a day ago
I came face-to-face with ISIS gunman and locked eyes with him as he opened fire – I'm still haunted by horrors I saw
TREMBLING with terror, I cowered as gunshots rang out under our hotel window.
Then, just when I thought I couldn't feel more afraid, I heard banging on our door. 'Open up!' a man shouted. 'I have a key. I'm coming in!'
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Knowing it was too dangerous to speak, my husband Baron and I exchanged glances.
My heart lurched as the door handle rattled – I knew I was maybe only moments from death, but I also knew I would not give in without a fight.
Five days earlier, in June 2015, Baron and I had checked in to our favourite hotel, The Imperial Marhaba.
We'd holidayed in Tunisia for the past 10 years and it was our fifth time staying here.
Moments from death
We'd noticed that it was much quieter than usual – many restaurants and shops were closed, and the beach was empty.
The hotel seemed quieter, too, with fewer staff and activities.
We didn't think much of it at the time, but later the press speculated there had been prior warning of the attack that was not heeded.
On our fifth day, we were at the pool preparing to walk down to the beach bar for lunch, when we heard a loud popping sound coming from that direction.
Tunisia terror attack
I wasn't worried, as it was a popular spot for weddings, so there were often fireworks.
But then we heard screaming and saw people running. 'Run as fast as you can back to the room and don't stop!' Baron shouted.
I set off, but there was a wave of people dashing in different directions, screaming and yelling, and the gunshots were getting closer.
I stopped for a moment and, to my horror, spotted a man with a gun.
He looked directly at me. Somehow, adrenalin got me moving again and I stumbled towards the hotel doors.
Inside our room, Baron told me to hide in the bathroom, while he moved furniture to barricade us in.
Outside, we could hear gunshots, grenades and screaming. I thought of my parents and all my family back home. Would I ever see them again?
Then the banging on the door started. It was terrifying.
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Was it the gunman? We had no way of knowing, but after what felt like an age, he moved on.
Over our balcony, we saw military boats arriving to help. But we also saw so many bodies and injured people being carried into the hotel.
It was devastating.
Three and a half hours after the attack began, we learned the gunman had been shot dead and the so-called Islamic State had claimed responsibility for the attack.
We were asked to gather in the hotel reception, and on the way down, we had to flatten ourselves against the wall and check every corner and stairway.
Along with crowds of petrified holidaymakers, we waited until around midnight to be taken to the airport.
On the flight, I began having panic attacks as I replayed in my mind what had happened.
Once home, I expected to feel relief, but I still didn't feel safe – I couldn't even go upstairs on my own.
I was haunted by the gunshots.
Baron took me to A&E and I was referred to the crisis team, who looked after me at home for 10 days, and we had interviews with counter-terrorism police, too.
Afterwards, I had to try to rebuild my life, but the trauma was debilitating.
I couldn't bear to be in crowds, even with people I knew, and I couldn't go shopping or to work.
I had nightmares and constant flashbacks to the attack.
And although I knew I was lucky to survive, I felt guilt, too, as I'd made it out alive, when so many had died (38 people died, including 30 Brits, and 39 were left wounded).
I had several years of counselling and was urged to put the attack behind me.
But how could I just forget about it?
It helped me accept the memories would always be with me, but I can spot the triggers and how to deal with them.
Last year, we finally booked another beach holiday – this time to Cyprus.
I was anxious, but I enjoyed the trip and I was so proud of myself.
It's another hurdle I've overcome. In many ways, the attack has made me stronger and more compassionate, and it's made me realise how precious life really is.
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