Latest news with #emotionalintelligence
Forbes
6 hours ago
- General
- Forbes
Giving Space In Communication: The Silent Art Of Connection
Gamze Acar Bayraktaroglu, MCC Founder, Motiva International, Team Coach § Coach Supervisor § Leadership Trainer § Author. In a world that often glorifies fast responses and assertive expression, the concept of "giving space" in communication can feel counterintuitive. Yet, this subtle, often unspoken, skill is a cornerstone of emotionally intelligent and effective interaction. Whether in leadership, personal relationships, coaching or teamwork, knowing when not to speak, when to pause and how to hold silence is just as vital as finding the right words. Giving space in communication is the practice of consciously stepping back—mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically—to allow the other person the freedom to think, feel, express or simply be. It's about resisting the impulse to interrupt, solve, correct or steer the conversation. Instead, it's a deliberate invitation for the other party to fill the silence on their own terms. It is not withdrawal or passivity. Rather, it's an active choice to honor the presence, pace and perspective of another. Giving space encourages authentic expression. When we give others room to speak and reflect, they feel safer expressing their thoughts and emotions genuinely. This kind of openness deepens trust and strengthens the relationship. People are more likely to share ideas, admit mistakes or voice concerns in environments where they don't feel rushed or judged. It also reduces reactivity. By allowing moments of silence or breathing room, we reduce the risk of reactive or defensive communication. This space creates an emotional buffer that helps people respond rather than react. Pausing shows that you are not just waiting to speak but are truly absorbing what the other person is saying. It makes listening visible. Finally, it strengthens inner clarity. Sometimes the best support we can offer is not advice but the gift of time and space for the other person to arrive at their own insight. This is particularly powerful in coaching, mentoring and leadership. The impact of not giving space can be costly. Conversations become transactional rather than relational; misunderstandings increase because people feel unheard or rushed; team creativity and contribution suffer as quieter voices are drowned out; emotions escalate quickly in conflict situations; and relationships erode over time due to the accumulation of micro-invalidations. Set the tone with your body language. Open posture, gentle eye contact and calm facial expressions signal that it's safe to take one's time. Pause before you respond. Don't rush to fill silence. A three- to five-second pause allows emotions to settle and shows presence. This small gap can change the entire tone of the conversation. Ask, then wait. After posing a question—especially one that requires reflection—resist the urge to rephrase the question or "help" the person answer. Hold the silence, patiently. Notice nonverbal cues. Sometimes, people communicate a need for space without words. Restlessness, eye movements or long pauses may indicate that they need more time. Respect that. Let go of the need to fix. Often, especially in emotionally charged conversations, our impulse is to jump in with a solution. Giving space means trusting the process and the person in front of you. • In which relationships do you tend to "fill the space" too quickly? • What would it look like to pause more intentionally during conversations? • How do you feel when someone gives you the space to fully express yourself? Next time you're in a conversation, ask yourself not just, "What do I want to say?" but also, "What kind of space am I creating for this person to be themselves?" Giving space in communication is a quiet superpower. It requires self-regulation, humility and presence. In a noisy world, the ability to offer silence—to truly hold space—can be one of the most generous acts we perform. Forbes Coaches Council is an invitation-only community for leading business and career coaches. Do I qualify?
Forbes
6 hours ago
- Health
- Forbes
The 4-Step System That Turns Your Triggers Into Superpowers
The 4-step system that turns your triggers into superpowers Next time someone cuts you off in traffic, watch what happens. Your heart races. Your jaw clenches. Your face flushes hot with anger. That's a trigger in action. Most people let emotional reactions control them. They respond without thinking, letting feelings dictate their next move. But these trigger moments hold hidden insights for anyone willing to look deeper. Adults experience anger about 14 times per week, and roughly 30 percent report difficulty controlling it. But even brief episodes of anger can impair blood vessel function for up to 40 minutes, raising heart rate and blood pressure. You have to learn how to let it go. I used to get triggered by slow walkers. My heart would race as I rushed around people strolling leisurely through busy streets. "Don't they have somewhere to be?" I'd think. But the trigger wasn't about them. It revealed my own inability to create priority systems that would let me stay calm. Next time you get triggered by anything at all, dig into it. Figure out the true meaning. Once you find it, you're free. Most people mishandle emotional responses. They either explode with reaction or suppress their feelings entirely. Neither approach works. Suppression buries the reaction until it resurfaces stronger next time. Reaction keeps you stuck in patterns you can't spot. Everyone experiences emotional buttons being pushed. Top performers get curious when it happens. They see triggers as messengers carrying important information about themselves. Your body always knows first. Before your conscious mind registers the trigger, your physiology shifts. Some people feel a tightness in their chest. Others notice their breathing change. Your face gets hot. Your stomach knots. This physical reaction is your early warning system. When that warning system activates, pause. Notice the sensation without immediately acting on it. Simply observing "I'm feeling triggered right now" creates space between stimulus and response. The more familiar you become with your trigger signature, the sooner you can intercept automatic reactions. This is the first step to using your triggers for self-development. The quality of your insights depends on the quality of your questions. When triggered, average people ask disempowering questions like "Why is this person so annoying?" or "Why does this always happen to me?" These questions generate useless answers that keep you stuck. Questions control your focus. Questions create clarity. Once you recognize your trigger response, ask different questions. "What exactly am I responding to here?" "What does this reaction reveal about my values or assumptions?" "What's beneath this emotion?" They turn emotional reactions from annoyances into tools for self-discovery. Now you have more awareness, understand that every emotional reaction reflects something about you. Getting annoyed whenever team members question your decisions might signal a deep fear of making mistakes. Anger masks vulnerability. Your triggers reveal your blind spots so you can transform them into superpowers. Once you recognize this pattern, you can respond thoughtfully rather than defensively, and make progress like never before. Don't let everyday occurrences catch you off guard when you know exactly what's going on. Imagine every situation is holding up a mirror and delivering a lesson. Then find it. Sometimes you're triggered by what you fear becoming. Sometimes by what you secretly admire. Sometimes by what challenges your identity. The mirror never lies. Turning emotional reactions into superpowers requires a framework. When triggered, follow these steps: First, notice the physical sensation. Second, name the emotion without judgment. Third, get curious about what's underneath. Fourth, look for patterns across different triggering situations. Finally, extract the insight and decide how to apply it. With practice, this becomes automatic. You'll find yourself transforming triggers into game-changing insights in real time. What once derailed your day becomes fuel for growth. The more you practice, the faster you progress. The flywheel never stops. Learning to transform your triggers gives you an edge few people possess. You'll respond thoughtfully while others react impulsively. You'll recover quickly from setbacks while others stay stuck. You'll become insanely self-aware while others remain blind to their patterns. Notice when you get triggered. Spot the physical feeling. Ask what it's showing you. Find the mirror. Create your system. The next time something pushes your buttons, you'll be ready to transform that trigger into exactly the insight you need to move forward. Leverage those moments for growth or let them control you.
Fast Company
10 hours ago
- General
- Fast Company
6 emotions that come up in difficult conversations—and how to handle them professionally
Difficult conversations are something we tend to avoid at all costs. Whether it's about underperformance, conflict, a personal issue, or an unsuccessful job application, entering any difficult conversation triggers fear within ourselves and the person on the other end. Our brain's flight or fight mechanism is triggered, with emotions taking the lead, and we frequently find ourselves in defensive mode looking for a win. Whether it be after a keynote at a conference or in a workplace emotional intelligence program, I'm often approached by people who are struggling with difficult conversations. They're gripped with frustration, fear, and exhaustion when they need to initiate a conversation and address an issue (or, on the other end, when they feel the repercussions of a poorly handled situation). Dealing with emotions in difficult conversations While we've become more focused on emotional intelligence in recent years, we still have a long way to go when we initiate difficult conversations. The language and emotional undertone of the words we use can exacerbate the emotions a person is feeling—or help them own it, process it, and move forward. Here's how to have an emotionally intelligent response to the feelings that you may encounter when you begin a difficult conversation with another person, along with what to avoid. 1. Upset Being upset is no different from any other emotion in that it has appropriate and severe levels. We have higher severity levels when fear is driving our emotions, or it's something that means a lot to us. Sometimes, our hormones can also be out of whack, meaning that we cry more easily than others. Here's how to receive upset. Your best approach: Getting upset in front of others (especially at work) tends to be embarrassing. Respond to the emotion, rather than the message delivered. Ask: Would you like to take a break, go to the bathroom or get a support person? How can I best support you through this? Avoid: Saying 'I know how you must be feeling,' 'I know this can't be easy,' or 'I am not loving delivering this message either.' Avoid any sentence that starts with 'I' or is related to you. You don't know how your companion is feeling, nor should you assume you do. It's not about you at all. 2. Anger Anger is an intense emotion. Our mind is being driven by our emotional brain, so there is no logic in play. Quite often we can't (or won't) hear anything people are saying until the intensity decreases, or we have finished saying what we have to say. Here's how to receive anger. Your best approach: Listen and pause; let them get it off their chest. Once they have aired their frustrations, use the same approach as you would with upset: ask them if they would like to take a break or how you can best support them through this. If their anger becomes inappropriate, pause the conversation and let everyone take a break and regain control of their emotions. Avoid: Our fight or flight response is often triggered at this point, so our natural defense mechanism is ready for battle or protection. Don't defend or try to justify your reasoning or message: this will only make their anger response even more intense. Avoid responding with anger, too. 3. Denial When our mind doesn't like what we are hearing, we can sometimes go into total denial to avoid the emotions being faced and felt. We put up barriers in our mind to block emotions and truly convince ourselves that this isn't happening. Here's how to receive denial. Your best approach: Reiterate the facts and reality of the situation clearly and explain the next steps. Ask: Does what I told you make sense? Do you understand what this means and what comes next? Avoid: Some people take time to process and accept information. Trying to force them to do it instantly is never wise—and is likely to lead to more denial. Avoid getting frustrated, telling someone how to accept the conversation or making statements. Ask questions instead to help them process it in their head. 4. Meh When the care factor or emotional response is low, it can be very confusing. People tend to be 'meh:' the expression that they couldn't care less about what is happening. They might seem disinterested, or even like they aren't listening. Here's how to receive it. Ask: Do you have all the information you need? Do you understand the outcome, next steps, and expectations? How can I best support you from here? After this, it is best to end the meeting but keep an eye on them and revisit the conversation if required. Avoid: Don't try to make it a big deal if they seem unfazed. This might be a cover for a deeper emotion, or they might not have processed the conversation yet. Or it may simply not be a big deal to them. Don't keep them there and continue to talk until you get the reaction you want or expected. 5. Curiosity Tough conversations can spark many unanswered questions. Questions aren't a bad thing and are a part of effective communication. Here's how to actively listen to curiosity and answer questions. Ask: Are there any other questions or thoughts you would like to share? How are you feeling about the information? Do you want to talk about it? Avoid: This shouldn't be a one-way conversation. Don't end the conversation before they have finished or have enough answers and information. Avoid laughing at any questions or comments. 6. Positivity Sometimes, something we believe will be a tough conversation isn't one. For some people, it's a relief to have the conversation or to have the issue out in the open. For others, it's an actual win aligned to their priorities. Ask: Are you happy to share more about what you are feeling and why? Is there anything more I can do to support you? Keep an eye on them and revisit the conversation if required, especially if their emotions change. Avoid: A positive response can catch you off-guard, so it's important to manage your own emotions both visually and verbally. Avoid cutting the conversation short or assuming this positive response will stay positive. It may be a protective front, or other emotions may follow. Following the emotion through the conversation brings the human factor back into communication. While it can seem a drawn-out process or distraction, it will get us a better interaction, understanding and outcome.
Forbes
21 hours ago
- General
- Forbes
1 Tactic Narcissists Use To Get Their Way, By A Psychologist
If you constantly feel responsible for someone's unspoken dissatisfaction but can't trace the true ... More source, you may be caught in a narcissist's silent game of 'dry begging.' What makes manipulation so insidious is that it's often so subtle that it's hard to identify. You may have felt manipulated at times, even without your awareness. This can come in the form of suggestions, silence or subtle emotional undertones that are not always easily recognizable. 'Dry begging' is a common way manipulation shows up in relationships. It's essentially an indirect way of voicing your needs or desires without outrightly stating them. This creates just enough emotional friction that the other person feels compelled to step in or obligated to help. While anyone can fall into this pattern in relationships without realizing it, when it comes to narcissists, they often use it strategically. Rather than making a direct request, it's used to shape the emotional tone of the conversation and manipulate the other person into focusing on them. For individuals with narcissistic tendencies, this helps them preserve their inflated self-image while still pulling others in to meet their emotional or practical needs. Understanding how narcissists use dry begging is key to recognizing the emotional traps it creates. Here are three common ways this tactic plays out in relationships, based on research. Narcissists often play the martyr in relationships, not to ask for help directly, but to put their struggle on display. This stirs guilt or sympathy which can subtly pressures you to step in and cater to their needs. This can look like them saying, 'It's fine, I'll manage everything on my own like I always do,' even when you both tend to share household chores equally. This, said with a heavy sigh, enough to fill the room, can create an emotional impact on the other person. On the surface, it may appear to be them addressing a grievance. In reality, it's merely a performative way to make you feel like the uncaring one if you don't step in, and to establish themselves as a selfless, wounded martyr. A 2024 study published in Frontiers in Psychology explored how narcissism relates to 'relational aggression' — a form of indirect manipulation that uses guilt, exclusion and emotional pressure to control others. Researchers found that narcissists are prone to this behavior when they feel 'relatively deprived,' which refers to when they feel emotionally overlooked or underappreciated. Because they tend to demand much higher levels of appreciation and attention than most people, these standards they impose can be nearly impossible for their partners to meet. In retaliation, such individuals may use tactics like passive suffering or emotional withdrawal to shape the atmosphere around them and regain control or validation, instead of openly communicating their needs. This behavior is used to maintain emotional leverage against the other person. The narcissist's 'burden,' in this way, isn't just theirs to carry; they want it to be yours too, whether you ever played a role in it or not. Another way dry begging can be identified is when you find yourself frequently put in a comparison trap. You may have noticed this when someone constantly hints at how you have it easier, better or more supportive than they do. These comments often come disguised as self-pity or offhand observations, something like 'Must be nice to have help' or 'I wish I had someone like that.' What they might be trying to achieve here is to subtly portray themselves as the one lacking, while shifting an emotional obligation onto you to make them feel better or even minimize your own resources. You may even feel nudged into fixing that imbalance without them directly asking you. A 2024 study published in the International Journal of Psychology explored how comparing yourself to others can affect your behavior, especially for people with narcissistic traits. This study was conducted on over 700 college students. Researchers found that the more people compared themselves to others, the more likely they were to feel unfairly treated or left out. They also found that these feelings of being deprived often led them to act out through emotionally manipulative behaviors. This pattern was strongest among people with covert narcissism. Covert narcissism is a form of narcissism where someone may appear quiet or sensitive on the outside but still craves high levels of recognition or control. These individuals were more likely to feel hurt or wronged when they saw others receiving support and also more likely to respond by making others feel guilty for the same. Narcissists can often carry a strong sense of entitlement in relationships. This entitlement can show up in subtle and emotionally charged ways through dry begging. Scorekeeping is a prime example of this. Instead of making a clear request, they might remind you of everything they've done for you, how much they've sacrificed and how little they've ever asked in return. This is a manipulative way to demand favors of you by making you feel indebted, guilty or selfish for not giving them what they believe they're owed. A February 2025 study confirms that narcissistic individuals often have a heightened sense of entitlement, which can distort how they perceive fairness. Researchers studied 150 employees and found that narcissists tend to overestimate their contributions in the workplace, leading them to feel that they're being treated unfairly even when they aren't. This inflated sense of self-worth and entitlement fuels a belief that they are owed something in return, simply for being who they are. This mindset of 'scorekeeping' or fabricating emotional debt in relationships is a way for narcissists to assert control and preserve their fragile sense of self-worth. Dry begging can be difficult to spot at first. You may even start doubting yourself, wondering whether you're overthinking or if you really are being subtly manipulated. When it comes from someone close to you, especially a narcissist, it can seem even harder to separate your genuine care from their control. One way to shift the narrative is to change the way you respond to their manipulation. You can name their emotion without taking responsibility for it. For example, if someone says, 'I always do everything alone,' instead of rushing to help or apologizing, you could respond with something like, 'It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed. What would you like to do about it?' This offers a validating response without you falling for the bait. It also subtly redirects the ownership of their need back to them. Most importantly, you don't have to confront every time, but you do have to notice. The moment you begin viewing these patterns as choices on their end rather than obligations on yours, you begin to reclaim your agency. Maintaining strong boundaries and being able to objectively see the situation with awareness can help you recognize and shut down manipulative behavior. Their power over you will begin to fade the moment you respond with conscious clarity instead of automatic guilt. A narcissistic partner's need for power can be overwhelming. Do you often experience a lack of control in your relationship? Take this science-backed test to find out: Relationship Control Scale
Entrepreneur
a day ago
- Business
- Entrepreneur
This One Leadership Move Will Transform Your Team's Loyalty and Performance
Most leaders focus on technical skills, but this lesser-known trait quietly shapes team loyalty, engagement and long-term performance. Opinions expressed by Entrepreneur contributors are their own. For years, leadership development has focused on hard skills like operations, finance and technical know-how. But today, there's growing recognition that soft skills — especially emotional intelligence (EQ) — are just as vital, if not more so. EQ isn't just about being "nice" or managing conflict — it's about cultivating trust, improving communication and building resilient, high-performing teams. In a fast-changing workplace where expectations are rising and retention is a top priority, EQ has become a business imperative. Self-awareness beats spreadsheets Emotional intelligence starts with self-awareness. Leaders who understand their own emotions are better equipped to manage stress, give feedback and respond thoughtfully in challenging moments. And yet, many overestimate their emotional awareness. In a survey of more than 1,000 professionals, 20.6% of men and 17.1% of women believed they were more emotionally intelligent than their behavior suggested. That gap matters because blind spots in leadership often become pressure points across an organization. Building EQ involves engaging both verbal and nonverbal communication skills. This means not only listening and adapting but also reading emotional cues, responding empathetically, and modeling openness. It's less about control and more about connection. Related: Stop Losing Your Best Employees with These 3 Retention Strategies Don't just know it — practice it It's not enough to understand EQ in theory. Like any business skill, it takes action to develop. Leaders can strengthen their emotional intelligence by: Participating in coaching or mentoring programs Joining leadership development cohorts that include peer feedback Having real, honest conversations with employees about emotional wellbeing The most effective organizations embed EQ into their culture, starting with hiring. When emotional intelligence becomes a hiring lens, companies reduce mis-hires and build more cohesive teams. Ask candidates how they navigate disagreements, respond to constructive feedback, or bounce back from failure. Their answers reveal more than technical skills ever could. Emotional intelligence isn't optional at the top Leadership isn't just about setting strategy — it's about setting the tone. Executives who lack EQ often struggle to inspire trust or connect across teams. They may deliver results in the short term but fail to build sustainable momentum. In contrast, emotionally intelligent leaders: Attract and retain top talent Understand team dynamics and resolve conflicts early Foster a culture of psychological safety and high performance These leaders also lead by example. When executives participate in team trainings or feedback sessions, it sends a powerful message: growth is for everyone, not just junior staff. Related: How to Create a Winning Employee Retention Strategy Empathy is the new currency of culture Today's workforce expects more from leadership: more empathy, more flexibility and more humanity. They don't just want a job — they want to feel seen, valued and supported. When companies prioritize EQ, employees respond with higher engagement, better communication and deeper loyalty. That's not just good for morale — it's good for business. The result? A workplace where people thrive, performance improves and culture becomes a competitive advantage. EQ is the edge Emotional intelligence isn't a bonus trait — it's a leadership essential. Developing it takes intention, but the return on investment is exponential. Stronger teams. Smarter hiring. Greater retention. Better results. When EQ becomes the standard rather than the exception, everybody wins.
