Latest news with #abusers
Yahoo
13-06-2025
- Yahoo
Ohio's innovative approach to protecting domestic violence survivors
A domestic violence awareness ribbon. (Stock photo from Getty Images.) People who are convicted of a misdemeanor crime of domestic abuse or subject to a qualifying protective order aren't allowed to have firearms according to federal law, but actually separating them from their guns is another matter. Often, abusers can deny having or refuse to surrender their firearms, and in states that have not passed their own versions of the federal ban — which, among other limitations, does not itself mandate how or when subjects should relinquish guns they already have in their possession — the process can be even more precarious. Ohio is one of the states that hang in the balance. Judges in Ohio have the discretion to require the surrender of firearms because of a civil protection order — a temporary order to remove guns from a potentially dangerous person — but there is no legal statute requiring the relinquishment of firearms following an order. In Ohio, more than 188,000 people are victims of intimate partner violence annually, and the state loses $1.2 billion every year because of the pervasive violence, according to a 2025 report by the Ohio Domestic Violence Network. But Ohio is not unique; access to firearms is a key factor in the lethality of intimate partner violence. Research studies estimate that, in instances where a domestic abuser has access to a gun, a victim is five times more likely to die, and the rate of intimate partner firearm homicides in the United States is substantially higher than in other similar-income countries. The Advisory Committee on Domestic Violence through the Supreme Court of Ohio noticed that because of the disconnect in federal and state law, there was a gap in potential abusers surrendering their firearms. The committee came up with an unusual solution: paperwork. Members argued that the lack of legal follow-up after the issuance of protection orders could be remedied by the state's 10-F Form, implemented in 2021. When law enforcement goes to serve a protection order, they use the form to ask a subject if they have access to firearms, securing them if so, keeping them in storage, or noting whether they deny having access to weapons at all. Then the form gets placed in a court's docket, leaving a paper trail if there's a violation later. 'This really is a tool that can be used as a way to clarify, does someone have weapons, and if this person is lying, it could be the basis of another charge or a violation of that protection order,' said Alexandria Ruden, a member of the advisory committee and a supervising attorney with Legal Aid Society of Cleveland. Ruden, who has worked in domestic violence law for four decades, emphasized that shootings are among the most common ways victims are killed. She and her colleagues have participated in training sessions on the 10-F Form across Ohio. But she explained that there are roadblocks to successful implementation, like having a place to store weapons after they have been seized. Though Ruden emphasized the practicality of the form, she said the need for a state statute is crucial to truly protect victims. 'If we were able to codify federal law regarding qualifying protection orders, and the qualifying misdemeanor crimes of domestic violence, then the implementation of this form would be much easier to work with,' Ruden said. The difference in state approaches can have significant consequences for victims. 'The place you live, not only the state but the county that you live in, can dictate what protections under the law that you have, and how safe you will be,' said Dr. April Zeoli, a professor at the University of Michigan School of Public Health who has researched the relationship between firearm access and intimate partner violence. 'We see these differences when it comes to domestic violence protection order firearm restrictions,' Zeoli told me. 'States that have these restrictions see decreases in domestic violence partner homicide compared to states that don't, and that is very frustrating.' Different states are implementing strategies to address intimate partner gun violence. In 2017, Washington became the first state to alert domestic violence survivors when an abuser tries to buy a gun. Other recent efforts have focused on securing financial support for those at risk, like Colorado's voter-approved gun tax to fund services for domestic violence victims. Earlier this year, Illinois passed a law clarifying the surrender process, requiring law enforcement to quickly seize firearms from people with protection orders against them. In Louisiana, even as federal laws have weakened, local leaders are still committed to keeping firearms out of the hands of abusers. Lafourche Parish Sheriff's Lieutenant Valerie Martinez-Jordan spearheaded an innovative firearm divestiture program that has since spread across the deep-red state. (Read my colleague Alma Beauvais's story for more.) These varied approaches are innovative, but as in Ohio, they are not being implemented without challenges. Some of the Trump administration's recent budget cuts have targeted domestic violence services. The actions on the federal level will have residual effects for organizations throughout the country. Still, the state actions show momentum for addressing the relationship between firearm violence and domestic violence. The 10-F form is just one example of recent efforts that are focused on less punitive approaches. Ruden, who has worked in intimate partner violence law since the Domestic Violence Act was enacted in 1979, told me that she looks forward to the day that she's 'out of a job,' but that there's a lot of work left to do. Often, she said, creating policies to counter intimate partner violence is a process that takes two steps back after taking a step forward. Still, these innovations represent hope. 'I am hopeful even now that what we are able to do with this particular piece is to focus on getting law enforcement to ask' about guns when a protection order is served, Ruden said. ''Do you have weapons?' or 'Let me take your weapons.'' SUPPORT: YOU MAKE OUR WORK POSSIBLE SUBSCRIBE: GET THE MORNING HEADLINES DELIVERED TO YOUR INBOX
Forbes
09-06-2025
- General
- Forbes
3 Ways Abusers Co-Opt Your Healing Language — By A Psychologist
From Instagram captions to dating app bios, it's heartening to see people becoming more emotionally literate. Words like 'boundaries,' 'trauma,' 'emotional safety' and 'self-care' are now part of everyday conversations. Ideally, this shared language should support healthier relationships. But like any powerful tool, healing language can also be misused, especially by those with manipulative or abusive tendencies. Abusers are increasingly cloaking controlling behavior in therapeutic jargon, confusing their partners and making it harder to recognize harm. Here are three ways abusers often co-opt healing language, and what to watch out for. Boundaries are meant to protect emotional well-being. At their best, they're an act of care, a way to express what feels safe, what doesn't, and what we need to stay connected with ourselves and others. But in the hands of someone emotionally avoidant or manipulative, the idea of 'boundaries' can be twisted into a tool for distance and control. You might hear things like: At first glance, these statements sound empowered, like someone doing the essential work of self-care. But often, what's happening beneath the surface is emotional withholding. This isn't always a person protecting their peace. This could be them avoiding vulnerability or evading accountability, especially in situations where it's reasonable to expect emotional availability. In emotionally manipulative dynamics, this can leave the other person confused and unsettled. You might start second-guessing whether your needs are too much or whether asking for reassurance is somehow a violation. Because on paper, it all sounds psychologically sound, but in your body, it feels like rejection. And over time, this dynamic has consequences. A recent study on emotional abuse and self-concealment found that people in emotionally abusive relationships often tend to suppress their feelings and retreat inward. Simply put, the more someone's vulnerability is shut down, the more likely they are to silence themselves. What's framed as 'boundary setting' can slowly teach someone that their emotions are unwelcome and inconvenient for the other. So how do you tell the difference between a healthy boundary and a defensive wall? Ask yourself: Real boundaries are relational. They're consistent, co-created and leave space for dialogue and repair. They don't ask you to disappear in order for someone else to feel safe. The rise of therapy-informed language was meant to bring more compassion into relationships. But unfortunately, in some cases, it's made them harder to navigate, especially when words meant for healing are used to hurt. In unhealthy dynamics, psychological language becomes a weapon. Instead of nurturing curiosity or compassion, it's used to pathologize you and shut down valid feedback. You might hear: These statements sound insightful, as if someone is doing deep emotional work. But they're actually not. They're a strategy to silence you. The language mimics therapy, but the intention is control. Your needs get framed as dysfunction. Your hurt becomes evidence that you are the problem. Suddenly, the conversation isn't about what happened, it's about what's 'wrong with you.' What makes this especially confusing is that it sounds like it draws from therapy without honoring its ethics. In fact, a study published in Frontiers in Psychology noted how many therapy terms such as, 'narcissist,' 'gaslighting' and 'projection,' are what are called 'open concepts.' Meaning, their definitions are fuzzy, context-dependent and easily misused. When taken out of clinical context, they lose precision, and worse, they can be used to undermine real emotional experiences. In relationships, this shows up as weaponized self-help: instead of holding space for your feelings, you're handed a diagnosis mid-sentence. The conversation stops being about repair and becomes about their need to be right, and your supposed pathology. So what do you do when this happens? Don't try to win the terminology war because that's the trap. Instead, come back to your internal compass. Ask yourself: And then, remind yourself that healthy relationships don't make you doubt your sanity. They allow room for your feelings, even when they're messy. And they certainly don't use psychology to silence you. Healing is quiet and deeply personal. It involves introspection and meaningful change over time. But when 'healing' is used to avoid accountability, it stops being about growth. You might hear these common phrases: In many cases, if you look closer, you'll see the pattern: these phrases often show up at moments when harm has been caused, and repair is needed. Instead of owning their impact, the person centers their healing, and conveniently chooses to sideline yours. This tactic mirrors DARVO, a manipulative response pattern where a person Denies wrongdoing, Attacks the confronter and Reverses the Victim and Offender roles. A first-of-its-kind study published in the Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment and Trauma found that people often use this strategy when confronted about the harm they've caused. Not only is it common, it's also effective at making the other person feel confused and self-blaming. In the study, those exposed to DARVO were significantly more likely to internalize blame. That's the risk here. When someone positions your request for repair as an attack, or insists that you're too 'unhealed' to understand their process, the focus shifts away from the harm, and onto your supposed shortcomings. Eventually, this can affect your self-trust. You may find yourself leaving these conversations doubting your right to your feelings, wondering if you were the one standing in the way of their growth. But real healing doesn't silence the people you've hurt. It's more of a call for you to repair and be present, especially when it's uncomfortable. So how do you tell the difference? Pay attention to the gap between language and behavior. Ask yourself: Because deep healing is meant for you to feel it in your body, unlike an announcement that is used to morally out-rank you. And if someone's 'healing journey' always results in you being the one hurt, that's a red flag. Psychological terms can offer clarity but when misused, they do the opposite. This kind of misuse is especially harmful because the very language meant to empower and protect ends up being turned against you. So, make it a quiet ritual to remind yourself of this: And trust your 'felt sense.' If the language sounds right but feels wrong, it probably is. Healing should feel like a softening, not a silencing. Can you safely bring your authentic self to your relationships? Take the Authenticity In Relationships Scale to find out.
