Latest news with #LetThem
Sydney Morning Herald
21 hours ago
- Entertainment
- Sydney Morning Herald
I was at the airport and did the opposite of the Let Them theory – I have no regrets
Now the paint-by-numbers fever dream has left me and there may be no more Mission Impossible films to look forward to, I've been trying to find the next diversion to get me through winter. And I think I'm onto something. Or rather, my friend Amy is. She lives in Boston, has great teeth a great sense of humour and, it turns, out, great life hacks. Watching her two sons' ice hockey practice, Amy complained to another mum about how her bust is so big that her bra straps cut divots in her shoulders. The friend was bemused. Said she never wears a bra, especially in winter when you have on five layers. Asked why Amy would ever wear one unless meeting the bank manager. The conversation spurred Amy to do two things. First, abandon a bra unless she's working out. Second, ask why it took her until she was 40 to question doing something every day which she hated. Now, she asks, 'Who says?' when making decisions. Who says you have to wear a wretched undergarment just to create a pleasing silhouette? Who says you have to have porridge if you want pancakes? Loading It's the opposite to Mel Robbins' popular Let Them theory about letting go of the need to control others. You're letting go of others controlling you! So, I've been trying the Who Says game – starting small, but it's addictive. Who says heels are out? Who says you have to chop off your hair because Leslie Bibb did? Who says Steve Winwood is daggy? Who says you can't be sexy AF staring down 60 or super happy wearing comfy elastic waist pants? Who says we need a 10-step skincare routine and to move out of the way of bigger people on the footpath?
The Age
21 hours ago
- Entertainment
- The Age
I was at the airport and did the opposite of the Let Them theory – I have no regrets
Now the paint-by-numbers fever dream has left me and there may be no more Mission Impossible films to look forward to, I've been trying to find the next diversion to get me through winter. And I think I'm onto something. Or rather, my friend Amy is. She lives in Boston, has great teeth a great sense of humour and, it turns, out, great life hacks. Watching her two sons' ice hockey practice, Amy complained to another mum about how her bust is so big that her bra straps cut divots in her shoulders. The friend was bemused. Said she never wears a bra, especially in winter when you have on five layers. Asked why Amy would ever wear one unless meeting the bank manager. The conversation spurred Amy to do two things. First, abandon a bra unless she's working out. Second, ask why it took her until she was 40 to question doing something every day which she hated. Now, she asks, 'Who says?' when making decisions. Who says you have to wear a wretched undergarment just to create a pleasing silhouette? Who says you have to have porridge if you want pancakes? Loading It's the opposite to Mel Robbins' popular Let Them theory about letting go of the need to control others. You're letting go of others controlling you! So, I've been trying the Who Says game – starting small, but it's addictive. Who says heels are out? Who says you have to chop off your hair because Leslie Bibb did? Who says Steve Winwood is daggy? Who says you can't be sexy AF staring down 60 or super happy wearing comfy elastic waist pants? Who says we need a 10-step skincare routine and to move out of the way of bigger people on the footpath?
Telegraph
25-02-2025
- Entertainment
- Telegraph
How I stopped caring about what other people think (and you can too)
'So sorry, I can't make it tonight. Hope to see you all another time soon,' I write and send to the school mum WhatsApp group before I can start overthinking it. Before, I'd have felt the need to send a detailed explanation as to why I couldn't make it. I would have spent ages worrying about everyone thinking I was flaky and unreliable and feeling guilty for bailing at the last minute. But that's all changed since I read The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins. The self-help author, podcast host and former lawyer's latest book is based on two little words which help manage how you interact with people and day to day life. It's such a simple mantra but it seems to have a transformative effect. Robbins, a New York Times bestselling author who has been endorsed by everyone from Oprah to author Jay Shetty, is a self-help guru in the US and also starting to make waves here in the UK. The 56-year-old motivational speaker, who was diagnosed with ADHD at 47 and has more than 22 million followers across her social media platforms, wrote her latest book with her daughter, Sawyer, and is bringing the accompanying tour to London in June. The Let Them Theory, which was published in December 2024 and reportedly sold over 1.2 million copies in the first month, looks at how we can free ourselves from judgement, drama and the opinions of others. It addresses simple fears – failure, change, disappointment – and turns them on their head. As someone who was raised in the 80s and 90s, at a time when girls were conditioned to be people pleasers who put others first (who could forget the cringeworthy Girl Guide pledge: 'I promise that I will do my best… to serve the Queen and my community, to help other people and to keep the (Brownie) Guide Law.') it helped me realise I have no control over what people say, do or think. And I don't have to try and please them. The concept is painstakingly simple but taps into something deeply psychological and liberating. 'Let them' sums up the tension between control and acceptance. As psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley explains: 'So many of us expend an exhausting amount of energy trying to influence other people's behaviour, worrying about how they perceive us, or hoping they'll act in a way that suits us. But the truth is, people will do what they do. The sooner we accept that, the more peaceful and in control of ourselves we feel.' That is the real power of Let Them. 'It's not about disengagement or passivity – it's about freeing up emotional bandwidth for the things that actually matter, and things that you actually have some control over.' Such as how we respond and react to things and spend our time. Before reading the book, I would often make the journalist faux pas of reading the 'below the line' comments on articles I had written, which would leave me feeling deflated at best and upset at worst. I would lie awake wondering what my friends and family might think. I have, over the years, had comments on everything from my appearance to my parenting to my grammar. Sometimes, I could spend hours stewing on it but now I don't even bother to read them because 'let them'. Before, as someone who works from home and spends too much time on social media, I would have checked Instagram repeatedly to see who had and had not liked my posts. In the absence of real life colleagues, I would have sought external validation online. I would have wasted energy overthinking why people who look at every story I post, especially friends and other journalists, never 'like' any of my posts. As someone who is a prolific 'liker' and engager, I have always found this to be bewildering and confusing. I have realised, however, that it's actually really liberating to realise that you have zero control of other people's opinions of you. It frees you up to, in the words of Robbins, to 'be your authentic self'. Source: Psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley There is also a very helpful chapter in the book about the ebb and flow of adult friendships, something which I very much relate to. Robbins says that adult friendships are based primarily on three things – promixity (being in the same place, workplace, neighbourhood or social circle as someone), timing (being at a similar stage of life) and energy (the level of connection and affinity you feel with someone). I have in the past been someone who has invested a great deal of time into my friendships but applying the Let Them theory and realising that friendships can largely depend on such things as proximity and timing, things which are essentially beyond my control, has helped me reassess my expectations. Accepting and realising that some friendships have naturally faded and that it's fine to just let that happen has been a game changer. It's also laid open the gauntlet that some people, like the ones I let go of during a particularly difficult time in my life when my autistic son was put on a reduced timetable at school and I became something of a hermit, may come back into my life. Let Them has helped taken the onus and pressure off myself to make that happen. I've also tried to remind myself about the Let Me part of the book where you let yourself get irritated by something or someone (like one of my children refusing to tidy their room) but then let it go and move on. The Let Me rule has given me permission to take ownership of my feelings. The other day someone honked at me for overtaking the car in front and I felt a fleeting surge of road rage. I didn't wave at them to apologise. I allowed myself to feel irritated and allowed them to let out their frustration and then I moved quickly on. As Robbins says, 'by letting other people live their lives, you finally get to live yours'.
The Guardian
29-01-2025
- General
- The Guardian
‘Let them': can this viral self-help mantra change your life?
Is there anything more frustrating than other people? Despite our best efforts to persuade them to do, say and be what we want, they persist in upending our plans by making their own decisions, being their own people and thinking their own thoughts. One can waste hours spiraling about others' behavior. Why weren't we included in that meeting at work? Why did that stranger cut us off in traffic? Why is that friend still with her boyfriend even though he sucks? Enter: the Let Them theory. Someone cut you off? Let them. Your friend is still with their lame boyfriend? Let them. Every time you are about to start obsessing over someone else's actions, remember: let them! The concept was recently popularized by motivational speaker and self-help guru Mel Robbins. 'I just heard about this thing called the Let Them theory,' she told her millions of followers in an Instagram post in May 2023. 'I freaking love it.' The video quickly went viral. People got 'Let Them' tattoos. In December 2024, Robbins released a book, The Let Them Theory. It became a New York Times bestseller. CNN and the New York Times interviewed Robbins. Oprah talked about it on her podcast, saying: 'This book is a game-changer. It's a life-changer.' There are some important caveats to the theory, according to Robbins. First, she argues, 'let them' only works if it is followed by 'let me'. In other words, it is not an excuse for inaction. Accepting that we can't control other people's actions is a reminder that we are entirely responsible for our own. You are not responsible for someone cutting you off in traffic, but you are responsible for not flipping them off and shouting obscenities out the window. Also, there are certain situations in which you should not, under any circumstances, 'let them'. Robbins explained in a podcast episode that the theory does not apply if someone wants to do something dangerous or if you see someone being discriminated against. In those cases, she says, you must speak up. Second, you must always advocate for yourself and what you need – negotiate a higher salary, for example, or insist on getting the medical care you need. Finally, if someone continually violates your boundaries, you should not 'let them' do that, Robbins says. The 'let them' concept is not without its critics. People have argued that the theory is stoicism repackaged. Others have criticized Robbins for not crediting poet Cassie B Phillips, whose poem Let Them went viral in 2022. (When I emailed Robbins for comment about Phillips' poem, she responded: 'The Let Them Theory has its roots in Buddhism, Stoicism, the Serenity Prayer, the legacy of Dr Martin Luther King Jr (his son gives a quote in the book about it) and therapeutic modalities like Detachment Theory and Radical Acceptance! I believe that's why saying Let Them and Let Me is so powerful – it feels familiar to everyone because it is.') And some think it's simply too obvious and flimsy an idea to sustain an entire book. Robbins herself acknowledges this. As she told the New York Times: 'Yeah, it's a cheap trick – and it works.' Robbins, an author, podcaster and former lawyer, is not a mental health professional. But experts agree that giving up on trying to control the behaviors and actions of others can be hugely beneficial – not only for yourself, but for the people around you as well. Sign up to Well Actually Practical advice, expert insights and answers to your questions about how to live a good life after newsletter promotion 'Other people's behavior is simply a reflection of their journey,' says Dr Tchiki Davis, founder of the Berkeley Well-Being Institute. 'When we no longer feel the need to 'correct' or 'save' others, we can more easily accept them for who they are.' Some mental health professionals have also found the Let Them theory helps people grasp more difficult concepts. Selene Burley, a licensed therapist in California, says she has shared the theory with many of her clients. 'It's been eye-opening for them,' she says. Burley says it's been especially helpful for those who struggle with healthy boundaries. 'The Let Them mindset simplifies it in a way that feels approachable and empowering,' she says. 'It shifts the focus from controlling or fixing others to accepting what's within your control – your reactions, your focus, your peace.' Burley adds that she's used the mantra in her own life, as a reminder to let her children make their own decisions and learn from their mistakes. 'Letting them figure things out on their own is hard sometimes, but it's so good for them and for me,' she says. Like many, I came across the Let Them theory on social media. The idea seemed useful, although I fancied myself pretty good at boundaries already. Live and let live; not my monkeys, not my circus, etc. Then I realized how often I found myself thinking: 'Let them.' When two friends butted heads, it took everything in me not to intervene and smooth things over. 'Let them,' I thought, every muscle in my body tense with anxiety. After an argument with a loved one, I stomped on the treadmill for an hour, jaw clenched, and mentally fumed: 'Let them.' The phrase was not a panacea. It still took time for whatever emotion I was feeling to pass. But saying 'let them' prevented me from being reactive. It gave me space to pause and remind myself that my own actions are all I can control. Annoying! But also liberating. When you are not wasting time trying to think about how you can control other people, you have more time to think about other things, such as books or pants. Burley says 'let them' is a piece of advice she wishes she had heard sooner. 'It's a reminder that it's OK to step back, let people be who they are, and stop carrying things that aren't ours to carry.'
