Latest news with #ethicalnonmonogamy
Yahoo
01-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Yahoo
Unconventional dating app Feeld reports surge in ‘vanilla tourists'
Ethical non-monogamy, switch, edging: you might expect these terms to be old hat for people on a non-traditional dating app – but increasingly they're not. Feeld, which describes itself as being for 'the curious', is being colonised by so-called 'vanilla tourists' – people who are using the app for more conventional dating. The result is that Feeld has been booming in recent years, at a time when other dating apps' numbers are falling. Since 2022, its user base has grown by 30% year on year, helped by those looking to observe and perhaps dip their toe into experimental lifestyles. The dating app's chief executive, Ana Kirova, said reaching a wide audience has never been a goal, and she fears alienating longstanding members. 'I do think it's a challenge that it's becoming more mainstream in some ways,' she said. 'How do we welcome people who've never heard of Feeld, who don't understand the list of sexualities and genders[or] who don't understand what ethical non-monogamy is?' But she added: 'Every time someone tells me about this vanilla people being on the app, I just ask: 'What's the problem with vanilla?' Why are we so binary about it? There is vanilla, which is boring and whatever, and then there is the rest, which is dark and interesting. 'We don't yuck anyone's yum … and that does count for more traditional relationships and popular sexual experiences, too. I think there is space for that.' Unlike other dating apps, users are able to browse profiles without gamified swiping 'like' and 'dislike', and Feeld does not use AI or predictive algorithms to find matches, which Kirova likens to 'shopping for granola'. 'That constrains the experience for the members. As soon as you join the app, you're put on to a conveyor of what your experience should be. And the platform makes a lot of choices for you in order for an algorithm to match you and people, because there is a default assumption for everyone that you're there to find X,' she added. As a result, she believes there is less – although not no – bad behaviour such as ghosting and 'benching' someone in the belief there is someone better a swipe away. However, she added that safety is still a battle. 'With toxic misogyny still a challenge in wider society, it inevitably finds its way into the dating app landscape,' she said. There has also been a proliferation of sophisticated romance scams, for which Feeld uses AI to identify fake profiles. 'There are big companies that are investing in scammers. It's like there is Feeld and then there is the 'dark Feeld' somewhere, with a lot of people and resources invested into making fake accounts on dating apps … it's a real difficult thing to tackle,' she said. Feeld has benefited from changing cultural attitudes towards sex, relationships, sexuality and identity, and a shift away from the 'linear journey from single to coupled to married to having children to having a house', Kirova says. She has observed a growing openness. 'Older generations look at identity and sexual orientation as quite static. They're starting to change slowly, but that's their perception. Whereas younger people see them as ongoing, growing and changing parts of the self.' Kirova said the app's second fastest growing demographic is women over 40, with numbers rising by 16% last year, thanks to culture and media challenging 'silly and offensive' perceptions of older women's sexuality. Feeld has also managed to hold on to gen Z users, who are turning away from other dating apps. 'There is also space for people finding friends and space for people finding community. I think especially gen Z are not always looking for sex on the app,' she said. For the curious: ethical non-monogamy involves having multiple relationships in a fully consensual away, a switch is someone happy to take on either a dominant or submissive role in BDSM, and edging involves delaying orgasm by giving or taking away pleasure.
The Guardian
01-06-2025
- Entertainment
- The Guardian
Unconventional dating app Feeld reports surge in ‘vanilla tourists'
Ethical non-monogamy, switch, edging: you might expect these terms to be old hat for people on a non-traditional dating app – but increasingly they're not. Feeld, which describes itself as being for 'the curious', is being colonised by so-called 'vanilla tourists' – people who are using the app for more conventional dating. The result is that Feeld has been booming in recent years, at a time when other dating apps' numbers are falling. Since 2022, its user base has grown by 30% year on year, helped by those looking to observe and perhaps dip their toe into experimental lifestyles. The dating app's chief executive, Ana Kirova, said reaching a wide audience has never been a goal, and she fears alienating longstanding members. 'I do think it's a challenge that it's becoming more mainstream in some ways,' she said. 'How do we welcome people who've never heard of Feeld, who don't understand the list of sexualities and genders[or] who don't understand what ethical non-monogamy is?' But she added: 'Every time someone tells me about this vanilla people being on the app, I just ask: 'What's the problem with vanilla?' Why are we so binary about it? There is vanilla, which is boring and whatever, and then there is the rest, which is dark and interesting. 'We don't yuck anyone's yum … and that does count for more traditional relationships and popular sexual experiences, too. I think there is space for that.' Unlike other dating apps, users are able to browse profiles without gamified swiping 'like' and 'dislike', and Feeld does not use AI or predictive algorithms to find matches, which Kirova likens to 'shopping for granola'. 'That constrains the experience for the members. As soon as you join the app, you're put on to a conveyor of what your experience should be. And the platform makes a lot of choices for you in order for an algorithm to match you and people, because there is a default assumption for everyone that you're there to find X,' she added. As a result, she believes there is less – although not no – bad behaviour such as ghosting and 'benching' someone in the belief there is someone better a swipe away. However, she added that safety is still a battle. 'With toxic misogyny still a challenge in wider society, it inevitably finds its way into the dating app landscape,' she said. There has also been a proliferation of sophisticated romance scams, for which Feeld uses AI to identify fake profiles. 'There are big companies that are investing in scammers. It's like there is Feeld and then there is the 'dark Feeld' somewhere, with a lot of people and resources invested into making fake accounts on dating apps … it's a real difficult thing to tackle,' she said. Feeld has benefited from changing cultural attitudes towards sex, relationships, sexuality and identity, and a shift away from the 'linear journey from single to coupled to married to having children to having a house', Kirova says. She has observed a growing openness. 'Older generations look at identity and sexual orientation as quite static. They're starting to change slowly, but that's their perception. Whereas younger people see them as ongoing, growing and changing parts of the self.' Kirova said the app's second fastest growing demographic is women over 40, with numbers rising by 16% last year, thanks to culture and media challenging 'silly and offensive' perceptions of older women's sexuality. Feeld has also managed to hold on to gen Z users, who are turning away from other dating apps. 'There is also space for people finding friends and space for people finding community. I think especially gen Z are not always looking for sex on the app,' she said. For the curious: ethical non-monogamy involves having multiple relationships in a fully consensual away, a switch is someone happy to take on either a dominant or submissive role in BDSM, and edging involves delaying orgasm by giving or taking away pleasure.
The Guardian
01-06-2025
- Health
- The Guardian
This is how we do it: ‘In my 50s I want to be 'monogam-ish' – to have to have my cake and eat it'
There was some sexual frustration in our early years together, and that led us to discover that we were both ethically non-monogamous Ever since I was young, I've looked up to strong men. I remember being really interested in my gym teacher when I was at school. So when I saw Gavin's profile on a dating site, I instantly liked the stats. He's athletic, pays attention to self-care, and right from the get go we found lots to talk about. It was an easy match. We're both into kissing and we love passionate embraces, but at the beginning we weren't connecting very well physically. It took us time to really develop a strong chemistry in bed. And then one day it just clicked, and we've never looked back. There was some sexual frustration in our early years together, and that led us to discover that we were both ethically non-monogamous. It all started when I told him that one of his ex-partners made me a little bit horny. I was apprehensive to tell him because it's a sensitive topic. But Gavin was receptive. He said, 'Well, maybe one day we could explore bringing in other people.' It took time to build a relationship before we were willing to entertain going elsewhere, but it was a natural progression. It changed the dynamic for the better and brought us closer. We call it a 'monogam-ish' relationship. We got here by mutual trust and respect – the idea that we're sexual beings and our relationship shouldn't stop us from exercising those tendencies from time to time. Gavin's retired so he has opportunities to meet people online and host them during the day, which I can't because I'm working. That's happened a couple of times and I've felt a little bit uneasy about it – I was worried about his safety more than anything. But on the flip side, he's mentioned that the pool starts to shrink the older you get. So if there's an opportunity, he believes it's fleeting and has to take it. Though being engaged sexually with Gavin is paramount to me, we're not daily sex people – we do it about once a week. Most evenings we tidy up in the kitchen, go to bed and live like an old married couple. Sign up to Inside Saturday The only way to get a look behind the scenes of the Saturday magazine. Sign up to get the inside story from our top writers as well as all the must-read articles and columns, delivered to your inbox every weekend. after newsletter promotion If you're keen to talk to us about your sex lives you can get in touch by filling in the form below. It is very important that both sexual partners are happy to participate. Jimmy was very much in favour of trying to meet a third person, with the understanding that if one of us was uncomfortable, that would be the end of it Despite our age difference, we're both very sexually active – it's continued to thrive and grow through our 11 years together. I was more conscious of the generational difference than Jimmy, and we took it very slowly, not wanting to rush into anything. Jimmy had always dated older guys, but this was new territory for me. We have a very open attitude to sex, and in about our third year we set up a joint dating profile and began introducing other people into our experience. It was my idea, but Jimmy was very much in favour of trying to meet a third person, with the understanding that if one of us was uncomfortable, that would be the end of it. It took a lot of conversations about what the expectations were and it was a new experience for both of us. When you hit your 50s, you realise what you really want out of life. For me that was to be happy, to have freedom, to have a loving partner but to not feel restricted. To have my cake and eat it. As I'm older than Jimmy, I'm not quite as interested in sex. I don't feel any guilt about that, because if he wanted to have sex with someone else, he could do that. It brings us closer together as we find it exciting to hear about each other's fun times outside our relationship. Obviously there are people who Jimmy finds attractive and I don't, and vice versa. He is a very attractive young man and when we're out you can see people flirt with him. It's fun to watch and makes me appreciate him and all he has to offer. We have an active sex life together but I think having sex with outsiders is a realistic expectation of a 20-year age gap. When a person gets older they don't give up on sex, but a younger person definitely has a higher drive, so to have this freedom keeps it interesting for both of us. It keeps things sexy.
Yahoo
01-06-2025
- Health
- Yahoo
This is how we do it: ‘In my 50s I want to be 'monogam-ish' – to have to have my cake and eat it'
There was some sexual frustration in our early years together, and that led us to discover that we were both ethically non-monogamous Ever since I was young, I've looked up to strong men. I remember being really interested in my gym teacher when I was at school. So when I saw Gavin's profile on a dating site, I instantly liked the stats. He's athletic, pays attention to self-care, and right from the get go we found lots to talk about. It was an easy match. We're both into kissing and we love passionate embraces, but at the beginning we weren't connecting very well physically. It took us time to really develop a strong chemistry in bed. And then one day it just clicked, and we've never looked back. Gavin's retired so he has opportunities to meet people online and host them during the day, which I can't because I'm working There was some sexual frustration in our early years together, and that led us to discover that we were both ethically non-monogamous. It all started when I told him that one of his ex-partners made me a little bit horny. I was apprehensive to tell him because it's a sensitive topic. But Gavin was receptive. He said, 'Well, maybe one day we could explore bringing in other people.' It took time to build a relationship before we were willing to entertain going elsewhere, but it was a natural progression. It changed the dynamic for the better and brought us closer. We call it a 'monogam-ish' relationship. We got here by mutual trust and respect – the idea that we're sexual beings and our relationship shouldn't stop us from exercising those tendencies from time to time. Gavin's retired so he has opportunities to meet people online and host them during the day, which I can't because I'm working. That's happened a couple of times and I've felt a little bit uneasy about it – I was worried about his safety more than anything. But on the flip side, he's mentioned that the pool starts to shrink the older you get. So if there's an opportunity, he believes it's fleeting and has to take it. Though being engaged sexually with Gavin is paramount to me, we're not daily sex people – we do it about once a week. Most evenings we tidy up in the kitchen, go to bed and live like an old married couple. Jimmy was very much in favour of trying to meet a third person, with the understanding that if one of us was uncomfortable, that would be the end of it Despite our age difference, we're both very sexually active – it's continued to thrive and grow through our 11 years together. I was more conscious of the generational difference than Jimmy, and we took it very slowly, not wanting to rush into anything. Jimmy had always dated older guys, but this was new territory for me. We have a very open attitude to sex, and in about our third year we set up a joint dating profile and began introducing other people into our experience. It was my idea, but Jimmy was very much in favour of trying to meet a third person, with the understanding that if one of us was uncomfortable, that would be the end of it. It took a lot of conversations about what the expectations were and it was a new experience for both of us. As the older person in the relationship, I'm probably not quite as interested in sex as Jimmy When you hit your 50s, you realise what you really want out of life. For me that was to be happy, to have freedom, to have a loving partner but to not feel restricted. To have my cake and eat it. As I'm older than Jimmy, I'm not quite as interested in sex. I don't feel any guilt about that, because if he wanted to have sex with someone else, he could do that. It brings us closer together as we find it exciting to hear about each other's fun times outside our relationship. Obviously there are people who Jimmy finds attractive and I don't, and vice versa. He is a very attractive young man and when we're out you can see people flirt with him. It's fun to watch and makes me appreciate him and all he has to offer. We have an active sex life together but I think having sex with outsiders is a realistic expectation of a 20-year age gap. When a person gets older they don't give up on sex, but a younger person definitely has a higher drive, so to have this freedom keeps it interesting for both of us. It keeps things sexy.
The Independent
14-05-2025
- Politics
- The Independent
Virginia Democrat running in swing district outs herself and husband as ‘ethically non-monogamous'
A Democratic candidate for the Virginia House has outed herself as a swinger before anyone else could. Yvonne Rorrer released the statement Saturday on social media to get ahead of the press and 'people [who] love to dig up the unexpected and spin it into a spectacle,' she said. Rorrer, a candidate for Virginia's 47th District, is originally from North Carolina. According to her campaign bio, she moved to Stuart, Virginia, in 2002 after marrying Ryan Rorrer, a moderate Republican. 'If you dare to step outside the box, they'll try to use it to discredit you, distract from the real issues, or divide the public. I'm different. I don't do shame, and I sure won't let anyone else tell my story,' she continued in the statement. She disclosed that she and her husband live happily with their four children in an 'ethically non-monogamous' 22-year marriage and remain 'deeply committed, [and] in love.' Ethical non-monogamy or ENM is a term used to refer to open relationships where those involved have multiple sexual or romantic partners. 'While their differing perspectives can make for a fun discussion around the dinner table, together they foster meaningful discussions and a balanced approach to life,' her campaign page stated. The candidate said she and her husband 'consensually [date] other couples together' and enjoy being part of a community of 'like-minded people.' 'I'm sharing this because I believe in radical honesty, and I refuse to live in the shadows waiting for information to be leaked. If someone is going to talk about my life, it's going to be me,' she declared. The Democratic candidate confirmed to HuffPost Tuesday that while she hasn't been threatened, she has concerns about gossip within her inner circle in the Stuart community. Prior to running, Rorrer led a House bill that sought to eliminate an arbitrary 10-year requirement that allowed landowners to relocate easements at their own expense and without unnecessary legal battles. Her personal announcement drew criticism from users on X, who branded the news 'TMI', while another wrote, 'No one gives a rat's a** what you do in the bedroom as long as it is between consenting adults, have at it!' Rorrer defended her statement, telling critics, 'It's information that would have come out. I just got ahead of it. Don't be mad.' Alongside her political career, the Democrat also works as a court-appointed special advocate for abused and neglected children within the court system, and as a professional photographer for a nonprofit that provides remembrance photography for families grieving the loss of their babies. She has also founded her own nonprofit in North Carolina, which provides support for the homeless. In November 2024, Virginia voted 51.8 percent in favour of Kamala Harris in the presidential race, but Patrick County voted overwhelmingly in favor of President Donald Trump with an almost 80 percent majority. The small county, with a population of less than 20,000, has traditionally voted Republican over the last decade.
