Latest news with #mankeeping
Yahoo
14 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
‘Mankeeping' is ruining dating for women who are tired of relationship burnout: ‘I'm not your therapist'
Turns out the real reason she's not texting back might be because you treated her like your shrink. A recent study from Stanford has officially named the emotional labor sucking the life out of straight women: 'mankeeping' — and it's driving them straight out of the dating pool. The term refers to the exhausting, unpaid gig of managing men's moods, stress and social lives — all while trying to keep their own mental health afloat. From decoding their partner's emotional constipation to playing middleman with his buddies, women are being cast as live-in therapists, social secretaries and emotional scaffolding. And they're over it. 'In the U.S., about one in five men claim they have no close friends,' said Stanford postdoctoral fellow and developmental psychologist Angelica Puzio Ferrara during a talk at the Clayman Institute Faculty Research Fellows. 'In comparison to women's social networks, men's social networks in the U.S. and UK tend to be thinner in depth, less frequent in emotional disclosure, and more rarely relied on for support.' Basically, he has no one else to talk to — so he trauma-dumps on you. Ferrara argues this male loneliness epidemic isn't just a 'him' problem — it's a her burden. And it's pushing women to hit pause on relationships altogether. According to Pew Research, just 38% of single women are actively seeking love — compared to 61% of men. That math adds up to one thing: women are opting out of being 'therapists with benefits.' 'This is the labor that women take on to shore up losses in men's social networks and reduce the burden of this isolation on families, on the heterosexual bond itself, and on men,' Ferrara explained. 'The barriers that men are facing in their relationships have the potential to expand women's labor on men's behalf.' In other words, it's not just one needy boyfriend — it's a system. Ferrara dubs this draining duty 'mankeeping,' likening it to 'kinkeeping' — the thankless job of maintaining family bonds, which also mysteriously ends up in women's laps. And the root of it all? Stunted male friendships and toxic masculinity. Ferrara says that naming this invisible labor is a first step toward equity. Recognizing and naming this form of gendered labor may be important for making women's emotional work more visible — and hopefully, more equal, she stressed. Until then? More and more women are swiping left on mankeeping. Another possible solution? Men could be calling their buddies more often. As The Post previously reported, some say it's just a wholesome fad — others are calling it a remedy for the male loneliness epidemic. In a surprisingly sweet new trend, bros — mostly Gen Z, but not exclusively — are picking up the phone and dialing their dudes just to say: 'Good night.' And the waterworks are flowing. One viral TikTok, with over 3 million views, shows a user filming her husband ringing up a pal. 'Hi — what's up, man? … I'm about to go to bed, and I'm just calling you to tell you good night,' he says, without a hint of irony. Cue the collective swoon. His friend, caught off guard, replies, 'Why? Are you thinking of me for real?' After the man sweetly says he loves him, the surprised pal answers: 'God damn I love you too […] I don't know what to say; you caught me off guard.' Viewers were all in. One commented: 'In all seriousness, this is how you fight the male loneliness epidemic, just be friends with each other.'
The Guardian
5 days ago
- General
- The Guardian
Mankeeping: why single women are giving up dating
Name: Mankeeping. Age: Semantically, about a year old. Appearance: Needy and exhausting. Oh God, a new term with the word 'man' as a prefix. These are always tedious. Go and cry about it in your man cave, you manspreading mansplainer. See? It's a cheap and lazy rhetorical device. Yes, but mankeeping is a real thing: men don't mankeep; women mankeep. How so? Increasingly, the dynamic in a heterosexual relationship seems to be that a woman is tasked with coaching her partner through his problems. I don't understand. A whole generation of men don't feel comfortable opening up to their male friends, which means some of them dump their worries on their female partner. It's an extension of emotional labour – remembering birthdays, organising social calendars – but effectively it requires the partner to act as an unpaid therapist. Why? The Stanford researchers who coined the term think it's a result of the so-called male loneliness epidemic. As the social circle of men continues to shrink, their partners bear the brunt of everything that has historically been shared among friends, colleagues and acquaintances. It's sweet that you think this is a new phenomenon. OK, fine, some men have always been lousy at this sort of thing. But this is the first time that women are starting to unionise against it. How? Many of them have stopped dating. In the US, only 38% of single women are on the dating market, compared with 61% of single men, according to the Pew Research Center. But that will just make men more lonely, which will only exacerbate the problem. Right. The only way to solve this problem is to make women have sex with undesirable men. Way to go, Gilead. So, what, men should work on themselves instead? Bingo. Perhaps if men weren't so beholden to ridiculous masculine archetypes and developed a toolkit for processing their emotions, some of this discrepancy would disappear. And then men would be so desirable that they could go out and pull a load of 10s. I don't think you've got this quite right. I have. It's brilliant! If we can convincingly fake emotional regularity, we can have more sex. I think that number just went down to 37%. Oh fine, you're right. I am. You shouldn't need to rely on women to shoulder the burden of your emotional constipation. Get a therapist. Join some clubs. Develop a well-rounded social circle. It will enrich you beyond words. And then you will have sex with me? Er, 36% and falling. Do say: 'It's not my job to carry your entire emotional burden.' Don't say: 'This is exactly why I don't open up to women.'
