sometimes feel the pressure of non-stop demands from her mum. Coupled with exhaustion, it means Phyllis can sometimes lose her cool with her mum. "The boys have been present when I've argued with my mother and we've gone hammer and tongs and it's been really ugly. But then they also see when we make up," she says. The women staying single by choice in a world of relentless dating pressure The idea of modelling healthy relationships to your kids is something Namwinga leans into in her practice. "When we mess up as parents, it actually provides a beautiful moment for repair with our children, which teaches them something about relationships. It teaches them that you are not perfect," she says. "You can get things wrong. [Saying] 'I was wrong and I'm sorry', is a really powerful experience for a child to learn that if my parent doesn't have to be perfect, then maybe I don't have to be perfect either." Phyllis says there can also be little moments of beauty with her mother. "She can be a really complex, difficult character, but she's very loving and she's very kind and beneath all the bluster, is a very frightened, vulnerable little girl," she says. "And that's what I try and hold onto when times can be tough. "And it makes me emotional because, she's just such a force of nature. She's been through a lot of rejection and pain, and yet she's still who she is unapologetically. She's dealing with her frailties of aging with as much grace as she can muster." I recently spent the day with mum after she had been in respite care for about three weeks. I took her shopping and I could tell she thought she felt good about herself for the first time in a long while. It was so great to see her sparkling a bit. We went out for lunch and she told me about some friends she made in care, and how they get together to complain about the food. Having a chat with me was out of the ordinary for her; normally it's just a list of worries. It made me feel a bit lighter, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I know there'll be many more bad days ahead, but she's in a good place right now, and we've just signed the paperwork for her to stay in care permanently. But I'm also battling with something more existential as I watch my mum get older — a living grief for the woman she once was. A part of me is also preparing for the end. "It is a complex grief to be watching someone you love slip away from you," Namwinga tells me. "If they experience things like dementia, they're losing memories, they're losing mobility, [and] watching that process can be quite heartbreaking." It is a privilege to be in a position where I can care for my mum and be able to pay her back for a lot of the stuff she did raising me. If I was going to give any advice, it would be that it's going to happen way faster than you think. You think you've got years, but one event can just send everything spiralling out of control and change the whole world for them and for you. So talk to your parents early about their power of attorney, their enduring guardianship, about their will and final wishes. They're hard conversations to have, but it's much easier to have them sooner than later. The host of the Ladies, We Need To Talk, Yumi Stynes, once gave me some words of advice when I was having a bit of a shitty week: "Don't be heroic." So I've taken those words on board and it's now my current Sandwich Gen motto.
Daily Mail
07-06-2025
- General
- Daily Mail
FLOURISHING AFTER 50: My parents made terrible money decisions and now I'm the one paying the price
Dear Vanessa, I'm 57 and never imagined this would be my life. Six months ago, my elderly parents moved in with us after losing their home. My dad had been gambling for years but we didn't realise how bad it was until everything collapsed. They had no savings, no pension worth mentioning, and no plan. There was no choice but for them to move in with us. I still have two adult children at home - one is studying, the other is in between jobs, and now our once-quiet house is packed. I love my parents deeply, but I'm stretched to my limit. My mum is showing early signs of dementia and needs constant care. My husband is supportive, but we're both working full-time and barely keeping our heads above water. We've put our own retirement plans on hold, and I feel like I've lost any space to breathe. I swing between guilt, frustration, and sadness. I don't want to turn my back on my parents, but I also don't know how long I can keep going like this. How do I even begin to navigate something so emotionally and financially complicated? Melissa. Melissa, what you're facing is incredibly tough and, sadly, more common than people talk about. Many people in midlife are part of what's called the 'sandwich generation' - caring for elderly parents while still supporting adult children. It's a huge emotional and financial load to carry, especially when the situation stems from poor decisions like gambling. That brings up a complicated mix of guilt, love, and frustration. You're clearly doing your best, but it's okay to admit this isn't sustainable and to start putting steps in place that protect you and your future. Here are a few things to consider: 1. Talk to a financial professional about your own plans. Even one session can help you see where you stand and what your options are - especially when your finances are under pressure. If you don't know where to start, I offer a free referral service to connect you with someone trusted. 2. Look into care and community support options available in your region. There are often services that help with aged care, home assistance, and respite for carers. It's worth exploring - you don't have to do everything alone. 3. Have the hard conversations. With your children, talk about contributing or becoming more independent. With your partner, discuss your shared priorities. And with your parents, while they're still able, about their care preferences and planning ahead. It's loving to step in when your family needs you - but that doesn't mean you should sacrifice your own future. Setting boundaries isn't selfish. It's how you survive. You're carrying a lot, but you're not alone. Asking for help is the first step in lightening the load. I wish you all the best,
CBS News
05-06-2025
- Business
- CBS News
Couple faces retirement fears amid market swings: "We don't have do-over time"
Dinner at the Gomez home outside Boston provides a textbook image of the sandwich generation: three sets of relatives living under one roof. "A club sandwich has a lot of layers, and we have a lot of layers," 57-year-old Alicia Gomez said. It's not the easiest way to save for retirement, as Gomez and her 59-year-old husband, Chu, told CBS News during an interview last year. Back then, their nest egg was healthy and growing. Stocks were climbing, hitting an all-time high by February of this year. But they cratered as the trade war started, only to climb back and recover most of the losses. "I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster," Alicia Gomez said. "You just hope that if we're gonna be on the downturn now, will we be on the upturn when we decide to retire?" Like millions of Americans, the couple is experiencing waves of an uncertain, see-sawing market. These gyrations can trigger rash decisions, said labor economist Teresa Ghilarducci of the New School for Social Research. "We have a name for living through that kind of volatility, and it's called scarring," Ghilarducci said, stressing the importance of asking the experts in times of financial crisis. "Do not talk to your friends or your family about what to do. Take a breath, take a minute and rely on expert advice," Ghilarducci said. Alicia, who holds down two jobs, had thought maybe she'd cut back work at 62. Chu, who works in logistics, thought it would be at 65. Now, they've adjusted that mindset. "It's probably gonna be 67 at least, but you know, I think there's still a lot of unknowns," Alicia said. Right now, the couple is maxing out their retirement accounts, Chu said, but that could change if they needed to pull back. Adding to their anxiety is the fear that the Social Security system could run dry. There's been a 13% jump this year in people claiming retirement benefits early, despite the reduced payouts, according to the Urban Institute. Ghilarducci strongly advises against that. "Wait for the maximum benefit that you can get. Don't haircut yourself now, anticipating it'll be cut later," she said. The Gomezes say their retirement investments are up by about 3% this year, so they'll simply sit tight and work hard to hold onto their jobs. "A lot of us have been through a lot within, you know, just less than a year. We don't have do-over time," Alicia said.
Fast Company
02-06-2025
- Business
- Fast Company
America's sandwich generation is overwhelmed. Can this app help?
launched in 2006 as a platform that helps parents find babysitters and nannies. But nearly two decades later, the company came across some disconcerting data: According to Pew, 64% of young women and 50% of young men don't want children, a figure that has been rising in recent years. As conducted its own research, it discovered that one significant reason for this phenomenon is that young people are overwhelmed by all the different forms of care they must provide. In a survey, the company found that 28% of people have caregiving responsibilities for parents, grandparents, and other loved ones; 35% say this makes them less likely to have children. Indeed, by 2034, the number of seniors will outpace children. 'So many of us are living in the 'sandwich generation,' caring for both kids and aging parents,' says Brad Wilson, CEO. 'There's a compounding effect.' believes it can better position itself to be a resource at this cultural moment, providing much more than just childcare, but also senior care, pet care, home services, and even finding summer camps for kids. Today, it's unveiling a new brand identity that highlights a more comprehensive approach to caregiving. It also launching new tools that help families manage the mental load of juggling all these different caregivers. But the company also acknowledges that the caregiving crisis in America is also rooted in systemic issues, including the high cost of raising children and the lack of government support for families. So is also playing a role in advocating corporate and government policies that bring down the cost of caregiving. A Compounding Burden has observed the growing burden of caregiving, as society has evolved in recent decades. For one thing, as women's workforce participation has increased, more families are looking for daycare, nannies, and babysitters. Also, Americans no longer live in multigenerational families. 'Families no longer feel like they have a 'village' to raise their child,' says Meiling Tan, VP of Brand. 'Grandparents often live across the country. We don't live in places where we can ask a neighbor for help in a pinch.' Wilson points out that the pandemic exacerbated this situation. During the lockdowns, parents had to work while also taking care of their children, leading to overwhelm. Many professional caregivers also felt burnt out and left the industry altogether. And the cost of care kept increasing. 'There's a lot of mental anguish around caregiving,' he says. 'People are losing sleep about all of this.' allows users to search for caregivers for free; it also offers a premium membership that costs between $13 and $40 gives you more features like unlimited messaging and access to a broader range of caregivers. The company has been steadily adding new services to meet the needs of its customers. In the realm of childcare, for instance, the platform offers tutoring, night nurses, camps, and help finding pre-schools. But importantly, the company now offers more forms of care for adults, from housekeeping services to help with post-surgery recovery to dog walking. When it comes to senior care, it offers everything from hospice support to memory care. And yet, the company says most people still see as a platform that specializes in childcare support, which is why it has invested in a comprehensive rebrand to help change this perception. Today, it unveils a new logo: It's a green box with a large letter 'C' with a smaller letter 'c' nestled inside it. The font and the green color scheme is a change from previous coral palette. The imagery on the site, as well as in the new advertising campaign, will emphasize different types of care. 'Before the site definitely felt more childlike,' says Tan. 'We wanted to redesign our homepage to make it look more sophisticated, and show that we provide more holistic care.' This rebranding is designed to spur growth for The team hopes it will attract customers who may not know all the services the company provides, while also introducing existing customers to new kinds of caregiving. built its user base with the help of venture capital: It received a total of $156.8 million in funding between its 2006 launch and 2012. Then, in 2019, it was acquired for $500 million by IAC, the conglomerate that also operates DotDash and People Magazine. Over the past two decades, it's faced a growing array of competitors, from platforms like UrbanSitter and Sittercity, to Facebook groups which enable babysitters to connect with parents in a particular neighborhood. A Mental Burden Along with this rebrand, the company is also focused on helping manage the complexity and stress of juggling all these different forms of care. For instance, creating a shortlist of nannies then interviewing them is a laborious task. has launched a messaging platform that allows you to easily eliminate caregivers from a search or keep them in the running. Soon, it will launch a hiring hub where you can take notes on the backend and sort through candidates more efficiently. It is also unveiling an AI search function so you can lay out what you are looking for in a caregiver in your own words. The platform will then search for the right person using descriptions from the caregivers' profiles. 'You can ask for a meal prep guru or someone who loves art so they can do crafts with your kids,' says Tan. 'And we'll deliver results tailored to your needs.' users have also said that safety is a big cause of concern. So the new website will feature a safety center that explains the platform's robust background checks, from an initial criminal check to continuous monitoring of caregivers. It also allows you to pay for more comprehensive background checks. (There's also a dedicated safety team at that is available around the clock for users to call in the case of a crisis.) Systemic Problems Wilson points out that while can be helpful to Americans struggling with all their responsibilities, the caregiving crisis is a product of many systemic issues. Paying for caregivers is very expensive, and many families feel crushed by these costs. One solution has developed Care for Business, where it partners with companies who can pay to give employees free premium memberships and also subsidize the cost of caregivers. Employees can get access to 'backup care' for days when regular caregiving falls through; a caregiver can be sent at the last minute so the employee can return to work. 'We've found that employees with caregiving benefits are more likely to stay at their job and not miss days of work,' says Wilson. 'This is great for the employee, but it's also great for the employer.' But ultimately, Wilson says that part of the burden American families feel has to do with the lack of government support. does policy work, advocating for child tax credits, for instance. And Wilson himself is the co-chair of the Future of Care Economy at the World Economic Forum, where he advocates for leaders around the world to prioritize the care sector. For Tan, part of her work as head of branding is to elevate the role of caregivers in society through the brand's website and advertising. 'From personal experience, many of our caregivers talk about themselves as just a babysitter or just a nanny,' she says. 'We're trying to change the narrative so that caregiving is a respected, celebrated profession. Caregivers do more than help families; they are what keeps our economy going.'
Yahoo
01-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
My husband and I took our kids and parents on a bucket list trip. It was so worth it.
My husband and I are part of the sandwich generation, raising little kids and caring for parents. We realized that it was time to do those bucket list trips we had all been waiting for. The trip was over a year and my dad still raves about it. When you first have kids, lots of well-meaning (or obnoxious) folks will tell you, "The days are long but the years are short." What no one tells you is that this also applies to our parents. As part of the sandwich generation raising young children while also seeing our parents age and all the ups and downs that accompany that, that adage now hits hard. Both my dad and my husband's parents are now in their 80s, while our youngest child is 6. When we were in the throes of new parenthood and trying to figure out how to juggle two full-time commuting jobs with day care, daily life, and everything in between, the thought of trying to plan a multigenerational vacation honestly probably never occurred to us. Sure, there were the little weekend trips here and there, but as it became clear our parents were aging, we started wondering about those bucket list experiences they'd always wanted to do with their grandkids that everyone just kept putting off year after year because life is always too busy and time always goes way too fast. We'd taken for granted that our parents were relatively healthy, mobile, and active. As someone who lost my mom at 29, I was always highly aware that life is short and we should take our opportunities while able. Even with that knowledge, the years flew by. For my dad, the bucket list dream he'd always talked about was taking all of his kids and grandkids to South Korea, where he was born, and introducing us to the remaining aunts and uncles of his eight siblings that we'd never met, along with a particular request to rent traditional Korean clothes (hanboks) and wear them for family pictures. He was already over 80, which seems to mean you just never know if there will be a bad fall or serious health issues at any given moment. Basically, the time to go was yesterday, so after chatting with my younger siblings, we got moving. While planning a multigenerational trip that involves five adults with their own schedules and three young kids to another country is no small feat, we managed to make it happen — and I'm forever grateful we did. One of the primary challenges was finding places to stay that allowed room for everyone and thanks to an amazing traditional Korean house, called a hanok, my brother found on AirBnB and another spacious multi-room condo Airbnb, we were able to be together but still have some space to spread out, which I would argue is essential with a trip with multiple family members. I'll never forget meeting aunts and uncles for the first time and my kids will talk about all the things we did together with their grandfather and uncles and beg to go back. While the trip was now over a year ago, but dad still raves about it. I made him a photo book to remember the trip and it wasn't all the sightseeing we did or delicious food we ate he remembers, it was just the time spent together. Fast-forward a year later and we were able to make another parent's dream trip with their grandchildren come true. My mother-in-law is a lifelong equestrian and had often brought up wanting to take a trail ride with the entire family at a ranch. At the time, many of the grandkids were too young to ride, but this past year seemed like the perfect time. We headed off to the gorgeous Alisal Ranch in Santa Ynez for a memorable girls-only trip, from Grandma to the six-year-old. It was clearly a property meant for family reunions and multigenerational vacations. The cabin we stayed in had a clever Murphy bunk bed, couch bed, and spacious bedroom for Grandma to rest comfortably. It was a slower pace of trip that appealed to both young and old. Sitting on the porch watching horses meandering around while the sunsets will always remain a highlight, as will the friendly goats in the barn the kids went back day after day to pet. Eating each meal together and just hanging out is basically what any grandparent really wants, and we had that in spades. The trip culminated in a wonderful morning horse ride to a "cowboy breakfast" (the youngest and I went in a wagon instead). The all-inclusive nature of the property made it a super easy no-fuss planning process and everyone got to do what they wanted, whether it was just running around the expansive lawn, making crafts in the kids' art room, or playing ping-pong and roasting s'mores with Grandma. If you're like me and have been sitting around wondering when to make a special trip with the grandparents happen, the answer is now. None of us are getting any younger, and it's such a precious window when everyone is healthy enough, the kids are willing and able, and you have the opportunity to make literal dreams come true. There will never be a perfect time when work or extracurricular activities don't have to get rearranged but trust me, it's not something you'll ever regret. Read the original article on Business Insider
