Latest news with #ModernLoveCounseling
Yahoo
16 hours ago
- General
- Yahoo
You've Heard Of Red Flags, But Here Are 10 'Pink Flags' To Pay Attention To In Relationships
People often talk about 'red flags' in the world of dating and relationships. These are signs that you and your partner are not compatible, or toxic behaviors and personality traits that you want to avoid. But there's also such a thing as 'pink flags.' 'Pink flags are those things that you notice, that nag at you,' said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy. 'Maybe the first or second time you push them away, but after a few times, you begin to pay attention and ask yourself, 'Is this a flag that could be a deal breaker, or am I imagining it or overreacting, or is this something that can be addressed?'' Pink flags tend to be more subtle and less serious, but they can still pose some risk to a relationship. 'I think it's important to be mindful of pink flags, or points of anxiety in your relationship, but use them as opportunities to grow together and individually,' said Alysha Jeney, a therapist and owner of Modern Love Counseling in Denver. 'Don't ever dismiss your intuition, but also try to sit with it to be sure you aren't making assumptions or projecting onto your partner.' Although pink flags can vary from person to person and relationship to relationship, some occur more frequently than others. Below, Jeney, Ross, and other relationship experts break down 10 examples. 'If you've never argued before or don't argue really ever, this can be a 'pink flag,' because oftentimes it can be an indicator of both parties not being authentic enough in the relationship, and/or willing to be vulnerable enough to truly grow within the relationship,' Jeney said. She emphasized that arguing is not always a bad thing, and that couples need to learn how to deal with conflict effectively in order to have a successful relationship. 'It's a pink flag when difficult or uncomfortable conversations are avoided,' Ross noted. 'At first it seems like you are just having a good time, and then you notice you check yourself before bringing up something that could be tense or create controversy.' Instead of avoiding problems and letting them fester, try addressing them head-on and learning to communicate through difficult situations together. Otherwise, this pink flag may turn into a red flag. 'A potential pink flag might include a difference in how you express affection and want to receive it,' said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. 'If you are someone who really enjoys physical touch like holding hands, kissing, and embracing often, and your partner does not, this might be OK for you in the beginning while you have all these other exciting and intense emotions, but not feel as good as time goes on and your needs remain unmet.' It can be helpful to learn and talk about your respective 'love languages' to understand the best ways to show each other affection. This might also be an opportunity to discuss expectations when it comes to communication. Damona Hoffman, an OkCupid dating coach and host of 'The Dates & Mates Podcast,' noted that many people want to communicate with their partner throughout the day. 'One of the most common topics I get questions about on 'Dates & Mates' is texting,' she said. 'For some people, daily texting is an imposition; for others, it's a red flag if they don't hear from their partner every day. That leaves us in pink flag territory where we might read it to be a sign of a relationship roadblock, when our partner simply has a different way of communicating or comfort level with constant connection.' 'Not sharing about what came before you, or who is in their life, might be a pink flag,' Ross said. Sure, it's natural to want to know all about your partner's life and experiences, and learning this takes time. But perhaps you feel like they're intentionally keeping information from you. 'If you sense your partner is hiding something from you, this can be a pink flag that needs some special reflection to help you identify whether or not you are being a bit too cautious from a past experience, or if you have valid reasons to explore further,' Jeney said. 'Your intuition is important, but sometimes it can be misguided if you aren't sure where it is coming from.' She recommended taking a moment to journal and ask yourself if you remember having similar feelings in a past relationship and if you might be projecting that experience onto this one. 'If you aren't sure, then simply talk to your partner about your anxiety without being accusatory,' she advised. 'Maybe it's just that you have a need or boundary that isn't being addressed. Maybe they have a need or boundary that isn't being addressed. Talking to each other can clear all this up, and if it doesn't, this may turn into a full-blown red flag.' 'If you find you are not sexually compatible, that might be a pink flag,' Needle said. 'Not all sex is spectacular at the beginning of a relationship, as it often gets better as we get to know someone and feel more connected and comfortable.' Pay attention to whether the issues are a matter of newness and simply needing to learn each other's turn-ons and desires, or if it's a longer-term concern. 'If after some time it hasn't improved even after communication, or there is sexual incompatibility i.e. your sexual preferences or styles don't align, this could create a much bigger issue moving forward,' Needle said. 'We can consider lack of consistency a pink flag because it could indicate that they are not reliable, possibly cheating and/or not being honest,' Jeney said. 'Most oftentimes, though, it could mean that your partner is human and just trying to do their best in navigating their own life and stressors. Sometimes they aren't able to be consistently open, happy, patient, available. Sometimes they are defensive, withdrawn, inattentive.' Other times, however, a lack of consistency might be a sign that something is off or there's a bigger issue at play. Your partner might be sending you unclear signals, or their ways of expressing affection or connection might be all over the place. 'Maybe they won't touch you in public but are all over you in private, or the opposite,' Ross said. 'Maybe there are boundaries that give you pause or make you uncomfortable, or they're not respecting your boundaries, only their own ― double standards.' Jeney recommended having a conversation with your partner with the intention of 'checking in,' rather than coming at it from a place of suspicion. Ask if they're doing OK, and if they feel comfortable sharing their concerns with you during stressful times. 'These questions are important to answer before jumping to conclusions and making more issues in the relationship than necessary,' she said. 'Another pink flag might have to do with distraction from technology and inability to be present,' Needle said. 'If your partner is constantly distracted with checking their phone, computer, or even watching television, especially during conversation or even sex, this could lead to a bigger issue if not discussed early on.' Be mindful of the different ways you both interact with technology and social media. Perhaps one of you posts photos of the other, or of the two of you as a couple, but the other never does. Consider whether this contrast bothers either of you, or is an indication of bigger issues beneath the surface. 'It can be a pink flag if you are seeing someone for several months with regularity and they won't define the relationship, [or] you find that you are not talking about what you want in a relationship,' Ross said. 'Maybe you are getting signals from the other person that they are just having a good time while you are looking for something more serious.' Perhaps the person you're seeing tries to avoid meeting or spending time with your friends and family. Again, it's important to feel open to communicating about the bigger picture of what your relationship is, and what it means to both of you. This kind of avoidance can be a sign that you're on different pages. 'Feeling emotionally safe in a relationship is essential for the relationship to be healthy, grow, and thrive,' said Sarah Weisberg, a licensed psychologist and founder of Potomac Therapy Group. 'We feel emotionally safe when we are respected, heard, validated, and supported in our relationships. Emotional safety happens when our partner makes an effort to understand and prioritize what matters most to us.' She noted that this should be reciprocal in all relationships, whether between friends, family members, or romantic partners. Anything that reduces a sense of emotional safety can be a pink flag. 'It could be forgetting to ask about your partner's big work presentation, failing to truly consider your partner's point of view on an important topic, not keeping your word, putting your needs ahead of your partner's, snapping, interrupting, leaving your partner hanging, rejecting bids for connection, etc.,' Weisberg said. 'A pink flag becomes problematic when emotional safety is compromised and there is not swift effort to repair the hurt.' You might find yourself in a relationship with a person who has a history of cheating, lying, or betraying. Or perhaps you have had this experience in the past. 'If your partner has been vulnerable enough to disclose to you that they have had a past they aren't proud of, you should appreciate their honesty first and foremost, because obviously we all have pasts and behaviors we have had to learn from,' Jeney said. 'Although your partner is being forthcoming and you feel they have changed, this could be considered a 'pink flag' to just be aware of.' She recommended giving your partner the benefit of the doubt and trusting them as much as you can without judging them for their past behaviors. 'But at the same time, be cautious of any potential patterns that show up in your relationship,' Jeney added. 'Time will naturally reveal if this is their character, or if these past experiences were, in fact, mistakes that you both have to let go of.' You might also want to pay attention if your partner is very close to their ex. Needle noted that this doesn't have to be a negative thing, depending on the nature of the relationship. 'If it is an unhealthy relationship filled with co-dependency and emotional lability on either side, or if there are unresolved feelings, this could create an issue in your relationship,' she explained. 'There need to be boundaries with any relationship, but especially with an ex-lover.' Relationships inevitably evolve over time, but some of these changes can be pink flags in themselves. 'Maybe you've stopped being intentional,' said Liz Higgins, a relational therapist and founder of Millennial Life Counseling. 'You're not putting intent into dating, nurturing your relationship, checking in with each other. Or your physical relationship has changed in [a] noticeable way. This wouldn't necessarily be a negative, but I see [it] as [a] 'pink' flag because it may represent a transition or impasse that is happening that you could benefit from talking about.' Addressing the changes, whether they're temporary or longer-term, can help bring you and your partner closer, and prevent the pink flags from turning pink flags have you noticed in your past relationships? Let us know in the article originally appeared on HuffPost.
Yahoo
25-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
What Are 'Pink Flags' In Relationships?
There's a lot of talk of 'flags' in dating and relationships. Perhaps the most common ― red flags ― refer to signs of toxic behavior or clear incompatibility in a partner. Think: love-bombing, being rude to waitstaff and trying to control and manipulate your every move. Green flags, on the other hand, are signs of a good partner. You might have found a keeper if you communicate well and feel comfortable being yourself around them, for example. But there's another flag color that falls in the middle of the spectrum: pink flags. Below, relationship experts explain how to recognize pink flags and what to do about them. 'Pink flags are subtle indicators that you might not be a fit in a relationship,' said Damona Hoffman, an OkCupid dating coach and host of 'The Dates & Mates Podcast.' She noted that they're not as overt as red flags, which tend to be compatibility and behavioral issues that anyone can recognize as problematic. But even though pink flags are less serious, it's important to address these minor problems, rather than let them fester. 'Pink flags are the kind of warning signs that you can talk yourself out of and overlook until they become red,' Hoffman explained. 'Alternatively, you can also make pink flags into relationship dealbreakers when they were simply subtle differences that could have been worked through.' Alysha Jeney, a therapist and owner of Modern Love Counseling in Denver, similarly emphasized the importance of recognizing pink flags when they arise. 'Pink flags could be something that you intuitively sense is a bit off, but you're trying to give the relationship time to determine its severity,' she said. 'They can also be trigger points from past relationships that you want to be mindful of. Pink flags are important to make note of in relationships and be used as a point of reflection.' Pink flags come in many forms that vary from relationship to relationship, but there are some common examples. 'One that I hear clients discuss is a person who has limited opinions on things ― for example, never has an opinion or doesn't care where you eat, what you go do, etc.,' said Liz Higgins, a relational therapist and founder of Millennial Life Counseling. 'Another is differences in political or religious belief systems.' Being messy or not texting often enough can be everyday pink flags as well. While these issues aren't automatic dealbreakers, they shouldn't be swept under the rug either. 'Some pink flags that should be observed are changes in behavior,' said Mabel Yiu, a marriage and family therapist and CEO of Women's Therapy Institute. 'As an example, if they used to be affectionate, but they have become less so over time.' Pay attention if your physical relationship has changed or you've stopped being intentional about dating and growing as a couple. 'Another pink flag is unmatched love languages, such as acts of service and physical touch,' Yiu said. 'This is not a serious issue if both partners are willing to pull closer and accommodate another's love language.' Sarah Weisberg, a licensed psychologist and founder of Potomac Therapy Group, stressed the importance of taking note of your own thoughts and behaviors, as well as your partner's. 'When we notice ourselves deliberately or inadvertently hurting others, it's important to take a step back and ask ourselves what's going on,' she said. 'What could this be telling us about our conscious or unconscious feelings about the relationship? In these instances we might need to do some work on ourselves, listen to our intuition and have some hard conversations.' Still, what's a red flag to one person might actually be a pink ― or even green ― flag for you. 'One person's too much texting is another person's just right,' Hoffman said. 'You need to figure out what your needs and wants are in a relationship and be able to communicate that to your partner. Use pink flags as a signifier that you need to get more information rather than a signifier that the relationship is doomed.' 'Pink flags are easier to ignore and thus potentially more damaging than red flags,' said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy. 'Sometimes pink flags feel subtle ― you don't catch them the first or even the second time ― as opposed to red flags that are obvious if you let yourself see them. But if something nags at you repeatedly, it's time to pay attention.' She recommended asking yourself, 'Is this workable, is this person willing to work with me, willing to communicate, work through things together? If I express my concerns, do they hear me and take in what I'm saying?' A pink flag could turn out to be the indicator that leads you to discover a red flag. In the process of exploring a pink flag, you might find that your partner isn't willing to figure things out together. 'Every relationship has that dance and has to find that balance,' Ross said. 'Pink flags are those things that make you question whether or not it will be possible, red flags are the areas where you find out it won't be.' She cautioned against confusing pink flags with just having the unrealistic expectation that your partner will meet each and every one of your needs. Instead, focus on feeling complete in yourself while identifying what is important to you in a partner. 'One sure way to understand the difference between pink flags and red flags is to give serious and honest thought to what you want in a relationship ― do an inventory of your 'must haves,' your 'nonnegotiables,' and your 'would be nice ifs,'' Ross explained. 'If you spend time reflecting on that in advance and know what you are looking for ― what you can and cannot compromise on ― then it will be much more clear when you see an actual flag.' 'Regardless of whether it's a pink flag or a red flag, the most important thing is not to ignore it,' Ross said. 'The discomfort or uncertainty surrounding these issues often leads to avoidance, and all kinds of relationship issues grow from avoidance.' Rather than letting things simmer unaddressed, take the time to process the pink flags you observe. Then, talk about them. 'I would say knowing your safe spaces to explore these notions is important: with a therapist, a trusted friend, a safe relationship, especially if you're in the beginning stages of dating,' Higgins said. 'Sometimes it's more appropriate to wait a bit before putting every last thing out on the table. In a newer relationship, the bond isn't as structured or secure, so bringing up a lot of super important things right away may not work as effectively. Balance is key.' Consider why you might be feeling concerned or uncomfortable, and if it's possibly part of a bigger issue you that need to work through on your own or together. Sit with it and think about whether you're making assumptions or projecting. 'Pink flags might also give you an opportunity to communicate with your partner(s), and how you do so can in itself determine if the relationship is one you want to continue with,' said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. 'Regardless of whether an issue is big or small, it is important in any relationship that you are able to communicate about it in a healthy way, and feel comfortable expressing your feelings and concerns.' She also advised acknowledging the positive aspects of the relationship. Focus on communicating honestly to see if the pink flag issue is nonnegotiable, or if it's something that you can accept or reach middle a ground on instead. 'It's important to pay attention to pink flags but not to be obsessed with them or let them overtake your relationship,' added Hoffman. 'They are simply things to keep an eye on or concerns you should get curious about.' 6 Little Green Flags That You've Found A Keeper What Exactly Is A 'Situationship'? As An Asian American Woman, This Is The Dating App Red Flag I Don't Talk About
Yahoo
21-05-2025
- General
- Yahoo
What Are 'Pink Flags' In Relationships?
There's a lot of talk of 'flags' in dating and relationships. Perhaps the most common ― red flags ― refer to signs of toxic behavior or clear incompatibility in a partner. Think: love-bombing, being rude to waitstaff and trying to control and manipulate your every move. Green flags, on the other hand, are signs of a good partner. You might have found a keeper if you communicate well and feel comfortable being yourself around them, for example. But there's another flag color that falls in the middle of the spectrum: pink flags. Below, relationship experts explain how to recognize pink flags and what to do about them. 'Pink flags are subtle indicators that you might not be a fit in a relationship,' said Damona Hoffman, an OkCupid dating coach and host of 'The Dates & Mates Podcast.' She noted that they're not as overt as red flags, which tend to be compatibility and behavioral issues that anyone can recognize as problematic. But even though pink flags are less serious, it's important to address these minor problems, rather than let them fester. 'Pink flags are the kind of warning signs that you can talk yourself out of and overlook until they become red,' Hoffman explained. 'Alternatively, you can also make pink flags into relationship dealbreakers when they were simply subtle differences that could have been worked through.' Alysha Jeney, a therapist and owner of Modern Love Counseling in Denver, similarly emphasized the importance of recognizing pink flags when they arise. 'Pink flags could be something that you intuitively sense is a bit off, but you're trying to give the relationship time to determine its severity,' she said. 'They can also be trigger points from past relationships that you want to be mindful of. Pink flags are important to make note of in relationships and be used as a point of reflection.' Pink flags come in many forms that vary from relationship to relationship, but there are some common examples. 'One that I hear clients discuss is a person who has limited opinions on things ― for example, never has an opinion or doesn't care where you eat, what you go do, etc.,' said Liz Higgins, a relational therapist and founder of Millennial Life Counseling. 'Another is differences in political or religious belief systems.' Being messy or not texting often enough can be everyday pink flags as well. While these issues aren't automatic dealbreakers, they shouldn't be swept under the rug either. 'Some pink flags that should be observed are changes in behavior,' said Mabel Yiu, a marriage and family therapist and CEO of Women's Therapy Institute. 'As an example, if they used to be affectionate, but they have become less so over time.' Pay attention if your physical relationship has changed or you've stopped being intentional about dating and growing as a couple. 'Another pink flag is unmatched love languages, such as acts of service and physical touch,' Yiu said. 'This is not a serious issue if both partners are willing to pull closer and accommodate another's love language.' Sarah Weisberg, a licensed psychologist and founder of Potomac Therapy Group, stressed the importance of taking note of your own thoughts and behaviors, as well as your partner's. 'When we notice ourselves deliberately or inadvertently hurting others, it's important to take a step back and ask ourselves what's going on,' she said. 'What could this be telling us about our conscious or unconscious feelings about the relationship? In these instances we might need to do some work on ourselves, listen to our intuition and have some hard conversations.' Still, what's a red flag to one person might actually be a pink ― or even green ― flag for you. 'One person's too much texting is another person's just right,' Hoffman said. 'You need to figure out what your needs and wants are in a relationship and be able to communicate that to your partner. Use pink flags as a signifier that you need to get more information rather than a signifier that the relationship is doomed.' 'Pink flags are easier to ignore and thus potentially more damaging than red flags,' said Tracy Ross, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in couples and family therapy. 'Sometimes pink flags feel subtle ― you don't catch them the first or even the second time ― as opposed to red flags that are obvious if you let yourself see them. But if something nags at you repeatedly, it's time to pay attention.' She recommended asking yourself, 'Is this workable, is this person willing to work with me, willing to communicate, work through things together? If I express my concerns, do they hear me and take in what I'm saying?' A pink flag could turn out to be the indicator that leads you to discover a red flag. In the process of exploring a pink flag, you might find that your partner isn't willing to figure things out together. 'Every relationship has that dance and has to find that balance,' Ross said. 'Pink flags are those things that make you question whether or not it will be possible, red flags are the areas where you find out it won't be.' She cautioned against confusing pink flags with just having the unrealistic expectation that your partner will meet each and every one of your needs. Instead, focus on feeling complete in yourself while identifying what is important to you in a partner. 'One sure way to understand the difference between pink flags and red flags is to give serious and honest thought to what you want in a relationship ― do an inventory of your 'must haves,' your 'nonnegotiables,' and your 'would be nice ifs,'' Ross explained. 'If you spend time reflecting on that in advance and know what you are looking for ― what you can and cannot compromise on ― then it will be much more clear when you see an actual flag.' 'Regardless of whether it's a pink flag or a red flag, the most important thing is not to ignore it,' Ross said. 'The discomfort or uncertainty surrounding these issues often leads to avoidance, and all kinds of relationship issues grow from avoidance.' Rather than letting things simmer unaddressed, take the time to process the pink flags you observe. Then, talk about them. 'I would say knowing your safe spaces to explore these notions is important: with a therapist, a trusted friend, a safe relationship, especially if you're in the beginning stages of dating,' Higgins said. 'Sometimes it's more appropriate to wait a bit before putting every last thing out on the table. In a newer relationship, the bond isn't as structured or secure, so bringing up a lot of super important things right away may not work as effectively. Balance is key.' Consider why you might be feeling concerned or uncomfortable, and if it's possibly part of a bigger issue you that need to work through on your own or together. Sit with it and think about whether you're making assumptions or projecting. 'Pink flags might also give you an opportunity to communicate with your partner(s), and how you do so can in itself determine if the relationship is one you want to continue with,' said Rachel Needle, a licensed psychologist and the co-director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes. 'Regardless of whether an issue is big or small, it is important in any relationship that you are able to communicate about it in a healthy way, and feel comfortable expressing your feelings and concerns.' She also advised acknowledging the positive aspects of the relationship. Focus on communicating honestly to see if the pink flag issue is nonnegotiable, or if it's something that you can accept or reach middle a ground on instead. 'It's important to pay attention to pink flags but not to be obsessed with them or let them overtake your relationship,' added Hoffman. 'They are simply things to keep an eye on or concerns you should get curious about.' 6 Little Green Flags That You've Found A Keeper What Exactly Is A 'Situationship'? As An Asian American Woman, This Is The Dating App Red Flag I Don't Talk About
