17 hours ago
Such a thing as a free Munir lunch
Agencies Representational Washington: Asim Munir was getting late for his lunch at the White House. He couldn't decide what to wear. Go in civvies, or flaunt the field marshal look to impress the host who has a thing for uniforms? The occasion demanded T, a.k.a. Babaji, was going to bless Munir as de facto ruler of Pakistan. No civilians allowed. Indeed, Pakistan's ambassador was told to wait outside along with Mohsin Naqvi, the interior minister no less, who has been following Munir like a pet on this trip. Only the ISI chief - and Munir's namesake - Asim Malik was allowed.
Guess what the puffed-up field marshal said about Pakistan's PM before his big day out? He told the Pakistani diaspora where he was garlanded and showered with petals and paid for by rich Pakistani Americans, 'Even if a dog becomes prime minister and does a good job, you have to appreciate that.' Spoken like a man who sees many years in power. But, then, who cares about democracy or the people in Pakistan? Not the Americans. Forget Babaji. Even Bidenji's state department couldn't bring itself to utter a word about all the electoral rigging Munir did to keep Imran Khan in jail and the Sharif Bros in power. Trump cares about business, and his Nobel to the lunch. The meeting was such a secret and the blessing ceremony so private, no photos were released. As a cynical Pakistani said, the only statement to be released was the menu. 'ALL FOOD IS HALAL', the menu card declared in all caps lest the field marshal miss the fine print. He didn't go to elite schools, you see, and carries affiliated complexes that play out in violent ways. He must prove he course was carefully chosen - goat cheese gateau, tomato jam, buttermilk biscuit crumbles and young variegated lettuces - to soften the guests. The main course - rack of spring lamb, burnt cipollini soubise, Carolina gold rice and jambalaya - was designed to make them delirious with self-importance.
Babaji - assisted by Marco Rubio, who must explain Baba-speak to the world as his NSA and secretary of state - got down to business over dessert (nectarine tart and ice cream). 'Can you bring Iran to lunch?' 'Don't worry, Respected Sir, my country is your country. My Balochistan is your Balochistan. My intel is your intel,' replied the two Asims in unison. Satisfied, the seeker left the room and later went on camera to repeat the new mantra: Pakistan is great, etc. Puffed, chuffed and nearly bursting with hot air, the field marshal proceeded to his next engagement - a dinner at the Pakistani embassy with think-tankers, usual former ambassadors, four Congressional aides and five Western journalists (Pakistani journos weren't invited).But the guests had to sing for their supper, and how. The rags-to-riches-to-field marshal delivered a 90-mn screed on 'Poor Pakistan, Evil India: A Very Selective and Revisionist History' with excerpts on 'The Unbelievable Greatness of President Trump'. He banged his fist on the table, he railed and promised revenge if India stopped the audience was bored to tears - the guests already knew the history. To make matters worse, they were sweating buckets. Literally. The air- conditioning at the embassy had reportedly gone kaput, much like democracy back home. But Munir wasn't quite done. Cue in a few propaganda videos. How about visiting Pakistan for tourism and retracing the old 'hippie trail'? And try the new highs. Weed is so yesterday. (Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this column are that of the writer. The facts and opinions expressed here do not reflect the views of Elevate your knowledge and leadership skills at a cost cheaper than your daily tea. How Vedanta's Anil Agarwal bettered Warren Buffett in returns
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