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Refinery29
a day ago
- Business
- Refinery29
A Week In Boston On A $282,000 Household Income
Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We're asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar. Today: a research manager who has a $282,000 household income and who spends some of her money this week on drain snakes. If you'd like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we're not able to reply to every email. Occupation: Research manager Industry: Government Age: 32 Location: Boston, MA Salary: $102,000 Joint Income & Financial Setup: ~$282,000. This includes my and my husband K.'s W2 incomes, rent from a rental property (which basically just covers the mortgage), and rent from a close friend who lives with us (she was away for most of the week that I kept this diary, but we all love spending time together). We also resell some clothes and furniture, which is inconsistent so we don't count it as income. K. and I have joint checking and savings accounts, as well as individual checking and savings accounts. Given our similar incomes, we contribute the same amount to all our joint accounts. Assets: We have joint and personal checking accounts (totaling $1,805) and joint and personal HYSAs (totaling $13,120). My additional personal accounts are: traditional IRA: $67,295; 457(b): $42,000; taxable brokerage: $29,227; Roth IRA: $21,078; and ~$35,000 in a pension account that I don't have access to yet. K. has ~$180,000 across his 401(k) and Roth IRA. We also own two homes together (~$900,000 each), a car (~$34,000 value), and a motorcycle (~$15,000 value). We have mortgages/loans on all but the motorcycle. We also have a 529 plan for our toddler ($2,380), but do not count this toward our assets. Debt: $1,244,000 — this is mostly mortgages, plus a $33,000 car loan, ~$70,000 in student loans, and ~$1,000 in hospital payment plans. Paycheck Amount (Biweekly): $4,940 (our salaries, minus retirement and health insurance). We also receive $4,900 in rent monthly. Pronouns: She/her Monthly Expenses Housing Costs: $3,700 for mortgage plus HOA for a four-bed/three-bath home (increasing soon to $4,050, due to an escrow shortage — proof that your mortgage amount can fluctuate!). Loan Payments: Home #2 mortgage: $3,300; student loans: $480; car payment: $1,000. Child Care: $500 (we are lucky to have child care support from a family member, Z.). Gas & Electric: ~$130 Phones: $95 (we also pay for Z.). Internet: $113 Pet Insurance: $88 Dog Food: $70 529 Plan: $50 Compost: $20 Subscriptions: $45 (Netflix, Disney Plus, dog chip, Apple storage, misc.) My Pension Contribution: $820 My 457(b) Contribution: $500 K.'s 401(k) Contribution: $732.92 Health/Dental/Vision Insurance: $800 for health (for the three of us; comes out of K.'s paycheck); dental/vision is $12. Medical Payment Plans: $120 My Gym: $60 (K. pays for his gym yearly in a lump sum). Donations: $52.50 (I pay for this). Support For Family Member: $10 (K. pays for this). Yearly Expenses Car Insurance: $1800 Motorcycle Insurance: $225 (K. pays for this). Water Heater Maintenance: $250 Amazon Prime: $69 Engagement Ring Insurance: $123 (I pay for this). Credit Card: $95 Costco Membership: $60 Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? To be honest, I didn't realize there was another option. My parents both have degrees from their home country so they talked about the importance of education, and I always did well in school, so it felt like a natural path for me. I went to an expensive private university and received significant financial aid along with a lot of local and national scholarships, which covered almost all of my tuition, room, and board. I don't remember exactly but think I may have left college with $10,000-$15,000 in loans, which I paid off as quickly as possible. I also received my master's for free while working as a research assistant and receiving a stipend. Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances? We shopped at secondhand stores, bought mostly sale items, and always used coupons at grocery stores. I think our conversations were mostly about the need to work hard, not overspend, and look for discounts. We didn't talk about investing until I was in grad school (when I prompted my parents about it) and as a result I ended up putting my savings in CDs for about five years — I wish I had known to invest it in index funds instead! Looking back, I was so naïve about money growing up. I assumed anyone who had a full-time job was able to pay for their necessities and that people picked careers based on their talents and interests rather than the income potential. I was very anti-money, anti-spending until sometime in my mid to late 20s. I don't know why it took so long for reality to hit. What was your first job and why did you get it? My parents wanted me to focus on academics growing up, so I wasn't allowed to work during high school. My first job outside of occasional babysitting was at a YMCA camp the summer before college. Did you worry about money growing up? My parents tried to give my siblings and me everything we needed and most of what we wanted, and we had a great middle-class life. But I'm sure some of the priorities they had for us — like regular travel, enrolling us in sports and other activities, and giving us generous gifts for birthdays and Christmas — brought on financial stress. My parents also have different money habits and earnings, and we experienced the tension of this. I knew they were frequently stressed about money, so I always tried to add as little financial stress as possible. This manifested as me trying to be fiercely self-sufficient, not asking for extras like attending school-organized trips, spending my senior year of high school applying to every possible college scholarship I was eligible for, and compulsively saving even through my mid 20s (doing things like going to restaurants with friends and getting only water, which I now understand were quite extreme habits that made others uncomfortable). Do you worry about money now? Recovering from a scarcity mindset and lifelong cheapness, I actively remind myself that although my frugality served me well earlier in my life and I'm proud of it, I no longer need to live that way. With that said, I worry in some ways. My husband K. and I have an income and net worth that look great on paper, but we live in a high cost of living area, don't have a lot of wiggle room in our expenses at the moment, need to do some major home renovations, and expect to financially have to provide for one or both sets of our parents as they get older. In addition, we want money to be a tool rather than a stressor, in contrast to how we both grew up. All of the above leads us to want higher-paying jobs, but this is complicated by today's job market and figuring out if it makes sense to give up our current flexibility for more demanding jobs (while we have young kids). I'm also interested in pursuing FIRE (financial independence retire early) to relieve ourselves of financial stress and get to make choices like taking a sabbatical from work and working part-time before traditional retirement age, but I know this requires more income. At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? I was financially responsible for myself when I graduated college in that I paid for all my expenses myself (besides staying on my parents' health insurance until age 26). However, I lived with family for eight months when I struggled to find a job after grad school. Since finding that first post-grad job at age 24, I've been entirely financially responsible for myself. K. and I are both financial safety nets for our families, and we are each other's. Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. My parents unexpectedly gifted us $10,000 for our wedding, which covered the cost of our wedding. Day One: Saturday 5:30 a.m. — My 1.5-year-old toddler, Q., wakes up crying. Guess it's an early day, so we play, have breakfast of over-medium eggs with hummus and toast, and get ready for the day. 9:30 a.m. — Walk to the park with my husband (A.), Q., and our dog and stop at Dunkin' on the way. K. gets a sandwich-hash-brown-coffee combo and I get a chai latte. I'm not sure why I thought this was a decent choice, but the almond milk and chai syrup combination was not doing it for me. I generally try hard not to be wasteful, but after a few sips I had to dump this out. In my defense, we rarely order from here! $10.47 10 a.m. — Q. has been on a one-nap schedule for a few weeks but she falls asleep in the stroller during our walk. A perfect sunny day for an outdoor nap! We alternate throwing a tennis ball for our dog and playing on the playground with Q. once she wakes up, then head home. 1 p.m. — Have lunch and put Q. down for another nap, then cuddle and nap with K. Much-needed naps for everyone! 6 p.m. — Head to a concert with a friend while husband puts Q. to bed. Venmo my friend for my ticket. $50 9:30 p.m. — The concert is fantastic! I head back home when it finishes and am finally in bed at 11:30 p.m. after a great day. I haven't done many evening activities with friends since Q. was born, so tonight feels extra special. Daily Total: $60.47 Day Two: Sunday 6:30 a.m. — I meet a friend and her toddler at a café, and we catch up while our kids play, messily (but happily) drink smoothies, and wave to strangers. We get smoothies and matcha. $20 10:30 a.m. — Q. takes a surprise nap in the car so I drive around and head to the hardware store, sitting in the car until she wakes up. When she's awake we go in to pick up paint. $25.49 12 p.m. — Eat lunch with Q. (lentil stew with rice) and walk with her to a new playground. Later in the afternoon, I put Q. down for a nap, clean up the house, and do an online Pilates class. 5 p.m. — Feed Q. dinner. Today it's a quinoa and beef meatball, broccoli and carrot soup, and strawberries. I like to batch prep and freeze various meals and snacks, so meals are easy to put together (things like turkey meatballs with spinach, rice with beans and beef, chicken soup, noodles with a mixed vegetable sauce, oatmeal bars, veggie and cheese muffins). 6:30 p.m. — Start the bedtime routine, giggling with Q. about belly buttons and funny sounds. Put Q. to bed while K. picks up Mediterranean plates (one falafel, one meat) for us from a local restaurant, za'atar, spinach boreka, and baklava. We hang out for the rest of the night in between cleaning up from the day and taking our dog out. $59.94 Day Three: Monday 6:30 a.m. — Got to sleep in today, thanks to Q.'s wake-up time! Hang out in bed with K., Q., and Q.'s requested pre-breakfast snack (bread). An hour later, Q. and I make a smoothie using cottage cheese, strawberries, kiwi, and pear. She munches on a bit of everything and puts things in the blender. She loves doing this recently, which makes me happy because I really want to make cooking fun for our kids! We have our smoothie with pancakes for breakfast. 8:30 a.m. — Log in for work when our family member, Z., arrives to help with child care. We're grateful to have Z.'s support on weekdays while we work full time. Work a bit, then take our dog out for a quick walk. 10:30 a.m. — Take a rare couple of hours off during the day and head to a 90-minute massage with foot reflexology! K. had found this fantastic place on Groupon that has a more relaxing, upscale vibe than my usual favorite in Chinatown. Get a prenatal massage (my first!) and feel pleasantly surprised at the good pressure my massage therapist uses. The Groupon was previously paid for, so I add tip. $26 2 p.m. — Back home for lunch and another couple hours of work updating interview guides, designing study protocols, and planning focus groups. K. buys something on Amazon. $7.49 5:30 p.m. — Log off and quickly prep Q.'s dinner. K. feeds her while I take our dog out and put away laundry. Then K. heads to the gym, I give Q. a bath, we play as she learns to give kisses and thinks it's the funniest thing ever, and we read books and sing songs. She falls asleep at 7:15 p.m. K. stops at the grocery store to buy sliced cheese, tomatoes, cookie dough, bananas, and clementines. $33.26 8 p.m. — Scroll on my phone for too long but eventually mobilize for an online Pilates class. I'm loving Move with Nicole and Pregnancy and Postpartum TV on YouTube lately! 9 p.m. — Prep Impossible Burgers and salad with K. and eat together while chatting about friendships we've built across different phases of our lives, and how special it is to have friends from childhood who've been part of our most awkward times. Sleep at 10:30 p.m. Daily Total: $66.75 Day Four: Tuesday 6 a.m. — Q. cries and calls for us but stays laying down. This has been new for the past week as she adjusts to her new one-nap schedule. We get her at 6:20 a.m. and she eats a banana and tangerine in our bed, and we all play together, read, and listen to music. There's a whole lot of 'Wheels on the Bus' and 'Baby Shark' in our lives lately! 7:30 a.m. — Prep tomato scrambled eggs with cheese in a tortilla for our breakfast while Q. munches on an apple in her kitchen tower next to me. We eat together then get ready for the day (lotion, get dressed, brush teeth and hair). Z. arrives at 8:30 a.m. so I get dressed, log in for work, and clean up the kitchen from breakfast. 9 a.m. — Handyman arrives to fix some things in our bathroom; I spend a couple hours working. $200 11 a.m. — Take our dog for a walk while listening to the Financial Feminist podcast — one of my favorites! When I get back I chat with K. about HELOCs. We are planning on taking one out for needed home repairs on our rental property but aren't looking forward to the extra payments. I love the idea of a cash-out refinance to cover renovations, but we have a great mortgage interest rate right now and changing that unfortunately wouldn't make financial sense. 12 p.m. — Have a few meetings, and after a few hours take an unexpected nap. Unusual for me but much-needed during pregnancy! I'm right at the end of my first trimester, and the trend in my pregnancies seems to be major exhaustion in the first trimester. 5:30 p.m. — Prep Q.'s dinner and feed her (turkey meatballs, English muffin, tabbouleh, shredded carrots), then head to the gym! I was in a workout rut postpartum (motivated but uninspired, which led to unstructured workouts) but became focused and energized once I committed to sprint triathlon training. I did that for about three months before getting pregnant again (and endlessly tired and bloated), so my workouts are triathlon-lite. I run a few miles, getting a random nosebleed partway, then finish my workout with some weights. 8 p.m. — Stop at the grocery store on my way home to buy strawberries, zucchini, cabbage, beef patties, potato chips, and cheese. When I arrive home K. and I make burgers with salad and hang out. I plan most of our meals and aim to mix up what we eat for variety of nutrients and flavors, but we're having the same dinner as yesterday because it was good, easy, and healthy enough. $36.07 10 p.m. — Take our dog out and shower while K. cleans up, and we head to bed at 10:30 p.m. Daily Total: $236.07 Day Five: Wednesday 5 a.m. — Q. cries and we watch her on the monitor hoping she'll fall back asleep. She finally falls back to sleep around 5:45 a.m. We get her at 6:30 a.m. and she hangs in bed with us while reading and eating a banana. 7 a.m. — Get ready to head into the office, struggling to find clothes that don't show I'm pregnant. This is especially hard in my second pregnancy, as I'm showing much earlier than in my first. 8 a.m. — Have breakfast with Q. (a smoothie with strawberries, Greek yogurt, cottage cheese, and chia seeds) with peanut butter toast. K. finds a new leak in our basement from the tankless water heater (we had the yearly maintenance done last week), so we'll have to re-contact our plumber. 8:45 a.m. — Head to work on the bus then the T (Boston's subway). This trip costs $2.40, but I use my pre-loaded Charlie card (Boston's commuter card). 9:30 a.m. — Arrive at work, grab a seltzer, and crank out some work for a few hours. I munch on TJ's dark chocolate-topped rice cakes while working. 12 p.m. — Pizza at work! 1 p.m. — Add some money to my Charlie card and take the T to my ultrasound and OB appointment; K. drives to meet me there. $20 2:30 p.m. — We have a long ultrasound in which the tech had a lot of challenges finding what they needed, followed by a meeting with the OB. We got some inconclusive news: a high nuchal translucency (NT) result which could indicate potential genetic 'abnormalities'. I remind myself that the result could easily have been due to human error or the baby being in a strange position, and that we don't know anything for sure yet. We pay for parking. $8 4:30 p.m. — Stop at the store for drain snakes, a kids' birthday card, and two boxes of Perfect bars. $33.97 5 p.m. — Play with Q., do another half-hour of work, and prep Q.'s dinner. Our roommate arrives back from a trip so we all sit with Q. as she eats, listening to music and trying to keep her from throwing food and dumping out milk. K. and I usually switch off going to the gym while the other starts the dinner and bedtime routine with Q, but neither of us is in the mood to work out after our weird news so we agree to take it easy and get takeout. 7:30 p.m. — Shower while K. picks up our food (bibimbap and taro boba for us to share). We eat while watching a bit of a Korean drama. $40.94 9:30 p.m. — Take our dog out while K. does the nightly clean-up of the house. Before bed, I write a message to my OB requesting a repeat ultrasound. Daily Total: $102.91 Day Six: Thursday 6:40 a.m. — Q. sleeps in so we do too! My cute fam plays while I get ready for work. 7:15 a.m. — Play with Q., teach her how to beat an egg for the French toast we're having this morning (with yogurt, peanut butter, and kiwi), and eat together. I head to work after Z. arrives, taking the bus and T. 11 a.m. — Have some meetings and schedule follow-up prenatal care. My OB agreed to a repeat ultrasound but suggested we meet with a genetic counselor anyway. 1 p.m. — I break for lunch, eating the quickest meal I could come up with this morning after not prepping a lunch last night: a cheese sandwich, Chobani yogurt, and banana. Go to a meeting and work on a bunch of collaborative documents. 3:30 p.m. — Leave work to finish out the day at home, first stopping at Trader Joe's to buy crackers, cheese, tulips, chickpea pasta, vegan ground beef, pasta sauce, potatoes, dill, cottage cheese, yogurt, peanut butter, salmon, firm tofu, unsalted sardines (so stinky but Q. loves these), and a lemony arugula salad. $74.50 4:45 p.m. — Get home, hug Q., and have fun unloading groceries with her help. K. gets home a half-hour later from the gym after stopping at a store on the way home for oat milk, cheese, and crackers. He takes Q. on a walk while I prep dinner: baked marinated salmon, potatoes with dill, and salad, then Q. has her dinner. $21.36 6:30 p.m. — K. registers us for a 5k next month and starts the bedtime routine with Q. while I clean up the kitchen. $80 7:30 p.m. — I take our dog for a walk and do a short Pilates class. It's a lower-impact workout than I usually lean towards, but I'm okay with that. We have dinner around 8:30 p.m. while watching Reacher, then shower and head to bed. Daily Total: $175.86 Day Seven: Friday 5:30 a.m. — Q. wakes up crying. We wait to see if she settles herself. She doesn't, so K. spends time with her until 6 a.m. while I sleep in, then they join me in bed with an apple. 7:30 a.m. — Q. and I have a breakfast of eggs scrambled with onion and butter, along with toast and grapes. 8:30 a.m. — Z. arrives and I get started with work. I have a few meetings, drink coffee, and walk our dog while talking to my OB about how they have confidence in the results of the initial ultrasound and don't expect a different result in a repeat ultrasound — but that we are welcome to do it regardless. 12:30 p.m. — Take a break to chat with K., eat a quick lunch, schedule a few medical appointments, and have therapy. I meet every other week with my therapist and spend a lot of today talking about family relationships and the weight of expectations that leave me feeling like I'm both doing things wrong, and unsure of what I genuinely want for myself. $50 2 p.m. — K. and I meet with a genetic counselor and have a better understanding of what the ultrasound results mean, the high probability that everything is 'normal' despite the higher NT, and the options of procedures that can give a definitive result. Return to work. 5 p.m. — I cook a Korean stew (soondooboo using The Korean Vegan's recipe) with rice for dinner while K. and Q. go for a walk. When they return, I sit with Q. while she eats then give her a bath. 8:30 p.m. — We have dinner, then I write a check for our friends' child's first birthday that we'll gift along with a cute aquarium toy we had purchased a few weeks ago. $30 10 p.m. — Order flowers for my grandma's birthday in a couple weeks. This cost will be split three ways, but I cover it for now. $90 Daily Total: $170 The Breakdown Conclusion 'This diary is a pretty standard representation of a week for our family, with reasonable and unsurprising expenses. It's not every week we sign up for races, go to concerts, or buy birthday gifts, but the bulk of our day-to-day expenses tend to be pretty basic: groceries, things for our home, some takeout. Although our weekly spending didn't surprise me much, the tallying up of assets and debts was new for me, as I have only ever done that on an individual level. Looking at our recurring expenses in this format was interesting, too; I'd love to cut down on those to have more flexibility day-to-day and in planning for our future, but I'm conscious of not returning to my ultra-frugal ways and creating unnecessary strictness in our spending! 'As a quick update on the pregnancy pieces of this diary, we're grateful that all turned out normal after our genetic testing!'
Refinery29
5 days ago
- Business
- Refinery29
A Week In A British Columbia Border Town On A $130,000 Salary
Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We're asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar. Today: a counsellor who makes $130,000 per year and who spends some of her money this week on a blanket from The Bay. If you'd like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we're not able to reply to every email. Occupation: Counsellor Industry: Education Age: 36 Location: British Columbia border town Salary: $118,000 base salary, plus approximately $12,000 in private practice. Assets: RRSP: $68,000; TFSA: $57,000; emergency fund: $10,000; short-term savings (sinking funds for Christmas presents, car maintenance and insurance, travel): $3,000. Debt: $0 Paycheck Amount (biweekly): $2,865.17 (base salary); approximately $ 1,000/month for private practice work. Pronouns: She/her Monthly Expenses Housing Costs: $1,930 (rent). Loan Payments: $0 Renter's Insurance: $34.59 BCAA: $10.94 Netflix: $8.95 Cell Phone: $81.54 Life Insurance: $127.58 Disability Insurance: $138.51 Internet: $99.40 Spotify: $20.04 for a couple's membership that I share with my ex (this is working out surprisingly well — we are friends, but it feels like we'll share this membership forever, which I'm okay with). Donation: $50 (to a reproductive health clinic). Savings: $500 to retirement savings; $500 to tax-free savings account; $300 to emergency fund; and $450 to sinking saving funds ($100 to travel; $100 to car maintenance; $100 to car insurance; $100 to new car fund; and $50 to Christmas presents). Hydro: ~$80 (bimonthly; varies a little bit) Annual Expenses Professional Dues: $436 Costco: $130 Car Insurance: $1724 Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? Yes, from my parents and myself. I did an International Baccalaureate program in high school and every one of my classmates went on to university. As a kid, I wanted to be an actress or a hairstylist but my mum told me that my dad would not allow it and wanted me to go to university. (I still contemplate being a hairstylist). Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances? My dad was a chartered accountant but we didn't talk about money. I was generally a saver and would lend money to my mum, which continued into adulthood at different points. Both of my parents struggled with managing money effectively. What was your first job and why did you get it? I worked as a grocery store cashier when I was 15 and enjoyed it a lot! I still remember some of the PLU codes for fruits and veggies. Did you worry about money growing up? Yes, constantly. I worried about what would happen if my dad lost his job and whether there would be enough money for school. This never happened, but I worried constantly. Do you worry about money now? Yes, I still worry a lot. I live in a high cost of living area and although I make a good income and save as much as I can, I still feel behind. I identify as queer and have a female partner, so I think about the cost of fertility treatments if I have biological children (and I am currently on a waitlist to freeze my eggs). At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? 22 (when I graduated from university). Currently, I do not think my parents would be able to provide much financial support if I found myself in a situation where this was needed — and I would not want to ask. In a worst case scenario, I would cash out savings or draw from a line of credit. This was a big motivation behind purchasing disability insurance in addition to what I have available through my work. Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. Yes, I received substantial support from my parents while attending university for my bachelor's degree (about $12,000 per year for four and a half years). This paid for half of my undergraduate degree. I paid the other half with various part-time jobs. Day One: Wednesday 6:50 a.m. — I wake up to the sound of my beloved cat, L., meowing for breakfast. We (cough, me) recently started portioning out her food because the vet says she is overweight. She does not like this and has been demanding breakfast earlier each day. After feeding my queen, I lay in bed on my phone for about an hour before dragging myself out of bed. I put on my 'Hold on, let me overthink this' shirt and a pair of black Zara jeans. Brush teeth quickly, wash face, deodorant and out the door. 9:30 a.m. — Arrive at a work meeting to discuss a challenging team situation from yesterday. A lot of people are still feeling it, including myself. I started a new job in December and I've been struggling with it. I've never made this much money before, but the work itself is slow and the emotional cost of the situation is getting higher. 12:30 p.m. — Leave the meeting site, which is conveniently near Costco. I go in with the immediate task of securing a hot dog ($1.56, thank you Costco for the affordable lunch). I walk around browsing and snapping up samples (most yummy is chocolate mini-eggs). I buy Japanese BBQ sauce that I've been looking for and a bag of Sour Patch bunnies, which will be a gift for someone, most likely my sister ($21.88). $23.44 1:30 p.m. — Arrive home for WFH afternoon. I set myself up outside on the patio and my chatty L. meows all of her feelings to the neighbours. I consider whether we need to find an animal communicator. We go inside for quiet time. 3:30 p.m. — My dad calls for a chat. He lives in a retirement home in another province and had to go into a care facility at a younger age (63) for significant physical health and mobility concerns. Cognitively, he is sharp as a tack and wants to talk politics, sprinkled with jokes about his day-to-day life at the retirement home. L. meows to say hi while I talk to him. After the call, we are back to emails. 5 p.m. — I shower off the day, and commence a Netflix marathon viewing of Temptation Island. Hello, reminder from my childhood glory days of reality TV. I think about how different it is now — no waiting a week for the next episode — and I think about how this impedes delayed gratification. 10 p.m. — I make a late-night Girl Dinner of a fried egg, toast, and apple with peanut butter. Dessert is nacho chips and salsa. Daily Total: $23.44 Day Two: Thursday 8:30 a.m. — Rise and shine from the couch (where I fell asleep watching Temptation Island). L. also slept in. Eat nacho chips and salsa for breakfast. Catch up on emails and messages. Work from home this morning and get distracted by cleaning the oven and microwave (for the first time since I cannot remember when). I try this cleaning product recipe (baking soda, dish soap, and hydrogen peroxide) and it is okay, but I don't think I'll make it again. 12:30 p.m. — Arrive at a coffee shop to meet my coworker for a meeting — except I arrive at the wrong location. Drive to the right coffee shop and arrive 15 minutes late with a huge line. No coffee, no cookie, but could this be a sign it's a zero spend day? (Yes, is the answer.) 1:30 p.m. — We check out one of our new office spaces and it has been beautifully decorated by the staff onsite. I am blown away by the shift in energy! 3 p.m. — I arrive home and am ready for lunch. I make two fried eggs, two toasts, stir-fry veggies and fries, plus a spinach, raspberry and banana smoothie. I am a better person after eating. 3:30 p.m. — See a message from my realtor that we can go look at a listing I'm interested in tonight at 6:30 p.m. Exciting! I continue messaging my coworkers and planning things for the week. 4:30 p.m. — The work day is done and I watch Miracles From Heaven on Netflix. So many feels. My sister texts that she is struggling and needs help (she is in another province with my nearly three-year-old niece). We FaceTime and chat through my niece's evening routine. We brush our teeth together and sing a song over the phone. I tell my niece to give my sis 'squeezes' (hugs) and I think this helps her feel better. 6:30 p.m. — Walk to the listing (an apartment down the street). The cherry blossoms are in full bloom! I like the unit and it's lovely in a lot of ways, but there is this feeling 'not quite' as I walk home. I will spend my life savings another day. 7:30 p.m. — Barbecue flavour chips seems like a responsible dinner. Yum. Take a bath, catch up on texts, and book a rental car for my visit to see family later in the month. 9 p.m. — Time for a 'proper' dinner: salami sandwich with mayo on sourdough bread. I start reading a new book (my goal is one book a month): Love At First Spite. Stave off urges to go get a McFlurry. Barely. Daily Total: $0 Day Three: Friday 7 a.m. — Wake up early because I have my last session of training this morning (EMDR — amazing training but emotionally activating). Brush teeth and run out the door. My coworker picks me up and I revel in being a passenger princess. We finish the training around 11 a.m. and drive to work. 12:30 p.m. — Lunch for a colleague's birthday. We eat sushi, takoyaki, and birthday cake. Big chat with my coworkers and then my coworker drives me home. 3 p.m. — I'm finished for the day and I take a nap to celebrate Friday. Wake up around 4:30 p.m. and go to the grocery store for lemonade, a pepperoni cheese stick, ice cream, and popcorn twists. I am a beacon of health for dinner. $19.33 7 p.m. — In Canada, our oldest department store, The Bay, is closing down. A friend's girlfriend was able to get two of their logo wool blankets at cost since she works for a supplier. There are three of us and two blankets, so a random draw is suggested. I am not chosen but my friend offers for me to take her blanket to save money. Initially I am excited but then I start reading about the colonial history of The Bay. I went to an Indigenous training recently and I feel ignorant at my lack of ability to make connections. The fact that it is a blanket makes me feel extra sick. I message my friends my concern and offer to pay for the blanket but let them know that I don't feel comfortable keeping it. We reach an agreement that I will buy it for now with the option of my friend to pay me back when her finances settle or I will resell it. I call my girlfriend J. for support and ask her if we can get bubble tea tomorrow if my friends now hate me. She says we can get it either way. $165.27 Daily Total: $184.60 Day Four: Saturday 7 a.m. — Wake up early (this happens to me a lot when I perceive conflict or feel like I've let people down). My friend chat is quiet and I'm convinced they hate me. I force myself to go for a walk to return my library books before heading into work at the private practice clinic. I run into one of my coworkers on my walk and she gives me a hug which is really sweet. 9:30 a.m. — I feel better temporarily after the walk. But on my drive to work, I continue overthinking, wishing I had stayed quiet about my feelings and then dealt with the blanket on my own. My last message to the chat was a bid for reassurance that hasn't come yet and I know the person I really need reassurance from is myself. I get a gruyère sandwich from an Italian grocery store near my work ($9.40, but I have a gift card). I have several client appointments in a row so this will function as brunch for me and allow me to take my medication earlier in the day. Zoloft + therapy has been so helpful for my anxiety. $9.40 (Expensed) 1 p.m. — My friends are sweet and remind me I'm not hated. I feel better but also because I had three reasonably good sessions. My new job has been super slow and it has been dispiriting to not have enough work to do. Having private practice on the side has been a really big help. I have a break between my third and fourth sessions and look at mistint paints (I want to find one to paint wooden deck furniture). No luck at the store, but I do leave with ideas. Go back to work and lay on a beanbag chair until my last client comes. 4:30 p.m. — Get gas on my way home because it is 20 cents cheaper a litre (gas has been varying so much here). Usually I am a fill-it-up-when-it's-almost-empty girl, which my friends justifiably tease me for, but this feels so adult. $45.46 6 p.m. — J. comes over. I make us a vegan dinner of sweet Korean lentils, okra, and rice. J. is vegan and it was easier than expected to learn how to cook for her. It's my first-ever relationship that has felt healthy and secure. We both had hard weeks, so our evening is really simple. After dinner, we walk to get bubble tea. J. treats since I treated last weekend. She gets oat milk tea with pearls and I get a taro slush with pearls (it is phenomenal and J. seems really into mine, too). When we get home, J. traces my back with her fingers for a looong time (one of my fave things and I feel so taken care of when she does it) and then it's her turn. This leads to sex and then we fall asleep snuggled up for a little bit. At midnight, J. goes home and I go back to bed. Daily Total: $45.46 Day Five: Sunday 6:50 a.m. — Wake up to my cat's demands for breakfast. Feed her and struggle to go back to bed. Look up cat auto-feeders, then read erotica for about an hour and before falling back to sleep. 11:25 a.m. — Wake up for good and realize the time — wild for me, but nice. Respond to messages and buy a ticket to my friend M.'s comedy open mic show which is later in the week. Start reading Let Them by Mel Robbins (aptly timed for me). Stay inside too long but eventually get out for a short walk. $17.31 4 p.m. — Order a super belated birthday gift for my friend M. It is a notebook with raccoons that says 'Trashy Thoughts', and a multicolour click pen with dogs. We do small gifts and I think she will like these. $17.90 6:30 p.m. — Meet friends for hotpot. There are five of us and it takes a while to get a table. This restaurant serves individual hotpot bowls. I order the veggie bowl and it is just okay for me. But I am glad to see everyone and catch up. My friend B. orders a very spicy hotpot and lets me try his broth. I immediately start coughing and this seems to cheer him up. $25 8:45 p.m. — Drop by J.'s place to chat (I asked her if I could come chat about my feelings and she is very gracious to make time for me). She had a hard day and I find out that she experienced a family loss. We talk and then hold each other. I love her a lot and she is a gem. But I worry that I will overthink things in a misperceiving way or self-sabotage (this is probably down to past bad relationships experiences and a tad too much relational anxiety). Daily Total: $60.21 Day Six: Monday 6 a.m. — I wake up to my cat's readiness for breakfast. Feed her and go back to sleep until 7:30 a.m. Wake up with a zest for cleaning (where did this come from?) and tackle the bathroom and the mountain of clean clothes on the floor. 10 a.m. — Meeting in person with colleagues until 1 p.m. I get McDonald's afterwards (McDouble, small fries, small iced tea) and it is delicious ($6.22). I get Timbits for dessert ($3.19). $9.41 2 p.m. — I was supposed to meet up with my friend and her daughters, but she loses her phone and doesn't reply back in time. I catch up on emails before seeing a private client at 4:30 p.m. I listen to a webinar on my way home from work called The Case for Taking Sides in Couples Therapy and I wonder if I am the problem in my relationship. I still feel unsettled, even though J. is amazing. I asked my best friend K. if we can do a call tomorrow and we confirm a time. 7 p.m. — On my drive home, I stock up on snacks from the dollar store (three flavours of chips). Today feels extra unhealthy. Then I find out that a friend of mine has moved five hours away without the chance to say goodbye. Her husband was in police training so I knew this was coming, but I didn't know exactly when. I adore her baby boy and I feel sad I couldn't say goodbye to them. I debate saying something to her, but decide not to and find peace in that. I know she had to move super quickly after her husband's grad and think that maybe I can visit her in the summer. Mercury was supposed to come out of retrograde today, but the residual yuck still feels there. $6.04 8 p.m. — I force myself to make dinner, which is spaghetti and meatballs. I clean my kitchen and journal. I play ball with L. and she demonstrates her athletic prowess. I think she was a soccer player in a previous life. 10 p.m. — Phone call with J. for about an hour and then a night-time walk. I check my mail (I love mail!) and realize something for another person down the street was delivered to me. I walk down to the correct building to deliver it. Give L. extra food as a deterrent to a 6 a.m. wake up call — let's hope! Daily Total: $15.45 Day Seven: Tuesday 8 a.m. — Wake up and today will be a WFH day. L. wants to play ball again, so we do. My first meeting is at 9:15 a.m. for about an hour. Today is really quiet without anything else scheduled after. I have readings I can do and catching up on emails, etc., but I am struggling with the lack of work right now. I ask my colleague who lives nearby if she wants to take a walk. 11 a.m. — Meet with my colleague to check out a nearby fundraiser book sale. She brings me soup made by her husband. It's the last day of the book sale and it's $10 for a bag of books. We each get a bag and lunch (the yummiest egg and cheese sandwich ever; $8 including tip). On my way out, I buy three 50/50 tickets ($10). $28 1:15 — Phone call with my best friend K., who is validating and supportive. She listens to me and we do a quick catchup, but will connect later in the week for a Zoom book club (we meet with another friend and are working through a workbook called Be Kind to Yourself). 4 p.m. — Take a nap. Be lazy and spend a lot of time on the couch this evening. I definitely need to up my activity levels. 9 p.m. — Heat up the soup from my coworker's husband — his food is magical, too — such a good food day! It's a lentil veggie soup and I eat it with buttered sourdough toast. I am craving chocolate so I walk to the store to get mini eggs which is the perfect end to the day. $2.63 Daily Total: $30.63 The Breakdown Conclusion 'It was really interesting to track my spending this week and made me more aware — not only of money, but also what I eat, my activity levels and mental wellbeing. I don't feel great about the blanket but I see it as a good learning moment to become more aware of what I buy and how sneaky colonialism can be (in many different forms). I've decided that when I get it from my friend, I will re-sell it and donate the proceeds to a local Indigenous organization, and that feels right for me. Reviewing the week makes me feel so grateful for the people in my life, who are so special to me, and for all that I have.' Money Diaries are meant to reflect an individual's experience and do not necessarily reflect Refinery29's point of view. Refinery29 in no way encourages illegal activity or harmful behavior. The first step to getting your financial life in order is tracking what you spend — to try on your own, check out our guide to managing your money every day. For more Money Diaries, click here. Do you have a Money Diary you'd like to share? Submit it with us here. here or email us here.
Refinery29
13-06-2025
- Business
- Refinery29
A Week In Georgia On A $85,000 Joint Income
Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We're asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar. Today: an administrative assistant who has an $85,000 joint income and who spends some of her money this week on toilet bowl cleaner. If you'd like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we're not able to reply to every email. Occupation: Administrative assistant Industry: Construction Age: 30 Location: Georgia Salary: $31,500 Joint Income/Financial Setup: $85,000. My husband J. and I share everything equally — all paychecks go into the same account and all bills come out of the same account. (To note: I used averages for our salaries, after tax/401k contributions, and not including overtime. So it's like what we bring home on average if we both work 40 hours). Assets: IRA/401(k) accounts: $60,000 (combined); savings account: $5,000; house value: $330,000 Debt: Mortgage: $310,000 Paycheck Amount (Weekly): $1,650 (combined). Pronouns: She/her Monthly Expenses Housing Costs: $1877 (mortgage). Monthly Loan Payments: $0 Private School Tuition: $890 Medical Insurance: $275 Dental Insurance: $95 Home/Auto Insurance: $185 Internet: $105 Power: ~$250 City: ~$70 (water and trash). Phone Bill: $180 Kids' Extracurriculars: $50 Security System & Subscriptions: $75 (SimpliSafe, Netflix, Disney+, two apps on the kids' iPads). Tithe: 10% of our income. Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? Not necessarily. My mom made it clear that she wanted all of us to go to college or even technical school, but there was no major push. I went to a private college for one year (paid for with student loans) and dropped out. I always hated school! Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances? There was no education or discussion on finances growing up, sadly. My parents were not good with money. My father was an addict and spent a lot of our money very impulsively. My first and only education on money came from my economics class in high school. What was your first job and why did you get it? I worked as a cashier at a grocery store at 17. I got the job so I could have my own money and buy cute clothes, lol. It was fun though. It was all high school kids in the evenings so we goofed off A LOT — I'm not sure we deserved the $7.25 and hour we made! Did you worry about money growing up? Absolutely. Our phones and lights were shut off from time to time. My parents fought a lot about it so it caused a lot of anxiety and shame. Do you worry about money now? Yes, it is something I think about more often than I should. Our mortgage is more than 25% of our income and that's not ideal for me, but the housing market is just crappy right now and I'm scared of being house poor. Additionally, I would like my savings to be larger. It was $10,000 but car repairs and vet bills hit hard this year, but I am working on building it back up. At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? I became financially responsible for myself at 18. I went off to college at 18, met my husband, and we dropped out after a year, got married, then got jobs and moved into an apartment together. From the time I moved out for college, I had no financial assistance from anyone. (It's certainly not a route I would recommend to anyone so young, haha! But we have a happy little life together.) In terms of a safety net, we don't really have anyone who could help if an emergency came up, but we do have savings, and my husband works a lot of overtime, so he could get extra hours if life popped up. Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. I got $1,000 when my grandfather passed 10 years ago. Day One: Sunday 7:30 a.m. — Today is beginning a little differently than most Sundays. I wake up much later than normal, but will still make it to the second half of the church service. We went to a theme park yesterday for the kids' (P. and C.) spring break… The pollen count was high and it was super hot, so we all needed some extra rest today to recharge. I realize I have almost no groceries so I set up a grocery pick up for tomorrow morning and I talk my husband, J., into Starbucks — I get a coffee and ham and Swiss croissant and the kids want cake pops with their breakfast. $16.16 11:30 a.m. — After church (10% tithe included in expenses), we run by Ingles for sandwich stuff and a fruit tray I will need tonight for a BBQ. After lunch the kids get an hour of screen time. Meanwhile, I chat with J. while he packs for a week-long trip. $39.58 2:30 p.m. — I spend an hour leading a discussion on a book called You Are a Theologian by Jen Wilkins and JT English. This group of women is so special to me. After, I realize I forgot eggs for the cookies I planned to make, as well as some cash for a love offering being taken up at the BBQ, so I run by the store again on my way home. $5.55 5 p.m. — J. departs for his trip. I made him and the team some chocolate chip cookies for the ride to the airport. I always use Joanna Gaines' recipe and highly recommend — they get loads of compliments! Me and the children head to a going-away BBQ for some of our dear friends. I slip a small gift of $20 into the card where money is being taken up to help them out on their move. It's bittersweet but they have found a bigger farm in another state, so it is a wonderful opportunity for their family. They will be missed though! The adults mingle and the kids play. $20 8 p.m. — We get home late and I take the dog out, help the kids get bathed and ready for bed, and read them a story. After they fall asleep, I get ready for bed and waste a precious hour of my life on YouTube (I've been watching a lot of Financial Audit but Caleb Hammer is too mean sometimes — although I know that's his thing!) and fall asleep past my bedtime. Daily Total: $81.29 Day Two: Monday 7 a.m. — Sleep in! So, on an average day, I wake up at 5 a.m. for my morning routine — but this week is a little different. P. and C. are on spring break so I took PTO this week with the exception of four hours I have to work this afternoon. 9 a.m. — I pull into Ingles for my weekly grocery pick up. I get milk, yogurt, apple sauce, granola bars, apples, blueberries, grapes, chips, crackers, cereal, beef, sausage, cheese, noodles, creamer, pasta sauce, fruit snacks, mini doughnuts, English muffins, string cheese, paper towels, and toilet bowl cleaner ($119.16). I just know I'm forgetting stuff, but that's a problem for later. It's pouring rain and I feel so bad for the young lady putting up my groceries. I think of bringing her a gift card or something next time I come by. While we are out, we also swing by Chick-fil-A for breakfast, just because. I have a biscuit and iced coffee, the kids get minis and hash browns with chocolate milk ($19.83). $138.99 11 a.m. — Arrive at work with P. and C. I take care of emails, phone calls, appointment reminders, and tie up loose ends for my time off. My kids spend their time drawing, typing on a spare computer, playing with puzzles, and I indulge them with a movie on Netflix… They watch Vivo, it's so cute, I catch myself watching several times before getting back to work! We packed sandwiches for lunch. I feel bad for them because my office is so boring. I am easily talked into a 'treat' from the gas station next door (plus a Celsius for me). $12.52 5:30 p.m. — P. had a Little League baseball game scheduled this evening but it was canceled (it's been raining since yesterday), so instead we go to our friends' house for dinner. It's nice to chat and the kids can play for a while as well. My offer to bring a dessert or side is kindly declined, so I make a mental note to host them in the next couple of weeks. We have chicken pasta, salad, and brownies with ice cream. Yum! C. drops one of their plates and it shatters. I feel awful and jokingly offer to bring them one of mine as we have the same set. They assure us it's no big deal. 9 p.m. — After I get the kids in bed, I do my shower and bedtime routine, then do a little scrolling. I find a cute dress on Amazon that sits in my cart. It's one of those cowl neck silk dresses that are popular right now. I tell myself I can wear it at least twice, when I take my grandma to the ballet in May and when J. and I go to Highlands for a 'fancy' dinner in a few weeks, and I already have shoes to go with it. Despite my justifications, it stays in the cart. Perhaps I'll keep watching to see if it goes on sale! Daily Total: $151.51 Day Three: Tuesday 7 a.m. — Our dog L. wakes me up. She misses J. (every dog has a favorite human and I'm not it) and is super weird and restless without him. I miss him too! I have Greek yogurt, granola, and a blueberry English muffin for breakfast. P. has cereal and C. has mini donuts with blueberries 10 a.m. — After some chores and playtime, we get ready to go out (or as Southerners say 'go to town', lol.) I can't control my impulse to buy an iced coffee ($4.27), it's delish, but I feel guilty. It's the last coffee purchase this week because my Nespresso pods are being delivered today! We end up at our favorite place... the library. I am currently reading Dinner For Vampires by Bethany Joy Lenz, Heart of the Matter by Emily Giffin, and The Last One at the Wedding by Jason Rekulak. My kids are bookworms like me, so they pick a few as well. I owe a fine that I take care of ($2.40). On our way out, I grab an info sheet on becoming a 'Friend of the Library' donor to read later. $6.67 12 p.m. — We spend a chunk of time walking around our downtown area. We peruse the antique store (the kids and I take photos of things we like and that we will save our $$ for), pop in the book shop where my SIL works (she brings her baby to work so my kids play with their cousin for a while), then I swing by the local gift store to get ideas for a graduation gift for a sweet girl at church who volunteers in C.'s class! The kids ask for various items as well as lunch out. I hold tight to my original proclamation that we aren't spending money, so we head home. We jam out to the Zombies 3 soundtrack and all is forgotten! 1 p.m. — On our way home, I stop by the store for a couple of things I need for dinner tonight: a rotisserie chicken, chopped salad mix, and sparkling water. Back at home, I make some processed mac and cheese. Mother of the year! $27.03 4 p.m. — We take a walk in our subdivision. P. and C. ride scooters. L. is so weird and territorial so I'm trying to socialize her. We do a couple of laps, which is not half a mile, but feels nice and refreshing. I get an email from P. and C.'s swim instructor for early sign-ups for past students. I stop what I'm doing to snag five class spots on the Google Sheet ($30 each — payment is due June 1). 6 p.m. — I end up keeping my niece for the evening so my SIL can visit her sister at the hospital (she had a baby!). She is soooo sweet and cute. Dinner tonight is chicken Alfredo. All the kids eat really well so I give them a scoop of ice cream and we watch my niece's favorite show, Peppa Pig. Good news: My Nespresso pods were delivered, so no more purchasing coffee this week. Also, my exterminator left his business card on my porch, so that expense will be autodrafted soon… (Getting the outside of your house sprayed is an absolute must for summertime here.) 9:30 p.m. — I do a short workout on YouTube and then I end up scrolling for a bit after my shower and bedtime routine. I look at my cart and the dress again. I determine that I'm being materialistic and I delete it… I have plenty of dresses! I consider other things I should spend money on. We need new towels. I decide I will start buying one a week until we have a new set, so it doesn't feel like such a commitment. I read my Emily Giffin book for a bit, watch YouTube, then go to sleep. Day Four: Wednesday 7 a.m. — Wake up. Food and potty for my doggo; coffee and Bible for me (creature of habit). My kids wake up and request cereal. I have Greek yogurt and a blueberry English muffin. I try a strawberry and white chocolate Nespresso. It's…. weird. I throw a pod in my purse to take to one of my friends, L., for her to try and see what she thinks (she got her Nespresso machine after using mine at Galentine's). 9 a.m. — We have a lowkey morning. I do laundry, unload the dishwasher, and steam mop (my hack is to put a couple of drops of lavender in the mop to make your house smell good, because kids and dogs can be smelly). Then we go to the playground for an hour or so. 12 p.m. — The kids request corndogs for lunch while I have last night's leftovers. Then I play Pokémon battles with P. and Barbies with C. Then I chat with J. I'm unsure of what he is spending on his trip as he is using his credit card. We budgeted around $700 for spending money and food, but honestly I doubt he'll spend that. He is very, very frugal and doesn't spend much money on anything. So when he gets home we will get all of that paid off — we did the credit card debt thing in our young 20s and never, ever again! On another note, J. did say he got us souvenirs, so the kids are excited! 5 p.m. — Squeeze in another walk because it's gonna start raining again tomorrow. We get four good laps. Early dinner because it's church night: I make baked spaghetti (it's one of my favorites, it's so hearty and reheats good, too). 9 p.m. — We get home and get ready for bed. I read with the kids before they go to sleep. C. doesn't read yet so I read a couple of chapters to her and P. will read a couple of chapters to me. However, he finds a booger in his book he checked out at the library so refuses to touch it, lol. We pick something from his shelf. He is my emotional, overthinking child so this is often the time we have our deep, life talks. Daily Total: $0 Day Five: Thursday 7 a.m. — Morning routine. Today is payday. I check online banking to get the exact amounts of income and update the estimated amounts in my budgeting app, I just use Checkbook. Nothing fancy, literally a virtual checkbook but I really like it. I make waffles for P. and C. and have my Greek yogurt and English muffin. 9:45 a.m. — I am doing a thorough deep clean today because my sister, E., is coming to town! She is a teacher in another part of the state and is on spring break as well. She will be staying the night at our house so I want to be a great host. P. is supposed to have a baseball game tonight, but it's raining — again. I'm waiting to hear if it is canceled. Thursdays are gymnastics nights as well. 6:30 p.m. — Game is cancelled again. C. has gymnastics practice anyways. E. gets to town, and we go to my grandmother's house for dinner, some good ol' southern fried food! After dinner, we go back to my house and all play board games for a bit and snack on the brownies I made, as well. 9:40 p.m. — The kids go to sleep and me and E. have a Topo Chico and sneak another brownie while we watch The Great British Bake Off. Eventually we go to sleep. Daily Total: $0 Day Six: Friday 6 a.m. — Our power bill and home/auto insurance are due today so I take care of them while I am getting stuff taken care of before the kids wake up. I switched to this insurance group a year ago to save money and it keeps going up. I make a mental note to shop around. E. slept on the couch, which is comfy, but I wish I had a spare room. I have an unfinished basement and the goal is to finish it, but that's a 10-year goal if I'm being realistic. I make breakfast sliders, Hawaiian rolls, sausage, cheese, and scrambled eggs. These are super popular in our house! E. has to head out early to take her dog to the vet. 11 a.m. — We have leftover baked spaghetti for lunch and then lounge. We end up having a very LAZY day and it's nice! We're always so busy. I also browse cars online; I'm looking at a Toyota RAV4. We made dumb financial decisions early on in our lives and marriage and, thank God, now that we are debt free (less the house), life feels way more relaxed. I do feel pressure knowing my current vehicle is on its way out… We have put over $4,000 in repairs this year. J. wants me to get a new car with a trade in and down payment and aggressively paying off the loan. It's important to have a reliable family vehicle. 5 p.m. — C. has gymnastics recital pictures in her costume. It's adorable with pink, fringe, and sparkles. The photos should be edited and ready to order next week. I'm super excited to see how cute they turn out! (I have this budgeted for this, I plan to order my favorite photo as a digital image.) 7 p.m. — Back home. Dinner tonight is pizza we have in the freezer. Easy peasy! I text some friends and we decide to meet up for glow in the dark bowling in the next town over ($18). Complete the evening with ice cream for P. and C ($4.47). Super fun! $22.47 Daily Total: $22.47 Day Seven: Saturday 7 a.m. — The kids have leftover breakfast sliders and I have an English muffin and apple slices. I clean bathrooms and change sheets today for my chores. 11:30 a.m. — I have a hair appointment today. Drop P. and C. with my mom (they'll have lunch there). I have Girl Lunch: apple and string cheese. My one vain indulgence is to get my hair done every two months. I have very fine, thin hair so I budget for it and it makes me feel more confident! We end up staying at my mom's house for a while before we head back home. $275 5:20 p.m. — We have grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner tonight. I can't believe this is the last night of spring break :( I am going to try to get them in bed a little earlier tonight so Monday morning isn't too rough. We play with L. after dinner and do showers, etc. 8 p.m. — Reading and lights out. I promised them a 'sleepover' while J. was gone and since he'll be home tomorrow, this is the night! Essentially, I just move their mattresses in my room, but they think it's awesome. I plan to read with my book light but end falling asleep while I wait for them to fall asleep. Daily Total: $275 The Breakdown Weekly Total $$ Spent: $563.97 Food & Drink: $248.57 Entertainment: $18 Home & Health: $0.00 Clothes & Beauty $275.00 Transportation $0.00 Other $22.40 Conclusion 'This was a super fun week. I'm so glad I got to take off work for my kids' spring break so we could have us a little staycation! We got to spend time with friends and family and it was good for the soul. I feel like keeping this diary was good for me. I enjoyed seeing exactly what I was doing and spending my money on. I have worked really hard on being more disciplined and less impulsive and I see that coming through here. It makes me proud of how far I've come! My reflection is that I would like to spend less money on groceries and I will look into some hacks for that. I also question my hair appointments and if I can live without the vanity of extensions.'
Refinery29
11-06-2025
- Business
- Refinery29
A Week In Berlin On A $140,653 Household Income
Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We're asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last dollar. Today: an HR director who has a $140,653 household income and who spends some of her money this week on a home-office treadmill (she's excited and hoping to be consistent). If you'd like to submit your own Money Diary, you can do so via our online form. We pay $150 for each published diary. Apologies but we're not able to reply to every email. Occupation: HR director Industry: Sports Age: 35 Location: Berlin Salary: $81,146 Joint income: $140,653. My husband R.'s salary is $59,507 for part-time work of 28 hours per week. We split expenses proportionally, with whoever earns more contributing more to the shared account. We also maintain personal savings accounts and, when necessary, transfer additional funds to the joint account or cover significant expenses by splitting the cost equally from our personal savings. For the purposes of this diary, I have tracked our joint account spending and my own expenses. Assets: My savings are around $15,000, and I invested $100 in stocks recently, to see how it behaves. R.'s savings are around $6,000. We are married with two children and manage our finances through a joint account dedicated to household, childcare, and shared expenses. I contribute $2,163.90 monthly through an automatic transfer, while my partner contributes $1,947.51 monthly. Additionally, tax refunds and the children's allowance ('Kindergeld') of $551.80 per child are deposited into the same account. Debt: $0 Paycheck Amount (1x/month): $4,248 (after deductions for tax, public health insurance and pension) Pronouns: She/her Monthly Expenses Housing Costs: $1,298.34 for a rent-controlled apartment (split with R.). Loan Payments: $0 Online fitness training: $60 Cellphone: $17.31 Netflix: $15.98 (I pay this for my brother, who is in my home country). Apple Care: $12.98 Bike Insurance: $5.29 UN Food Program: $13.10 Pension & Health Insurance: Deducted from my gross salary. Kindergarten Food Allowance: $50 (split with R.; for both kids). Music Classes: $22 (split with R.; this is just for one of the kids — for the other, it's included in kindergarten). House Assistant: $642 for 36 hours per month, including transportation (split with R.). Internet: $69.92 (split with R.). Food, Eggs & Vegetable Delivery: ~$196 (split with R.). Gas: $108 (split with R.). Electricity: $160 (split with R.). Cleaner: $304 (split with R.). Was there an expectation for you to attend higher education? Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? Yes, I am the first in my nuclear family to get a university degree. I am originally from Latin America, where I grew up in a traditional setting as the oldest daughter. My parents married young and did not complete university, so there was always an expectation for me to excel academically. From a young age, I was a dedicated student, and I earned scholarships to help ease the financial burden on my parents, allowing them to also send my two brothers to good schools. After high school, I received a scholarship to study at a prestigious university, but the scholarship only covered tuition. To afford living expenses, I worked while studying, which made it challenging to maintain good grades. During my studies, I was awarded a scholarship for a special program overseas, which broadened my perspective and made me realise I wanted to pursue opportunities outside my home country. After returning home, I worked hard and applied for numerous scholarships, eventually securing one to pursue my first master's degree in Spain, where I met my German husband. Afterwards, I returned to my home country and worked as a public servant, but I soon realised it wasn't the right path for me. I faced pressure from my family to settle down and be grateful for a stable job, but I knew I wanted a different life. Around that time, I was accepted into a program in France, but my mother was diagnosed with cancer, and the expectation was for me to stay and take care of her. After losing my job, I became her caregiver, but six months later, I decided to move to France. I arranged an au pair position that provided me with an apartment and an allowance in exchange for four hours of childcare per day. I also took on remote research work to save money, allowing me to visit my mother every six weeks. A year later, I got married and moved to Berlin, where I pursued another master's degree with the help of a government student loan, which I fully repaid last year. Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? Did your parent(s)/guardian(s) educate you about finances? Growing up, money was often a source of stress, and I frequently heard, 'There's no money.' This made me accustomed to not having money and not asking for things. My parents always emphasized that education was the only inheritance they could give us, so our focus was on doing well in school. As I got older, I became more aware of my parents' struggles to make ends meet. I knew they wanted to provide more for us, but they simply couldn't. Despite their best efforts, limited job opportunities and a lack of career advancement kept them stuck in low-paying jobs. Because of this, I learned to be extremely careful with any money I had growing up, knowing that I couldn't count on having it again anytime soon. What was your first job and why did you get it? At 17, I got my first job as a receptionist at a shipping company. Since I was still a minor, my mom had to sign a consent form to allow me to work. I got the job with the help of my cousin's girlfriend, who already worked there. My salary was the basic wage at the time, around $220 per month, and I was incredibly happy to have my own money for the first time. However, with a job came expenses, and I quickly realized it wasn't enough to cover everything. I had to contribute to the household by paying for the internet, which cost about $40 a month. Although it felt empowering to earn my own income, I soon learned how challenging it was to make it stretch. Did you worry about money growing up? Yes, I worried about money growing up. We always had enough food — good, nutritious meals — but there was little money for extras. Occasionally, we could afford a cheap ice cream; new clothes only came at Christmas. My parents had debts from the mortgage and school tuition, and I was aware of it. I'll never forget the time my mother sent me to the store with $20 to buy some rice, and I lost the bill on the way. The look on her face is something I'll always remember. When I went to university and needed to work, my heart ached as I saw my friends who didn't have to work and could enjoy their free time, while I was running between jobs and classes. We didn't have proper vacations — just occasional visits to family in the countryside. Now that I'm a mother, I really empathize with my parents and understand how painful it must have been for them not to be able to give everything to their children. Do you worry about money now? As we say in German, JAIN — yes and no. I don't worry about daily expenses or short-term future plans, as I feel secure in those areas. However, I do experience some anxiety about losing my job or something catastrophic happening. The scarcity mindset is deep in me. I was raised with the stress of not knowing if there would be enough for the future. To be honest, I'm very grateful to have savings and disposable income, and I know we'll be alright. My husband has a stable job and is becoming a public servant, and we enjoy an excellent work-life balance. Still, the child inside me holds on to the fear that everything could disappear in an instant. We don't have any debts; we pay everything upfront, including trips, vacations, and anything else we need, so that's a big relief. I've set a personal challenge for myself this year: no buying anything that isn't absolutely necessary. That means no extra clothes or stuff I don't truly need. I still browse online shopping sites and add things to my cart, but I tell myself that if I really want it, I'll come back later. So far, it hasn't happened once this year. At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself and do you have a financial safety net? I started working very early, around 17 years old, while still living with my parents. It was up to me to work to afford university. My husband, of course, is my main support. We are a team. His parents also have properties and have always offered to help us if needed. In addition, here, we pay mandatory unemployment insurance, which means I can claim 65% of my salary for up to one year or until I find a new job, should the need arise. I try to save as much as possible, but like many immigrants, I've also helped my family financially. I pay my father's annual health insurance, which costs $2,000 a year, and I give 'loans' to my brothers to help them continue their studies. Both have recently graduated — one as a doctor and the other as a lawyer. I believe that my life improved when I started working in Germany, and as a result, their lives have improved as well. I think I could save more, but we do travel a lot. This year, for example, we're attending a wedding in Italy and also visiting my home country, and we've already spent $9,000 just on tickets. However, we try to maintain a lean daily life in general to balance things out. Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? If yes, please explain. Not really. But at my first job, my company was acquired, and I received a $15,000 bonus. Day One: Wednesday 6 a.m. — It's my turn to wake up early with the kids. I start the day by making breakfast and prepping snack boxes. Today's menu features cheese and ham quesadillas, with a few extras to keep it interesting: a handful of walnuts, a sprinkle of little chocodrops, and some roasted pumpkin with cinnamon left over from last night's dinner. Once the boxes are packed, I get my son dressed. 7 a.m. — My husband R. is up, and my shift is officially over. I retreat to my home office for my morning training routine while he takes over and gets the kids to nursery. 9 a.m. — I have an appointment at the embassy to renew my passport. It expires in December, but with a wedding in Italy coming up this June, I'd rather be safe than sorry. After a long 45-minute wait, they tell me the system is down, so no passport today. Frustrated, I hop on my bike and head home, making it just in time for my one-on-one meeting with my manager. 12:30 p.m. — After a marathon of meetings, I finally get a break for lunch. I portion out some pork with a Korean marinade, wrapping it in lettuce with a dollop of ssamjang — my own quick version of Korean BBQ. I eat while catching up on a bit of TV, of course a K-drama. 2 p.m. — I have an online appointment with my fitness coach. She's from my home country, and I've been following her on-demand training program since January. It's been paying off — I'm seeing real results and feeling stronger. Today, we discuss my progress and new goals, and I ask her about the weighted vest and brisk walking trend I've been curious about. She's not 100% convinced, but I am — so I make a mental note to shop for the vest later. 4 p.m. — Time for some fitness shopping! I buy a pre-workout mix, magnesium, and that weighted vest I've been eyeing ($106.42). After hours of research, I've also found the perfect compact treadmill that fits under my desk. The spring sale makes it a steal at $173.10. I'm genuinely excited to start using it. $279.52 5:30 p.m. — I pick the kids up from nursery and stop by the bakery on the way home for some fresh bread (I pay from our joint account). Our house helper is already home, preparing dinner and folding laundry. With no rush, we take our time walking back. Once home, it's straight into the bath, dinner, and the bedtime routine. $3.75 7:45 p.m. — The kids are finally asleep. R. and I settle down to watch the final episode of Adolescence. It hits me harder than I expected, and I end up sobbing, feeling overwhelmed with so many emotions. I'm exhausted, both physically and mentally, and I'm in bed by 9:30 p.m., hoping I can sleep. Daily Total: $283.27 Day Two: Thursday 7 a.m. — It's my turn to sleep in today, and I want to stay under the covers forever. Eventually, R. calls me to help get the kids ready for nursery. Once they're out the door, I throw in a load of laundry, make myself a cup of coffee, and whip up eggs and ham for breakfast. Feeling more awake, I jump into my fitness routine to get the day started right. 8:30 a.m. — Today's special: a spa day with R. He doesn't work one day of the week, and I've taken a day off to join him for a bit of relaxation later. He's busy booking doctor's appointments, so I keep myself occupied by moving the laundry to the dryer and starting a new load. There's a public transportation strike in Berlin today, but it doesn't bother us since we're biking. Secretly, I'm hoping it keeps the spa less crowded. We're running late, but he's still tied up, so I keep tidying up and getting little things done around the apartment. Just before we head out, I take a weed gummy to help me fully unwind. 10 a.m. — We arrive at the spa and check in. After changing, we treat ourselves to a second breakfast: pancakes with chocolate syrup ($14.50 — added to the total bill for the day). Next up is a sauna ceremony featuring a honey peeling. This spa is textile free, meaning everyone's naked, but in non-sauna or pool areas, people wear robes. It took some time to get used to at first, but now I appreciate coming here as a couple. When I go solo, I prefer the Turkish hammam, which is women only. 11:30 a.m. — It's time for our couple's massage ($95), and I remembered to request a female masseuse this time — last time it was a man, and I didn't feel completely comfortable. The massage is nice, melting away tension and stress (maybe the gummy also helps). Afterward, we head to the spa's restaurant for lunch. I order butter chicken while my husband goes for an Indonesian rice salad. We treat ourselves to two drinks and a shared slice of cake for dessert ($75). After this, we're ready for a nap. I lie down on a water bed and pass out for 45 minutes. 3:30 p.m. — It's time to settle the bill, and everything is paid at the end of the day. The total comes to $300 with tip, but thanks to two gift certificates for the day tickets, we end up paying $204 from our joint account. It's worth every penny for a day like this. $204 4 p.m. — We pick up the kids from nursery, and our house assistant is already home, prepping dinner. Our daughter wants to stay with her, so we decide to take our son out for a quick haircut. He's looking like a grown-up boy and not a very happy one. $10 6 p.m. — The usual evening routine kicks in: bath, dinner, bedtime. By 7:30 p.m., the kids are asleep, and I take a long, hot shower while my husband waits for his turn. After he's done, I straighten up the apartment a bit. We're both ready to unwind, so we start watching The Residence. We need something light and funny to wrap up a long but refreshing day. Daily Total: $214 Day Three: Friday 7 a.m. — It's Friday, and I sleep in a little longer than usual, but now it's my turn to get the kids to nursery. We rush to get ready, and my daughter rides her bike, while I take my son in his bike seat. I try to make the drop-off as quick as possible because I have a jam-packed day ahead at work. 8 a.m. — Reporting day. I'm deep into analyzing numbers I'm not too thrilled about, like payroll costs, and it takes much longer than I'd like. I also have two meetings lined up and manage to send my reports to a colleague for a double check, though I haven't received any feedback yet. I take a 30-minute break to fit in a quick fitness session and clear my mind. 12:30 p.m. — Back to the embassy of my home country. After a 30-minute wait, it's finally my turn. The process is quick and straightforward, and I pay $97.38 in cash. Once that's done, I hop on my bike and head to a nearby Chinese restaurant for lunch. I order a pork rib menu with rice and a soda for $12.98. I sit alone, enjoying the meal while watching a K-drama. $110.36 2:30 p.m. — Back to work for a couple more hours. I take calls about relocations and employer costs, and finally, I get some feedback on my reports, however, I'll need to wait until Monday to finish everything. To break up the workday, I make plans with a friend to meet in the park, as it's a warm 18°C outside. Perfect for a little outdoor relaxation. 4 p.m. — After picking up the kids from nursery, we ride our bikes to the park to meet our friends. We grab some snacks on the way, spending $13 from our joint account. The kids are full of energy and play wildly, and I manage to stay on the picnic blanket for a while, soaking in the sun. Eventually, I join them in a game of tree climbing. 6 p.m. — We head home, and I start dinner with the veggies and noodles my house assistant left in containers, adding peanut sauce to the mix. R. takes over bath duty for the kids. Since I'm following a low-carb, high-protein diet, I have a salad and some chicken. Afterward, we tag-team the bedtime routine: R. lies down with the kids, and I quickly shower. Once I'm done, it's his turn, and I lie between the kids, reading on my Kindle. By the time they're asleep, it's nearly 8 p.m. 9:15 p.m. — We try to watch a bit of The Residence, but I'm just too tired to keep my eyes open. I call it a night and head to bed. Daily Total: $123.36 Day Four: Saturday 6 a.m. — Saturday morning, and there's no mercy with my kids when it comes to waking up early. It's my turn to take over the morning. I quickly make breakfast, eggs and toast, nothing fancy but it gets the job done. As they eat, I start prepping lunch. I'm making a pea pesto with silken tofu and wild garlic I saw on Instagram. Slowly, the clock ticks to 7 a.m., and I wake up R. Finally, I get an hour to myself in bed to relax before the day kicks into full gear. 8:30 a.m. — Everyone is full of energy, so we decide to walk to my brother-in-law's house to drop off some second-hand clothes for their seven-month-old baby. The walk takes longer than expected, but it's a great way to pass the time. We play with the baby and talk about our upcoming trip to the south of Germany to visit my husband's grandma. I show them the hotel and train tickets we've already bought months ago, and I can't help but mention how expensive it is to travel within Germany — about $800 for train tickets and a hotel for a weekend. 11 a.m. — We head back home for an early lunch — gnocchi with pea pesto. We eat early because my daughter has swimming lessons at noon. After lunch, I hop on my bike and take her to the pool, which is only a 10-minute ride away. I'm left waiting for about an hour, so I order a soda at the pool bar and sit with a fellow parent, who's also waiting. We chat about the show Adolescence and share our worries about the future as parents. When it's time to pay, my friend kindly covers the drink. 5 p.m. — After a productive afternoon of cleaning up the garden and giving the kids a quick bath, we decide to walk to the supermarket to stock up on a few things, mostly because shops are generally closed on Sundays here. We also grab more seeds to start seedlings tomorrow. We buy eggs, pea milk, soil, veggies, and, of course, a variety of seeds. $71.02 6 p.m. — We head to a new burger joint that recently opened near our house. The kids are excited, and so are we! We order quite a lot: four burgers, two fries, two sodas, and a milkshake. It's a special treat since we don't eat out as a family very often, maybe once a month. We usually cook at home, and with our kids' ages, going to restaurants can be a bit stressful, so we keep it to a minimum. $55.40 7:30 p.m. — We try a new strategy tonight, putting the kids to bed later to see if they sleep in a bit longer tomorrow. R. lies with them, while I quickly arrange the groceries. After a quick shower, we tag-team the bedtime routine, and I finally get some time to relax. I want to make plans with my friends, but it's tough to coordinate since most of them have kids, and finding time and energy is always a challenge. Eventually, I meet my husband in front of the TV at 8:45 p.m., and I manage to stay up for an hour. I head to bed soon after, while he stays up to play video games. Daily Total: $126.42 Day Five: Sunday 7 a.m. — It's a rainy Sunday. R. wakes me up since he's been up with the kids. It's my turn to take over. (Spoiler alert: The kids woke up early again.) I have breakfast with them, granola and yogurt, while I start preparing lunch. I'm making chicken rice soup, and the kids help me with the carrots. They're great little helpers, and we have fun doing it together. We don't have any big plans for today. 8:30 a.m. — R. is now awake, but the kids want to go to the garden. My daughter insists on starting the seedlings, so I set everything up under the shed. It's cold and raining, but she's having a blast. We plant herbs, tomatoes, cucumbers, and flowers — all at her request. Our friend texts us, saying he's home alone with his kids and asks if we want to meet up. Since the park is a no-go with the wet weather, we invite them over instead. 12 p.m. — The kids are playing, and we're all hungry, so I ask our friend and his kids to stay for lunch. The kids have their meal first, and they really enjoy the rice soup with peas and carrots. Once they're done, we adults sit down for a quick meal while the kids play. We get about 10 minutes of peace and quiet before we need to intervene. Our friends leave and I put the baby down for a nap while R. stays with my daughter, watching Bluey. 3 p.m. — My mother-in-law is visiting from elsewhere in Europe for the month, and she lent us her car. We plan to use it for a vacation to a nearby lake with friends in two weeks. Today, we pick it up from her house, taking the bus for a 45-minute ride. I buy a one-way ticket since I don't have a monthly pass, and I usually use my electric bike for most trips. We spend the time playing I Spy. $3.14 4:30 p.m. — We get the car, install the car seats, and despite the rain, we decide to go for ice cream. There's a great spot in the neighborhood, where my husband grew up. We treat the kids to three kid-sized scoops and one cookie. $8.30 6 p.m. — It's dinner time again. The kids are getting their baths while I cook. We briefly consider eating out for something quick, like falafel, but we have plenty of food at home. Plus, we already ate out yesterday. So, I pop some sweet potatoes in the air fryer and cook some turkey meatballs our house assistant prepared earlier in the week. I also whip up a quick salad with lemon dressing. Everyone is happy with dinner, and then it's time for the bedtime routine again. R. is heading out with a friend, so I hurry and shower to replace him on bedtime duty. At 8:30 p.m., I finally emerge from the kids' room. I tell myself I'll watch 30 minutes of K-drama, but end up staying awake until 10 p.m. Daily Total: $3.14 Day Six: Monday 7:30 a.m. — It feels like a luxury to sleep this late. R. is starting work late today, so he offers to take our daughter to kindergarten. I quickly get her ready, put on her shoes, and helmet, and within minutes, they're out the door. I stay with our son, make us both breakfast, change him, and then get him dressed. After that, it's time to take him to kindergarten. On the way, I stop by the post office to drop off a package — a white-noise machine I sold on Vinted for $22. That money from selling second-hand items goes straight into our joint account to buy things for the kids. 11:30 a.m. — After working for a few hours, it's time to restock my beauty supplies. I only need to buy shampoo, conditioner, and gel about three times a year, and I like to keep them stored up. I always purchase from the same website to save time, especially since there's a spring sale going on. I use a 20% discount code and get two bottles of shampoo, one conditioner, and a gel. $98.63 2:30 p.m. — Our cleaning lady arrives, and today I pay her $85 for her weekly service. She's been with us for years and is truly the best. She's so thorough, and I love how she can take as much or as little time as she needs. 3:30 p.m. — I take a quick break to check out the spring sales for kids' clothes. I usually buy winter clothes for the upcoming season during this time of year. I prefer investing in high-quality, warm but lightweight outerwear for the kids. This time, I scored two winter jackets and one full-body suit for $113.61. Not a bad deal, especially since these items will be used every day and eventually passed down to my younger child and his cousin. $113.61 5 p.m. — I join my husband and kids at the playground. The weather is getting better, it's nice to get some fresh air and enjoy time together outside. At home, our house assistant is making a big pot of soup with lots of vegetables and folding the laundry I did earlier in the day. 6:30 p.m. — We come home a little later than usual. Our house assistant is ready to leave, so I set up the dinner table while she finish up. The kids are a little picky tonight, and my daughter doesn't like the soup, but that's alright — she eats something, and that's what matters. We begin the bedtime routine, but this time, I leave a little earlier. 7:40 p.m. — I take my bike for a quick ride to the cinema. It's only about 10 minutes away. I've been craving a movie night, so I head out to watch Mickey 17 by myself ($14.02). I grab popcorn and a soda ($8.09) to enjoy during the movie. I know I'll be tired tomorrow, but I really needed this break from the routine. I come back home around 10 p.m., feeling refreshed and ready to sleep. $22.11 Daily Total: $234.35 Day Seven: Tuesday 7 a.m. — Today is an office day. I work from home three days a week, but Tuesdays and Thursdays are for going into the office. As usual, the morning is a bit chaotic. I have a quick breakfast of eggs and ham, then get the kids ready for the day. R. takes our daughter to kindergarten, and I bike our son to his. After I drop him off, I quickly bike to work, which takes about 25 minutes. I make it on time for the first meeting of the day. 12:30 p.m. — When I'm in the office, I usually take the opportunity to eat out by myself. It's my time to relax, and I love enjoying a full meal without any distractions. There's a fantastic Vietnamese place near my office where I get bun cha, one of my favorites. I also grab a soda from the office kitchen, so I don't have to spend extra on drinks. The meal costs $14.50, but it's worth it for the break. $14.50 5 p.m. — After work, I take the chance to treat myself. It's been a while since I got my nails done, so I go for a manicure. I try to do this every couple of months, as it feels like a little luxury for me. I sit back, relax, and watch a K-drama while the manicure is done. I feel so much better afterward. $34.62 6 p.m. — When I get home, I give our house assistant $55 to cover her monthly transportation costs from our joint account. We've been doing this for a while, and she's always so appreciative. She's been with us for over three years, and I'm so happy for her as she's about to leave to pursue her nursing career. We're still figuring out the best setup for extra weekly help, especially since we're going to my home country for five weeks soon. I want to make sure we manage everything carefully while we're away. 7:30 p.m. — We start the night routine with the kids. They're getting more independent, but there are still some challenges. We manage to get them into bed just after 8 p.m., which is a small victory. I spend some time reading while I wait for them to fall asleep. By 8:30 p.m., they're asleep. R. and I watch some TV, but I end up passing out on the sofa. He wakes me up, and I manage to drag myself to bed at 9:30 p.m. Daily Total: $49.12 The Breakdown Conclusion 'Looking at our weekly expenses made me realise that, while we don't overspend and enjoy a comfortable life, we haven't been actively investing or preparing for the future. Writing down every detail showed a clear pattern — too much spending, not enough saving. It triggered some FOMO, especially seeing other women planning their retirements and making smart investments. That motivated me to start casually looking at apartments, and when someone posted about a new building in my home country, I pushed my brother to visit it. After a week of running the numbers and convincing my husband — who eventually came on board — we decided to invest. Honestly, I was ready to go ahead either way. We're buying it as a rental property for now, not sure what the future holds, but it feels incredibly good to finally have something in our name and a way to keep our savings in something tangible.'
Refinery29
11-06-2025
- Entertainment
- Refinery29
Money Diary: A Literary Agency Assistant On £31,000
Welcome to Money Diaries where we are tackling the ever-present taboo that is money. We're asking real people how they spend their hard-earned money during a seven-day period — and we're tracking every last penny. Our Money Diaries submission process has changed. If you would like to submit a diary, please use our new form here. This week:"I'm a 31-year-old woman living in South London and I'm one of the assistants at a literary agency, so I do general administration and manuscript reading. I also write plays, which I'm very serious about, though I am not paid to do that. I live with my male partner, B, who works in recruitment, along with our beloved cat, D, in a cottage-style two-bedroom house, which we moved into last year. It was expensive to move and we're currently on a tighter budget and don't eat out, for instance, that often. I'm neurodivergent and chronically ill, so I do experience overwhelm and fatigue. My approach to money is very much the saver mentality, but I'm trying to learn to treat myself more. My Money Diary week is quite special because B and I are having our civil partnership at the end of the week. It's a low-key, affordable ceremony with only eight guests. We've been together for 14 years and while B was always more maritally inclined, I've always been really baffled by the idea that you are more together because you've undergone a ceremony and received a certificate. I find weddings really noisy and overwhelming and dislike the politics around them re: who is invited, family members trying to control it, etc. The idea of spending lots money on one day particularly doesn't resonate with me. I'm bisexual, so I don't see myself as part of heterosexual society and big heterosexual weddings where you gain status by getting married are a huge part of that in my mind. I agreed to the civil partnership ultimately because we would like legal rights, but I didn't want to get married and become a wife. Luckily, I don't have many particular expectations for the day and I'm much more excited about our honeymoon. It'll certainly be an experience, whatever it is!" Occupation: Agency Assistant Industry: Publishing Age: 31 Location: London Salary: £31,000 + discretionary bonus of a varying amount. Paycheque Amount: £2,052.96 Number of housemates: Two, my partner, B, and our cat, D. Pronouns: She/her Monthly Expenses Housing costs: £1,000 for my share of the mortgage, B pays £1,200. Loan payments: £18 for student loan. Savings?: £11,299.48 personal savings + £1,028.30 in shared house emergency fund + £119.47 in shared cat emergency fund. Pension? Yes, I contribute 3% of my salary and my employer contributes 3%. Utilities: For my half: £17 water, between £23.31- £65.66 for electricity and gas due to smart meter and our solar panels, £93 council tax, £13.97 internet. All other monthly payments: £15 donation to Shelter, £6.88 phone bill. Subscriptions: £5.99 Netflix. Did you participate in any form of higher education? If yes, how did you pay for it? I did an undergraduate degree, and I took out a student loan and a maintenance loan to pay my fees and my parents paid for my rent and other living costs. Growing up, what kind of conversations did you have about money? My parents are wealthy, but don't think of themselves in this light because they know wealthier people who are much more extravagant with their spending. It was a bit of a shock for me once I educated myself more and met a broader range of people that the way that they live is elite. My family in general is very puritanical when it comes to money, so they hate wasting money, are devoted to saving (getting good interest rates, etc), and never take financial decisions that are risky. Being savvy with money is seen as the ultimate virtue. My parents believe that if you work hard, you're rewarded, especially in regard to money, which I know is categorically not necessarily true for every person. That was the majority of my financial education. If you have, when did you move out of your parents/guardians house? I moved out when I was 22 to live with my partner after graduating. At what age did you become financially responsible for yourself? Does anyone else cover any aspects of your financial life? I became financially responsible when I moved out at 22. However, my parents pay for my therapy, most recently at £80 per session. B also pays £200 more a month on the mortgage because he earns a lot more than me (though I consider it just evening things out as we split all other costs 50/50). I also have private health insurance for work as a benefit that I don't pay for. What was your first job and why did you get it? My first job was babysitting the local children, who were mostly quite badly behaved (and this experience was the first step towards my decision not to have children!). I got the job to have some spending money because my parents gave me £10 a month for pocket money and I wanted to be able to do a few more things — mainly buying clothes from Topshop. My parents also thought that it was good for a teenager to have a job. Do you worry about money now? I do and it's completely irrational. I know I have financial anxiety and I work through it in therapy. I've mostly had low-paying jobs in the arts, so my pension pot would only cover a year, or two of retirement expenses, which makes me feel sick when I think about retiring. My salary means that I live on a tight budget for London, as I don't subsidise myself with my savings for monthly costs, so this contributes to my anxiety. As I have two chronic illnesses, I'm also worried about the possibility of not being able to work full-time. This is probably why I try to mostly avoid spending my savings, except on holidays and essential house-related purchases — holding onto the money makes me feel safe. But I know that I have my parents as a safety net as a last resort, which I'm grateful for. Do you or have you ever received passive or inherited income? Yes, I've had significant inherited income. My parents contributed £180,000 to me and B buying our first flat and my grandparents contributed £20,000. Since then, my grandparents and parents have given me about £25,000, which went towards recently purchasing our second home and some works in the house. We're extremely lucky to have had such help and certainly don't deserve it, though I'm happy that B has financial security that he otherwise wouldn't have. B and I also receive passive income via renting our parking space for £108 a month and also quarterly from our solar panels for our unused power that gets sold back to the grid. We put the passive income in our house emergency fund. Day One 8:40 a.m. — It's a bank holiday! I reluctantly wake up after a night of broken sleep, partly due to joint pain, partly due to being nuzzled by the cat! I hang out with B while he showers, wearing my neck heat pad to relieve my soreness. I then eat my regular breakfast (Weetabix and oat milk) followed by getting ready. B goes out to get takeout coffee, his treat. 11:30 a.m. — We take the bus to go for a walk, £1.75. 12:30 p.m. — We have lunch in a market town on the edge of Surrey/London at a Turkish restaurant and I have the lentil soup and cheese filo pastry cigars, £21.26 for my half. 1 p.m. — We start wandering by the river, but it immediately begins to rain. We take refuge in John Lewis, where I have an unsuccessful foray into buying a hair accessory for our civil partnership ceremony. We buy a colander to replace the one I broke by dropping it (I have terrible coordination), £7 for my half. I then buy soup, fishcakes and a few other bits for £6.97 at Waitrose. 3 p.m. — We're on the bus home, £1.75. I'm grumpy because I tried on lots of headbands and thought I looked stupid in all of them. I've remembered that I hate shopping and that I don't have any hair accessories because I've always thought they didn't suit me, so why would now be different? 4 p.m. — B and I hate watch Emily in Paris Season 3. I have a leftover cheese filo pastry cigar. 5 p.m. — I've also got into a panic about makeup for the ceremony, as I don't wear it and I realised that all my makeup has dried up. I book a Boots No.7 makeover on the ceremony day to have a professional do it and get a few products for special occasions. I then work on an Arts Council grant application for my playwriting, as I'm aiming to not work on my honeymoon, so I want to meet all my deadlines before then. This means I'm massively overdoing it. I'll be gentler to myself in future weeks, but I imagine that I'll still be genetically incapable of letting a deadline go without trying to meet it. However, one bit of context is that there are very few opportunities now for emerging playwrights and when there are deadlines to actually apply for, they do tend to mysteriously be close together. 8 p.m. — I'm on a new medication and my appetite has been affected, so I eat very late for me. I have a fishcake, rice, and some roasted courgette. 9:30 p.m. — I take a half-hearted bath before heading to bed for a read and then sleep. Total: £38.73 Day Two 7:15 a.m. — I drop my heat pad straight into my bowl of Weetabix and oat milk, sending it everywhere. Fantastic. Do yoga. 8:15 a.m. — Tube into work, £3.80. 10 a.m. — My colleague is off, so I'm covering and things are manic. I get flustered. Literary agencies might have their glamorous aspects, but I spend most of my day in spreadsheets. 11:45 a.m. — I eat my lunch at my desk as I always do so I can take my full hour's lunch break out of the office. It's a gouda cheese sandwich I made at home. 1 p.m. — Try to find a hair accessory, get bored and end up in a food shop and then Boots. I'm really not impressed with the supermarket, where everything is very overpriced. I nonetheless buy bread and sweet treats for £10.40 and nail polish and aspirin in Boots for £4.53. 2 p.m. — I push on with admin in the afternoon, eating the sweet treats, which were totally not worth the price. 5:30 p.m. — Travel home cost is £3.80. 6:30 p.m. — I buy cartons of oat milk, parmesan, and olives for £10.25 at Tesco. I then stop into the library and pickup two non-fiction books about disability. 7 p.m. — I eat a failed attempt at making an aubergine tomato pasta because I hate food waste. 7:15 p.m. — I do therapy. I feel like I'm starting to make progress. 8:15 p.m. — I continue with my Arts Council application and respond to what feels like a million emails. I am tired. 10 p.m. — Go to bed and turn lights out with no reading. Total: £32.73 Day Three 8 a.m. — I wake up to the cat sleeping next to me — always great! I love WFH days because my joint pain causes disrupted sleep and the extra time to lie in is amazing. Eat Weetabix and oat milk. 8:45 a.m. — Do yoga and then interrupt my sessions to Google hair accessories. I find a compromise vintage-esque jewel headband on Monsoon that might work and order urgent delivery, £28.60. 9:30 a.m. — Start work and do my first proper meeting with an author on behalf of my boss. I enjoy it so much, especially as we talk about access accommodations, which I find really interesting in a world that is generally not that accommodating. 12 p.m. — I eat minestrone soup and the Italian bread, which I'm impressed by. 12:45 p.m. — Spend my lunch break talking to my access worker for my Arts Council application, which is funded by the Arts Council. The access worker is amazing and I feel so energised by them, but I still return to work absolutely exhausted from having no genuine break. My job is very computer-based and Kindle-based. Afterwards, I eat olives for a snack. 1 p.m. — I spend the afternoon reading and pinching my cheeks to keep myself awake (I think I'm having new medication side effects). I move positions regularly to avoid joint pain, but this also helps me keep conscious! I then report on my thoughts on the book. 5:30 p.m. — Finish work and head on the tube to North London for a pub dinner with a friend, E, before we go to the theatre, £3.80. I have seafood linguine, £28.60, which is amazing as usual and I stroke a massive beast of a dog too. 7:45 p.m. — We see a play about hoarding and though I really like it, I have a relative who is a hoarder and I felt a certain lack of realism. I read an interview with the playwright in the programme who confirmed that they mostly watched hoarding documentaries for research. I think you can write a great play about a topic you've heavily researched, but a person who has actually seen or experienced the thing will probably write something that feels more authentic. 9:30 p.m. — Head home on the Tube, £2.05. I lure the cat into the bedroom by calling her from the window. She comes as usual, but then doesn't hang around — she can be so utterly cold! 10:30 p.m. — I read and then sleep. Total: £63.05 Day Four 7:10 a.m. — I wake up not too stiff, which is a lovely start. I have Weetabix and oat milk. 8:40 a.m. — I travel into work, slightly late, £3.80. 9:40 a.m. — I arrive at work somehow on time and none of my colleagues are there, but the lights are on, so I'm baffled. All is explained when a colleague who is leaving and collecting their belongings today walks in the door with the colleagues that I expected to see. We hug and say goodbye after they've packed up and then watch them go off in a taxi with all their belongings. I hate being an adult where you're expected to watch that and then just go back to work like a robot. 11:20 a.m. — I last all the way to 11:20 a.m. today before eating my lunch — a cheese sandwich with the fancy bread that tastes a bit like cake. My medication is now making me extremely hungry. 12:45 p.m. — Go for lunch and talk to my parents, who have just returned from Australia. I call to tell them that we thought my Dad's Mum was dying while they were away, but that my Grandma has now improved. My Dad's siblings have a pact to not tell each other if Grandma declines, or dies while they are away on long trips, as she has dementia and has been in a bad way for a long time. It emerges on the phone that my uncle already told them, so we mostly talk about Australia. 2 p.m. — I attend a marketing and publicity meeting in place of my boss, which is really fascinating as I don't usually attend these. It goes well aside from me saying please too many times. 3:30 p.m. — I try to get the rest of my work done in a frantic rush before going on holiday and get very stressed, especially when an envelope gets rejected by DHL for a second time for inexplicable reasons. 5:30 p.m. — I leave work and feel an immediate sense of freedom. Ten days of not working! I take the Tube home and it's sardines, which makes me feel less free, £3.80. 6:30 p.m. — The headdress has arrived and I'm happy with it, as it lies fairly flat on my head! I eat a fishcake, pasta with parmesan and olive oil, and peas. 7 p.m. — I work on speed writing an application to work with a disabled theatre company, as I need to send it off tomorrow. I hate doing things at the last minute, but I've had too many deadlines recently. 10 p.m. — Bed and light off with no reading. By 10 p.m. my body stops when I'm overdoing it. Total: £7.60 Day Five 8:30 a.m. — It's civil partnership eve! I wake up with unusually bad lower back pain. I lay awake thinking about everything I have to do today. I eat Weetabix and oat milk and put a wash on. 9 a.m. — I start editing my disabled theatre application and make good progress. 10:30 a.m. — B returns from a driving lesson. I put the washing out. We plan for the day's chores and I berate him for having forgotten to get our travel money out near his workplace, so now I have to do it while he food preps. It's just another thing in a too-full day. 11 a.m. — B heads out to Lidl to get most of the remaining food, but my parents kindly insisted on paying for the reception food when they found out we were getting civilly partnered. His purchases include eggs, brioche buns, sweet potatoes, mushrooms, peppers, tomatoes, courgettes, mincemeat, crisps, and cream crackers. Meanwhile, I shave my legs, deal with neglected upper lip moustache hair and botch my way through painting my toenails and fingernails. 12 p.m. — I have a lunch of Mexican bean soup and brown bread. 1 p.m. — I meet with my access worker and finalise my Arts Council application. They will now submit it for me, but there is less than a 5% chance of receiving funding in London. 1:30 p.m. — I have a really annoying and slow bus journey into a local (fancier) area, full of people playing videos out loud and shouting into their phones, £1.75. I wear Loop earplugs daily to deal with my noise sensitivity (connected to my neurodivergence), but it doesn't block out jerks. Once there, I collect the two pre-paid for cakes (chocolate cake and vegan lemon drizzle). I also pick up shampoo, conditioner, and moisturiser from Boots, £6.60. I decide that I'm too tired to get the travel money, so I will get it tomorrow. 2:30 p.m. — I get the Tube back, despite being worried about dropping the cakes down the stairs, as I can't do the bus again, £1.30. I get them home intact. 3 p.m. — I head back out to M&S to buy a few fancier bits, but get really stressed as I can't find anything, the vegan selection is terrible and holding everything in the basket is hurting my wrists. I buy oat milk, macaroons, tomato juice, cheese, haloumi quarter pounders, dips, butter, pastries, carrot batons, olives, mozzarella bites, olives, and hummus. This is paid by my parents. 4 p.m. — I charge my way through cleaning various parts of the house, including pouring boiling water on the weeds between the paving stones in the garden so I can pluck them tomorrow and they won't grow back. 8 p.m. — Just as I'm halfway through cleaning the bathroom, my friend and witness for tomorrow, Z, arrives to stay the night. We have a Chinese takeaway, £23.11 for my share as we cover the meal for Z. She brings us a bowl for our cat with D's name on it and a John Lewis voucher — I promptly cry about the cat bowl. We then have a few glasses of champagne that was given by B's colleagues and a cosy chat before bed. Total: £87.08 Day Six 7 a.m. — Civil partnership day! I wake up earlier than I planned to finish my final chores. I consider waiting for Z to have breakfast, decide this is an absurd idea and eat Weetabix and oat milk. I then finish cleaning the bathroom, tidy the bin area, and weed the garden. 9 a.m. — Z and I hop into an Uber to save time and go to Boots for my makeover, £16. However, the makeup artist isn't in, so once we realise nothing is happening here, we move on to a nearby department store. There I collect 500 EUR in cash, £216.84 for my share, then we start trying to find a makeup stand that will do a last-minute makeover. Eventually, the lovely team at Clinique help us out and make me up with a natural look and I buy foundation, concealer, and mascara, £91. As I've spent basically £0 on makeup since I was 18, the price makes me wince, but the products are great, I get lots of free items and the team deserve to make a reasonable sale from me after being so kind (but also just for doing my makeup). We get an Uber back home, £9.99. 10:45 a.m. — Rush home and my parents have classically arrived early. As more of our guests arrive, I put on my dress (£45 from a charity shop, but bought last year) and then my sister-in-law helps me put my headdress on and ties a silk flower on a ribbon around my wrist. 11:45 a.m. — We are all off in three Ubers to the registry office, £13 for my share. 12 p.m. — We wait outside in the park and take photos. Me and B are then ushered in for our pre-civil partnership interview to check all our details are right for the certificate. B has forgotten his Mum's middle name spelling and the order of her two surnames, which causes some consternation. 12:30 p.m. — We walk hand-in-hand into the smallest room in the registry office where our guest are assembled, which cost £450 total (already paid). I think it's a bit pricey for the amount of work a civil partnership takes on the council's side, especially as some of the council systems have been horrible to navigate and one staff member was rude about it. I'm aware that most people pay a lot more for the venue when they're getting married/civilly partnered, but I don't like paying more than a small sum for legal rights. We have a really minimal ceremony, with one chosen vow from the council's list, which is a little bit, but not too, cringey. B puts my ring on too early and I spend some of the ceremony trying not to laugh, but we get through it. My mother-in-law spontaneously decides to video the whole ceremony from behind the 'altar' and we now wish this footage didn't exist, as we look so awkward. We take more photos around the outside of the building. 1:30 p.m. — We get three Ubers home, £13 for my share. 2 p.m. — B fires up the BBQ and we get out the snacks, while we wait for the food to cook. What follows is quite overwhelming, as I try to talk to all of the eight guests. I can't imagine coping with circulating around more people noise-wise, or energy-level-wise — even this doesn't feel quite like my day sometimes. But the food is good with lots of veggie and vegan options and I spend some time hiding in the kitchen doing prep, or ignoring the guests and watering my plants when I'm too overwhelmed. All the guests behave! 7 p.m. — The guests go home, except for my sister-in-law, J, who is staying the night. B immediately falls asleep and J and I take some alone time. I can't relax, so I attempt to do some emails and some packing, but I don't have enough energy to actually do anything. 9 p.m. — I eat four slices of the excellent chocolate cake for dinner before asking J if she will walk to Tesco to get soil so we can pot my new Kilimanjaro shrub. She agrees for some reason and gets two bags of soil for £9.50. She then shows me how to pot the shrub properly, as I'm new to gardening. 10 p.m. — B wakes up and has dinner. I have a frantic hour of a little bit of tidying and lots of packing. 11 p.m. — A short read and then sleep! Total: £369.33 Day Seven 7 a.m. — Honeymoon day! I wake-up and eat a decadent breakfast of leftover salmon and roasted vegetables plus some more chocolate cake. Next, I pack and tidy up with B so that B's friend, Y, can stay over to look after our cat. 9:30 a.m. — We spontaneously get yet another Uber to the Tube station then get the train to Gatwick Airport. I look like such a liar claiming that I never take Ubers. My share of the Uber and train tickets are £13.79. 11:30 a.m. — We go through security and B then horrifies me by buying a 50ml bottle of Garnier suncream for £8 (!) because it's the only one that has factor 50 as I wanted. B gets me into a lounge with his Amex card. I've never been to an airport lounge before and it was really quiet, so great for avoiding overwhelm, but the food was terrible. If I hadn't gone on B's Amex card, I would absolutely not have paid £42 for the privilege. But it's free and I love things that are free, so I eat up. 2:30 p.m. — We take off to Kefalonia. I mostly nap on the plane and occasionally walk around looking like an idiot with my giant travel pillow around my neck. I'm moving towards embracing my eccentricity. I buy some snacks on the plane, a cookie, a Kit Kat and some water, £7.05. 6 p.m. — We land in Argostoli Airport. It's a fantastic airport: really quick to get through and there's a man on the door greeting us as we enter the terminal, which I've never seen before and loved. 7 p.m. — Our taxi driver meets us to take us to the northern fishing village of Fiskardo. Kefalonia is the most beautiful place I've ever seen and there are goats wandering up the cliffs! However, the roads are windy and our driver goes fast and I soon become violently travel sick. I end up asking to pull over multiple times and being sick on the side of the road and down myself. The driver is extremely lovely about it. The taxi cost 90 EUR and we tip 10 EUR (paid in cash already purchased). 8:30 p.m. — We get to our villa (which has had the key left in the lock because Fiskardo is very safe) and I put the sick dress in a plastic bag and collapse on the bed. B goes out to get food and discovers that there is only one extremely expensive supermarket in Fiskardo. He buys waffles, cream cheese, and Haribo, £4.37 for my share. By the time he returns, I've revived enough to sit on the terrace, looking at the beautiful view of the neighbouring island of Ithaca while eating Haribo. I'm excited about seeing the view in the light tomorrow. 9:30 p.m. — Sleep. Total: £33.21 Conclusion "It was a highly unusual week and I made lots of purchases that I wouldn't have made in my normal life. That said, my parents covering our reception food saved us a lot of money and the civil partnership costs were very minimal comparably to other similar events (less than £1,200 including the food), even if I did let myself buy things that I wouldn't normally allow. I notice that I had no entertainment spend because my only entertainment was a night at the theatre that I already paid for and it was a week of mostly doing writing applications and chores. I typically have a little more fun across the week and I also don't normally work quite as hard as this because I literally can't due to fatigue. I found the experience of recording my spend intriguing, as a Money Diary fan, but I didn't love coming face-to-face with the cost of my smaller purchases. I feel a bit sick at seeing that the total weekly amount is well over half of my post-mortgage/bills income, but the travel money is a large portion of this amount and I paid for that out of savings. I don't think I would change much in the future, except to note that the tiny extravagant purchases didn't bankrupt me and I could probably be more realistic about them, rather than immediately denying myself."
